“Don’t worry about it, Dad. She was bound to hear about it sooner or later anyway.”
“Yeah, but it would’ve been better to hear it from you,” his father pointed out.
“That ship sailed when I didn’t tell her.” Sam slumped back in the chair and reached for the cup of coffee his mother set in front of him. Taking a long sip, he let the heat slide through him in a welcome wave.
“So what’re you going to do about all of this?” his mother asked quietly.
He looked at her. Connie was standing with her back braced against the counter, her arms folded over her chest.
“That’s the thing,” Sam said honestly. His chest ached like a bad tooth and he suspected his heart wasn’t going to be feeling better anytime soon. Not with the way things stood between him and Lacy. “I just don’t know.”
And that was the truth. With Lacy’s words still echoing in his mind, the wounded glint in her eyes still fresh in his memory, Sam couldn’t see clearly what he should do. He knew what he wanted to do. Go to her. Tell her he loved her. But damned if she’d believe that now. It had been easier—if more selfish—two years ago, when he hadn’t considered how his decision to take off would affect anyone but himself. Now, though, there was too much to think about. Just one more rock on the treacherous road his life had become.
“I almost went after her—”
“Bad idea,” his father said. “Never beard a lioness in her den when she’s still itching to take a bite out of you. I speak from experience,” he added with a sly glance at his wife.
“Very funny,” Sam’s mother quipped, then turned back to Sam. “And just how long do you think it’s going to take for her to cool off?”
“A decade or two ought to do it,” Sam mused, only half joking. He raked one hand through his hair and sighed. “Hell, me coming home has thrown everyone off their game. Maybe it’d be best for everyone if I just left again and—”
“Don’t you even say that,” his mother warned, her voice cold steel. “Samuel Bennett Wyatt, don’t you even think about leaving here again.”
Shocked at the vehemence in her tone, Sam could only look at her. “I really wasn’t going to leave again. I was just thinking that maybe it would be easier on everyone if I—”
“If you what?” his mother finished for him. “Disappear again? Leave us wondering if you’re alive or dead again? Walk away from your home? Your family? Again?”
Now it was his turn to wince. Damned if Sam didn’t feel the way he had at thirteen when he’d faced down his mother after driving a snowmobile into the back of the lodge.
“Mom,” he said, standing up.
“No,” she interrupted, pushing off the counter as if she were leaping into battle. And maybe she was. Connie took three short steps until she was right in front of her son, tipping her head back to glare at him. “Ever since you got back, I’ve kept my peace. I didn’t say all the things I was bursting to say to you because I didn’t want to rock the boat. Well, brace yourself because here it comes.”
“Uh-oh,” his father whispered.
His mother’s eyes were swimming with tears and fury, her shoulders were tense and her voice was sharp. “When you left right after Jack died, it was like I’d lost both of my sons. You might as well have been dead, too,” she continued. “You walked away, left us grieving, worrying.” Planting both hands at her hips, she continued, “Four postcards in two years, Sam. That’s it. It was as if you’d disappeared as completely as Jack. As if you were as out of reach as he was.”
No one could make a grown man feel quite as shameful and guilt-ridden as his mother. Sam looked down at her and knew he’d never be able to make it up to her for what he’d done. “I had to go, Mom.”
“Maybe,” she allowed tightly with a jerking nod. “Maybe you did, but you’re back now, and if you leave again, you’ll be no better than Jack was, always running away from life.”
“What?” Staggered, Sam argued, “No, that’s wrong. Jack was all about living life to the fullest. He grabbed every ounce of pleasure he could out of every single day.”
She sighed heavily and Sam watched the anger drain from her as she shook her head and reached up to cup his cheek in her palm. “Oh, honey. Jack was all about experiences, not living. The fastest cars. Best skis. Highest mountain. That’s not life. That’s indulgence.”
He’d never really thought about his brother in those terms. It would have been disloyal, he guessed, but with his own mother pointing it out, it was impossible to argue.
“I loved Jack,” she said, fisting her hand against her chest. “When he died, I lost a piece of my heart I’ll never get back. But I’m not blind to my children’s faults just because I love them to distraction.” Connie gave him a wistful smile. “When it came to adventure, there was no one better than Jack. But he never had the courage to love one woman and build a life with her. To face the everyday crises that crop up, to pay bills, get a mortgage, take the kids to the dentist. That’s life, Sam. A real life with all the ups, downs, tears and laughter that come with it. That kind of thing terrified him and he did everything he could to avoid it.”
Sam thought about that and realized his mother was right. Jack had always gone for the one-night stand kind of woman. The kind who hated commitment as much as he did himself.
“You had that courage once, Sam. When you married Lacy and began to build a life together.” She sighed a little and stared into his eyes. “You walked away from that, and I’m not going to say now whether that was right or wrong because it’s done and can’t be undone. My question is, do you still have that courage, Sam? Do you still want that life with Lacy?”
The question hung in the air between them and seemed to reverberate inside him, as well. He looked at his mother, then at his father. At the room around them and the memories etched into the very walls. His life was here. It was time he picked it up and claimed it once and for all. He did want that life that he’d once been foolish enough to throw away. He wanted another chance to build what his parents had built.
He wasn’t Jack. Sam wanted permanent. He wanted the everyday with the one woman who would make each single day special. All he had to do was find the way to make Lacy listen. To make her understand that he damn well loved her, and she loved him, too.
“Yeah, Mom,” he said softly, reaching out to pull his mother close. “I do.”
She hugged him hard—no more wary caution from her—and for the first time since he’d come back to Snow Vista, he really felt as if he was home again.
* * *
“You’re pregnant?”
“Yes, and don’t tell your brother.”
“Not a word,” Kristi swore, fingers crossing her heart, then flying up into a salute of solidarity. “How far along are you? Never mind. Can’t be far. He’s only been home a month. It is Sam’s, right?”
Lacy gave her an exasperated look.
“Right, right,” Kristi said, using both hands to wipe away her words, “it’s Sam’s. The idiot.”
“That about covers how I’m feeling about him right now.”
Lacy had been ranting about Sam for the past hour, and when news of the baby had slipped out, she’d had to swear her friend to silence. But she couldn’t regret sharing her big secret with her best friend. It had felt too good to tell someone.
Lacy was still so furious she could hardly see straight, but mostly at herself, for falling for Sam’s stories again. Seriously. If you’re going to make mistakes, she thought, at least have the good sense to make some new ones along the way. But how could she have avoided letting herself be sucked back in? She still loved him. Though she was going to find a way to get over it. Maybe she should start reading those self-help books that Kristi was so addicted to. What she needed was a book called How to Wipe That Man Out of Your Life.
“What’re y
ou going to do?”
Lacy dropped into the closest chair and stared at the fire in her hearth. “I’m going to have a baby and never speak to your brother again.”
“Hmm...” Kristi leaned into her own chair. “I applaud the sentiment, but it’s gonna be tough. What with you both living here and all.”
“He won’t stay,” Lacy muttered. “Soon enough, he’ll be gone again, chasing his dead brother’s dreams.”
“I used to think Jack was the dummy, but I’m sorry to say,” Kristi mused, “turns out Sam’s the lucky winner there.”
Lacy cringed a little. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping all of this on you. He’s your brother. You shouldn’t be in the middle.”
“Are you kidding? In matters like these, it’s all about girls versus boys as far as I’m concerned.”
She smiled. “You’re a good friend, Kristi.”
“I could be better if you’d let me go kick Sam.”
“No.” Anger was now riding hand in hand with misery, and the two were so tangled up inside her, Lacy could hardly breathe. But she did know enough to realize that giving Sam any more attention at all would be just what he wanted. So she was going to ignore him. Forever.
Oh, for heaven’s sake, how would she ever be able to pull that off? It wouldn’t be long before she’d be showing and Sam would know about the baby and...
“Maybe I’m the one who should move.”
“Don’t you dare,” Kristi countered in a flash. “What would I do here without you to talk to? Besides, you’ve got my niece or nephew in there—” she waved one hand at Lacy’s tummy “—and I want to meet them.”
“Yes, but—”
“Mostly, though,” Kristi said smugly, “if you leave, you let Sam think you were too afraid to stay in your own home.”
Oh, she didn’t like the sound of that at all. Plus, the truth was, Lacy didn’t want to move. She loved her cabin. She loved her job. She loved the mountain. She loved Sam, damn it.
“Can your head actually explode?” she wondered aloud.
“I hope not,” Kristi said solemnly. “Now, why don’t we go out for dinner or something? Get your mind off my idiot—er, brother.”
Lacy smiled as she’d been meant to, but shook her head. “No thanks. I just want to stay home and bury my head under a pillow.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Kristi pushed up from the chair. “I’ll leave you to it.”
Lacy got up, too, and wrapped her friend in a tight hug. “Thanks. For everything.”
“You bet. This’ll work out, Lacy. You’ll see.” There was a knock at the door and Kristi asked, “Want me to get that and send whoever it is away?”
“God, yes. Thanks.”
Kristi opened the door and Lacy heard Sam’s voice say “I want to talk to her.”
“Surprise,” Kristi shot back, “she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
Lacy groaned and went to face Sam because she couldn’t put siblings at war over her. It was too soon, was all she could think. It had only been a few hours since that horrible scene at the top of the mountain. She needed a day or two or a hundred before she was willing to speak to Sam again. Yet it seemed fate didn’t care about what she needed.
“It’s okay, Kristi, I’ll handle it.”
“You sure?” Her friend’s eyes narrowed in concern.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Of course she wasn’t, but she wouldn’t give Sam the satisfaction of knowing just how off balance she was with him here. She would be calm. Cool. Controlled, damn it!
“Okay, I’ll leave,” Kristi announced with a glare at Sam. “But I won’t be far. Idiot.”
“Thanks,” he said wryly, “that’s nice.”
“Be grateful Lacy made me promise not to kick you,” she called back over her shoulder.
Lacy watched him give his sister a dirty look, then grit his teeth as he turned around to face the door. Sadly, she didn’t have enough time to slam it shut before he slapped one palm to it and held it open.
He was still wearing the black jacket and jeans. His dark hair still looked windblown and completely touchable. His eyes were shadowed, his mouth grim, and in spite of everything, her heart leaped and her body hummed with a desire that would probably never end. Mind and heart were at war inside her, but for her own good, for the sake of her baby, she had to be strong.
Behind him, she saw the soft, dying streaks of sunlight spearing through the pines. The dark green stalks of soon-to-bloom daffodils popped up all over her yard and the last of the snow lay in dwindling, dirty mounds.
“Lacy, you had your say on the mountain,” Sam told her, dragging her gaze to his. “At least hear me out now.”
“Why should I?”
He looked at her for a few long seconds, then admitted, “I can’t think of a single damn reason. Do it anyway.”
* * *
Sam walked into the main room and took a moment to gather himself. He looked around at the familiar space, the comfortable furnishings, the hominess of it all and felt his heart ease. Funny, he’d spent most of his life thinking of the mountain as home. But it was this place. It was Lacy.
Wherever she was, that was his home. He only hoped she would take him back.
An invisible fist tightened around his heart and gave a vicious squeeze. Was she still so furious she wouldn’t listen to him? Wouldn’t let him fix this? What could have been panic scratched at his guts, but he shoved it down, ignored it. He wouldn’t fail at this, the most important thing he’d ever done. He’d make her listen. Make her understand and then make her admit she loved him, damn it.
Lacy walked into the room behind him, but stopped three feet away. She crossed her arms over her chest, lifted her chin in what could only be a fighting stance and said, “Say what you came to say, then leave.”
She’d been crying. Her lashes were still wet, her face was flushed and her mouth trembled even as she made an attempt to firm it. Bastard, he thought, bringing her to this, and if he could have punched himself in the face, he would have. But it wouldn’t have solved anything.
“First,” he said tightly, “let’s get this off the table. Keep your land. I don’t want it.”
Her eyebrows lifted into twin blond arches. “That’s not what the newspaper reported.”
“They were wrong.” He pushed one hand through his hair. “Okay, I admit that I did have the idea for building a new beginner run on the backside of the mountain.”
Her mouth tightened further into a grim slash that didn’t bode well for Sam. But he kept going, determined to say everything that needed to be said.
“But Dad told me they’d deeded the property to you, so I let that idea go.”
“How magnanimous of you.”
Scowling, he snapped, “Damn it, Lacy, I didn’t know you owned the land. When I found out, I changed my plans.”
“And I’m supposed to take your word for that?”
“Believe me or not, doesn’t matter,” he countered, and took a step toward her. She didn’t move away and he didn’t know if that was sheer stubbornness or a willingness to listen. He took it as the latter. “The only thing you need to believe is that I love you.”
Her eyes flickered with emotion but he couldn’t tell if that was good or bad, so he kept talking. “Took me two damn years to realize what I had. What I lost. But I know now, we belong together, Lacy.”
She huffed out a breath and shook her head. Her hands tightened on her own arms until her knuckles whitened, but she didn’t speak. Didn’t order him to get out. That had to mean something.
“I know I hurt you when I left.”
She snorted. “You crushed me.”
He winced and kept talking. “I did and I’m sorry for it. But even when we were first married, things were shaky between us. You kept wai
ting for me to disappoint you. To walk away, like your mother did.”
“I was right, wasn’t I?” She whispered it, but he heard and ached for her.
“Yeah, I guess you were. But you know, you always looked at what your mother did—leaving—as what love was really all about. So you thought I’d do what she did. You never really believed that I’d stay. Admit that much at least.”
She took a breath and said, “To ease your guilt? Why would I? I can tell you that I wanted to believe you, but if I had believed, completely, your leaving would have killed me.”
Pain slammed into the center of his chest and he deserved it for putting both of them through this.
“But I trusted you, Sam,” she said, adding to the misery he felt now. “And you broke my heart.”
Sunset was streaking across the sky outside, but inside, where the light was dim, shadowy and still, he could see the hurting in her summer-blue eyes.
“I know and I’ll always regret that, wish I could go back and change it.” His voice dropped into a husky whisper that tore at his throat even as her words clawed at his heart. “But, Lacy, your mother wasn’t an example of love. Your father was. He stayed. He stayed with you. Right here. He lived through the unhappiness and never let it affect how he treated his daughter. That’s the kind of love I’m offering you now.”
A couple of long seconds ticked past as she considered what he said.
“You’re right about my father,” she agreed. “I never thought about it like that, but you’re right. She left. He stayed. He was lonely. Sad. But he stayed. You didn’t.”
“No.” He hated admitting to that. “But I’m back now. And I’m not going anywhere.”
She shook her head again, unwilling to take him at his word, and he only had himself to blame for it.
“I’m here forever, Lacy,” he told her, willing her to believe. To trust. “I want a life with you. Children with you. I want to grow old and crotchety on this mountain and watch our kids and grandkids running Snow Vista.”
After Hours with Her Ex Page 15
