I always said as a teenager that a peacock was going to be my first tattoo. Everyone laughed at me except for Adric. He said it was brilliant because a peacock was beautiful and bold just like me. It always made me smile. It was as if Adric was the only person that ever truly got me. Man, I really miss him.
“Did you find something beautiful yet?”
His voice startles me and I throw my hand over my heart. “Shit, you scared me. Could you give me a little warning next time?” I stand up and close the binder.
His eyes land on my cheek and he smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes; although it’s enough to show off a sexy set of dimples that I hadn’t noticed before. “I have a way of scaring people.” He reaches out, placing his hand on my cheek and brushes his thumb beside my mouth causing my eyes to close and my breath to quicken. “Somebody’s a messy eater. Let’s go.”
Just like that he’s gone and embarrassment courses through my body as I watch him walk toward the back. He stops at the station off to the left and takes a seat on his stool in front of the tattoo chair. He starts digging through his drawer and pauses to look up. “Bring that binder over here so I can see what you picked.” He seems so sure I would pick something from there instead of off one of the walls. Surprisingly, he’s right.
Running my hand over my cheek to be sure there isn’t any spaghetti left, I bend over and reach for the binder and the rest of the crap needed to get started. I turn and head over to the station he’s at and take a seat in the black leather chair.
He reaches out his hand. “Let me see your I.D.”
I place it in his hand and lean back into the chair, opening the binder again to take a second look. My nerves are really starting to kick in now. “I haven’t really decided for sure which tattoo I want.”
I flip the page and my eyes set on a peacock with blue, green and purple feathers. The peacock has its neck curved, with its tail fanned out behind its body, proudly showing off the beautiful feathers. “Wow! That’s really beautiful.”
He leans over my shoulder to look. “Where do you want it? Your shoulder? Your leg? Your side? Do you have a certain spot?” His eyes meet mine and I nod causing him to scowl before looking back down at the tattoo. “I can tell you now it’s going to hurt like a bitch no matter where you put it. That’s not a very small tattoo. It’s pretty big for a virgin. Are you sure that you can handle it?”
“How do you know I’m a virgin?” I shut the binder and set it down on the table as he arches an eyebrow. “Never mind, forget I asked. I’m sure I can handle it.” I snatch my I.D back and shove it in my purse. Aggravated, I point to my left ribcage, right below my breast. “Just do it here, please.”
“Okay, as long as you keep in mind I’ve already warned you of the pain I’m about to cause.”
He turns around and pulls the kit and ink out of the drawer, along with a pair of black latex gloves that he pulls onto his hands. It takes him a few minutes to set up all the inks, open the needle and load the gun with the first ink.
In the meantime, I can’t help but to keep checking the time wondering when the hell Kade is going to show up. Maybe I do need him after all. I mean this guy is hot, sexy, gorgeous and every other word you can find to describe something so damn beautiful, but he’s not a very pleasant person to converse with and he has my nerves running wild like a loose electrical wire.
“Take your shirt off,” he demands.
My body clenches, catching me off guard. “Excuse me?” I look up at him as he is getting some paper towels in his hands. “Usually when a man wants me to take my shirt off, he asks a little nicer.”
“That’s because he wants it off for a different reason than I do.” He plays with the tattoo gun a bit, tightening a few things before messing with the pedal by his foot. “Can we just get this done please?” He looks defeated and lifeless refusing to look up at me.
I can’t help it, but I’m starting to get a little angry now. I don’t really understand why he is so angry with the world. Some people would’ve killed to be doing what he’s doing now. Adric only dreamt of being in this guy’s position. “Can you stop being so rude please?” I plaster on a fake smile just to piss him off.
He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath as if just now realizing what he’s doing. “Listen, I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind. Will you please take your shirt off?”
I take a deep breath, sit up and pull my shirt over my head, while thinking to myself how lucky I am that I wore my new lacy bra instead of that old comfortable one that looks hideous on me. “That’s better. All you had to do was ask nicely.”
My eyes land on his and this time he doesn’t pull them away. He rolls closer so we’re face to face. Then his hand reaches out, his fingertips brushing mine as he grabs my shirt out of my hand and tosses it behind him on the glass display, his eyes never leaving mine. “That works for me. Usually I don’t have to ask.” He pulls some kind of lever on the chair so it’s lying flat like a bed now. “Lie down and roll over on your side.”
He’s getting awfully demanding now, almost making me feel as if he really thinks that he’s about to pop my cherry. Who is this guy? “You’re pretty demanding for not even knowing me,” I grumble.
He looks down at me as if he knows something I don’t. That look like he can see through my soul. It makes my heartbeat quicken and I can’t seem to stop my eyes from searching his whole body, trying to figure him out. From the way his chest is moving against his tight shirt, his heart has to be beating just as fast as mine.
The more that I study him, the more he feels so familiar. Those beautiful eyes, gorgeous full lips, perfectly arched eyebrows and deep set dimples. I know them all, each one. I used to study them by day and dream about them by night. I can’t be wrong.
I scoot forward on the edge of the chair so our faces are almost touching. I can feel his heavy breathing on my face as he looks me dead in the eye. That’s when I notice the scar on his face. It wasn’t there before, but still somehow, I know that my body can’t be lying to me. “Wait a minute, I know you.” I reach up and run my finger over the scar through his eyebrow, unable to fight the need to touch him, to see if maybe my mind is just deceiving me. “No. It can’t be,” I whisper mostly to myself while studying him. “Is it really you?”
His nose flares and he stands up and takes a step back, but doesn’t say a word to confirm my suspicion.
I stand up as well and we both must be in a daze, because we both stand there, not moving until I hear Kade’s voice from behind me causing me to turn.
“Hey, looks like I made it in . . . “
His words trail off as his eyes land on me and then the man that seems to be taking my breath away at the moment. He walks forward, his jaw clenching and before I can see it coming, he swings out and punches the guy in the jaw, his fist connecting hard.
“What the fuck, Kade!” I scream in utter shock.
The guy just stands there, his eyes darken, never leaving Kade’s. He clenches his jaw and tightens his fist by his side. His voice comes out tight. “It’s nice to see you too little brother.”
Holy shit . . . it is him.
Chapter Six
Kellan
The world is spinning around me and pain is coursing through my jaw, but the only thing I can seem to think of is the look in my baby brother’s eyes when he noticed who the hell I was. The pain I have put on him is more than any brother should have to handle and I don’t even deserve to be in the same room with him. I can honestly say I deserved that punch.
Seeing him for the first time in eight years is exactly what I imagined, maybe worse. He’s standing there straight and tall and pissed off as all hell. Looking into those baby blues, cold as ice and full of hatred, it hurts to see how different he is and that I have missed so much over the years. He’s no longer that scrawny little seventeen year old kid with the unruly blond curls that were too powerful for his tiny head, or skinny little twig legs I used to make fun of. Now he’s almost a
s big as I am, standing six foot one, with eyes so intense it looks as if he can rip a whole army apart. Who knows, maybe he thinks he can. He looks like a man and it saddens me I didn’t help him to get there.
When I first saw Phoenix walk in, I wasn’t positive it was her, but one look into those eyes and I knew it had to be. I’d know those eyes anywhere, they were just like Adric’s. My heart stopped at the thought, but after seeing the confirmation on her I.D, my whole world just crumbled at my feet. The whole past came rushing to me in a flood of emotions and I felt as if I was fighting to breathe underwater. Even worse though, was seeing my baby brother walk in, sporting that short lived smile on his face and damn, I think I just died a little.
I have been back for six months. Six whole fucking months and I haven’t even been able to get up enough courage to see my family. Seeing them like this was the last thing on my list of shit to do. It’s been eight long years since I have set eyes on either one of them and seeing them now is like ripping open an old wound.
As much as I have missed my baby brother, it’s her that I can’t tear my eyes away from. She’s standing there, staring off as in pain or shock. Similar to receiving news that someone close died.
I always knew she was going to be beautiful, but damn, she blows my mind. She’s no longer that sweet, lanky fifteen year old girl I used to protect. No, now she’s blossomed into a full grown woman, taking my breath away. She’s standing opposite of me about five foot five, petite, but with curves sexy enough to make a man’s mouth water and wish he could taste every last bit of her skin against his tongue. Her wavy brown hair falls against her smooth skin, barely brushing her breast. Those big gray eyes, lined with long thick lashes could pierce your soul. I follow down that perfect little nose until my eyes stop on those plump, pink lips, causing me to swallow. She’s standing there in those low riding jeans and a black lacy bra. Fuck, what a beautiful set of breasts. I can almost see the tops of her nipples and all I can think about is running my tongue across them, getting a taste. She has a belly button ring and the perfect round bottom I want to squeeze and to top it off, long slender legs that would look more amazing wrapped around me. All I can imagine is what it would be like to have her naked body rubbing against mine as I pound into her, releasing some of this built up aggression. Still, my eyes look back to those big gray eyes, full of hurt, not to mention she’s Adric’s little sister. The girl I always promised to protect. I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about her. I’m a fucked up man. She definitely needs protecting, protection from me.
I take a step back as Phoenix speaks, breaking the silence of this hell we’ve entered. “Kellan,” she chokes out, her pained voice barely a whisper. She lets out a breath and her legs slightly tremble. “I can’t believe it’s actually you. After all of this time, it can’t be.” Placing her hands to her face, she slowly turns away from my view and mumbles under her breath. “This is really happening . . .”
I try to focus on her words, but Kade breaks my concentration by shoving me backwards and into the station.
I catch myself and try to reason with him. “Kade. I’m sorry.”
He shoves me again and I get up just to be shoved for a third time.
“Dammit, Kade, stop. You’re fucking pushing it now,” I bite out, fighting with everything in me to keep my cool.
“Fuck!” He rubs his hand up the side of his face before pulling his hair, then he leans over the tattoo chair and grips the edge until his knuckles turn white. “You have a lot of nerve showing up so close to home and without any word that you’re back.” He squeezes the chair tighter. “What the fuck, Kellan,” he growls, his veins popping out of his arms and neck. “You could’ve been dead for all of these years. We didn’t know shit. You kept us in the dark.” He sucks in a burst of air before releasing the chair and grabbing his face. “Your family, Kellan, you’re not supposed to shut out family. The ones that have loved you and looked up to you.” His voice breaks, almost as if holding back tears, as he looks up at me. “How could you just walk away?”
Seeing him this way is waking an anger inside of me I’ve tried to keep repressed for a while and all I want to do is break something, but I know I have to stay calm.
Taking a step forward, I reach out to grab his shoulder. “Kade. I-”
He jerks his shoulder away, avoiding my touch. “Don’t touch me. I can’t be that close to you. I don’t even know what to say right now.” He stumbles on his words while standing back up and taking a few steps back. “This is beyond fucked up.”
“It’s a long story, Kade; you will never understand, and I don’t expect you to.” I swallow hard and look up to see Tyler enter the room.
“What the fuck’s going on in here? What did I miss?” He looks around at everybody, eyes suspicious as they land back on me. “Is everything cool, man?
The hard look on his face tells me he has my back if needed and as much as I appreciate it, it still lights a fire inside of me to even think about him hurting my family. Tyler’s been the closest thing to me since I’ve returned six months ago, but he doesn’t know about my past and I want to keep it that way. This is my mess to fix.
“Just give us a minute.” My words come out harsher than intended, but with Tyler being as close as we are, I know he understands the importance.
“Yeah, okay then.” His eyes scan the room once more before he turns and heads for the door. He pauses and looks back one last time. “I’ll be outside if you need me.” With that, he opens the door and walks out, leaving the three of us alone again.
Kade’s eyes are still burning a hole through me and it almost looks as if he’s fighting the urge to punch me again. He definitely gets his temper from me and hopefully his will power as well.
A sniffle comes from Phoenix’s direction, and instinctively, my hand reaches out to comfort her. Something I have done numerous times in the past when Adric wasn’t around to take care of her.
“Phoenix.” The word barely pushes past my lips, as I strain not to reach out and touch her. “Look at me.”
My hand gets pushed away from its hovering spot as Kade steps in between us. “Don’t touch her, Kellan, you’ve done enough damage. While you were only thinking of yourself, I was here picking up the pieces you left behind.”
I take a step back and rub both of my hands over my face. “I’m aware that I messed up, but I can’t take it back now and I had a good reason to leave. Trust me, Kade, it was for everyone’s own good, but explaining it would make no sense. I can’t undo the past, so would you cut me a little fucking slack.” I close my eyes and exhale. “You can hate me all you want, but what’s done is done, dammit. Can we please move on now?”
Phoenix finally makes a move, reaching for her pink tank top. She looks in my direction, her hands shaking, but it’s hard to make out if she’s looking at me or looking past me. “I need to go. I just.” Her breathing comes out in short, quick bursts as if she’s about to have a panic attack. “I just have to get out of here.” She throws her shirt on and pulls her fingers through her hair. “This cannot be happening. Do you know how many years I have waited for this moment; how many times I have dreamt of it and imagined being able to see you?” She takes a step forward. “To touch you.” Her hand reaches out, but stops right before it can touch my face. “I needed you,” she whispers. My heart sinks as a tear rolls down her red and blotchy face.
Kade flinches as he tilts his head up to the ceiling and mutters a string of curse words before wiping sweat off his forehead. “We’re leaving. I’ve had enough of this shit.”
He reaches over and grabs for Phoenix’s purse, shoving it into her arms and I can’t help but to wonder what their relationship is. He’d always had a crush on her when they were younger, but every time he would attempt to hook up with her, she would just laugh in his face and say she had another man in mind. Maybe the chase is finally over; although he would never be enough for her.
“You don’t have to leave,” I sigh, somewhat wishing
they would stay even though I know it’s a horrible idea.
“No thanks, we’re good.” He gives me a dirty look and reaches for Phoenix’s arm. “Don’t even bother with coming to see us. You’re not welcome there anymore.”
The words sting, but I know he’s right. I left at the hardest time in their lives. Just vanished without so much as a goodbye. I made sure no one would be able to find me. I had to, though, it was the only option.
“You think I wanted to leave?” I slam my hands into the station in front of me before swinging my arm across it, knocking everything to the floor. “If that’s what you believe then maybe you’re right. I should just stay away.”
Phoenix flares her nostrils, looking as if she has something to say, as another tear rolls down her cheek. A tear that I wish I could just reach over and wipe away like old times.
Instead, I lower my head to my hands and lean against the station. “I’m sorry,” I say defeated.
“Bye, Kellan,” Phoenix whispers. “I just. I just have to go. I can’t stay here any longer.”
By the time I look up again, they are already out the door, walking over to a silver truck.
“Shit! Shit! Shit!” I reach for Adric’s binder and sling it across the room into the glass display. Grabbing the drawer full of ink and equipment, I throw it across the room towards Tyler’s station against the wall, causing ink to splatter. Still full of anger, I turn and punch the mirror above my station, shattering it to the floor.
Tyler walks in wide eyed and throws his hands on the top of his head. “What the hell, Kellan?”
Ignoring him, I reach for my leather jacket and run out the door for my motorcycle: my only escape.
* * *
I pull my bike into the driveway and push down the stand. Throwing my leg over the bike, I pull my helmet off and sling it down onto the blacktop. The hurt and anger that is burning through me right now is almost enough to set the world on fire and leave it in a pile of ashes.
This Regret Page 7
