I shrug my shoulders as I stick the key into the lock and turn. “Yeah, usually. Once in a while someone else is here, but most of the time it’s just me.”
He leans his head back and sucks his bottom lip in frustration. “I’m gonna have to put a stop to that shit. What the hell are they thinking, leaving a beautiful . . .” He takes a deep breath and exhales. “They shouldn’t be leaving you alone at two in the morning to close up a bar. You could easily get robbed or hurt.”
My heartbeat pounds in my ears as I try to hide the blush that is creeping over my face. If I heard him correctly, then he was calling me beautiful. I would’ve given anything in the past to hear that from his lips.
“So . . .” I look around the parking lot in search of his motorcycle, but all I see is a big, black, Chevy Silverado truck, rocky ridge style. “Is this beauty yours?” I point my thumb toward the truck and smile.
He rubs his hands together before placing his hand on the small of my back and walking me to it. “Hell yeah, it is. You know how I always wanted a lifted truck.” He opens the truck door and before I can say anything, he has his hand on my ass, boosting me up and into the truck. “Watch your head, sweet tits,” he teases.
I slap his arm and surprisingly it hurts my hand. “What the hell are you packing under there?”
He glances down to the natural bulge in his jeans and smiles mischievously. “It’s a secret,” he whispers. “A huge one. So big that I can never tell you. It’s mind blowing and orgasmic.” He lifts an eyebrow and closes the door to his truck.
“Ha! Very funny, smart ass.” I lean my head against the cold, leather seat and squirm from his words. That’s a secret I would kill to know. Even though it’s kind of disturbing, I find myself wondering if it’s bigger than Kade’s. I’m dirtier than I thought I was.
I try not to look at him as he gets in and shuts the door behind him. “You’re still a smart ass I see, so maybe you haven’t changed much over the years.”
His hand grips the steering wheel and tightens as he puts the key into the ignition and turns. “I don’t know about that, Phoenix. It’s a little too soon to judge, don’t you think.”
Exhaling, I turn the other way to face the window. There are so many things I want to say and so many questions to ask, but I can’t. Not just yet, at least. As much as I know I should stay away, I can’t deny the fact he makes me want to do exactly the opposite.
We’re driving for a good ten minutes before finally, I realize we’re nowhere near where my car is parked. “Umm, where are we going? My car is at the park, remember?”
He looks distressed and his hands are shaking on the steering wheel. That’s when I take a closer look and see we are outside the woods of our secret hangout.
He parks the truck and turns off the ignition. I try to speak, but I can’t. This place brings nothing but heartache for me. I can’t be here right now. I can’t. The bad memories of that day will forever overpower the good ones.
“I had to come here.” He swallows hard and stares out into the blackness of the night. “Just one last time, at least. I’ve missed this place and everything that’s happened here.”
Panic sets in and my breathing is almost uncontrollable. All I can picture is me, sitting alone in the woods, staring off like a zombie with tear streaked eyes. The feeling numbs me, taking over my body and my mind, causing my throat to close and my chest to tighten.
“What’s wrong?” Kellan leans over and quickly unbuckles my seat belt. “Are you having some kind of panic attack? Breathe.” I feel his arms wrap around my waist before I am pulled out of my seat and into the comfort of his lap, his eyes searching mine. “Can you breathe?”
No, especially not now. Thanks a lot.
I just stare at him as he places his hands on either side of my face before running his hand down my neck, gently brushing over my bare skin and placing it over my heart. Boths of our breath quickens as he brings his eyes up to meet mine and keeps them there for what seems like an eternity.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize that being here would have such an effect on you. I figured you’ve been coming here over the years. It’s always been your favorite place.”
I pull my eyes away and take a deep breath through my nose and exhale. He pulls his hand away from my heart when he notices my breathing beginning to slow down. “I’m such a jerk, Phoenix. I should have asked you first. I just had to see it and I didn’t want to come alone. It wouldn’t feel right.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I lower my head and place it in my hands. “No. No, you’re not a jerk,” I manage to breathe. “You couldn’t have known. How could you?” You’ve only been gone for eight years without even a single phone call to check on us. “It’s okay.”
I shift in his lap, taking notice of his crotch digging into my backside. It’s not hard, but for some odd reason just the feel of it makes me hot and I start to sweat. All I can think about is pulling it out and wrapping my lips around it, stroking my hand up and down the length of his shaft. Obviously, my thoughts are out of control when I’m around him. “I just . . .” I shift a little more feeling uncomfortable.
He stops me from squirming, wraps his arms around me and pulls my head down to his shoulder. I take a deep breath, breathing him in and savoring this moment that I may never get again. Somehow being in his arms gives me a feeling of safety that I never thought I’d feel again.
“You don’t need to explain. You don’t owe me any explanations. We’ll leave and I’ll take you to your car.”
After seeing it again for the first time in eight years, a small part of me almost wants to stay. As much as it hurts, I’m drawn to it. That seems to be a problem for me these days.
“No.”
Kellan looks down at me and rubs his thumb over my cheek, causing my legs to tremble. “Are you sure? You’re shaking. We can leave right now. I don’t need to come back. It’s part of the past now, an old memory.”
I place my hand behind him, trailing it up his neck, before playing with the back of his hair. Oh, how I love his hair. “We can sit here for a few minutes.” I force a smile, feeling somewhat better. “I just can’t go in. Can you understand that?” My eyes search his, pleading for him to not ask any more questions. I just want to enjoy this moment, as if nothing else matters.
“Of course. We don’t have to go inside.”
I get ready to push my way out of his lap, but he wraps his arm tighter around me and pulls me against the firmness of his chest. His lips brush the top of my hair before stopping next to my ear and he whispers, “Just stay here, close to me. I want to feel like I’m protecting you. That was always my job.”
My heartbeat quickens and I start shaking once again, causing Kellan’s arm to tighten protectively around me. “I’m sorry, Kellan.”
He brushes my hair behind my ear and leans his head over my shoulder, his lips against my cheek. “For what? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Yeah, I did. I’m keeping him from the one place he has probably wanted to see for years. The same place I have been avoiding. “I didn’t mean to ruin your night.”
He laughs softly, his warm breath tickling my ear. “You didn’t ruin my night,” he breathes. “Trust me, Phoenix.” He unwraps his arm from around me and shifts in his seat. His hands grip my hips, causing the stiffness of his penis to dig into my crotch. It’s definitely hard now, making my whole body shake with pleasure and my thighs to get moist. It feels big and thick against my body and he doesn’t seem ashamed to show it. A part of me almost thinks he’s enjoying this. That makes me want to panic even more and I swear if he moves one more time I’m going to have a damn orgasm just from my thoughts.
After adjusting me to the position he wants, he wraps his arms back around my waist and pulls me backwards so my back is pressed against his chest. “Just close your eyes and relax. Think of the good times.”
He turns up the music and I find my eyes closing, and a smile tugging at my lips when I hear the most beau
tiful song ever. Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Somehow, this song always manages to take my breath away. I gasp as I get lost in the lyrics.
I feel Kellan’s breath against my ear before he whispers, “Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Spilling the truth, I admit, “This song is the most beautiful song in the world to me. I would kill to have a man sing this to me and propose. I would fall in love for the rest of my life.”
His breath quickens, but he doesn’t say anything else. Just holds me tighter as we listen to the lyrics.
We sit there in silence for at least thirty minutes, who knows, maybe even longer, before he finally drives me to my car.
Right as I’m about to get out, he stops me and hands me my purse. I take it and grip it in my hand. “Thanks.”
He leans across me and opens the truck door before turning to face me and cupping my right cheek in his hand. He leans in close to my face and clenches his jaw. “If you need me for anything, anything at all, get ahold of me. I don’t care what time of day it is. Do you hear me?”
I nod my head while trying with everything in me to keep from leaning forward and pressing my lips against his. They look so soft and inviting and I want nothing more than to get a taste. Just one taste of him and maybe I could die a happy woman.
“Okay, good.” He leans in closer almost as if he’s about to kiss me. His eyes trail down to my lips and I can feel his heart hammering against my arm, until suddenly he turns away, leaving my insides cold and my body wanting him. “Have a good night.”
I swallow hard and wipe my sweaty palms over my shorts. “You too, Kellan. Be safe.”
I step down and carefully make my way out of his truck and down to the ground before shutting the door behind me. He waits for me to safely get into my car and start it before nodding and driving away.
Sitting there in my car, I grip the steering wheel and lean my head against the back of the seat. This boy has no idea what he’s doing to me and all of the things I want to be doing to him. No one makes me feel this way. No one but him. It’s always been him.
When I get home, I spend the next hour, tossing and turning in bed and am just about to finally fall asleep when my phone goes off from a text message. I reach over to the table and grab my phone, expecting it to be Kade. My heart instantly reacts to the name that flashes across my screen. Surprisingly, it’s not Kade, but the last person I ever expected it to be. He put his name get in my phone?
Kellan: Oh, by the way . . . I programmed my number in case you miss me.
Phoenix: Like I said, still a smart ass. Goodnight, Kellan.
Kellan: Goodnight. Oh, and I left you a gift in your purse. Now go to sleep and dream of me ;) You’ll be sure to have . . . happy dreams.
A pathetic smile spreads across my face as I set my phone back down and close my eyes. I knew that jerk would find a way to slip his tip money in my purse. Now, I will be thinking of him all night and fantasizing about the dreams I only hope to have.
So much for getting sleep . . .
Chapter Ten
Phoenix
I am woken from my light sleep by a screeching noise coming from somewhere within my small apartment. The sound is absolutely awful.
“What the hell is that? Make it stop!”
Throwing the sheet off me, I jump up and slide my fingers through my hair, searching the room around me. It only takes a few seconds before I hear it again. It almost sounds as if someone is dragging a suitcase over tile flooring, but instead of using the wheels, they're using only half a damn wheel and that half a wheel is broken, unfortunately.
Is someone seriously in my house right now? The sun hasn’t even come up and it can’t be any later than four in the morning. Please tell me this is a dream inside of a dream and I’m going to wake up five hours from now happy and peaceful. I only managed to fall asleep about an hour ago and even then, I wasn’t even quite asleep. This is really going to put a damper on my day.
“Zoe, help me with these bags.”
Okay, no. That is definitely my mother’s voice and in my house. Not exactly what I want to be hearing right now, and bags. What bags?
I throw my robe on in a panic and hastily make my way down the hallway and into the kitchen. The bright light hurts, causing me to throw my hand over my face and blink a few times to adjust. The little glimpse I did get was just enough to see my mother and my sister along with bags and suitcases full of their belongings.
“Whoa, guys. What is all this noise about?” I pull my hand away from my eyes and weakly lean against the counter for support, still half-asleep. This cannot be a good thing and now, I’m not so sure I even want to know what they’re doing here this early in the morning for. “It’s like four a.m.” I grab one of the bags and hold it up, examining the picture of some young, cute boy on it. Definitely has to be Zoe’s bag, filled with her clothes, I’m guessing. “What is all this? Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is,” I whisper.
My mother and Zoe both just stand there staring off in some kind of zombie like state, until finally, Zoe yanks the bag out of my hand and makes her way past me. “I’m going to sleep on the couch. It is way too early for this crap and I can’t stand to look at her anymore. She’s ruined my life. I cannot believe this is happening.”
“Zoe!” My mother reaches out for her arm even though she’s too far away and already making her way over to the couch. “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” she says weakly.
My heart races like crazy and I feel sick to my stomach as I watch my mother, waiting for her to say something to explain this mess. When she just stands there, I get very impatient and damn scared to be honest.
“Mom, what is going on?”
A tear escapes her eye and she quickly reaches up to brush it away. She’s always hated showing her weakness, so she usually puts up a front, but something tells me, it won’t be so easy this time. Hiding her face, she finally speaks, “Your father is seeing someone else, Phoenix. We’re through, done, it’s over. He asked me to leave, so here we are.” Those big hazel eyes fill with tears this time and within seconds, she is on the ground, with one hand gripping the countertop and the other one hanging between her knees as she sobs. “What am I’m going to do? Thirty years. It’s been thirty years since I have been alone. I can’t. I just can’t. I need him, Phoenix. I love him so much.”
Dammit, that Bastard. This is definitely worse than I imagined. I push away from the counter and kneel down in front of her, placing my hand on her shoulder for comfort. This would have to be the first time she’s needed my comforting and I was hoping this day would never come. “What the hell is wrong with him? How long has this been going on? How did you . . .” I stop, realizing, that as distant as my father has been for the last five or nine years, who knows how long it’s been going on. Could be one year or it could be nine. All I know is that he’s an ass. “Just never mind that. He’s a son of a bitch and a piece of shit for doing this to you. You don’t deserve this-“
“Don’t say that about your father, Phoenix. He’s a good man.” She looks up with tear stained eyes and wipes at her blotchy face. “He tried giving it a second chance. That’s why Zoe has been spending so much time here. He tried, so don’t blame him.”
“Are you shitting me, mom! He’s a good man? Why are you and Zoe here with all of your belongings if he’s a good man? Tell me that. He should be the one to leave.” I stand up and slam my fist down on the counter top pissed off that my dad would do such a thing to his family. Family is everything. “Don’t defend him. He hasn’t been good in years and even you know that.”
“Phoenix! Watch your language.” Her voice comes out shaky as she looks up at me with wet eyes. “He owns that house, okay. I haven’t worked in over eight years and you know that. I couldn’t work after Adric died. I just couldn’t function right anymore. I missed my baby-”
“Mom stop,” I cut in, not able to handle this confession. I can’t listen to it. Why bring up Adric now afte
r eight years. No one in this house talks about him and that is how I have made it through the years. Silence has been the key. I start walking away to the living room as fast as I can, kicking a bag out of my way. “Please don’t bring up my brother right now. Hasn’t there been enough tears shed already? Don’t choose right now to bring him up, dammit. Just don’t.”
My mother follows behind me, her red hair matted to her face with tears, she no longer seems determined to hide. “You need to know I loved Adric with everything in me. I still love him. He was my baby boy. My first born-“
“Stop it, please.” Tears well up in my eyes and my whole body’s shaking with nerves. I grab onto the couch, my nails digging in, to hold back my emotion. “You guys are welcome here as long as you want, but please... stop.”
She doesn’t stop though. She doesn’t know how, ever. “He was so good to everyone, so sweet and caring. My handsome baby boy. You look so much like your brother. Those gray eyes and dark hair, easily tanned skin and healthy glow like your father.” She grabs my face and looks me in the eye. “Sometimes it’s hard to look at you without it hurting. Do you get that?” Tears stream down my face as I squeeze my eyes closed, licking away the salty tears that are dripping over my lips.
“You were everything to Adric. He worried about you so much. Protecting you seemed to be the most important thing to him. Even when it came to your father and me. Him and that damn, Kellan kid always acting as if we weren’t good enough. Do you know how that makes me feel to know that I have failed him? Look at me.” She squeezes my face and shakes it, until I finally open my eyes to look at her. “I abandoned you after we found him in the attic. I should have been there for you. I should have comforted you, but I couldn’t, not after seeing my baby boy that way. You reminded me too much of him and I couldn’t take it. Even after you ran off.” She pauses to choke back a sob. “I didn’t even look for you. I just couldn’t find it in me.”
Not able to stand here and listen anymore, I pull my face away and start reaching for the bags. I had no idea she hadn’t even looked for me that day, and that day stings more now, that I know the truth. “Let’s get these bags put aside somewhere. You can take my room and Zoe can take the couch.” I stop to swallow the lump in my throat and to catch my breath. “I’ll sleep here on the floor. I have plenty of blankets so it should be nice and soft-“
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