Running my fingers under the band of my panties, I slide them over my bottom and down my legs, removing them and tossing onto the floor. I run my finger over the wetness, imagining Kellan being the one to touch me. This turns me on even more and I bite my lip so hard it almost bleeds. “Why do you do this to me? Ah!” I pull my hand away and place both hands over my face, breathing heavily. Touching myself has never made me feel this way before and the thought scares me. If he can do this to me when he’s not even around, just imagine if he was here.
Shit! Now I really need to finish this off or I'll be miserable the rest of the day. Reaching into the bedside table, I pull out my battery-operated boyfriend I obtained at sex toy bingo and with shaking hands, press the power button. The vibrator has ten different settings and I know that as turned on as I am, I only need the lowest setting, but if it were Kellan then I could only imagine it being rough, so I turn on the highest speed. I’ve only had sex with one guy before and to be honest, he was too gentle and caring and I could use a little roughness. I close my eyes and place the vibrator between my legs as thoughts of Kellan, gripping my waist and pounding into me invades my thoughts. Within seconds, my muscles are clenching and tightening around the vibrator with the most intense orgasm I have ever had.
I throw the vibrator down next to me and close my legs while running my hands over my face and smiling. “Oh shit! That’s what I’ve been missing out on.” Either this vibrator works miracles or Kellan has some kind of special power over my body that works wonders. Whatever it is felt amazing.
I jump, feeling nervous as my phone goes off next to me. “Crap!” I reach for the phone and suddenly feel dirty when I see the name that pops up. Perfect timing to make me feel like shit.
Kade: Don’t ditch me. The party starts in twenty minutes and I’ll be looking for you.
Phoenix: Trust me, I’ll be there. I keep my word.
* * *
I arrive at the Ranch a little later than expected and as I park my car in the clutter of vehicles, I can see most of the party guests have already arrived. I can imagine that Kade is becoming a little nervous by this point and when he sent me about five text messages to be sure I was still coming, I did nothing to ease his mind. I couldn’t. The truth was, I turned around at least three different times in an attempt to change my mind, but the guilt finally won over and I knew I didn’t have a choice.
Nervously, I pull the keys from the ignition and run my sweaty palms over the cloth of the seat to wipe them off. Sitting here, in this driveway on this particular day, I can’t help but to look around for Kellan. As selfish as it seems, I kind of feel as if him being here would somehow make it more bearable.
I step out of my car and take a deep breath, breathing in the fresh air. Although it is hot as hell outside, breathing in the fresh Ranch air helps to calm me down a bit. This place has always helped soothe me in the past. Maybe a part of it had to do with the fact I knew this was where Kellan grew up and although he wasn’t always here when I was, I knew he would be coming back. It gave me a feeling of peace, until he ruined that.
Without realizing it, I’m searching through the mess of vehicles in search of Kellan’s truck or motorcycle. Either one will do. I just want him here. A sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach takes over, making me feel nauseous when I realize I’m being a silly little girl again with dreams that will never come true. He’s not showing up today. Why would he? He’s probably already long gone now that we’ve found his little shop. He obviously left for a reason, so why would he stick around, knowing we could show up to see him anytime we want? The thought causes my heart to ache.
“Did you get lost?” Kade’s voice comes from over my right shoulder, making me jump. These brothers are so damn good at making me nervous. “Kellan’s not here, if that’s who you’re looking for. I doubt that son of a bitch will have enough balls to show up.”
I swallow hard and close my eyes as he snakes his arm around my waist, pulling my body against his. I can already feel my heart quicken, just by being so close to him. I’m definitely a horrible person for having feelings for the both of them. What the hell is wrong with me? “I wasn’t looking for Kellan,” I lie, trying to sound convincing. “I was looking for Jen. I told her I’d just meet her here instead of her picking me up. Is she here yet?”
He walks around so he’s standing in front of me and his eyes trail down my body, checking me out. When his eyes land back on my face, he snickers with amusement. “Ah, I see. Jen’s Jeep is right next to your car.” He points behind me, making me feel like a fool. “You must have missed it when you squeezed in between that and Saline’s BMW.” He gives me a suspicious look before placing his hand on my cheek and sucking in his bottom lip. “You look really fucking hot today, so I’ll let it slide . . . this time. You know I won’t be able to resist you in front of everyone, right?”
The look in his baby blues is almost enough to make me want to give into him. They are so full of want and passion for me, that I can feel my body just gravitating towards his, until finally, my body is completely pressed against his, the stiffness in his jeans pressing into my stomach. Why does he always have to have a boner? It makes him even harder to resist. “Um . . . we should probably get inside before others come out looking for us.” I smile innocently, but he must take this as an invitation. “I’m sure your mom is looking for you.”
He snorts and runs his hands under my shirt. “You smell so damn good. I don’t remember you wearing perfume. Is it new, because now I have to taste it.” He leans in, running his nose along my neck, before pressing his lips under my ear. “I wish I could taste you somewhere else.”
“Okay, that’s just gross,” Jen interrupts. I’ve been inside looking for you and y’all have been out here getting it on in the open. That’s so dirty. Y’all could at least wait until the guest leave.”
I place my hand against Kade’s chest and give him a little shove in an attempt to break free, but it doesn’t work. He just tightens his hold. “We weren’t getting it on, Jen.” I struggle before pulling away from Kade. He rakes his fingers through his curls before leaning against some random truck, crossing his arms over his chest. He's watching me as I walk over to Jen and grab her arm. He looks a bit disappointed, but is trying to hide it behind a smirk. “Let’s get this over with. See you inside,” I call back to Kade.
“Sure thing,” she mouths as we walk away, leaving Kade leaning against the truck, watching us.
“For your information, we were close to getting it on, Jen. You ruined it, so thanks,” he calls after us.
“My pleasure,” Jen yells back before laughing and gripping my arm with her mommy grip. “I’m on to you, missy.”
As we walk up the wooden steps of the porch, I get a bad feeling about what exactly she’s on to me about. Most of the party takes place out back, where the stage and band is set up as well as the food. The quickest way around is through the house. From what I remember, everyone dances and eats at the picnic tables set up, before the night show of fireworks. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
She stands there watching me as I reach for the old brass knob. Just as I’m about to push in the lever, she stops me. “You need to be a little more careful. You’ve been acting strange lately and don’t think I don’t notice the fact that you’re pining over Kellan again. I can see that distant look in your eyes whenever I talk to you. It’s dangerous for you to fall for both brothers. Are you crazy?”
Is this girl freaking psychic, or what? We haven’t even spoken of Kellan since that day at the company picnic. I made it a point not to, because I wanted to avoid these kinds of situations and assumptions.
“I’m not. What the hell Jen.” I glance behind me, being sure Kade is out of earshot before speaking. “I’m not falling for the Haze brother’s, okay. I barely even speak to Kellan, and Kade and I are just having a little fun. I don’t have feelings for either, so drop it,” I warn.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” She waves a fi
nger in my face and smiles as if she knows I’m lying. Of course she would. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember. “My best friend is trying to fool me, but I’m a little smarter than that. I mean, I can see why you would fall for Kade, because he’s always around, but Kellan has been gone for years and can disappear again in a moment’s notice. Just be careful.”
Sometimes, I wish this girl didn’t know me so well. She’s had me figured out since the second grade. “Yes, mother. I will try to be more careful, even though, there is nothing to be careful about. You happy?”
She shrugs her shoulders and pushes open the door. “For now. We’ll just see for how long.”
“You drive me nuts, woman,” I mutter. “That’s why it’s so much more peaceful at home, in my bed.” At least it used to be, before my mom and Zoe moved in. Looks like I need to find a new place to be alone at. “I almost stayed home today.”
Once we get inside, Jen starts tugging on the sleeve of her red shirt and I can’t help but to notice. “I would’ve picked your butt up if you even tried staying home,” she says, but I’m not listening. I’m too preoccupied.
I silently stare at her arm while she’s not looking, trying to figure out if my eyes are deceiving me. There appears to be finger shaped bruises on her arm and I have a feeling they are from Nate.
With ninja speed, I reach over and yank her shirt sleeve up, wanting to kick the shit out of Nate. Only a coward put's his hand on a woman. She doesn’t even have to tell me, I already know it has to be from him. “What the hell is this shit, Jen?” I pull her out of everyone’s view and into the hallway. “How did you get those bruises?”
Jen laughs nervously as she pulls her sleeve back down to cover the bruises on her bicep. “It’s nothing, okay. I almost fell down the stairs and Nate had to grab my arm to catch me.” She narrows her eyes and flares her nostrils at me. “You’re not suggesting my boyfriend abuses me, are you? That’s just crazy. I’m smart enough to leave an abusive relationship. He may be a liar and possibly a cheater, I don’t know, but he’s not abusive.”
“So let me get this straight. You fell more than once then? You know, because there is more than one bruise imprint. It looks as if he had to catch you multiple times.” I look her in the eye to let her know she can trust me. I would never do anything to hurt her. “You can tell me the truth. I am always here for you. Always.”
“Yeah, I know,” she whispers. “Just trust me. I’m not stupid.”
“Hey, girls. Hurry up. I’ve been waiting on you two.”
We both look over to see Luna step into the hallway with a smile. She’s decked out in an American flag mini dress, with blue stilettos. It looks as if she literally just wrapped a flag around her. Somehow, she even makes that look hot. Damn her! That lucky bitch.
“This moron with chewing tobacco shoved in his mouth, looking like a damn chipmunk won’t stop asking me on a date,” she complains. “I need your assistance.”
Jen must find this as her time to make an escape because she takes off, speed walking over to where Luna is. “That would be Travis. I would be glad to assist you.” She looks back at me and exhales. “I’ll be in here with Luna. She needs me. We all know how persistent Travis is. I might just have to knee him in the balls again. How can I resist that?”
Luna may be new to town, but she is pretty damn good at making friends and drawing people in. That girl has mad skills. Not that she needs them to draw Travis’ attention.
“We’ll continue our talk later,” I warn Jen. “It’s not over yet.”
“Sure sweetie,” she mutters. “We do have a lot to discuss.” She smirks as I join them. “Let’s just have fun for now. I’m starving.”
By things to discuss, I know she means the boys and me so I just let it go for now. We’ll have our time later and I will get it out of her.
I spend the first hour, making small chat with friends and family, everyone seeming to be in complete shock that I decided to make an appearance at the party. I don’t blame them. I’m surprised myself, so I can only imagine how they feel.
I make it a point to speak to Nancy, to show her I kept my word and showed up. When I find her alone, I approach her. “Hi, Nancy. Thanks for having me. Everything is great. I love the band.” It's a band of some kids around town just out of high school. They've played at the bar a few times.
“It’s so nice of you to show up.” She wraps her arms around me, squeezing me in a hug. “Just remember that you’re still welcome here as often as you like. Some things have changed.” She looks sad now as she squeezes my shoulder and gives me a sympathetic smile. “Not all of them. You’re still like family to us.”
I nod and look into her blue eyes. They’re just like Kade’s and I remember them so well. This woman had always been like a second mom to me growing up, but over the last eight years, I have only seen her at gatherings and occasionally at the bar. Looking into them know, makes me feel horrible for shutting her out. It wasn’t intentional. “Thank you, Mrs. Haze. I’m glad to be here.”
From the smile that spreads across her face, I can tell I really did make her day just by showing up. Somehow, that makes me smile a real smile for the first time today. “You can still call me Nancy.” She laughs. “Mrs. makes me feel old. I have a lot of guest to tend to, but just know that I’m happy you can be a part of our party this year. I’ve missed you dear. Now go and have a good time.”
Watching her walk away, I get the feeling I’ve made myself present for as long as I needed to and maybe now is a safe time to escape. I don't think I can bring myself to see the fireworks. Jen has been busy keeping up with the kids and Kade seems to be keeping occupied with a group of older women that can’t seem to keep their hands to themselves. I’m kind of thankful for them keeping him busy. I really don’t know how to act around him right now.
I walk back inside, away from the party guests, into the huge hallway and press my back against the burgundy painted walls in relief. The loud chattering that once filled my ears dies down and my heart has finally slowed down enough for me to calm down. For a moment, I almost thought I was going to break down into some kind of anxiety attack in the presence of so many people, while waiting for the moment to speak with Nancy. Luckily, it came just in time.
Taking a deep breath, I push myself away from the wall and get ready to make my move towards the door, when out of nowhere, it swings open to none other than Kellan Haze.
He steps through the door, his eyes instantly landing on mine. They show no emotion as he closes the door behind him and shakes his hair out of his face. He looks a little stunned, but hides his emotions well.
My heart races against my chest as my eyes move from head to toe, taking in the perfection of all that is Kellan. He’s dressed in a black tank, revealing his sleeve tattoos, with a pair of dark denims that hang to his slender waistline, topped off with a studded belt. He’s even wearing his Converse shoes tonight and matched with his tattoos, that makes him even sexier. I should turn away, but I can’t. I’m drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
His full lips slightly part and his chest moves up and down as his eyes take in my body, demanding every bit of my attention as he makes his way towards the staircase, that leads up to his father’s office. His stare has me in some kind of daze, as if his eyes are telling me something he isn’t.
I stand there, breathing heavily, watching him as he makes his way up the stairs, his eyes still glued to mine. I’m not sure why, but my body finally moves, making its way to the stairs as he rounds the corner, leaving my body wanting more of him.
My fingers brush the polished wood of the railing, as I slowly make my way up to the top. The door to his father’s office is open and when I take the step that has me standing in the opening, I see Kellan standing with his back facing me. I can see the muscles in his back tense as he leans over the desk and grips the edge in his hands.
“Kellan.” I take a step inside and watch him, waiting for his next move. My heart is going craz
y and my breathing is becoming uncontrollable. I have no idea why I followed him up here or if he even wanted me to. Maybe he wants to be alone.
He stands up straight and turns around to face me. “I’m surprised you’re here,” he says, breaking the silence. “I have spent the last two hours trying to decide if I should come here. I don’t want to be here, you know. I don’t want to celebrate this day, but . . .” he breathes heavily as he turns to face the window. Then as quickly as he turned away, he turns to face me again, making my heart stop. “I was hoping to get to see you.”
His words shock me and as he pulls his eyes down to meet mine, there’s a look in his eyes I’ve never seen before. It makes me wish I had a lifetime to stand here and figure it out, without him running away. “Don’t you think it’s time we both make a new memory for this day? Sometimes, if a good memory is almost as powerful as the bad, then it can ease the pain of the bad. That’s what I want to do with you. For you.”
“I don’t know . . .” My words trail off as he takes a step toward me, his nostrils flared and his jaw clenched as he pulls me into the office, shutting the door. He turns me, facing the closed door and walks again until my back is pressed against the desk. “I can’t think of anything good enough to make this day any better,” I whisper, unable to breathe. Him being this close is almost too much to handle.
A look of hurt flashes in his eyes before he grabs my waist with force and pulls me to him so we’re only a breath apart from kissing. “I almost hate myself for what I’m about to do to you.”
I swallow hard as my eyes connect with his. They are so full of a passion I’ve never seen before and he’s breathing so hard, I’m afraid he’ll have some kind of asthma attack like when we were kids. “What,” I swallow hard losing myself. “What are you about to do to me?”
He runs his hand up my side from being cupped around my waist, stopping right beneath my breast, then over my heart, and the pain in his eyes deepens. His breath comes out in heavy bursts and I can feel his heart beating fast against my chest. “Make you fall in love with me.”
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