“Okay, but if you need anything you let me know.” I place my hand on her chin and look into her eyes. “I mean that. You don’t have to handle everything by yourself.”
She pushes my hand away and pokes at my nipple. “Just get in the truck, you worry too much. You’re just like Adric, you know that?” She flicks my nipple and I look down at her hand and grin.
“I knew you always liked my nipples.”
“Oh, shut up!” She smiles and this time it isn’t forced. I love seeing her smile. It makes me smile and for once, I see shades of color in this fucked up life of black and gray.
When we pull up in front of her tiny apartment building, there’s a tall, slender girl with wild, red curls sitting on the porch of what I assume is her apartment. She has her legs propped up on a chair that is tipped over sitting across from her and she’s looking down into her lap as if she’s trying to concentrate on something.
“Holy shit, is that Zoe? She is almost grown up now.”
Phoenix laughs as she reaches for the door and pushes it open. “You have no idea. This girl is a handful. Just ask . . . never mind.” She smiles and her eyes land on my lips. I want to kiss her so bad, but I don’t know if I should. “Thanks for the ride, Kellan. Both of them,” she teases, while pulling her eyes away from my lips.
Fuck it! I’m just one big mistake after another so why stop now? I tangle my fingers into the back of her hair and crush my lips against hers, opening her mouth with my tongue. I feel my arousal as soon as her tongue collides with mine and I have the urge to pull her into my lap and slide into her right here. Just as I’m about to grab her hip and pull her to me, I open my eyes to see a little red spitfire with her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes focused dead on me. “Well well, look what the cat drug in and who’s this? Have you finally told Kade to take a hike? If he’s replacing him, then I’ll let him stay.”
Phoenix pulls away, wiping her hand over her wet lips. “Shit, Zoe!” She runs her hands through her hair while trying to catch her breath. “It’s a long story, Zoe,” she says, “And I’m tired so go inside and I’ll be inside in a minute.”
A set of big hazel eyes set on me again and I can’t help but to smile. I remember those eyes and that wild crazy hair and it reminds me of happier times. Zoe was only six the last time I saw her, but she was always following me around the house. I just can’t get over how much she’s grown.
“Little Zoe,” I say teasingly, as Phoenix steps out of the truck and adjusts her little skirt. “My little tail has grown up.”
Her lip curls up and she gives me a confused look, dropping her notebook into the seat of my truck. “Excuse me, weirdo,” she mumbles. “I’m no one’s little tail, whatever the hell that means?”
She’s damn adorable and feisty, standing there looking like she wants to hit me. She didn't get Adric's laid back nature, that's for sure but she definitely takes after Adric's take crap off no one attitude and the thought makes me laugh. I miss my bro so much and being here with his family makes me feel closer to him “It’s been a long time. Trust me. Eight years to be exact, but you used to follow me around everywhere like I had a tail.”
She looks even more confused as she focuses her attention on Phoenix. “Okay, who is this cute weirdo? If he wasn’t cute and I didn’t like those awesome tattoos, I would kick him where it counts.”
Phoenix looks so nervous; it makes me want to kiss her to relax her again. It seemed to help earlier at least. “Kellan,” she whispers sounding pained. “Kade’s brother.”
Zoe snickers and her face lights up. “What! The guy you refuse to talk about? Oh this is some good-“
Phoenix places her hand over Zoe’s mouth, silencing her. Now I’m really curious about what’s been said about me.
I jump out of the truck, run over to Zoe and throw my arm around her shoulder surprising her. “Looks like we have a lot to catch up on. There’s no way you can’t know about me. Like I said, you were my tail.” She grabs her notebook and I guide her away from Phoenix.
Phoenix combs her fingers through her hair looking nervous as she leans against my truck, but I can’t help it. I want to know what she’s been telling Zoe over the years. She’s had to of told her something for her to know my name. That’s a good sign. I think.
“We can chat as long as you tell me some things about Phoenix I don’t know,” Zoe says with a devious grin. “She’s good at keeping secrets and it pisses me off.”
“What are you guys saying over there?” Phoenix grumbles. “Isn’t it about time you go to bed, Zoe?”
Zoe turns to argue with her sister, so I reach over and grab Zoe’s notebook as it falls to the ground. I pick it up, scanning it, thinking maybe Zoe is like her brother and likes to write songs or something. Instead, I find a bunch of scribbles and words that are mostly misspelled.
I feel the notebook get snatched out of my hand and I look up to see Zoe scowling at me. “That’s mine. Nosy much?” She scrunches her nose and huffs.
She looks so embarrassed and I feel bad for learning her secret. No one knew this about Adric, but he used to have a hard time spelling when I first met him as well. He kept it a secret, but slowly taught himself through music and poetry. I was amazed at the results and he was an inspiration to me that you can do whatever you set your mind to.
“Come here.” I wave Zoe over and out of Phoenix’s earshot. “I have a secret to tell you.”
She looks hesitant at first, but comes over anyways, looking me in the eye. “What?”
I point at the notebook and look behind me to be sure Phoenix isn’t listening. “What nobody knows, is that Adric had a hard time spelling.” I pause and look down to be sure she’s listening. “He learned through music and poetry. I’m going to make the same deal with you I made with him.”
She looks at me with a little hope in her eyes, probably a bit relieved that she’s not the only one that needed help. “What kind of deal?”
I did a lot of embarrassing crap as a teenager and I have Adric to thank for that. I made a promise to Adric that if he could pull his end off, I would do anything he asked me to no matter how stupid and ridiculous it was. “Next time I come over, I want you to sit down and write a poem. I want you to practice while I’m gone. If you get every word spelled correctly, I will do anything you want me to do. As long as it’s not robbing a bank. Those days are behind me,” I tease, making her laugh.
“Are you serious?” she questions unsure. “Anything I want you to do? Anything at all?”
I nod my head and lean against my truck. “Absolutely, I’m not messing with you. I keep my word.”
She looks down at the notebook in her hand and smiles. “Oh, this is going to be fun.” She pats my arm as if I’m going to be sorry later. If she’s anything like Adric, I’m a little scared. “I already have ideas flowing. Weird how that works. See ya, big guy.”
She takes off, skipping inside and Phoenix gives me a confused look as she watches Zoe disappear inside. “What was that about?”
I push myself away from the truck and push my hair out of my face. “It’s our little secret.” My eyes meet hers and my heart skips a beat. Dammit . . . why does she do this to me? I swallow hard and stand up straight. “Call me if you need me,” I say.
She nods her head and smiles weakly. “You suck and by the way, thanks for tonight.” I smile and she starts walking up the porch. “Goodnight, Kellan.”
“Goodnight, beautiful.” I see her blush as she turns away and closes herself inside. I quickly run over and jump into my truck, taking off. A panic surges through me as thoughts of me and Phoenix take over my mind. I can’t believe I let myself break the rules and have sex with her bareback. Not to mention the fact I busted my load inside her without even much thought. I never rely on a girl's word that she is on birth control. That's exactly how guys end up with unwanted kids and stuck with a woman. Hell, I was about take her again here in my truck if I had the opportunity. I can’t let myself be so careless with he
r. I need to gain my control back before it’s too late. This girl is something else and she throws me all off balance.
When I get home, Maxine is sitting on the porch waiting. I pull into the drive and look out the window at her, hating myself. She’s dressed in a pair of short white shorts and a red spaghetti strap shirt looking damn sexy. She’s sitting with her legs crossed and when she notices my truck she uncrosses them and looks up with a smile.
A part of me wants to turn the truck around and just leave, but I need to handle this before it goes too far.
Letting out a deep breath, I click the garage remote and step out of the truck as Maxine stands, making her way to me. “I thought your sexy ass would never get home,” she purrs. She places her lips against my neck as she works her way up to my face. “You have no idea how bad I need you right now. I want to feel you inside me,” she says breathless.
Gripping her wrists in my hands, I pull her hands away and push them down at her sides, looking her in the eye. “I can’t help you, Maxine. I need you to go home.”
She looks stunned as she reaches for my chest and caresses it. “Did you have a rough day? That’s fine. We can help each other out then. I can take care of your every need.”
“No.” The thought of her hands on me angers me. Right now, I can’t think of anyone touching me but Phoenix. This woman, as beautiful as she may be, just doesn’t compare. I can’t handle her hands on me right now. “Go home, Maxine. I’m not sleeping with you.”
She just stands there as I jump back into my truck, drive it into the garage and close the door behind me.
“Shit!” I pound my fist into the steering wheel, causing the horn to sound. I’m so fucking angry and confused right now and I can’t get the image of Phoenix’s body wrapped up in my arms out of my head. She’s all I can picture.
I storm through the house, knocking random things down around me. One night with this damn girl and already I can’t function and touch anyone else. Sex is supposed to be my release. Why the hell can’t I relieve this shit with Maxine then? I know the answer to that question. Ever since Phoenix walked through that door of the shop, I haven’t been able to picture myself being close to anyone but her. I’m losing my shit.
Chapter Fourteen
Phoenix
The steaming water drips down my face, running over my heated, red flesh, but I can’t seem to shake the chill running deep within me. Goosebumps prickle my ignited skin as thoughts of Kellan breeze through my mind, burning me to my core. My skin tingles as if it remembers every touch. Running my hands over my face, I lean against the back wall of the shower, taking deep breaths, as I close my eyes. I'm trying to block out images of his face and the way his skin caused electrical sparks when brushed against mine, making it feel raw and heated to the touch.
His lips were soft and smooth, yet his kisses were rough and firm, consuming me, shattering my soul. The way his tongue ran over my lips and down my body, hungrily tasting me in my most secret places, as if he was a starving man, leaves me with a need. A need to once again look into his eyes as he pushes himself inside me, filling me deep, branding the memory to forever stay in my mind, making it impossible for anything else to compare. Being with him was better than I could have ever imagined. Everything about him is even more beautiful now than before and I have a want for him that runs so deep I can barely talk around him, let alone breathe. One look stuns me, leaving me reeling for several minutes after. The thoughts of that roof top tryst take over every part of me, keeping me up at night, making it hard to function during the day and making me want to fall asleep just to dream about him.
“What am I doing? This is ridiculous.” I slap my hands beside me into the wall as I tilt my face up, trying to wash away my thoughts. I am drained and beyond frustrated in more ways than one and I only have myself to blame for letting things go too far. He said so himself we were a mistake. Yet he gave his body to me and the moment we shared felt like pure bliss, making me feel complete again for the first time in years.
Focusing on my breathing pattern, I watch my chest rise and fall while fighting to gain control. I take one last deep breath before pushing myself away from the wall and reaching over to turn the water off, letting the remainder wash over my skin before stepping out. I need to get out of here and to Jen’s before I give myself a nervous breakdown. My nerves are already shot today, due to Adric’s birthday, but having to deal with all the other screwed up things right now is proving to be one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with since Adric’s death. I promised myself I’d be strong and there’s no time to break these promises.
I quickly dry off and wrap the towel around me before making my way down the empty hall and to my room. The house seems to be empty. It’s so quiet and peaceful compared to what it’s been the last couple days. My mom and Zoe must be at the store picking up something for Adric’s grave. This is the one day of the year I know for a fact they go and visit him. I usually wait until late at night when the world is sleeping, before I make my appearance. I always thought going alone would hurt less, if there were no one to see my tears. Last night changed my mind and opened it to new possibilities. Having Kellan there somehow made it more bearable.
I open the door and step into the coziness of my room, which I haven’t slept in for days, softly closing the door behind me. The beautiful blues and silvers making up my room, remind me so much of Adric. They were his favorite colors. That’s why I chose these colors for my room. He used to sing me to sleep, sitting on the edge of my bed. It helps to ease the pain sometimes and comfort me on a bad day, like a piece of him is still here.
Looking up from the shagginess of my silver rug, I fall backwards into the door, almost dropping my towel to the floor, when I notice who’s sitting on my bed.
“Oh shit! Don’t do that to me.” I place my hand over my heart and rest my head against the back of the door, scolding myself for being so damn jumpy.
Kade is lying on his back in my bed with his hands pressed to his face. He props himself up on his elbow and motions for me to come over to the bed when he notices my jumpy reaction. “Why do you look so shaken up? I’m not even naked yet,” he says with a playful smirk. “Come here.”
Oh no. This is not on my list of things to do today. I know I have to tell Kade about Kellan, but not now. Not today dammit. Why didn’t I make sure I took away all of his stupid spare keys? This is going to sting for the both of us. We’ve been friends for too long and even though we never really made things between us clear, there was a small thing happening with us and even I can’t deny that.
I grip my towel, holding it over my body as I take a seat on the edge of the bed, keeping a safe distance. I turn beside me to look at him as he sits straight up, undressing me with his eyes. He looks tense, as if he has something he wants to say, but doesn’t know how to say it; therefore, I decide it’s best for me to break the silence before it gets too unbearable. “Kade. What are you doing here? I’m about to leave with Jen soon. Why didn’t you call first?”
He looks me in the eyes and my stomach drops like I’m going downhill on a roller-coaster, except this isn’t quite as fun and I forgot my nausea pills. He bore's into me, marking me in his mind. My nerves are going wild now and I can’t seem to sit still as I stare back at those baby blues. What the hell is he thinking? Does he know already?
“Did you forget something at my house yesterday when you ran off?” He pulls the spare key out I had made for him after that day I left my keys on Kellan’s bike. “It’s pretty big and kind of hard to forget about, Phoenix. Why did you run off without saying anything to me? I looked for you for hours, thinking you were somewhere within the crowd. That was an asshole move to make.”
I pull my eyes away from his and pull my towel tighter, clamping each end, squeezing it between my fingers. How the hell do I answer that? There’s really no easy way to bring up this matter. I clear my throat and lay flat on my back, preparing to let him down easily before things become too compli
cated for either of us to handle. “I left with Kellan.” I swallow hard as his jaw muscles tighten into hard steel and his nostrils flare as he looks down at me. He looks extremely pissed, like he owns me and I can’t make my own decisions. I’m not a little girl anymore.
“Look Kade¸ I had to get away from the party. I couldn’t handle it. You know how I feel about that. You can’t judge me for leaving when I got the chance.” My voice is loud, the anger in me taking over, blinding me and I don’t care if he notices. “I never wanted to go in the first place. You made me feel guilty, so I went. I gave it a shot and you’re sitting here judging me because of who I left with? Oh, come on Kade. You’ll never get it. Kellan does and yesterday, I needed that. If you can’t handle that . . . then I don’t know what else to say.”
His eyes are distant, his face creased in anger. He just stares at me, not saying anything. Did I render him speechless for once? I probably shouldn’t have added the last part, but I couldn’t help it. Kellan hasn’t left my mind and I have a feeling he never will. It’s impossible not to bring him up, no matter the situation or the consequences.
He lets out a dark chuckle, his eyes darkening to a shade of midnight blue. “So Kellan was your escape? I kind of figured that, but Jen refused to enlighten me on any details.” He shakes his head and presses his hand to his forehead, taking a deep breath and slowly blowing it out. “Where did you go? You must have had a late night since you didn’t bother picking up your car.”
Why did he have to come here? I’m trying to push the memories out of my mind so I can get back to reality and out of this stupid dream world I’ve been living in, even though it’s pointless. Now he's sitting here in front of me, forcing me to remind myself of the hurt I’m getting myself into. Man, this is not cool. I don’t want to talk about this right now, but it doesn’t look like I have much of a choice. “We went to see Adric, okay. Is that what you want to hear? We spent the whole night talking about Adric and old memories and it felt good. It felt so good remembering those days. I miss those days so damn much, Kade.” I stand up with my back facing the bed, choking back the tears that are threatening to form. Visiting Adric with Kellan was the happiest I’ve been in years. I loved that feeling and I don’t want to lose it, but I know eventually he’ll be gone and I’ll be a total wreck left to pick up the pieces of my heart left behind.
This Regret Page 20
