“Don’t tell anyone if I happen to pass out. I don’t need Zoe or Jen having something to laugh at me about. I put up with enough of their crap already.” I lean back in the seat and grip the edges with shaky hands.
I feel his hand on mine so I look up. He gives me a reassuring smile that relaxes me, just enough to calm my heartbeat a bit, but then he moves my legs so he can sit next to me in the chair. “This book of drawings is very important. I want you to know . . . I wouldn’t let anyone else choose from this book.” His eyes meet mine and the emotion behind that stare astounds me. “This book is yours. Everything in here was drawn for you.”
Wait! What is he saying? What does that even mean? I feel like I’m going to pass out right now. “What do you mean, it’s mine?” I am beginning to feel anxious.
Exhaling through his nose, Kellan opens the binder and pulls one of the drawings out. He places it in my hand and says, “Flip it over and read the back.”
Fighting to control my nerves and keep my hand in check, I do what he says and flip the paper over. When I see what’s written on the back, tears instantly spring to my eyes and my body seizes up.
Adric Winters- Summer of 2005
For the girl that is more beautiful and colorful than the most beautiful bird in the world, Phoenix. Love you little sis.
I run my fingertips over the paper as little splatters of teardrops drip down, threatening to ruin Adric’s beautiful work.
Kellan notices the tear soaked paper and gently tilts my head to the side so I’m looking at him instead. “Look at me.” He runs his thumb under my eye, wiping away the wetness. “He loved you so much. He worked hard on these because he knew how much you loved them. He would’ve done anything for you and Zoe. When he passed . . .” he chokes on his words a bit before gaining composure. “Well, I took his drawings because he always trusted me with them and I didn’t want them getting lost. I hoped to get this book to you someday, but I didn’t know how. Then when you walked in that day, I just knew you had to see this book. It was the first time I had taken that book out of the display. Even Tyler knows to never touch this book. I told him I’d break his fingers if he does.” He places the book in my hands and cups my face with both of his hands. “I would be honored if you still trust me enough to give you this tattoo even though it was drawn by Adric. I promise you with everything in me that I wouldn’t even attempt to do this for you unless I was positive I could pull it off and not shame Adric or you.” He looks deep into my eyes, stunning me speechless. “I promise you.”
I shake my head in his hands and place my hands to cover his as tears continue to stream down my face. “I trust you, Kellan. I always have. I don’t doubt for one minute that you would ever do anything to hurt me. Others may doubt you, but I don’t. I can’t. You’re too special to ever give up on.”
I say these words because I want him to know that for whatever need he had for leaving when he did, I feel he really did have good reason. As much as I’d like to find out that reason, I just don’t have the heart to scare him away. It would kill me if he left again. Sitting here, looking up at him. I know that now. I know that in my heart, if he left me and I never got to see him again, it would rip my heart out.
Pain is clear in his eyes as he looks at me and I can see his emotions tugging him in different directions, confusing him. “I was hoping you’d say that.” He stands up and turns away from me. “Give me a few minutes.” Then he walks away to the bathroom.
I lay here gripping the binder in my hands, trying my hardest not to cry. I’m so overwhelmed with emotions I just don’t know what to do. I’m happy, sad, anxious and scared as shit, all at the same time. I’m a hot mess right now.
A few minutes later, Kellan walks out of the restroom and flashes me a dimpled grin. “Okay, I’m ready. Do you still want it exactly how you did the first time you came in? It’s going to hurt there, but it will be worth it.”
He takes a seat next to me and his eyes scan mine before resting on my lips. I see the hunger in his eyes as he looks up again waiting on an answer. “I’ll promise to take it easy on you.”
The husky sound in his voice almost makes me think he means something else but I don’t act on it, because I could be wrong. “It’s okay. I think I can handle it.”
I swallow as he scoots closer and cups my face in his hands. His forehead rests on mine, as he looks me in the eyes. His bottom lip twitches closer to mine, the ring almost brushing my lip. “You’re so beautiful it hurts. I never meant to hurt you.”
His thumb brushes over my bottom lip and I watch as his eyes burn with need. He tilts his face closer to mine so his lips brush next to my lips. It makes me anxious, reminding me too much of the moment I shared with Kade days ago. Except this . . . this feels good and right and everything it should be.
“I wish I could make you happy.” He kisses next to my mouth. “Your smile is the only thing that keeps me going when the darkness takes over.” Balling his fist in my hair, he rubs my face with his other hand before leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. His kiss is softer this time. Comforting. His tongue is soft against my entrance as he licks my lips asking for permission to enter.
I part my lips and drape my arm around his shoulder as I pull him to me, leaning backwards so he’s lying on top of me. He supports his body weight on one arm as he rubs my face with his other hand, his lips softly sucking, nibbling and controlling mine. In this moment, I am at total peace with the world. This is my little bit of heaven and I never want to let it go.
I place both my hands on his back, running them up his flesh, digging my fingers in. I don’t want to let go. Even with our bodies touching, he still seems too far away. His lips leave mine and I whisper, “You feel so good in my arms.” I kiss his neck. “I never want to let go. Please don’t make me.”
His body stiffens. I’ve hit some kind of nerve. He moves his face so his lips are next to my ear. “Phoenix. It’s not that simple.” He gently runs his hand up my thigh and presses his lips to my neck. “I’ll stay as long as I can. I can promise you that.”
His promise lingers in the air as I squeeze my eyes shut, trying my best not to get emotional. The thought of him leaving kills me. I can’t think of that now. Right now, I need to get as close as I can. I need to feel him while I can. Kiss him. Touch him. Taste him. Devour him.
I run my hands down his back and grab his ass through his fitted jeans. Oh it feels so good in my hands. He presses his hips between my legs and looks into my eyes. “I want you so bad right now, but I don’t know if it’s the right time. I want you to come stay with me tonight.” His eyes dance in front of me as he waits for me to speak. “Stay with me.”
“All right,” I breathe. “I’ll stay with you.”
He smiles and shifts so he’s sitting up now. His jaw muscles bounce. “I want you sleeping in a bed. With me. Not on the damn floor. After we leave here, you follow me home.” He stands up and grabs the binder. “Are you still up for that tattoo?”
I am, but I’m not. I’m so tired that all I can think about is going home with him and falling asleep while he holds me. Maybe we should do this tattoo another day. A day where we can control our emotions better. Hell, he can’t even look at that binder without his hands shaking.
“Can we do the tattoo a different day? I want us both to be in the right mind.”
He closes his eyes and lets out a long breath. “I can handle it Phoenix. I would never attempt a tattoo on your body if I didn’t think I could.”
“It’s not you. It’s me.” I smile and he does too. “I’m just really tired and emotional right now. I didn’t get much sleep last night. As you know, I was up pretty early.”
He stares at me for a long moment before reaching for his shirt and keys. “Let’s go back to my house now. I’ll let you relax in the hot tub and I’ll make you dinner. You deserve a day of rest. Let me give that to you.”
That sounds so good right now. I can already close my eyes and picture myself there, nake
d with him holding me. At least, I hope that’s what he plans on doing.
“That sounds perfect.” I reach for my purse. “You lead and I’ll follow.”
Isn’t that the truth?
Chapter Eighteen
Phoenix
I slow my car as Kellan turns his bike into the driveway of a big white house with an attached garage. The door slides open and I see Kellan peek over his shoulder at me before pulling his bike into the garage and parking it next to his truck.
The house is beautiful with side-by-side picture windows and blue shutters, a screened in porch surrounded by some kind of red bushes and a brick path that leads up to the front door. I would have never imagined Kellan living in such a beautiful house if he only plans to stay for a short while. It surprises me.
I pull my car into the driveway and as soon as I kill the engine, Kellan pulls the car door open and grabs my hand. “You’re about to meet Rayne, but don’t worry, she doesn’t bite . . . hard.” The right side of his mouth pulls into a teasing smile as he helps me out of my seat. “Unless I tell her to.”
“Say what?” I pull my hand away from his and grab my purse. “If I get bit by something named Rayne, I’m going to bite you.”
His eyes land on my lips and now he’s fully smiling. “Can I count on that? I wouldn’t want you to make promises you can’t keep.”
“You ass!” I reach out to slap his arm, but he grabs it, wraps his arms around my body and throws me over his shoulder, causing me to squeal. “Hey!”
He slaps my butt and slams my car door shut. “You remember what used to happen when you called me names.” He takes off walking fast to the back of the house, his boots pounding hard against the bricks leading the way. “That hasn’t changed.” He pushes the privacy fence open and steps through it and into the back yard.
“Oh no! Kellan no!” I place my hands on his butt for support, while I lift my neck enough to see a pool come into view. “No! I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. Please put me down,” I plead as we come to stand right next to the large underground pool.
His chest rumbles from below me as he laughs, clearly determined to toss me into the water anyway. “That’s what you always said.” He grabs my purse, drops it to the ground by his feet and walks us over the edge of the pool.
Once we hit the water, he pulls me into his arms protectively and kisses me as we sink to the bottom. The water is cold on impact but I recover from the initial shock. The chlorine is burning my nose, but his lips make it all worthwhile. His fingers tangle through my hair and he grabs my thighs one by one with his other hand, wrapping them around his waist. The next thing my mind registers is us breaking the surface, his lips still attached to mine.
Somehow, we end up pressed against the edge of the pool, with both of us fighting to catch our breath as our lips separate.
Kellan smiles and I can’t help but to notice how sexy he looks wet. His hair is darker and slicked back with little droplets of water clinging to his long lashes. Each time he blinks, they fall to his cheek before running down his face and landing on his full lips. He runs a hand over his face and shakes his head. “I figured I’d throw myself in and keep you company this time. I guess I’m becoming a softie.” He grabs my neck, leans in and slowly runs his tongue up the tip of my nose. “You have a little water here.” He sucks in his bottom lip and smiles before running his tongue over the spot next to my lips. “And here.” A groan rumbles in his chest as he bites his lip, leans in and looks me dead in the eyes. “And here.” His tongue teasingly runs over my mouth, tasting me, before he sucks in my bottom lip and nibbles it. “Best water I’ve ever tasted,” he somehow manages to say while still sucking on my lip.
I can’t take this anymore. This is going to be hard. Really hard. I want him so bad, but I’m tired of this teasing. He’s too in control of it. It’s driving me mad.
I pull my lip away from his glorious mouth, smile and close my eyes. Placing my hand against his chest, I brush my fingertips over his defined abs, protruding from the wet shirt now stuck to his body, until I reach the end of my journey at the band of his wet jeans. Cupping his shaft in my grasp, I place my lips to his ear, grabbing the lobe between my teeth allowing my hot warm to caress his ear. “No one said I wanted to get wet, Kellan.” I place the tip of my tongue to his ear and stroke his hardness through his jeans, hoping to have the same affect on him, he has on me. “You get me wet against my will and you’ve been doing it for far too long.”
He watches me with a slight grin as I reach for his jacket and yank it open, sliding it down his arms, scratching my nails down his tattooed flesh on the way. I turn us around so his back is scraping the concrete of the pool and I push his chest until his back presses completely against it. “You’re so hard, Kellan,” I purr in his ear, still stroking him. “Do you like getting me wet?”
He wraps my hair around his hand and roughly pulls my head to the side, giving him the access to my neck he needs. He bites my shoulder and skims his teeth up my neck, toying with me and turning me on. “If I said I liked it, I’d be lying,” he growls against my neck. “I fucking love it,” he whispers. He takes control and flips us around, pressing my back against the pool and rips my shirt open.
A moan escapes my parted lips as he reaches behind me and unhooks my bra, pulling both items down my arms and dropping them into the pool. He looks into my eyes before trailing down until his sight reaches my exposed breasts and smirks. “You do realize I’m going to fuck you so hard, you’re never going to forget my name. When someone else is offering to pleasure you, it’s me you’ll think of.” He places my arms out to the side, on the ledge of the pool, to hold my weight as he reaches between our wet bodies with his other hand and runs his fingers over my swollen clit. Even through the fabric, I feel myself already threatening to release. “My dick is so fucking hard for you it hurts,” he whispers next to my lips. “You’re the only one that does this to me. The only way to get rid of the pain is by burying me deep between those thighs of yours while you scream out my name. I want it loud. So fucking loud it hurts my ears. Can you handle that?”
I nod my head and grab his hair, tugging it. Oh shit! I’m going to come even before we start. Why can’t I control myself with him?
“Good.” He kisses me hard as he slides my panties to the side, shoving his finger inside of me. He moves it in and out, slowly, moaning each time he pushes it in deeper. “I love your fuckin’ pussy. Do you like that, baby? You’re so tight, just the feel of your pussy around my finger makes me want to cum. Do you like making me cum?”
Holy fuck, yes! That dirty mouth does things to me. Makes me feel like a bad, bad girl. “Yes,” I whisper against his hair. Yes to everything you’ll give me. “Don’t stop touching me. Don’t stop. Shit!”
He slides his hand down my arm and cups my left breast in his hand, pulling it up and placing it in his mouth. His teeth softly tug my nipple as his tongue swirls around it, tasting it and driving me wild. Feeling his tongue on me makes me want it everywhere on my body. His tongue has some kind of magical spell over me I can’t break free of.
“You taste so good, baby. I’m addicted after just a few tastes. I can’t help myself when I’m around you.” He releases my nipple and lifts my body, trailing kisses down my stomach, stopping right above the waist of my skirt. He peers up at me. “I hope you don’t mind me getting another taste, because my body is going through serious withdrawals without it. I want to taste every inch of your body; slowly, teasingly, not wasting one bit of it.”
My breath hitches in my throat and for a moment, I'm stunned speechless. “I’m yours to do whatever you want with. Even if just for tonight. I want you to want me as badly as I want you. I want you to want me so bad it fucking hurts.”
His grip on my thighs tighten. He swallows hard and lifts me above the water, setting me on the edge of the pool. His eyes take on a smoldering look as he places his hands between my thighs, spreads them wide open and leans in running the tip of his barbe
ll up my wet laced panties. I arch my back and moan as his tongue, licks, flicks and teases the hell out of me. My body jerks with pleasure when he hits my sensitive spot and I feel him smile against my sex before gripping my panties and slowly pulling them down my legs, his mouth trailing little kisses on the way.
When he reaches the bottom, he tosses my panties behind him and looks down at my naked flesh, admiring the sight before him. "Mmm . . . your pussy does things to me, I can't even begin to explain. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since that night on the roof. I know I shouldn't want you like this, but one taste of you and I was hooked. I'm going to taste you as if I've just been given my first meal after being left without food for weeks, starved. I'm going to savor every last drop. Etch it deep into my memory and when I'm done, you're never going to be able to touch another man without thinking of me. Tonight, you’re mine."
Oh my goodness! What in the world is he doing to me? Is he trying to ruin me for good? Take away my chance at happiness with any other man, even though I can't have him. 'Cause that's exactly what he's doing. Being here with him already makes me not want to ever touch another man. After this, he'll destroy me.
Before I can even think of a response, his head is buried between my thighs, his tongue working its magic on my aching sex. My hands grip onto his thick hair, pulling his brown locks as I hold his head in place. I scream as he devours me. It feels so good, I can't hold it in. He licks, rubs and nibbles while his finger slides in and out of me touching my sweet spot, giving me an unknown pleasure that sends heat surging through my toes and up my legs. The mixture of sensations has me lost in a world of bliss.
As good as it feels to have him touch me, it just isn't enough. I want him naked, on top of me, our naked flesh rubbing together. I want to dig my nails into his back while he looks me in the eye and buries himself deep inside me. "Kellan," I whimper. "I want you to take me inside. I want you fully naked, on top of me, fucking me rough. I want you to stop this teasing and give it to me."
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