I look into her eyes and cup her face. "I know that I hurt you and I'm sorry for that. I never meant to. But please . . . please don't ask me to explain right now. I wouldn't even know where to start and right now, I just want to be with you while I can. I would never lie to you, so please don't ask me, because I would just have to plead the fifth. I want to tell you someday and hope you understand, but not right now. If you end up hating me, I don't think I could handle it right now."
She grabs my wrists and squeezes. Her eyes are filled with pain and confusion and my heart aches just looking at them. I want to ease that pain, but I can't. I'm so fucked up, she deserves so much better. "I could never hate you, Kellan. I wish you could understand that. I just want you to stay with me. Tell me you'll stay. That you won't take off again. Please, I need to hear it." Her eyes search mine and when I don't answer, she shoves her tray away.
I grab her tray and push it back to her lap. "Please don't do this. I can't tell you I will because it would be a lie, dammit. Can you please just enjoy this moment with me?" I kiss her on the mouth to let her know I care. "Please. Just for right now. You can hate me after you leave."
She lets out a deep breath before biting into her bagel. She looks torn, but answers anyways. "Yeah, I'll do my best."
Half satisfied with her answer, I lean back, close my eyes and play the guitar while she eats. When I open my eyes again, she's looking at me with admiration. She reaches out and runs her hand up the muscles in my arm and looks me in the eyes. I don't turn away, I just stare into her eyes as I play for her. We sit there for a while, both of us silent, just listening to the beautiful music. In this moment, we don't need to say anything. We can both see how much the other cares. At least, I hope she can.
After a few songs, she leans in and kisses me on the cheek. "I need to take a quick shower. I made plans with Jen today and I'm supposed to be there by two." She looks at me, forehead crinkled up and nostrils flared as if she's trying not to cry. "Thanks for last night. I will never forget it."
I sit there, jaw ticking, as she stands up and walks away. I feel like a total dick. I don't know what to say. I hurt her and I know it. I can see it in her eyes. Shit! I'm so stupid. I pull the guitar strap over my head and set it on the bed.
The water from the shower starts and I pace across the bedroom, with my hands in my hair. I need to do something to let her know that even though I can't be here that I care about her. I want her to know she means something to me.
I need to make love to her the right way. No roughness. Just sweet, tender, love making. Fuck! Do I love her? Nah, I can't love her. Not in that way at least. I just care about her. So bad it fucking hurts to think about losing her or to think about hurting her. To think about my brother or any other man having her just pisses me off.
I walk down the hallway, unable to control myself any longer. I want to give her something sweet to keep with her for always. Something to set me apart from anyone else. I want to give her my heart, but I can't. There is nothing to give, so I'll give her my body, the right away.
The bathroom is filled with steam when I walk in and it’shard to see anything around me. She has to have that water really fucking hot to cause the room to look and feel like this. I walk over and slowly open the glass door to the shower, to see her pulling one of my razors up her leg.
She stops when she notices me standing in front of her. "I'm sorry. I saw that you had some extra razors in the cabinet and I didn't think you'd mind. She looks a little worried as if I'm upset with her for using it. How can she think I can ever be upset with her? "Anything of mine is yours," I say without hesitation. Then I step into the shower, close the door and reach for the razor.
I kneel down in front of her and prop her leg against my shoulder, kissing the shaving cream free, section of her soft leg. Then I carefully run the razor over her skin, finishing what she started. I want to show her that if I could, that I'd take care of her. I would do anything for her if I had a choice.
She runs her fingers through my hair and pulls it a little for me to look up at her. "I've never had anyone else shave my legs for me. It's a good thing I trust you." She smiles.
I reach up and grab her hand with my free one, intertwining my fingers with hers. "Well, I've never shaven anyone's legs, so it's a first for both of us." I kiss her leg again. "How much do you trust me?"
She lets out a nervous laugh and watches as I start on her next leg. "Enough to let you shave my leg with that five blade razor." Her face takes on a serious look as I stand up, tossing the razor down beside me. Our eyes meet and my heart palpitates in my chest. "More than I'm afraid I should."
I wrap one arm around her waist and one around her neck, pulling her as close to me as I can. "Can you trust me when I say, I did what I did to protect you and Kade? I promise to tell you everything before I leave, but not now. Right now, I just want to make love to you."
She lets out a small gasp and nods her head. Our lips meet and I pick her up, wrapping her legs around my waist. I position her so I can slide my way inside her, both of us moaning as I slide deep into her core. I back her against the wall for extra support. I squeeze her body tight as I rock my hips, slowly claiming her body as mine. She slowly moves up and down as I support her body, one arm under her ass and the other around her neck, holding her face to mine. It feels as if I can't get her close enough. I want to hold her tighter, but I'm afraid she won't be able to breathe.
"How does that feel, baby?" I whisper against her lips. "Am I hurting you?"
She shakes her head and the water drips from her lips down to mine. I stick my tongue out, catching it in my mouth before brushing my bottom lip with hers. "It feels good," she moans. "I've never felt this way with a man before. One more time will never be enough."
I kiss her desperately as I push deeper inside, stilling for a moment. "Not even with that Aiden guy?" I ask desperately hoping she says no. I know they have history. She didn't come out and say it, but I can tell. The thought angers me because I'm selfish.
Her arm snakes around my neck and her other hand digs into my back, squeezing me close. "No. Things were different with him. We only had sex three times. We were together for about a year, but every time we had sex, he treated me like a piece of glass and I hated it. You have shown me so much more in such a short time. You're special, Kellan. You always have been."
Holy shit! They were together for that long and we've already had sex more. Somehow, that makes me fucking ecstatic. I smash into her lips and tug on her bottom lip. "You've just made me so fucking happy."
I press my body against hers, up against the back of the shower wall and run my hand up her throat, making love to her while the steaming water, massages our skins, mingling together. I push into her deep, but gentle, steadily thrusting, causing her to moan in my ear and grip onto me for dear life.
Somehow the thought of her needing me turns me on more than me fucking her hard and wild and it doesn't take long for me to lose control. I grab her face and press my forehead to hers, both of us fighting to catch our breath. "Look at me. Don't take your eyes away. Are you ready to come? I'm ready. I can't hold back with you."
She nods her head and smiles.
"Okay, baby." I grab her hips and squeeze while thrusting into her a little harder and faster than before. "I want to come inside of you again. Do you like the thought of me busting my load in you?"
She nods again and moans while squeezing her thighs around me. “I love when you talk dirty to me. It makes me want to come every time I hear it.”
"That's it, baby. Let it go. I'm going to release inside you now. I'm going to push it in deep and fill you. Remember no other man has been inside you this way. Think of that."
Her legs squeeze me tighter and she screams as her pussy clenches around my dick. Her squeezing around me causes me to lose it and I come along with her, squeezing her against me, my lips crushing hers at the pure bliss that consumes my body as I release a part of me inside her body.
I hold her in my arms for a few moments, not wanting to let go. Our hearts beat together, our breaths ragged against each other’s faces as we both smile, satiated . . . for now. I can't believe how good it felt making love. I never thought I could handle making love. Sex has always been rough with me. It was my release. Fucking was it for me. Until now. Until . . . her.
Lifting her body, separating us, I let go of her thighs, one by one and she slides down the front of my body, still holding onto my neck. She looks up at me before bringing her eyes down to my arm. She traces her fingers over the eagle on my bicep and smiles weakly. "You got this for Adric didn't you?" She looks up at me expectantly. “He loved eagles.”
I nod my head and hold my arm up so she can look at my forearm. "This too."
She looks down at the weeping angel and tears spring to her eyes. She shakes her head, trying to hide the tears. "What does the angel mean? Why is she sad?"
I exhale, not knowing how to answer. No one knew about Adric's depression and the battles he fought. Not even her. My jaw clenches as I search for the right words. "It just represents his true emotions. A side of him I knew so well. He had some deep shit going on inside his head. To me, this angel is how he felt. I never want to forget anything about him, including those emotions he hid from the world. Now, I'd like to believe this angel has taken that hurt from him and he's free of anything bad in his life. He's up there smiling down on us." I look between our naked bodies. "Well, maybe not now." I look up to the ceiling. "Sorry, bro."
She looks at me confused, her eyes dancing back at forth, looking me in the eyes. "I have a feeling Adric trusted you more than anyone. I just hope one day, you will tell me what went on in that head of his. He should have known better than to take so many pills. He always seemed so happy. I will never understand."
Her body tenses and she reaches for the shower door. "I really have to go. Jen is going to wonder where I am." She gets ready to step out, but stops to look back at me. "You don't have to answer this. I'm not sure I want to know, but will I see you again?"
My heart fucking breaks in a million pieces. Shit! I run my hands over my face and lean into the back of the shower. She knows I'll never lie to her.
When I don't respond, she smiles sadly and steps out of the shower, closing the door behind her. I stand in the shower, head in hands for at least thirty minutes before finally pulling myself together and getting dressed. The water turned to ice about fifteen minutes ago, but I couldn't move.
I feed Rayne, take her for a walk and then head out to the shop. Tyler called me about ten minutes ago, saying there was a client asking specifically for me and even though I wasn't planning on going in today, I never turn down a client. It's against my passion for tattooing. Tattooing is my biggest release now. After the night with Phoenix, I don't think I can ever think of sex the same way. She's hooked me. I'm ruined.
I arrive at the shop, jump off my Harley and greet Tyler as I walk inside. "Hey, man. Where's this client?"
Tyler looks up from the tattoo he's giving to some middle aged pothead looking dude and nods his head toward the can. "I don't know, man. I think he's taking a shit or something. He's been in there for a while."
I lift my eyebrows at him and take a seat in my chair. Rolling to my station, I grab a pair of black latex gloves and pull them over my hands. Might as well be ready when he comes out. "Alright now, I didn't need that much info and I'm sure he doesn't want his shit aired out there like dirty laundry either. Do you know what he wants?"
"Nah, man. He wouldn't really say much. He came in with two guys, but I think the others left to go to that bar next door. They looked pretty fucking rough. I think their gene pool is a bit shallow if you get my drift. One of them was so fucking ugly . . ."
The bathroom door swings opens and a man with short blond hair comes through with a rod pierced through his cheek, just under his eye. He's wearing a leather jacket, black jeans with a chain hanging from the side, and big ass combat boots. His red eyes bore into mine as he makes his way over to the chair in front of me.
Well fucking shit! What the hell does this dick want? I curl my lip and watch him as he gets comfortable in the chair. It pisses me off because I don't want his nasty ass tainting my stuff. Who knows where all he's been. He probably has some kind of disease even Ajax won't wash off. "Well, look at what the fucking dogs drug in: Cape. What the hell do you want? You know not to show your face in my sanctuary. Why don't you go back to the streets where you belong. Don't you have some more lives to ruin?"
He stares at me with a smug smile. Then he kicks his boots out and crosses his feet, looking relaxed and at home. Like he owns the damn place. That's the problem with Cape; somewhere along the way, he got pretty big into drug dealing and got a big head, making him dangerous. When we were in grade school he wasn't so bad. "Good to see you too, mother fucker," he growls. "Don't look so surprised to see me; although, I should say, I'm surprised as fuck to see you're still around." He reaches over to touch my gun, but I place my hand over it first, snatching it away. "Come on, man. That's a nice gun you have there. Maybe I can show you mine someday. Sometime sooner rather than later."
I should rip this asshole's throat out. Is he seriously sitting here in my shop, threatening me? If I don't get a grip, I'm going to kill him with my bare hands right here in front of Tyler. I smirk and cross my arms, looking him directly in the eye. "Don't try to threaten me. It doesn't work or scare me. I'm used to your scare tactics by now. The thing is, my life doesn't matter. We've already had this discussion," I growl out, acting cool. "Plus, I still have a few more fucking days." I clench my fists at my sides, trying my best not to break something or show my anger, allowing him the win. "Just tell me what the hell you want and leave."
"Just wanted to say hi to your family, that's all. It's been a while, maybe I should introduce myself . . . friend." He chuckles, knowing that he hit some kind of nerve with me. "And to see how your visit is coming along. It must be nice, getting to spend time with your brother."
I take a deep breath and exhale through my nose.
He huffs and leans into the seat. "It must be nice having a brother that isn't ridden to a wheel chair, with a few crushed bones in his face that will never look the same. It would be a shame if that happened to Kade. You know . . . a brother for a brother."
My breathing picks up as my fists clench tighter at my sides. I tower over him and jab my finger into the side of his skull. "Shut the fuck up! Don't you fucking speak my brother's name?" I push his head with my finger.
He makes a sad face and tilts his head away. "Why not? I should be able to speak it freely. He is one of my employees. What kind of business would I be running if that wasn't allowed?" He smiles at my expression and stands up as the door opens. Larry and Kenny walk in with shit faced grins. "You wanted to know who kept selling those pills to Adric. Well, you were asking the wrong fucking brother, my man. Instead of snooping around my back door, you should have been at our own. You made a costly mistake."
The muscles in my arm twitch as I watch him turn and walk over to his rats. "You expect me to believe that!" I shout.
He stops, smiles and pulls out a piece of paper. He tosses it to the floor, nods at Tyler and his client, who have stopped to stare and then walks out the door.
"Is everything cool, man?" Tyler watches as I walk over to the piece of paper and pick it up.
I turn to him and nod my head. "It's cool. I just need a minute. I walk outside to get fresh air. If I don't, then I'm going to explode from the blood boiling beneath my skin. All I'm seeing right now is red.
"Fuck!" I rub a hand over my face, working my lip ring between my teeth and look down at the faded, wrinkled up piece of paper in my hand. The first thought that runs through my head scares the shit out of me as I open the paper to read. "Are you shitting me?"
I crumble the paper in my hand and place my palms flat against the wall, dipping my head, allowing the anger to consume me. Rational thought escapes me and I s
lam my fists into the brick wall, repeatedly, while cursing out loud. I continue to punch the wall until my fists are drenched in blood and I can no longer feel my hands. Then I lean my back against the wall and slide down, with my face in my hands. I balance my weight on my heels while taking long, deep breaths. My brother. My fucking brother.
The proof is right here in my hands, staring me in the damn face. It's Kade's cell number he's had since he was sixteen. It's written in Kade's sloppy as shit hand writing. What the fuck kind of business did he think he had, working for Cape? I wouldn't be surprised if he still is.
I can't even think right now. I just want to knock some sense into this idiot and choke him the hell out. All this time, I've been racking my brain trying to figure out who had gotten to him, when I turned my back for a moment and the answer was right in front of my face. There was barely a time I wasn't with Adric. I was scared to leave him alone for too long. Kade was one of the few that spent a little time with him when I wasn't around. That little shit. Betrayed by my own flesh and blood.
I jump to my feet, shove the paper in my pocket and head straight for my bike. Phoenix told me last night that Kade and Luna work the day shift today. He better be expecting to see his big brother because I have some words for this dick.
Through my rage, I somehow manage to make it to Spinner's without killing anyone on the way. I yank the door to the bar open so hard it could have pulled my shoulder out of socket and stride across the bar, my sights set on Kade. He's behind the bar, sweet talking Luna. Figures. All he seems to be able to think about is pussy. His dick is all he cares about other than himself, causing people to get hurt.
"You stupid son of a bitch!" I yell, causing everyone to stop and look my way. I'm so pissed, I could care less who's watching.
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