Monster Nanny

by Tuutikki Tolonen

  “Less soccer and more reading, Halley,” Koby said. Halley stuck out her tongue at him and continued talking to her father.

  “The fridge is full of food! OK. Wait a sec.” Halley handed the phone to Koby. “Invisible Voice wants to talk to you.”

  Koby took the phone. “Hello. What? Uh, Halley didn’t say anything.” Koby made a face at Halley. Invisible Voice didn’t like being called Invisible Voice. “Of course I know how to make a meal. At least make sandwiches and peel mandarin oranges. Of course we’ll manage. Halley knows how to do everything. Probably even . . . well, even make oatmeal! Mimi? I don’t know. Ask Mimi. If you’re coming on the very next flight, it’s only the one night. Yeah, yeah. A good plan. OK, bye then.”

  Koby passed the phone to Mimi. “Mimi,” he said. “He wants to talk to you.”

  Mimi took the phone.

  “Hello, who is this? Invisible Voice? So, you’re not coming, then? What?” Mimi chattered, and grinned at Mom, who was frowning.

  “Well, it doesn’t matter! We did guess. Well, of course! I’m not scared to be at home. Halley and Koby and the bathrobe are here. Yes, it still talks. It’s the best bathrobe ever.”

  Mom shook her head. She didn’t think Dad needed to know everything that happened in the house. Some of the strangest things could easily be swept up in a dustpan and chucked off the balcony into the yard before anyone even noticed they had existed. Like Mimi’s talking bathrobe. Mom’s breathing started to tighten at the mere thought of it. She really did need this Lapland holiday.

  Mimi chattered on, giggling happily.

  “Well, it’s a monster! It does look quite real. It’s got yellow eyes. No . . . I’ll go and see.” Mimi peeked in the monster’s closet. “The nails are quite short. Really dirty, though. You’ll see when you get here.” Mimi listened for a moment. “Yes, yes. No, that’s the bathrobe. It’s not a toy. Good, we’ll do that!”

  Mimi handed the receiver back to Mom.

  “Hello,” Mom said into the phone. “Of course it works. You’re calling it now. Yes, they are big kids.” Mom measured the children with her eyes. “We’ll do that. Call again soon. No, you. You always do the calling. OK, bye then. Three minutes.”

  Mom hung up the call. “Children,” she said. “You already heard that your dad’s plane was unable to take off. He said—”

  “That bathrobes don’t talk,” Mimi interrupted with a grin.

  “No, but that the next flight leaves in a few hours and arrives here tomorrow during the day. Dad will be on it, but will you manage until then with that?”

  Mom nodded at the closet.

  “Of course,” Halley answered. “But what do we do when Invisible Voice comes?”

  “Whatever do you mean?” Mom asked.

  “That maybe we could check out a photo so we know what Invisible Voice looks like? So we know we’re opening the door to the right person?” Koby went on, and Halley tittered.

  Mom rolled her eyes.

  “Stop it. He is your father. He has a traveling job! Do you think he wants to be away all the time? You know he doesn’t. Stop those silly jokes. Dad wanted me to ask you if you’re all right to stay here with that creature until he gets back tomorrow. Or shall we think of something else?”

  “Of course we’re all right,” Halley replied. “It’s a reliable nanny. That’s what it says on that piece of paper.”

  “We really want to stay alone with it,” Mimi assured her.

  “Koby, what do you think?” Mom said. Koby looked at the steadily breathing, sleeping monster. It didn’t look dangerous. Still, it felt weird that the monster would be looking after them. But whatever. Exciting things were supposed to happen during summer vacation.

  “I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Koby said.

  The phone rang again. Three minutes had passed. Invisible Voice was particular about telephone timings. Mom picked up.

  “Hello. Hey. Yes, we did. The children say they’ll manage. It is strange, to be sure. Yes. But it can’t be helped. You have your key?”

  The children looked at one another. Halley let out a quiet whistle. Strange things were happening. Mom, who never went anywhere, was going away. Dad, who was never at home, was coming back. The children, who had never been left alone, were about to spend the night on their own. And in the hall closet slept a trained monster, though everybody had always been told that monsters didn’t exist.

  “I’m going to take a bath now,” said Mimi.

  Halley and Koby nodded. It was good that at least one thing was just as before.

  CHAPTER 3

  Mom Really Does Leave

  “THE VACUUM CLEANER is there. As you know. And the kitchen sponge is in the bottom cupboard. And all the cleaning stuff . . .”

  Koby was looking at the white walls and white ceiling in their home. Very odd. It was as if there was a new gray shade everywhere. It came from the monster, of course. Even though the monster had only been in the house for a few hours and was in the closet almost the whole time, it had managed to shed enough of some weird substance to coat the entire apartment. It wasn’t dirt, despite Mom thinking it was. It wasn’t any known substance. It was a bit like mist in the air. Or darkness stuck to the walls.

  “Monster dust,” Koby said to himself, and rubbed the wall with his finger. Minute gray specks were stuck to his finger.

  “Koby, are you listening to me?” Mom asked. “Yes, the mop is there between the closet and the wall—can you see . . .” she went on.

  Koby nodded in agreement. He knew where everything was. He had lived in this apartment all his life. She didn’t need to explain where the mop was kept. Right now Koby should have been at the library looking for information on monsters, not getting a refresher course on housecleaning. Mom had only let Halley go to the library because Halley was the eldest. Naturally, it was a mistake, because age is not the same thing as research skills.

  Koby sighed. Totally idiotic. What was the point of sending Halley to the library? She was useless. She could never find anything, whereas Koby knew precisely what was to be found on every shelf. He knew what to ask for. Now he would have to go back to the library later, to get all the right books, which, no doubt, Halley would leave on the shelves.

  Mom looked at the clock on the wall. The sound of Mimi talking to her bathrobe came from the bathroom.

  “I wonder how all this will end. What is keeping Halley? I’ve got to go soon. Good thing the bags are packed and the food shopping done. I’ll go and wash Mimi’s hair now,” Mom said, talking to herself.

  “No!” Mimi shrieked from the bathroom. How did she always hear everything? Mom sighed.

  “Same fight every time. But your hair has to be washed. Or you’ll get nits.”

  “Head lice are not linked to hair washing at all. They crawl slowly from one head to the next,” Koby said.

  Mom sighed again.

  “Could you not say that just for once? It’s hard enough to get Mimi’s hair washed.”

  “One should not present false arguments,” Koby said.

  “Well, you present correct arguments, then. Convince Mimi,” Mom said, walking off into the kitchen. “I’ll set the table in the meantime. Tell her I’ll be there in three minutes. And I don’t intend to fight over her hair being washed.”

  Koby peeked into the bathroom. Mimi was sitting in her bubble bath. She was totally immersed in a conversation, the other party of which sat on the toilet seat, right next to the bathtub: Mimi’s blue bathrobe. It sat upright and alert, hood perky, just as if there were something other than air inside it.

  It used to be Koby’s bathrobe, but back then it had been quite ordinary. Now it had changed. Sometimes Koby wondered why this had happened. Was it his fault? Why had the robe never spoken to him? It talked to Mimi all the time. Koby would definitely have been more interesting to talk to. Mimi was basically a little bit daft. Or at least a bit strange.

  “I think it’s kind, you know?” Mimi was saying. “It does stink badly. Like
a rotten potato. And Mom doesn’t like that dust at all. It’s probably asleep in the closet even now. Probably sleeps quite a lot. You what?”

  The bathrobe waved its empty sleeve. It was gesturing, like lively talkers do. There was no sound. Only Mimi could hear the bathrobe’s voice. Koby could see it move. Sometimes. Nobody else ever saw anything other than a limp waffle-cloth bathrobe that lay in an untidy heap in any odd place.

  “Really?” Mimi replied to the bathrobe. Clearly, she had heard something surprising. The bathrobe continued its voiceless speech and Mimi wrinkled her brow, deep in thought. I wonder what the bathrobe said, Koby pondered. Mimi nodded and laughed.

  “Yeah, right! Of course it’s nice to see Invisible Voice. Kind of. And a bit strange. I can’t quite remember what he looks like. What if he’s horribly ugly or scary? Like with a scarred face and wearing a pirate hat?”

  The bathrobe shifted its position. It seemed to concentrate on listening.

  “I’m sure I’m going to miss Mom,” Mimi said, frowning. “Lucky there’s Koby and Halley. So I don’t have to be alone. Shame they’re so dumb.”

  “You’re the one who’s dumb, talking to a bathrobe,” Koby snapped through the slightly open door.

  Quick as lightning, Mimi turned toward the door. The bathrobe slipped into a limp heap of cloth on the toilet seat and didn’t say anything more.

  “You numskull!” Mimi shouted. “Look what you’ve done—you frightened it! And we were having a conversation.”

  Koby shrugged. “Let Mom wash your hair, and then you can talk to it in peace and quiet again,” he said. Mimi made a face.

  “Are we ready in here?” Mom asked behind Koby at the door.

  “All ready,” Koby said. Mimi gave him a vicious look but didn’t struggle anymore.

  “See,” Koby said to Mom. “Correct arguments.”

  “You are one peculiar boy,” Mom said.

  “No, I’m not,” Koby said. “Mimi is peculiar. I’m just sensible.”

  Mom nodded slowly. She looked at Mimi sitting in the midst of her bubbles and Koby leaning on the door frame. Her amazing children. Her peculiar, wise, fine children. How had they become like that? Mom closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Now she’d wash Mimi’s hair and try to forget the stinking monster in the hall closet.

  The key rattled in the lock. Halley! Koby quickly slipped away from the bathroom door and ran into the hall. Sounds of running water, Mimi’s angry protests, and Mom’s tired sighs emanated from the bathroom.

  Halley’s cheeks glowed with excitement as she dropped a heavy bag of books on the hall rug. She flung her green baseball cap in the general direction of the coat hooks, grinning at Koby mysteriously.

  “Having a bath?” she whispered.

  “Hair washing,” Koby replied quickly.

  “Good,” Halley whispered, and called loudly in the direction of the bathroom: “Hey! I’m back!”

  “Hey!” Mom called, surrounded by running water noise.

  “What did you find?” Koby asked quietly. Halley looked pleased.

  “Only children’s picture books at first, but then, luckily, I had the good sense to look on another shelf.”

  “Let me see,” Koby said hurriedly.

  Halley glanced at the bathroom door. The running water had stopped.

  “Let me dry you,” Mom said, coaxing Mimi.

  “No!” Mimi yelled.

  “Best not to let Mom see it. Believe me,” Halley whispered. “She might not go if she sees this book. It’s pretty . . . fantastic.”

  Koby nodded in agreement. “All right.”

  Halley dragged the bookbag into their bedroom and hid it behind a box of toy cars. Mimi pattered into the room, dripping wet and cross, in her blue bathrobe.

  “You lied to me!” she hissed to Koby. “Mom wouldn’t let me stay in the bath anymore. I can’t talk to the bathrobe if I’m wearing it!”

  Koby shrugged.

  “Now everybody in for supper! I’ve got to go in half an hour,” Mom called from the bathroom.

  “Supper? It’s not even half past six,” Halley said to Koby and Mimi. Koby checked his watch. True. It was 6:21.

  Mom appeared at the bedroom door.

  “Come along. We can’t be sure when that thing in the closet thinks to feed you. And in any case, I’m going very soon and I’ll be away for two weeks. It would be nice to have supper together before I leave.”

  She looked a little bit sad.

  They had a very strange supper. Mom had picked out all kinds of things that the children liked: waffles with whipped cream and strawberry jam, meatballs, grapes, chocolate milk, a whistle lollipop each, chicken nuggets.

  “Wow,” said Koby.

  “I wonder how this’ll work,” Mom said, shaking her head. “Two weeks is an awfully long time. Whatever was I thinking? I shouldn’t have agreed to this at all.”

  “Two weeks is not a particularly long time,” Koby remarked, helping himself to the grapes. “Just think how many weeks there are in a whole year.”

  “And in any case, you wanted to go to Lapland last year too. And couldn’t go,” Halley said, her mouth full of meatball.

  “We can phone each other every day,” Koby reassured her.

  “We shouldn’t call every day. I read in a health magazine that it’s better to send text messages. Talking on the phone makes one miss people more,” Mom said wretchedly.

  “We’ll text each other every day,” Koby consoled her.

  Mimi’s bottom lip began to tremble. Halley quickly loaded her sister’s plate full of whipped cream and strawberry jam, which melancholy Mimi started spooning up.

  “Everything will be fine,” Halley said to Mimi. Or perhaps she said it to all of them together. “Of course we’ll manage.”

  There was a bang in the hall. They all jumped and turned to look in the direction of the noise. “What—” Mom started.

  The hall closet door opened wide. The monster maneuvered itself out with a puff of dust. It stepped heavily to the kitchen door, stopped there, and rolled its globular yellow eyes from Mom to the children and back again.

  “Grrmmmm,” it grunted.

  “It’s woken up,” Halley said.

  “Goodness me!” Mom exclaimed.

  “It wasn’t asleep,” Mimi said.

  “Yes, it was,” Halley answered.

  “No, it was not,” Mimi repeated.

  “What do you mean?” Halley said.

  “Does it want something to eat?” Koby asked uneasily.

  “It was waiting for its shift to start. The bathrobe said that—” Mimi went on.

  “Please, not the bathrobe again,” Halley snapped, and Mimi fell silent.

  “The taxi will be here in ten minutes,” Mom said, agitated. Now that the monster was in sight again, it was much more difficult to forget it.

  The monster grunted and moved away from the kitchen door.

  “I’ll turn on the TV for it. It said in the letter that it likes watching TV,” Halley said. She jumped up and slipped past the monster into the living room.

  “Wait! We need to cover the couch. I’ll do it,” Mom said, running after Halley. The monster remained standing at the kitchen door, looking back and forth from the living room to the kitchen.

  “What did the bathrobe say?” Koby asked, turning to Mimi.

  “That it once knew a monster and it was really particular about times. That it always turned up only when it was monster time. Never any other time,” Mimi whispered. “And that it never slept. Never. It just waited for monster time. And it never forgot anything. Anything, get it?”

  “No, I don’t get it,” Koby answered quietly.

  “Neither do I,” Mimi said, frowning. “Is that good or bad?”

  “I don’t know. We’ll soon see,” Koby said.

  Mom carried her suitcase to the door and put her coat on. The monster sat in the living room on the sofa, which had been covered with trash bags, watching a gardening show.

&n
bsp; “The time to go came too quickly after all,” Mom muttered, worried.

  Mimi hugged her leg. Halley and Koby hugged her waist. Mom tried to hug them all at the same time.

  “I’m sure it’ll be really lovely there,” Halley mumbled, her face buried against Mom.

  “I’ll be OK. You’ll be OK,” Mom whispered. “I will miss you so terribly. Let’s phone every day, OK? No, we’ll send text messages. And Dad’s coming tomorrow, real soon. Remember that.”

  Then she kissed each of her children on top of their head, let go of her hug, and picked up her suitcase.

  “Bye,” Mimi whispered.

  “Bye,” Mom whispered back. “Try to keep everything going until Dad comes.”

  Then Mom left. The children heard the elevator rattling toward the lower floors.

  “Well,” Halley said somberly. She no longer sounded quite as confident as a moment ago. “This is it, then.”

  “What?” Koby asked.

  “This here. Us. Here we are now with that monster.”

  Koby and Mimi nodded. They turned their eyes toward the living room, where the monster sat motionless, like a bronze statue. The light of the evening sun flooded in through the living room window, revealing the dust flakes floating slowly through the air.

  CHAPTER 4

  Things You (Perhaps) Always Wanted to Know About Monsters

  “IT REALLY DOES LIKE watching TV,” Halley whispered. The monster sat on the trash bags stretched across the couch, staring at the TV screen as if it were bewitched.

  “Show me the book now,” Koby said.

  “What book?” Mimi asked.

  “You did borrow a picture book for Mimi? One with thick cardboard pages?” Koby asked.

  “Numskulls!” Mimi shouted, and made a face.

  “Hush! Not so much noise,” Halley said. “Come on.”

  They crept into the bedroom, and Halley closed the door behind them. The bookbag was waiting for them where Halley had left it. She grabbed the bag and tipped the books out as quietly as possible in the middle of the floor.