by Marlon James
—Tefa, Homer say.
—Tefa, the womens say.
—Call the seventeen Odu, call the Osetura, Homer say.
—Call him, call him, the womens say.
—Osetura make one with the Meji Odu, Homer say.
—Omu Odu, witness creation. Raise the Omu Odu, the one and two hundred.
—This is the Ifa bowl, Homer say, looking at Lilith. From this one and two hundred spirit goin’ rise.
—Rise for what? Lilith say.
Homer look on her serious.
The womens talk for little more and then leave one by one. Gorgon almost scrape off her back the way she press ’gainst the cave so not to touch Lilith. Then Callisto get up and look at Lilith from head to toe. Then up and down again. Lilith want turn away bad. Callisto lookin’ her in the eye, she don’t smile but she don’t frown neither. The sun outside threatening to come up. Pallas leave, looking at Lilith, and Hippolyta leave, with Lilith looking at her. Tall, skinny, black dress and black bonnet. The room quiet with Homer and Lilith alone.
—What you working at? Lilith say. You six up to some mischief. Even when me was . . . when Massa Humphrey . . . anyway, you six doing something.
—Hmm. You niggers who didn’t come over ’pon the slave ship don’t know a damn thing, Homer say.
—That sound like an answer to you? Lilith say.
—Always too much sass with you. Too, too much sass.
—What you playing at, Homer?
—You still have scar on your back, Lilith?
—What you think?
—Well, since you be a thinking woman, you think you not goin’ get whip again? You think them not going beat you till they kill you or somebody else? You think them not goin’ rub salt and lime juice on you back? How long you think you goin’ go till they hang you for some foolishness?
—Homer? I . . . I don’t know.
—Don’t be a fool. You damn well know. No black woman safe as long as white man alive. Plenty years me be here and that is the one thing that don’t change. This goin’ on long before you come this house and still goin’ on even when you gone to Coulibre. Set youself down, girl chile, and let me tell you something.
Lilith take her time to go back to Robert Quinn quarters but she still pant like she was running hard and long. She go into Quinn room and look at the man lying in the bed. She look at him head and the long black hair that cover most of him face. She study the overseer body, especially the hands that touch her softer now. She watch him shift and the black hair fall away from him face. Lilith think she see a grin for an instant. Whatever it be, she look at him and think about gentleness, about the strong hands that stop Massa Humphrey from killing her that night. Robert Quinn open him eye and smile. He take her hand and pull Lilith on to the bed. Lilith lying on her side with her back to him and he curl up behind her like a spoon and go back to sleep with him warm breathing down her neck and him hand between her thighs. Lilith listening to him breathe heavy. She feel the up and down of him chest on her back and him knees up under hers like she sitting in him lap. He mumble something but she didn’t hear.
Lilith eyes open wide and she hope he fall back asleep soon. Things like these was making Lilith forget that the white man be a monster. That is not what Homer want. Lilith remembering what Homer say right before, and the heaviness lick her so hard she feel she going fall right through the bed.
—You planning something. All me hear is what you want. Me no hear nothing ’bout how you and them niggers goin’ do it. Six tell six tell six, me arse. Tell them what? How-de-do?
—Chile, Irish cum juice block you ears? You hear anything people tell you?
—Homer? You mouth so—
—Me mouth being what a real nigger mouth must be. Don’t watch it. Watch what goin’ on round you. Planning was three years ago. Doin’ is what commencing now.
—We call the spirit of one and two hundred. One and two hundred spirit we calling on to help we in the journey.
—To where?
—Journey that be like the wind and the word, two thing that don’t come back.
—You talking even more foolishness than usual. Me don’t have time for perplexing nigger. Because if you want me in it—
—Every nigger done in it one way or the next. Even you, when you did still fool and a-chase after the massa, you did already in it.
—Me didn’t chase no—
—Enough. Learn this, and take it as God-swearing truth. We goin’ kill them, girl chile, every single white son of a bitch within hundred mile. We goin’ kill them all.
23
LILITH THINK TO TELL ROBERT QUINN ’BOUT MISS ISOBEL’S night riding. She don’t know why. Sometimes she feel to tell him everything. Like some of the things Homer say. But black skin have black secret and you don’t tell if you say you black. Robert Quinn gentle sometimes. One time he ask her how was her day and Lilith didn’t know what to say so she smile and he smile back. Two day after the womens meet in secret, he call her lassie. The day after that, the food so hot it burn him throat and he shout at her. But that night he didn’t fuck her, just pull her down on the bed and sleep with arms round her waist. Lilith didn’t sleep the whole night.
She start to doubt her true womanness. She wonder what kind of nigger she be and why her stomach don’t go sick every time the Irishman drop him drawers and suck her titties. She wonder what kind of nigger she be that turn fool every time Quinn take up lodging inside her. She no better than old niggerwomens who used to swear for Jack Wilkins. Lilith hate him, she know she do, she just didn’t know that hate was goin’ be just like what Homer say love be like. That she would have to guard it, lock it up in a pen like wild animal, for every chance hatred get, it flee. More times she have to just tell herself that she hate the man, she hate the man, she hate the man, goddamn.
He touch her back in him sleep. Lilith curse herself. She is the one who get whip but he is the one she feel sorry for. She must be the most crossed and mixed-up nigger ever. But is a diabolical thing when a white man show kindness. Even if he wicked for seven day and good only one. She try to hold on to the Quinn that make her get whip twice a week. But whenever she think of whip she think of blood, and when she think of blood she see white woman blood and white pickney and black woman who face she can’t remember. Her hand is as bloody as any white man, that she know. But not a single slave would blame her for what she do. And the Rogets was devil in the flesh who gone back to the hell they come from. She already do what the womens planning. That must be why they so pleased ’bout it, they don’t know how the smell of blood can sick you. Blood and burning flesh, so sour and heavy it make her belly heave. She roast a goat head once to make soup and the stink of burning hair make her vomit. Damn them, damn even the babies who was goin’ grow up to kill nigger just like her. Damn Miss Isobel, who whip her in the face. Goddamn the whole of them. Lilith feeling good and righted. She tell herself that she feeling good and righted. But if Quinn touch her hair or moan or whisper lovey, everything broken. She would have to work up the hate all over again. Something fly up in her head and say, Kill him now. You not a woman until you do.
Morning come, then noon. One week pass since the womens meet and nobody talk to nobody. Lilith run into Callisto again behind Quinn quarters as she carrying five cutlass. Callisto look like she about to talk but say nothing and vanish into the cane. Miss Isobel continue with the riding too. Lilith wondering what she get herself into. She keeping secret for Miss Isobel, the negro womens in league and herself. She straighten her back and think she can bear it. But then Robert Quinn come home early.
—Supper ready yet, luv? Robert Quinn say as he come through the door. Lilith frighten. It not usual for him to come home before nightfall. Lilith thinking about how she just call him house home like it be her own. She don’t hear him the first time.
—Cat got your tongue, bat got your ears, which is it? he say.
—Massa?
—I said, have I come too early?
&n
bsp; —No, massa, I mean yes, massa. I . . . Lilith fidget.
—Well, can you fix something quick? I’ll have to head out again. I fear I shall not be coming home tonight, he say.
—All night? Lilith say and look away.
—That’s what I said, Robert Quinn say. Lilith fold her arms and rub her shoulders.
—Crop time, t’will devour us all, I tell you. Damn if it won’t make a slave of me as well. Well, don’t tarry, lass, fix us something.
Lilith have bread that bake from morning, two small loaf. She was cooking pepper pot soup for herself but know how much he like it. She pour some in a bowl and watch the green callaloo and cabbage go to rest on the bottom and the peppers poking up. She set the soup and the bread at the table with a spoon. Quinn take a big gulp and cough hard.
—God feckin’ damn! he say and cough again. This is from the devil himself, I swear. Good show, Lilith. Good show.
He call her by her first name and break her.
—Sweet Christ, are ye weeping now?
—No. No, massa.
—Well, maybe yer eyes have different plans from the rest o’ ye, but I’d say yer weeping. What is it, this cause for all this melancholy? Is this because I shouted at ye?
—No, massa. Something fly in me eye, massa. Lilith run to her room. She look behind her, thinking he might follow. She turn, waiting. He don’t come. Plenty time pass. She think he gone. She get up and go into the kitchen.
—Ye composed enough to tell me now? Robert Quinn say. Not my practise to ask women more than once.
Lilith look at him. Ever since he take her to bed she don’t know what to say to him or how to say it. He talk to her sometimes with a voice that white people don’t give black people and sometime not to white people either. Things would be easier if she was just a whore or a tool that get use, then put back in a box. But him want to hold her in bed even when they not sexing and he want to talk, and him talk to her in white people voice. She listen to him sometimes and think of milk flowing. Him smile. Negro people not to fuss about what white people thinking. Negro people not to think that they is anything more than a dog or a parrot to white people.
—Lilith?
He call her name again. Lilith want a woman to tell her about man things. What man want and if she must desire him, desire as the Bible say. But her head heavy. She have three burden and have to let go at least one.
—Fine. Keep yer business to yourself, then, he say and rise up.
—Have supper ready when I get back. If I get back, the way crop time is lookin’, he say and leave.
Lilith go to her room and look through her belongings for the piece of looking glass. The one time she go back to Coulibre after the fire, a time she go with Robert Quinn, she find it sticking out from ashes and ready to cut her foot if she did step without looking. Lilith pull out the looking glass in the dim light. She look at herself, at the one thing that make her not black. She not black, she mulatto. Mulatto, mulatto, mulatto. Maybe she be family to both and to hurt white man just as bad as hurting black man. Lilith wonder if green eye is the only thing she seeing that any good. Maybe she should use the piece of looking glass to cut her eyes out so that she can’t see herself.
Maybe if she start to think that she not black or white, then she won’t have to care about neither man’s affairs. Maybe if she don’t care what other people think she be and start think about what she think she be, maybe she can rise over backra and nigger business, since neither ever mean her any good. Since the blood that run through her both black and white, maybe she be her own thing. But what thing she be? Even Robert Quinn look at her queer-like sometimes cause he can’t look below the eyes. Lilith used to think that green eye put her one step higher than other nigger; she think it put her on a perch so that Massa Humphrey could see her better. But then he have man beat her till she near dead, and since then he is monster to her.
Since then, anything to do with loving make her sick and angry, but then Robert Quinn take her in. They eat together for the most part and she bathe him like a boy on Saturday morning and find nothing sweeter than when he say ahhhhh as she pour warm water over him head. She think of Massa Roget the first time, but when she realise afterwards that all he want from a bath was water she didn’t mix him up with that fat sum’bitch again. Lilith would get up from the table when she done eat and Robert Quinn would hold her and pull her back gentle-like because he don’t want to eat alone. Lilith trying not to count, not to add up. The same day she meet with the womens he walk up to her in the kitchen with him shirt off and slap him big belly two time and say that she is to be blamed, she and that heavenly cooking of hers. She say, What a way backra get fat so quick, then shut her mouth for giving him backtalk.
—On the contrary, I do nothing faster or slower than need be, he say and smile as he go back to the bedroom.
—Have you ever ridden a horse? he ask when he come back out, and she shake her head. He promise to teach her one night when he is home.
Home.
Lilith need a new way. She tired of thinking that she have to hate Robert Quinn. Need to hate him. She tired of knowing what she supposed to do but not doing it. Tired of guarding her hate and forcing her hate and thinking that if she just tell hate to come and stay, it goin’ come and stay. Mayhaps she hating too big. Hatred still be like love, stronger when what you hate right in front of you. She remember that between Massa and Mistress Roget be a monstrous hatred, but they don’t hate one big thing. They despise little things, like how he fart and how she stupid, and them little things add up, spread out like plague. Mayhaps that be the way. Under him arm can smell like a dog. He leave the most unholy stink in the outhouse. He shout at her when the food not right. And when he piss in the commode, everywhere wet up but the commode itself.
—Here’s wot methinks. Methinks I’s going ta sail right down that cockstream o’ yers. Sounds right nice, ennit? Does that sweet ya, pussycat?
Lilith watching herself in the looking glass so long that she didn’t hear the man come in or see him standing in the doorway. Is not evening yet but the man look like a shadow. He tall and skinny like scarecrow. Him yellow hair wild and poking out from him hat like hay. Two teeth missing and the others yellow when he smile. He smiling plenty. Him shirt dirty and boot cake up with mud and him breeches brown. The man grabbing himself through the breeches. Lilith know is who.
—Quinn downright built a love den fer us, yes ’e did, pussycat, yes ’e did. The gentlemanly sort that Quinn be, the gentlemanly sort, always looking out fer ’is fellow man, the man say.
—I’d give me last quid to vouch fer ’is character, that I would, he say.
Lilith look around but there be nowhere to go.
—Keep ya noodle down, pretty, keep ya noodle down and nobody needs ta get ’urt. All of us’re just doing as the Bible intended, innit? the man say as he step inside more.
—The Good Book says that a man, a strapping man like meself, can’t be burning of passion. Say so right there in the Good Book, it does. If man got some passion in ’im ’e gots ta release it, ya know? We gots ta release it now, doesn’t we? he say.
—Ah, quit with the crying, dearie, I’ll be right sortin’ ya out in a minute . . . or two.
The man shift to the side and pull down him breeches a little. Light peek out from behind him and Lilith try to run and push herself past him, but he catch her.
—Now, where do ya think yer goin’? Eh? Where do you think yer goin’?
Lilith try to push him off but he grab her by her two arm, push her back in and slap her across her face. Lilith claw him face, but he smile and all she can see is the blackness beyond him yellow teeth.
—Jaysus Christ, behave yerself now, pussycat! he say.
Then he pounce on her like cat ’pon rat. She scream but he slap her again.—Enough of that, he say. He pinning her down on her sheets with one hand and pulling down him breeches with the other. Then he hike up Lilith dress and push him way between her legs. Lilith close
up but then he start to slap her, saying, Open up, nigger bitch. Lilith bawling and fighting but the man strong and him hard. Then she hear music. Music starting and stopping and starting again. Music coming from inside as she feel stone underneath her outside. She smell a sourness, a sourness from white man hair and a sourness from the music. The music was inside. Outside. Outside was the yellow hair, straight and sour. Sour and yellow, like the man who was on top of her before she black out. Sour and yellow, like the man of top of her now. Lilith scream and scream and scream. He slap her on the cheek. Lilith feel him miss her pussy at first, then feel him taking him hand to guide it in so that he don’t miss.
—We’re pickin’ up right where we left off on New Year’s, darlin’, innit? the man say.
Then the man scream but the scream drown out with a thunder-crack. He scream loud like a girl and he screaming louder and louder. —Goddamn! Goddamn! Ya damn fuckin’ killed me, oh my God, oh my God!
He jump off Lilith and grab the back of him arse that full with buckshot.
—McClusky, I barely scratched ye. Now I’m going to kill you, Quinn say and hold up him musket.
—Oh my God! Oh my God!
—God can’t help the likes of ye right now. Is this the full day’s work Master Humphrey get for a full day’s pay? And how come I can’t remember inviting you to my house?
—Blazes! Me apologies, sir, me apologies. Oh lordy, the pain, sir! Lordy, the pain!
—There’s more where that came from, ye son of a bitch!
—Pardon me, sir, pardon me. Me thinkin’ there was a free meal to be ’ad ’ere, sir, that’s all.
—Really, McClusky? Who in all fuck gave ye so wrong a news as that?
—Aye, sir, I means you no offence, sir, that be all to it, yeah?
—Maybe you didn’t, but yer dingus here had other plans. Maybe I should shoot the little fucker off?
