by Various
He had to release her before she lost it. The pain in her chest was so tight, she could barely breathe. She’d been falling in love with this man and he wanted sex. Nothing more. Not her concern for the children. Not her interference in his life. Nothing, but her body. And she didn’t know how to give only that. If she ever let Win make love to her, she’d give him everything and she knew it.
Frantic to get him to let her go, she swung her foot forward and kicked his shin. “Let me loose.”
He grunted, but his hold didn’t so much as loosen a fraction of an inch. Her toes felt as if they had a run-in with a cement wall.
“Please, Carlene, you’ve got to listen to me.”
She threw her head back so she could glare up into his face. “Like you listened to me?”
“I made a mistake. I’m sorry. Give me a chance to make it right.”
“Why? So you can come to my bed? You don’t really care that you’ve hurt me. You don’t care what I think about your sister, or her children, or how much they’re hurting. You’re just trying to placate me so I’ll let you seduce me, but it’s not going to happen. I’ve been an idiot, but I won’t be one any longer.”
Blue eyes shot fire at her. “No. Damn it. That’s not the way it is.”
“Oh, really?” she asked with as much sarcasm as she could put into the two words. “Then how is it? Are you going to deny that you want me?”
His grip on her tightened. “Hell, no. I want you so much that I spend most of the time when I’m with you damned uncomfortable in my pants, but that isn’t why I apologized.”
“Then why?”
“Because I was wrong. Because I can’t stand hurting you. Because your opinion matters to me and I’m sorry I went ballistic on you. Truly, deeply sorry. Please, honey, don’t walk away from me.”
“Let me go.” She said it quietly, but he listened this time.
He released her with obvious reluctance. “Come back and sit down. Please,” he said again.
“We’ll talk this out.”
Chapter 9
CARLENE shook her head. “Talk what out? You’ve already informed me that I have nothing to say in this matter. I can’t imagine what we’ve got to discuss.”
Win surprised her by smiling, though it looked ragged around the edges. “Honey, the day you have nothing to say about something is the day I’ll be rushing you to the emergency room worried about the condition of your vocal cords. Besides, I also said your opinion matters to me.”
“If I say something you don’t like, are you going to yell at me again?” she demanded quietly.
“No,” he put up his hand. “Scouts’ honor.”
Some of the tension drained from her. If he was willing to talk rationally, then she could too.
She returned to her seat near the fountain. Win joined her. She waited in silence, sipping at her ice tea. If he thought she was going to reopen the subject after the way he’d shot her down, he didn’t know her very well.
Win took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then he turned to her. “I’ve been protecting my baby sister since my mom brought her home from the hospital when I was five years old. I’m a little sensitive when I think someone else is criticizing her, I guess.”
Carlene raised her brows. “You don’t say?”
Win frowned. “Look, I’m trying to explain and I’ve already said I was sorry. Cut me a little slack.”
He’d done more than apologize. He’d begged. She could do as he asked.
“You don’t explain yourself very often, do you?” she asked.
“No. I don’t.” He ran his fingers through his black hair. “What I’m trying to say is that I understand your concerns. I know the kids miss her. It scares the hell out of me that she left them here. I don’t know what’s going on with her and Mark.”
“You’re afraid that she’s like your mother and that’s why you overreacted when I expressed my concern.”
Once she’d said the words, Carlene waited, barely breathing, to see how Win would react to them.
He rubbed a hand across his eyes. “Yes.”
The word was a bare whisper of sound.
“Listen to me, Win. Leah is not your mother. Whatever is going on in her head right now must be pretty devastating, or she wouldn’t have left her children.”
His eyes pleaded with her. “How do you know? You’ve never even met her.”
“Shelly and Jared are too well adjusted and loving for her to be anything but a terrific mother.
Win, you do know her and you know she isn’t like your mom.”
“You’re right, but then what is the point of the things you said earlier?”
She knew her smile was tinged with exasperation. He really didn’t get it. “The point of what I was trying to say is that I think you should tell your sister to come back or call her husband.
Shelly and Jared need their parents.”
“I don’t want to call Mark.”
“Why?” she asked.
“I don’t think he knows that Leah left the kids with me. If I call him, it could cause problems in their marriage,” Win said.
“It sounds like there are already problems, or Leah wouldn’t be having the crisis she’s having right now.”
Win nodded. “I know, but if she has some time alone, maybe she’ll get over wanting to leave him. She doesn’t need me calling him and making things worse.”
“You really are afraid that she’s like your mom, aren’t you? Win, you’ve got to accept that if Leah is thinking about leaving Mark, she’s got solid reasons. She’s too committed a parent to divorce him on a whim and I think deep down you know that.”
Win’s expression relaxed a little. “Yes. I do know that. Hell, I don’t even know if she’s thinking about divorce. She just told me she needed some time to think. When I talked to her on the phone the other day, I could tell that she misses the kids as much as they miss her. I don’t know what’s going on.”
Carlene understood Win’s quandary. He didn’t want to cause more ripples in a marriage that might already be on the brink and he was confused by his sister’s behavior. From everything he’d said and the impression Carlene got from others, it was entirely out of character.
“Do you have a phone number for her for emergencies?” she asked Win.
“Yes. She really is a good mother, Carlene.”
“I believe you. She isn’t going to mind you calling her and telling her that her children need her.
Maybe that’s something she needs to hear right now.”
He stood up. “You’re right. Guess I’ll go call her before it gets too late.”
Carlene watched him go, her heart aching for the pain both he and Leah were suffering right now. Carlene had no doubt that Leah was just as terrified as Win that she was like their mother.
Carlene carried the ice tea glasses into the kitchen and wondered if Win would come looking for her after he had spoken to Leah. Would he understand that Carlene was anxious to know the outcome of the telephone conversation?
More importantly, would he want to share it with her as a man shared important things with a woman who was more than just an employee?
Win sat down in his chair and stared at the number he’d written on a slip of paper by the phone.
Carlene was right. He knew it. He had to call Leah. If for nothing else, but to make sure that she was okay. He inhaled deeply, trying to gather his thoughts. He wanted to express his concern for the kids without making Leah feel worse than she already did. It wasn’t going to be easy.
He wished that he’d shown the same forethought before running off at the mouth at Carlene.
He’d hurt her. When she went running from the courtyard, he’d been filled with fear. Part of him had known that if he let her go without making things right, he would lose his chance with her. She was already fighting a relationship with him for all she was worth.
His idiotic comment that she was no more than an employee would give her ammunition in th
e war she waged against becoming his lover. He couldn’t risk losing her. So he had done something he rarely did—apologized. Then he’d tried to explain. That hadn’t been easy. He didn’t like analyzing his emotions and he hated talking about the past, but she needed to understand why he’d been so defensive.
He didn’t know if she forgave him completely, but she had listened. She hadn’t pouted and she’d comforted him.
She had been right. He was afraid that Leah was turning out like their mother. Carlene’s assertion that if his sister was considering ending her marriage, she’d have a darn good reason, rang true. Leah loved Mark. She loved her kids and she wasn’t just bored. Something was going on. Something serious. Win just wished he knew what it was.
He picked up the phone and dialed.
Carlene checked the clock on the bedside table for the third time in fifteen minutes. She had left her door cracked open so that Win wouldn’t assume she was asleep, but an hour had passed and he still hadn’t come. Could his conversation with Leah have lasted this long? Doubt gnawed at her. Maybe he didn’t see Carlene as someone with whom he could or should share his family’s problems.
She’d pinned her hopes on the fact that he apologized for his outburst. She had believed he was truly sorry for hurting her, for implying she had no place in his life outside that of employee and perhaps casual bed partner.
The soft knock sent hope surging through her. Jumping up off the bed, she called, “Come in.”
Win pushed the door open wider and stepped inside. His face wore a more relaxed expression than she’d seen all evening. He smiled. “Hi. Mind if I come in and talk for a while?”
Win in an asking mood pushed her a little off center.
She indicated the chair and ottoman in the corner. “Uh, take a seat.”
He pulled the ottoman away from the chair and straddled it, putting his hands on his knees.
She edged around him and sat on the chair. “So how did the call to your sister go?” she asked, impatient to hear the details.
“You were right. She needed to hear that the kids missed her. She’d gotten some crazy ideas in her head.”
“Like what?” Carlene asked.
“Like her husband and children didn’t really need her. That she was just a glorified housekeeper and nanny. Crazy stuff like that.”
“She must really be hurting.”
Win’s expression turned to one of concern. “Yeah. I think she is. She and Mark need to talk. I told her that.”
“You did?” Carlene couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice. Win was not what one would consider a modern male with sensitivity training.
“Yeah, I did. You don’t have to be a pop psychologist to know that a married couple needs to talk out their problems,” he said, indicating he had guessed her thoughts.
She smiled. “No. You don’t. When is she coming back?”
“It could be as early as tomorrow. I told her not to rush, but that the kids would be real happy when she got here.”
He had said it just right. “You’re a nice man, Win.”
“If you believe that, why won’t you go to bed with me?”
After she recovered from the shock of his blunt query, Carlene frowned. “Don’t tell me that tactless questions like that have gotten you past first base before.”
Win grinned. “I haven’t dated all that many women, but the ones I did didn’t seem to be bothered by my ‘lack of tact’.”
Irritation at the mention of women in Win’s past made Carlene reckless. “What about your ex-wife? Did she have a problem with your lack of tact?”
She regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. She wished with all her heart she could call them back when Win’s expression of amused tolerance turned cold and stony. Darn it.
When would she learn to control her tongue? “I’m sorry I asked that.”
“Why? Don’t you want an answer?” His voice held no inflection, as if the discussion had no importance for him. His eyes told another story.
“I don’t want you to feel obligated to tell me anything you don’t want to.” Of course she wanted to know about his ex-wife. What woman in Carlene’s position wouldn’t want to know about the one female that Win had been willing to take the risk of marriage on?
He contemplated her answer for several long seconds. She began to fidget, shifting nervously in her chair. Resting his elbows on his thighs, he leaned forward and examined her eyes.
Like a jackrabbit who sensed the presence of a predator, her entire body went still. What was he thinking? He kept his gaze fixed on her so long that the sound of his voice surprised her when he spoke.
“By the time she left me, Rachel let me know that she pretty much hated everything about me, my lack of tact included.”
Impossible. No woman could hate everything about this man. He had too much loyalty, too much honor; too much of what made a man a good man.
She instinctively shook her head. “She must have been crazy.”
He didn’t smile. He didn’t even blink. “Not crazy. Determined. She wanted out of this little hole-in-the-wall town and she thought I was her ticket out of here.”
Carlene’s chest tightened. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s simple. Rachel married me, believing she could convince me to sell the ranch and stake her life in the big city. When she discovered that I had no desire to uproot Leah’s new life, or my own, Rachel made it clear that she found me lacking in just about everything. I wore my boots too scuffed and my hair too long. According to her, I was rude and uncouth. Toward the end, she couldn’t even stand me touching her at night. Not that I wanted to all that much. The town was just starting to attract a certain clientele for winter sports. She hitched her star to one of their hangers-on and left Sunshine Springs behind just like she wanted.”
Pain for Win’s loss ripped through Carlene. His marriage sounded more like a civil war.
“How long were you married?” She almost asked how long he’d had to endure Rachel.
“Less than two years.”
“All of that happened in less than two years?” She couldn’t keep the disbelief from her voice.
His grim features relaxed into a smile. “Yeah. One thing you can say for me, when I screw up, I do it fast and well.”
Carlene could not digest his attitude. “You didn’t screw up. You married her believing she wanted the same things from life that you did. It’s hardly your fault she lied to you. You must have loved her very much.”
“I married her because I wanted a woman’s touch raising Leah and because I was tired of walking around with a perpetual hard-on. I told you, she made me wait for sex until we got married. I thought she was just an old-fashioned girl. Hell, she wasn’t even a virgin.”
The self-disgust in Win’s voice tore at Carlene’s defenses. “Win, there’s nothing wrong with your wanting a woman to help Leah through the difficult years of adolescence. It’s unfortunate that Rachel wasn’t interested in making you a proper wife or your sister a suitable mentor.”
He stared at her as if she had just spoken in Portuguese. “Well, at least now you understand why I’m not going to jump into the trap of marriage again.”
The certainty in his voice crushed the hope that had been blossoming since Win knocked on her bedroom door. How could she prove to him that marriage didn’t have to be a trap if he wouldn’t take a chance on it, on her? She needed more time than a short-term affair provided to prove that she wasn’t like his mother. Carlene wouldn’t get bored with him after six months.
If he wouldn’t risk a committed relationship with her, how could Carlene show him that she wasn’t like Rachel either? She didn’t want him to give up his life and his roots in the community to make her happy and she knew that she would never grow immune to his touch.
She couldn’t. She loved him.
There was no point in denying the truth any longer. She was crazy in love with the stubborn, sexy rancher and her life was never going to be
the same.
“I understand that you got burned and that you are leery of committing yourself to another woman.”
He leaned further forward until his blue eyes burned into her own. “Listen to me, Carlene.
Listen close. I’m not just leery. I am not interested in marriage.”
He spoke each word with precision, leaving her in no doubt that he meant exactly what he said.
She would have to be a fool to believe that she might be able to change his mind. The earlier recklessness she had experienced returned. So what? Men and women had been doing foolish things in the name of love throughout history and it didn’t always end in heartache. Sometimes love conquered.
She had to believe that this would be one of those times. She couldn’t accept the alternative—a future without Win.
She reached out and wrapped her fingers around one of his fists. “But, you are interested in me.”
He closed his eyes, his expression that of a man in pain. “Yes, honey. I want you so much it’s killing me.”
She believed him.
Reaching out with her other hand, she traced the line of his jaw. “Where will we end up in that whole range of possibilities between a one-night stand and marriage that you told me about?”
His eyes flew open and she felt his muscles go battle-ready under her fingertips. “Are you saying that you’re willing to give us a try?”
How odd that he would put it in those terms. To her way of thinking, it had been Win who refused to give them a chance. He didn’t see things that way. The knowledge gave her hope.
“Maybe. I can’t promise anything, Win. You have to tell me where we’ll fit on that spectrum of possibilities first.”
He turned his face and kissed the palm of her hand that rested against his cheek. “I guess just taking it one day at a time won’t work for you?”
She shook her head. “I need some assurance that I’m not simply a convenient body.”
He laughed, relieving some of the pent-up tension between them. “Honey, you are a ways from being convenient. That’s for damn sure.”
She didn’t return his smile. She couldn’t. She had to know the answer. “Then what am I?”
