Her eyebrows are still drawn together as she waits for me to continue.
“But... what if I’m just lying to myself?”
She offers a sympathetic smile. “Why would you think that?”
“Because! What if I fell in love with his looks first? I mean, now I love him for how wonderful he is.”
“Of course you fell in love with his looks first. Lord, who wouldn’t?”
Her response makes me smile, despite myself.
“So, what if you did?” she continues. “Lots of people are attracted to someone first, then fall in love with them second. If he’d turned out to be an ass, you wouldn’t have given him the time of day.”
I rub my shoulder. “This is different, though. This isn’t about whether or not I would have dated him if he turned out to be an ass. This is about whether I would still love him if he no longer looked like he does.”
“I think you’re overanalyzing.” Julia picks up her cup and takes a sip. “None of us will look the same forever. When you fall in love with someone, the assumption is that we’re all going to get old, flabby, and wrinkly, and we don’t ask ourselves if we’re still gonna love the person, right?”
Looking past her, I gaze out the window. “This is why it’s just easier to be involved with someone normal looking.”
“Would you stop it?” The annoyance in her voice draws my attention back to her. “You are the same person, Anna. Geez, just because you’re seeing Kiran, all of a sudden, you’re questioning everything you are.”
“No!” I argue like a child.
Julia leans forward on the table. “Yes!”
I cross my arms and look out the window again.
“Listen. I seriously doubt Kiran will ever gain back all that weight.” Julia laces her hands together in front of her. “Let’s say he did. Maybe you would feel a little differently. You’re human! But do you really think you’d walk away because of it?”
“No! But...”
Julia responds with a “talk to the hand” gesture. “No buts. There’s nothing left to say.”
I give her a smirk.
“Honestly,” she says, her tone softening. “I think maybe you’re inventing a problem where there is none.”
Maybe Julia’s right. It’s just that every relationship I’ve had thus far wound up on the skids. It’s hard not to anticipate the same with Kiran.
Thirty-Five
“I can’t believe my baby girl is twenty-one,” Luke says. “Damn, I feel old!”
Squished together on two couches in a tavern on Fremont Street, the eight of us celebrate Carly’s coming of age. Carly and Jason share a sofa with Luke and Richard, while Kiran and I sit with Hayden and his date, Kerri. We raise our glasses to toast the guest of honor above the din of karaoke that takes place on the other side of the glass wall behind us.
“How is it possible our kids are drinking age, when I swear I was a teenager just the other day?” I ask.
“Is this the little girl I carried?” Richard sings dramatically.
“Lord.” Carly blushes as she looks at Jason. “Pay no attention to my deranged family.”
With Kiran’s arm around me, I lean in closer to him, making myself comfortable. “So, what do you have planned with your friends later?” I ask Carly.
“We were thinking of dancing and bowling at Drink and Drag. Lily told me about it a while ago and it sounds entertaining, to say the least.”
Kiran turns to me. “Drink and Drag?”
“All the bartenders are drag queens,” Hayden explains, rolling his eyes.
“That sounds fun!” Kerri says.
“It sounds fun, until you realize the queen at the door looks better than you do,” I say. “True story.”
Everyone laughs, Kerri especially loud.
“No one looks better than you do,” Kiran murmurs with a smile in his voice.
It still sends chills through me when he speaks low in my ear like that, and I love how he gets all flirty when he’s had a few. “You are the best boyfriend ever.”
He eyes my empty drink. “Can I get you another?”
“Please.”
“Anyone else need anything?” he asks as he stands.
“I’ll go with you,” Luke says. “The old man and I could use refills.”
Once they leave, Richard and I exchange subtle glances as we watch Carly and Jason talk quietly, making eyes at one another. I’m pretty sure if they had their way, they’d much rather it was just the two of them here, without the rest of us hanging around.
I turn to Hayden. “So are you guys gonna join Carly and her group later? Or will you split off?”
He shrugs and says to Kerri, “I’ll leave it up to you. If you wanna do the bowling thing, we can go.”
Kerri bobs her bleached blonde head and claps her hands. “Yay!”
This girl is awfully damn perky, but she seems nice enough. Hayden and I share a brief look and he gives me a smirk.
He always seems to date women like this; a bit vapid, usually with large breasts. Tessa was one of the few who didn’t fit that description, even though their relationship was short-lived. I don’t know if the other guy Hayden mentioned happened while they were dating, or after; I do know that Hayden rarely dates anyone exclusively. But if he liked Tessa as much as it seemed, I hope the whole experience didn’t sour him to women with a little more substance.
Suddenly, Carly’s expression draws my attention, and the color drains from her face.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
Looking past me, she shakes her head. “Mom, I swear. I did not invite him!”
I turn around to see David through the glass panel behind me, looking as if he’s searching for someone, and surprise, surprise, he doesn’t appear sober. He spots Carly. I barely have a chance to process all of this, when I realize there’s a woman with him.
And you can knock me over with your pinkie when I realize who it is.
“Carly, honey!” David bellows. “There’s the birthday girl!”
Richard leans forward and pinches the bridge of his nose, while Jason gives Carly a questioning gaze.
“Awww, fuck!” Hayden mutters.
David pulls his date by the hand as he approaches. Meanwhile, Carly leans in toward me, explaining in a low voice, “He’d asked me what my birthday plans were, and I blurted it without thinking. I’m so, so sorry!”
She stands to meet him, and my heart jumps to my throat as the eyes of David’s companion meet mine.
Christine.
Immediately, she looks away, and my first instinct is to scan the bar for Kiran, although I have no idea what to do if I locate him.
David faces me as he gives Carly a bear hug, and an evil little glint shows itself in his eyes.
What an asshole.
Christine is rubbing her arms, looking around uncomfortably. It appears she wasn’t expecting this interlude. However, David clearly has an agenda, and I hate him so much right now, I can hardly breathe.
He takes Carly by the arms. “How’s the birthday girl?”
“What are you doing here?” she asks in a tone that attempts to be agreeable.
“What do you mean?” His hands cup her face. “I had to come by with my birthday wishes.” He plants a sloppy kiss on her cheek and slips some money into her hand.
“No, David...” she protests.
“Bup, bup,” he interrupts, his lips puckered like he’s speaking to an infant. “I insist.”
Christine fixes her stare at the other side of the room, and I turn to see Kiran standing there with Luke, holding a drink in each hand. He sees David first, and the second he lays eyes on Christine, his face reddens, his mouth in a firm line, and he downs his drink right then and there. Then turning on his heel, he heads toward the escalator which leads down to the street.
Christine wastes no time in following him, and I’m stuck in the corner, trapped by Hayden and Kerri on one side, Carly and David on the other, and the table in front of us. Shouldn
’t I be the one going after Kiran?
Standing up, I grab David by the arm, and drag him away from the group. “What are you trying to do?” I hiss. “Ruin Carly’s night?”
He tilts his head to the side. “Ruin Carly’s night?”
I realize it hasn’t even occurred to him how this whole display would affect her. His only goal is to screw me over.
Pressing my hand to my throat, I back away. “So, Christine is the woman you’ve been seeing?” I try to piece together this disaster to find some meaning, and the implications devastate me. “And you knew. You knew who she was when you came here.”
He runs a hand through his hair, looks away, and then meets my eyes. “It’s supposed to be you and me.”
My muscles quiver as I break into a sweat. Un-fucking-believable!
“It will never be you and me.” I shove him in the chest, shocking even myself. “Never!” With my hands in fists at my side, I move in so that my face is inches from his. “Don’t talk to me anymore, and don’t contact Carly. I’m done!”
His only response is a pained stare, and I turn around to leave.
As I’m halfway down the escalator, I spot Kiran and Christine standing near the entrance. My heart is pelted with machine gun fire when I see Christine with her back to me, her lips on his.
Paralyzed, I nearly fall on my face when I reach the bottom. I think Kiran pushes her away, but I’m not sure. Maybe it’s just what I want to see.
By this time, he sees me and is making his way over, but I back away from him, and everyone else is coming down the escalator behind me. Pacing back and forth in a corner, I do everything in my power to keep from crying. Christine stays put by the door.
“Are you okay?” Carly glances toward Christine and takes me by the wrists.
“I’m fine.” Lowering my head, I refuse to make eye contact with anyone.
“Anna...” Kiran says.
With my gaze still aimed at the floor, I approach Luke and lean my forehead on his chest. “Can you and Richard please take me home?”
Luke places a hand on my back, and there’s a moment of silence when I believe he looks at Kiran. “Sure, sweetheart.”
“We’re coming, too,” Carly says.
“No!” I insist and look up at her. “Stay and meet your friends. I’m fine. I promise.”
I clutch Luke’s hand like a vise, gluing myself to him, and he squeezes my fingers in return. I can’t bring myself to look at Kiran.
“Anna,” Kiran says softly. The pain in his voice breaks my heart, and the fact that everyone is staring, wondering what the hell is going on, makes me want to flee without a word to anyone.
“It’s okay,” Luke tells him. “We’ll make sure she gets home.”
As we leave the building, I overhear Carly berating David. “See what you did? What is your problem?”
The three of us say nothing as Richard leads the way through the drinking crowds and loud music, and Luke keeps hold of my hand as we head to the parking garage. When we finally reach the car, Richard offers me the front seat, but I decline. As I slide into the back, my phone vibrates in my purse. I know it’s probably Kiran, and it’s only fair to let him explain, but I can’t right now. I just can’t.
Once we’re on the freeway, Luke says, “Sweetie? You wanna tell us what happened?”
I debate for a moment whether or not I want to. Given that I plan to ask if I can bunk with them tonight, I guess I should probably spill it. “Long story short, when I went downstairs, Kiran and Christine were kissing.”
“What?” Luke and Richard say in unison, turning around to look at me.
Then I realize that they have no idea who Christine is, so I tell them everything. How she and Kiran were engaged and we ran into her at the symphony. How David is dating a therapist, and apparently that therapist is Christine. What are the odds anyway? Out of all the women in the world, leave it to David to hook up with Kiran’s ex.
Does he even like her at all? And how the hell did he discover her connection to Kiran? I am at a total loss, and this whole situation is beginning to feel like some huge karmic joke.
My phone vibrates again. I pull it out to see that this time, it’s a text from Kiran. I tear my eyes away to keep from reading it. I want to believe that the kiss wasn’t what it appeared to be, but I am so terrified he’s going to tell me that he still loves her, that he never meant to hurt me. At least for a little while, I choose to hold onto the fantasy that it’s a big misunderstanding.
“I’m sorry,” Luke says. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Would you guys mind if I stay at your place tonight? I’m afraid Kiran will come over, and I’m not ready to talk to him yet.”
“Of course,” Richard says. “Our home is your home.”
“Thank you.” I text the kids to tell them to continue Carly’s celebration with friends, that I’m okay, and I’ll be at their dad’s.
***
Later that night, I lie on my side in the bed Carly sleeps in whenever the kids stay at their dad’s. Luke’s fat calico cat lies beside me and puts his paw on my face.
“Shoulda known it was doomed to fail, Tubbs. I can’t seem to catch a break.”
He stares back at me, as if he’s taking in every word.
“Anna, can I come in?” Luke says through the door.
“Yeah.”
He opens the door and shoves his hands in his pockets. “How are you doing, love?”
And that’s all it takes. One little question, and the waterworks commence. My face scrunches up into some ungodly contortion, and Tubbs bumps his nose to mine, I think trying to make me feel better.
Luke comes over, removes Tubbs from the bed, and sits down. Then he pulls me into his arms.
“I’m gonna die alone,” I cry.
He laughs softly and smooths my hair. “No, you’re not.”
“Why did David have to turn into such an asshole? He ruined everything.” Even in my distress, I find it interesting that I can’t bring myself to be angry with Kiran. What does that mean?
“Yeah, he’s an asshole,” he says, still holding me. “But it’s only because he wants you back.”
I untangle myself from his arms. “No, he doesn’t! He’s just so messed up that he’s gotta make my life as miserable as his. He can’t stand the thought of me being happy!” I wipe my nose. “Well, he’s taken care of that.”
Luke eyes me sympathetically.
“And of course, Christine wants Kiran now. Now that his appearance is acceptable to her. He’s still in love with her. I know it. Did you see her? She’s pretty! I knew getting involved with him was asking for trouble.”
“You’re just as pretty,” he offers gently.
We both know I’m not, but honestly, I’m not fishing for compliments. She’s just pretty.
“I don’t know Kiran all that well,” he continues, “but he doesn’t seem like the type that would base his feelings on that anyway. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you. His feelings are obvious.”
I flop on my back. “He was kissing her. They’re not that obvious.”
“Was he kissing her? Or was she kissing him?”
“I don’t know.” I fling an arm over my eyes.
Luke places his hand on my leg. “You need to talk to him. Stop trying to guess your way through this. Give him a chance to tell you his side.”
“I’m afraid to hear his side,” I whisper.
Thirty-Six
The next morning, I check my phone to see another missed call from Kiran and a new voicemail. I also have a missed call and text from Carly, checking to see how I am.
Sitting cross-legged on the bed, I lean my forehead in my hand as I stare at the screen, contemplating whether or not to dial my voicemail. I press the number one and hold my breath, bringing the phone to my ear.
“Anna... please answer my call so we can talk. I don’t want to explain through a text. I have to see you. Please give me a chance to tell you what happened... I love yo
u.”
I close my eyes. His final words give me a bit of comfort, but I can’t assume he doesn’t love her still. Maybe if I’d had the courage to look him in the eye last night, I’d have a better idea of where he stands, but I couldn’t do it. Not with an audience.
Luke invites me to stay for breakfast, but I take a rain check and ask him to take me home. Before we leave, I thank Richard for welcoming me, and he gives me a big hug and kisses me on the forehead. “Everything will work itself out. You’ll see.”
I respond with a weak smile, wishing I had his optimism.
When Luke and I reach my house, he stops me when I reach for the car door. “You call any time you need me. Okay, Anna Banana?”
“Okay. Thanks. For everything.” I give him a peck on the lips. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I step inside the house and take my purse to the kitchen where Hayden sits at the table, eating a bowl of cereal.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey.” He sets the spoon in his bowl. “You alright?”
“Yeah.” Leaning against the counter, I have no desire to talk to the kids about any of this. In fact, I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to sleep the day away and forget about the whole thing. “Kerri seems nice.”
He shrugs indifferently. “She’s okay.” He gets up from his seat to move toward me, and puts his hands on my shoulders. “So what’s the deal? Do I need to kick Kiran’s ass?” He’s kidding, but there’s genuine concern in his eyes.
I shake my head and give him a weary smile. “No ass-kicking necessary.”
“Have you talked to him?”
“Not yet. I’m gonna shower and go back to bed for a while.”
He drops his hands to his sides and gives me an understanding nod. “You just let me know if you want me to kick his ass... Or David’s.”
***
I wake around noon, and Carly is sitting on the bed next to me, her arms folded over her chest.
“Hey, sweetie.” I prop myself on an arm. “How did the rest of your night go? Did you have a good time with your friends?” Kind of hard to do, I’m sure, after David’s little stunt, but I can at least hope that she managed to salvage her twenty-first birthday.
Vegas to Varanasi (Fortytude Series Book 1) Page 19
