by Karen Wood
Zoe slid down against the school fence, brought her knees up to her chest and hugged herself. Her head started going foggy again and she drifted off . . .
Scotty. She had thought it was him, kissing her like that, wanting her like that . . .
But it was Josh. Or his dog. She’d kissed his dog? No wonder she felt traumatised every time she saw it. What the hell was he talking about? She closed her eyes and tried to take herself back there. Zoe felt her heart begin to hammer in her chest again. Something fluttered into the empty recesses of her mind, teasing her with tiny fragments that she couldn’t quite catch hold of . . .
Hours merge into each other, and the day is so thick around me that it anchors me, paralyses me.
Something wet and cold runs up my cheek. When I open my eyes, a pain burns like fire across the back of my forehead. I squeeze them closed, capturing a vision of a dog. A white dog. It whimpers and sprints off towards a distant whistle.
When I try to open my eyes again, I don’t trust them, things are muddy and unclear, hard to decipher. There is a shape, blurred over me.
‘Zoe, are you still with me?’ Someone strokes my forehead. I’m lifted from the ground and all I can hear are footsteps and his lungs panting with the effort of carrying me. I lean my face against his chest and feel safe. I hold onto his arm.
‘I have to go and get help.’ His hands are peeling mine off. He’s trying to put me down.
‘No, don’t. Please.’ I kiss him to try and make him stay. Really kiss him. I’m overwhelmed with a sense of loss and fear.
‘You need help,’ he mumbles into my kiss.
‘I need you,’ I mumble back.
He kisses me, slowly, cautiously, then so gentle and tender. The way I’ve always wanted him to kiss me.
The chime of her phone snapped Zoe out of her daydream. She pulled it from her pocket and flipped it open. Another message from Scotty.
When can I come and see you?
Zoe sat staring at the message. Where on earth was Scotty when that kiss was going on? Had he seen it? Did it happen before or after she got the cattle in?
She sat under the tree and scrunched up her forehead, trying to remember. Last she could remember they had just about all the cattle safely back into one of Dad’s holding paddocks, with just a few strays left to find. They were going to have a rest and water the cattle before she went back for those last few.
While the cattle took a long drink at the dam, Zoe worked a small hand-pump at the yards and brought fresh water to a concrete trough for Jacky. When it was full, she pulled her helmet off and plunged her whole head in, blowing bubbles from her nostrils to stop herself from drowning. She shook her head around, rinsing off her anger and thirst, and then pulled it back out. She flung her wet hair up and over, slapping onto her back and sending water trickling down her bum. Blackjack stepped up beside her and she watched the mouthfuls of water slide inside his neck as he drank.
Most of the cattle were in the holding paddock now. Dad would bring the truck in tomorrow and yard them up with motorbikes. She just had to go back and find the missing three.
After a quick dip in the dam, Frankie leapt out still dripping with water and went back to watching the cattle. Zoe smiled as she watched him, remembering how when she was a small kid on the front of her dad’s saddle, Queenie used to do the same thing. Now all Queenie’s pups showed the same obsession with working. It was just in them.
Lunch was awkward. Scotty and Caity barely talked. And nor did she. Instead she lay back and thought what a beautiful place this was. It was her home and she belonged to it. She loved the feel of the earth against her body and the soft, grassy pasture whispering in her ears with the breeze. She was a part of this place.
After Blackjack had grazed a while and the sweat had dried on his pelt, she dragged herself off the ground. ‘I’ll go and get those stragglers.’
Zoe wished she had a spare horse. Blackjack looked so worn out. There would be no hard riding now, all that was done. It would just be a quiet walk down to the mud-hole to get those strays and bring them back. She swung into the saddle and headed off.
‘I’ll be back in an hour or so,’ she told the others.
Half an hour later, she found the cattle down by Dirty Hollow, caked in mud and picking the bright pink berries from some lillypilly trees. She came in behind them and was relieved when they immediately made for the track towards home. It didn’t take nearly as long as she expected.
As they neared home however, they began to get restless, sniffing at the air, snorting and stopping. Zoe could hear Scotty’s whip going in the distance. She growled. They had over a hundred head of cattle to yard and he was stirring them all up.
She opened the gate and let Frankie push the cattle through, relieved to have the last of them off the lease. It wouldn’t matter too much if they got away now; they were all accounted for behind good fences. The stragglers bawled as they ambled up the hill towards the main mob. Then they became even more jumpy, trotting about in circles and bellowing.
As he climbed the hill, Jacky’s neck seemed to get longer and longer. Zoe looked down in front of the saddle and saw way too much wither in front of her. Damn, her saddle was slipping back. She clutched at Jacky’s mane and tried to shift herself and the saddle forward. If she could just hold on until she got these beasts to the top of the hill where they could see the rest of the herd, she could stop and get off to fix it.
She held onto some mane, planning to dismount as soon as she got to the top of the hill.
10
‘Earth calling Zoe,’ said a voice. ‘Come in, Zoe!’
Mike stood over her with his schoolbag hitched on one shoulder. ‘Dad said I had to take you to the clinic for your check-up.’
Zoe dragged herself up from under the tree and trudged after Mike. Again he and Dad were pairing up against her. But today, for some reason, she didn’t mind. ‘So, you sorted out Scotty for me while I was in hospital,’ she said.
‘Course I did, why?’
She shrugged.
He held out a hand for her bag. ‘Come on, invalid.’
She gave him a weary smile, glad he was there with her, and handed it to him. ‘Thanks, buddy.’
‘There’s a cafe at the hospital and we have an hour to kill. I’ll buy you a shake.’
It struck Zoe what a lovely person he was. He never took sides with Mum or Dad. He just worked hard and did what he was told. No wonder Dad thought the sun shone out of his floppy terry-towelling hat. And when the chips were down he had stuck up for her. Wow, he had punched Scotty. Would she stick up for Mike if he needed her to, she wondered. Would she even notice if he needed her?
She hooked her arm in his as she walked. ‘You’re the only person I get right now.’ You’re the only person I trust.
Mike laughed. ‘I’m glad, because I don’t get you at all.’
He led her around the side of the hospital building. He paused to roll up his sleeves and tuck his shirt in before stepping into a small cafe.
Tahnee Rae, with her scruffy boyish hair and pretty features, smiled from behind the counter. ‘Hi, guys.’
‘Hey,’ said her brother. His grin was goofy. He didn’t seem surprised to find Tahnee working there.
‘Hi,’ said Zoe, eyes flicking back and forth between the pair of them.
Tahnee toyed with her pen and notepad. ‘What can I get you?’
‘Caramel milkshake, thanks,’ said Zoe, feeling weirdly intrusive.
‘Coke spider as usual?’ Tahnee said to Mike.
‘Thanks,’ said Mike.
Whoa! Back up! What was going on here? She knew his usual?
Tahnee scribbled on the pad and turned to a tall double-door fridge to retrieve some milk. Mike’s eyes lingered on her, to the point where Zoe felt compelled to smack him across the arm. ‘Eherm.’
Mike gave her a naughty grin and moved to a vacant table by the window with two empty seats.
‘Something you wanna tell me, big b
rother?’ Zoe nudged aside her schoolbag and planted herself in the chair.
Mike clasped his hands together on the table. ‘Nope.’
Behind the counter, the shake-maker whirred nosily and the coffee machine hissed. Teaspoons clinked against china.
‘So, what were you daydreaming about when I found you this afternoon?’ he asked, changing the subject.
‘Just more of the accident,’ she said. ‘We had all the cattle mustered, every one. We counted them in.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t know what went wrong.’
Mike nodded and looked thoughtful.
Tahnee set their drinks down on the table. ‘One milkshake, one spider.’
‘Thanks!’ said Zoe.
Mike gave her another ridiculous grin. She turned on her heel and went back to the counter.
Zoe looked at the frothing creation in front of her brother. ‘How come you get four whole dollops of icecream?’ she asked, counting the creamy round balls fizzing inside the tall glass. ‘Or is it five?’
He shrugged. ‘I must be special.’
‘Must be,’ she remarked. Behind the counter, Tahnee disappeared behind the coffee machine.
‘So, what do you have to do here?’ he asked, shifting the focus again.
‘God knows. I probably don’t even need this clinic,’ she said, and slurped on her straw. ‘I feel fine and my memory seems to have come back.’ Well, mostly.
‘Yeah?’ Mike stuck a spoon into the brown sludge. ‘So, you remember what that toad did to you?’
She frowned, wondering what Mike meant. ‘You never liked him, did you?’
‘Scotty? Nup.’
‘Why?’
Mike shrugged. ‘I never trusted him. Then I busted him and Caitlin down at the waterfall the day you had the accident. I couldn’t believe it. You were lying unconscious in a paddock somewhere and he was off with your best friend.’ Mike’s fists clenched til his knuckles turned white.
Zoe stared miserably into her shake, swirling the straw around in the icy white froth. ‘He was off kissing Caitlin, while I was off kissing Josh.’
Mike spluttered into his spider and launched into a coughing fit. When he got his throat cleared, he looked up at her. ‘Josh never told me that!’ He coughed again.
Zoe descended into tears again. ‘I thought he was Scotty. I didn’t know who I was kissing.’ She pushed her drink away and hung her head. ‘I feel so humiliated.’
‘Josh kissed you?’ Mike looked baffled. ‘I knew he liked you but I didn’t think . . . weren’t you unconscious?’
‘I kinda woke up for a while,’ Zoe clarified. ‘What is wrong with me, Mike?’
Mike blew a whistle through his teeth. ‘You’re a wild one, Zoe. I can’t keep up with you.’ Then he laughed quietly. ‘But I’m sure Josh didn’t mind.’
‘Well, I did!’ She glared at her brother.
‘Sure?’ Mike’s smirk irritated the hell out of her.
‘Of course I’m sure. I was delirious, only half conscious. I didn’t know what was going on!’
‘You and Josh, eh?’ Mike grinned maddeningly at her and shook his head.
‘Mi-ike!’
‘What? He’s a huge step up from Scotty.’
‘You’re all so down on him. Maybe he was off kissing Caitlin, but probably only because he busted me kissing Josh.’
Mike shrugged.
‘Anyway,’ said Zoe, changing the subject again, ‘I do know we had all the cattle counted through. One hundred and twenty of them. I went and got the last three strays and had them in the gate.’
Mike stopped drinking and she could see his mind ticking over. ‘Then, why were we twelve short?’ he asked. ‘You must have it wrong.’
Zoe’s ticked over too. Warning bells started to jingle. ‘How well do you trust Josh?’
‘Very well,’ said Mike in a voice that was assured to the point of sounding stubborn.
On the table, her phone pinged. Mike snatched it and hurriedly pushed his chair back. Zoe leaned over the table and clawed at him. ‘Don’t you dare open that, Mike!’
Mike held the phone way out of her reach and as he did it pinged again.
Zoe grabbed her milkshake and held it threateningly at him. ‘You’re gonna wear this if you don’t give that back.’
Behind Mike, some other customers looked alarmed.
‘I’ll do it,’ warned Zoe, lifting the shake a little higher. ‘You know I will.’
‘Okay, okay!’ Mike slapped the phone back onto the table. Zoe snatched it and flipped it open.
There were two messages; one from Josh and one from Scotty. She snapped the phone shut and shoved it into her jacket pocket.
‘Who’s it from?’
‘No one.’
‘Scotty or Josh?’
‘Both.’ She put her hands over her face and moaned.
‘Are you going to read them?’
‘Not while you’re sitting there gawking at me.’
‘I’ll look away.’
‘Righto,’ she said, curiosity burning at her. She twirled her finger. ‘Turn around.’
Mike looked at her. ‘You’re kidding, right?’
‘No. I’m not.’
Mike grudgingly turned his chair around.
Zoe read the text from Josh.
Good luck at the doctors this arvo.
‘God, he just won’t give up!’ she grumbled.
Mike glanced over his shoulder. ‘Which one?’
‘None of your business,’ she said curtly. ‘Turn back around!’
She hit Reply.
Did you tell ANYONE about that kiss?
He answered in seconds.
No, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
Nor could she. Perhaps she needed therapy after all. And she never would have told Mike if she’d known he didn’t already know.
She stared back at Josh’s text. Was he serious, or just messing with her? Surely he wouldn’t be that cruel. She thought back to the way he’d smiled at Samantha at the bush festival that time. Was he this charming to everyone, or what? Was he just a terrible flirt?
Her eyes flickered to the coffee machine. Tahnee smiled at an old couple while she handed two steaming cups across the counter.
She tapped a few buttons on the phone and found Scotty’s previous text.
When can I come and see you?
This was her chance to explain. Tell him what really happened. That she thought it was him.
‘I’m not going to the clinic,’ she said to Mike, as she began replying to Scotty’s request.
Meet me in front of the hospital in ten?
‘What? Yes you are!’
‘I don’t need it. I feel fine.’
The look on Mike’s face could have crushed granite. ‘What did Scotty’s text say?’
‘He just wants to talk to me, that’s all.’
‘And you’re going to miss your appointment to go and see him?’
‘You can’t stop me, Mike.’
Zoe looked down as she closed her text messages. A photo flashed across the screen of her phone – of Scotty and Caitlin; her boyfriend and her best friend, both grinning at her. And then it struck her like a smack across the head. She gasped as her mind suddenly flooded with the truth.
The bullocks trotted down the hill to the mob, crooning loudly. Under the tree by the dam, Scotty stood leaning in hard against the tree. Zoe squinted at the strangeness of it; the odd angle of his legs; like they were stuck on backwards or something. Then she realised that between him and the tree was Caitlin.
They were fully lip-locked, legs all entwined and hands going everywhere.
She pulled Jacky up, squinting at the two of them in the dappled shadows under the tree, trying to make sure her eyes weren’t lying. To make sure it wasn’t some weird shadow effect playing tricks with her. Scotty’s hands were in Caitlin’s hair. Her hands were sliding over his back pockets. She broke from the kiss, and looked over Scotty’s shoulder.
From fifty me
tres away, Caitlin’s eyes locked on Zoe’s. She hastily pushed Scotty away and he spun around.
So.
Busted.
Zoe held Blackjack steady, unsure of what to do.
Scotty picked up his whip and brought it down in a loud, furious, double-buster crack. The sound of it shattered the serenity of the back country, silencing the birds and devastating the mild afternoon.
A bullock shied violently. Blackjack followed suit. Like a domino, he erupted out from under Zoe.
11
Zoe sat in the hospital cafe staring at her phone in disbelief. Then confusion. Which kiss did Scotty want to talk about? His with Caitlin? Or hers with Josh? Which one happened first? Her head started pounding again.
Her eyes lost all focus as she saw only inside her mind. The vision of Scotty kissing Caitlin tumbled around with stockwhips and rushing cattle.
Blackjack’s legs flash in and out of my vision. Everything is hectic, too fast, spinning. A blow brings blinding pain to the back of my head and everything tumbles; hooves, leather, reins, stirrups, me. We’re rolling, Blackjack’s falling . . .
Zoe looked up and saw Mike’s confused face. His lips were moving but she couldn’t hear what he was saying. She felt hot and sweaty and her heart did that panicky thing again, like a bird trapped and flapping inside her ribcage.
‘Zoe, you space cadet!’ Mike snapped his fingers in front of her face and she jerked back. ‘Hey!’
A tiny squeal left her throat.
‘You okay?’
She shook her head.
‘What just happened?’
‘I just remembered what Scotty did,’ she squeaked. ‘You were right. He did kiss Caitlin. I have to talk to him.’ She grabbed her bag.
‘That’s not a good idea,’ said Mike, rising from his seat. ‘You look really upset.’
‘You can’t stop me.’
Mike scraped his chair out and headed her off at the doorway. ‘Oh, yes I can.’
She pushed her hands into his chest, barged past him and nearly ran smack bang into her father. ‘Dad! What are you doing here?’
