by Penelope Sky
He held his silence.
“No. You only do that with me. Have you ever been with another woman bare?”
His silence was his answer.
“Stop insulting me by pretending we’re nothing.”
“I never said we were nothing. But we will never be more than what we are now.”
“I’m your woman,” I hissed.
“And I’m your man—but that’s it. I’ll never be your husband. I’ll never be the father of your children. I’ll never be the fantasy you’ve dreamed of. I will always be the Skull King, the killer and the conqueror.”
“You can be both.”
Now, he looked pissed. “I will never be both. I can only be the man or the king. I choose king. I made my decision a long time ago, and I won’t change it.”
“You’ve already changed your mind. When you sacrificed yourself for me, you were the man. The Skull King wouldn’t have abandoned his men for a woman. You’ve already made your choice—but it’s not the choice you think you’ve made.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, digesting his anger. “And that’s exactly why this will never work. That’s exactly why this has to end. You can never be my first priority. And you shouldn’t be with a man unless you’re at the top of his list.”
“Then put me at the top of your list.”
“No.” His nostrils flared. “I’m the Skull King. This is where I belong.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. “You belong with me.”
He shook his head slightly. “You told me you want a family. You want to live in peace and quiet in the countryside. You want a nice husband who will be a good father. Baby, that’s not me.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “That will never be me. I will always be the tyrant who crushes the skulls of my enemies. I will always be obsessed with power and money. Don’t sacrifice everything you want for a man who won’t make those sacrifices for you. You’re better than that.”
“I never said I would. But we need to work this out—”
“I don’t want to work this out.” His nostrils flared again. “I can’t have you in my life. My enemies will use you against me. You will never be safe. You will never truly be free. You will distract me from what I need to focus on. Then you’ll resent me because I won’t give you what you want. You’ll waste your time, and then we’ll hate each other when it ends. There is no scenario where this works. None.”
I kept my tears back because I refused to let this man make me cry, but it was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. “There is a scenario where this works. You walk away from the Skull Kings and live happily ever after with me.”
He shook his head slightly.
“You can’t do this forever, Balto. In twenty years, you’ll be too old.”
“You underestimate my strength.”
“And you overestimate it. This can’t go on forever. You’ll conquer more criminals and make more money, but what does it matter? It won’t make you happy. Can you really live without me? Can you really let me go and carry that burden? Can you let me walk away without thinking about me every day? Letting go of the only place you’ve ever belonged is hard…but can you lose the woman you love?” I watched his eyes shift back and forth as they looked into mine. “Balto, you are not the man I pictured myself ending up with. You’re cold, stoic, and a criminal. Not only are you a criminal, but you’re the most notorious crime lord in this country. Do you think that matters to me? It doesn’t matter at all. You’re my man, and I want to make this work.”
He was quiet for a while, his eyes burning into mine. “Letting you go will be hard. Harder than I want to admit. But I won’t change my mind, Cassini. I’m the Skull King, and that’s where I belong. It doesn’t matter how I feel about you. I can’t change who I am for you.”
“I never asked you to change—”
“I’m the Skull King, and you’re asking me not to be the Skull King. That’s a change I cannot make.”
“It’s a title, Balto.”
“It’s more than a title,” he said quietly. “It’s who I am. There’s nothing you can say, nothing you can do. I told you this weeks ago, and when I said those words, I felt exactly the way I do now. I’ve felt this way for a long time. This is over.”
Now the tears were too strong to ignore. They flooded down my cheeks and dripped to my lips. I’d cried hours ago because I’d thought I lost him forever. Now I cried for the same reason, just under different circumstances.
Balto lowered his gaze, like he couldn’t stand the sight of my tears.
He wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of my broken heart either.
“And you still won’t tell me you love me?” I lifted my gaze and looked at him. “You’ll never get the chance to say it again, but you still won’t do it?”
He stared at me with his empty eyes, his face set in a hard expression. He was the cold and cruel man he described himself to be. Even now that everything had been said and done, he refused to give me what I wanted. He refused to let those words leave his tongue. “No.”
14
Cassini
I sat on my old bed with a pillow pulled to my chest. I’d been there for hours, retreating to somewhere private after Balto broke my heart. He was a stubborn man who refused to change his mind despite the love in his heart. And since he never lied, I knew his decision was final.
It was really over.
Just when I thought I finally had the man I was supposed to be with, it was over. Balto was loyal and devoted, willing to make sacrifices most men would be too cowardly to make. He was willing to hand himself over to his greatest enemy just to protect me.
I would never find another man like that.
I picked up my phone and called Case.
He answered immediately. “Sorella, how are you?”
My brother’s voice usually comforted me, but now it did nothing to heal my wounds. “Hey…can I stay with you for a few weeks? Just until I get settled and find an apartment and stuff.”
Case was quiet for a while. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“Nothing. I just—”
“I can hear the tears in your voice. Did something happen with Balto?”
“Well…we broke up.” Just when the dust settled and it seemed like we could have our happily ever after, he ended it. He ended our relationship before it could turn into something more. I understood his reasoning, but when it came to love, reasoning shouldn’t matter. It was all about emotion. He’d sacrificed everything to save my life, so I expected him to sacrifice everything to be with me. I would do the same for him…if it weren’t so dangerous. If we had a relationship while he was the Skull King, we would never have children. It would be too risky. So, he had to make the sacrifice…I couldn’t be the one to do it. “Balto said he didn’t see a future for us…even though he loves me.”
“Well…he’s not wrong.”
I closed my eyes in pain. “You agree with him?”
“Objectively, yes. I know you want a family. I know what kind of life you want to have. You can’t have that future with Balto. Cassini, I’m telling you something you already know, so don’t get angry with me.”
“I’m not angry. I thought he would walk away from that life to be with me…but he won’t.”
“That’s a big sacrifice to make.”
“If he’s happy with me, it shouldn’t be that big of a sacrifice. If he’s willing to risk his life for mine, it shouldn’t be too much to ask.”
He was quiet for a while. “He told you it was going to end weeks ago.”
“Yes, but that was before…” Tears cascaded down my cheeks, and I tried to muffle the sound by keeping my lips pressed tightly together. “Never mind. I’ll pack my things and head over there soon.”
He sighed into the phone. “I’m sorry, sorella…”
“I know. I just… I thought he was the one. I know he’s not what I imagined my forever man to be like, but I love him so much. I love everything about him, from his constant scow
l to the way he grunts instead of saying actual words. Evan wasn’t there for me when it mattered, but Balto proved to be a man worthy of me. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel loved without even telling me he loves me. The idea of going out there and trying to find someone new…seems pointless. I’ll never find another man like him. I don’t want to bother looking.”
I sat in my private living room with the TV off. The sun had set hours ago, telling me the day had ended while I sat there and did absolutely nothing. My stuff was packed, shoved into suitcases that sat by the door. I was taking all the clothes Balto had bought for me because he wouldn’t have any use for them, and I certainly wouldn’t allow him to give them to someone else.
Not a chance.
I didn’t eat anything all day because I chose solitude. I wasn’t necessarily ignoring Balto, but I had nothing to say to him either. Now that we were over, there wasn’t any reason to have a conversation.
He didn’t want me, and he wouldn’t change his mind. He preferred the criminal underworld to me. He wanted to go back to his whores and one-night stands. Falling in love wasn’t a reason for him to stay in love. This was just a period in his life that he would look back on, nothing more than a memory.
I was already a memory.
The door opened, and Balto stepped inside, still in his sweatpants.
I ignored his look and stared at the TV.
When I didn’t meet his gaze, he stepped farther into the room.
“I’m going to stay with Case until I find my own place.” My brother’s house was enormous, too big for a single person. I would have all the space I needed, and he probably wouldn’t even know I was there.
Balto stood beside me, his hands in his pockets.
“He’s picking me up tomorrow.”
Balto didn’t speak. Spending the afternoon alone obviously hadn’t changed his mind about anything. He was too stubborn and cold to second-guess his decision. He treated the situation like a practical transaction. He was so logical about it that it pissed me off. Obviously, sacrificing everything for a woman didn’t make sense on paper, but when he lived in the moment, I didn’t understand how he could make any other decision.
After everything we’d been through together.
I couldn’t even enjoy Lucian’s death because I was too heartbroken.
Balto continued to stand there.
I slowly turned my gaze toward him, seeing the beautiful man who held my heart in his palm. We’d been through so much together, were so loyal to each other that going our separate ways seemed like a crime against society. “If you have nothing to say, you should leave.” I faced forward again, hoping he would walk out so I could cry in private. He was so cold to me that I refused to let him see my pain. I was too proud to let him see my defeat. I’d already given my heart to him, and he’d thrown it away. I wouldn’t let him have any more of me.
“Sleep with me tonight.”
I kept my eyes on the blank TV, thinking about that large bed with the rumpled sheets. The bed smelled like me. It smelled like him. It’d been my safe haven for weeks now, the place where I felt untouchable from the rest of the world. It was the place where I made love to the man who stole my heart, where our souls wrapped around each other as we kissed and touched. When he’d told me I never loved Evan, he was right. Now that I’d truly fallen in love, I realized Balto was the only man I’d ever loved—truly loved. All the other men before him were just practice for the real thing.
I knew he wasn’t the right man for me, but that didn’t stop me from falling head over heels.
He continued to hover over me. “Please.”
I didn’t know that word was in his vocabulary.
“I don’t express my emotions very well, but trust me, I’m hurting.”
Not hurting enough, apparently.
“And if this is my last night with you, I don’t want to sleep across the hall.” He moved between my legs then lowered himself to his knees so we would be at eye level with each other. His large hands grabbed my hips and dragged me closer to him, bringing our chests together. He glanced at my lips before he looked at me again. “I don’t wear my heartbreak on my sleeve. I don’t shed tears. But just because I seem indifferent doesn’t mean that’s how I feel. You’re the only woman in the world who has ever meant anything to me. I would die for you—always. You won’t be part of my life, but that doesn’t mean you won’t have my heart. You’ll always have it with you, no matter how much time has passed. Even when you love someone else, my heart will still be yours.”
“I can’t see myself loving someone else…”
“You will. But he better be good enough for you.”
“He has big shoes to fill…”
“Yes. He does.” His hand slid up my cheek, and he brushed his thumb along my bottom lip. His blue eyes softened slightly, his emotion finally shining through. He worshiped me with his gaze, made love to me with just his eyes. His fingers lightly played with my hair as he waited for permission, as he waited to have me.
The proud woman inside me wanted to turn him away, to hurt him the way he hurt me. But when those intense eyes were on me, I felt powerless to fight the magical pull. If this was really our last night together, I didn’t want to spend it across the hall and alone. I wanted to enjoy the man I loved, to savor the feeling of his kiss. It might hurt more tomorrow, but I was too weak to say no. I leaned in and pressed my mouth to his.
It was a soft kiss, a gentle one that showed my love rather than desire. I loved this man with all my heart. I could say it a million times even if he never said it back. My arm hooked around his neck as our lips moved together. Soft kisses became heated and passionate. Our mouths opened and closed, and Balto tightened his hand in my hair, taking a deep breath as all my nerves were set on fire. I knew he’d never kissed another woman this way, and when I was gone, he probably never would.
His arms snaked under my thighs, and he lifted me into the air as he rose to his feet. His muscular physique didn’t strain as he carried my weight across the hall and to the bedroom we’d shared.
I kissed him the entire way, our embraces growing heavier as our pulses sped up. My nails clawed down his back, and he wasn’t even inside me yet. My body tightened in anticipation, and I knew I had to enjoy every single moment because I would never get sex like this again. Another man would never be able to please me the way he did.
He set me on the edge of the bed then yanked my jeans and underwear off in a single tug. His sweatpants dropped, and he pulled my ass over the edge of the bed, his arms cradling my legs by hooking behind my knees. He left my shirt on as he pressed his crown past my lips. With a slight thrust, he pushed through the tightness then sank deep inside.
His eyes grew heavy as he stared at me, clearly enjoying every inch of my tightness. He was a strong man who never showed weakness. The one exception was in moments like this, when he enjoyed being deep inside me. His rough exterior faded away, and he turned into a man who enjoyed a woman. He wasn’t the violent king anymore. He was just Balto.
When he was completely inside me, he leaned over me and held his weight on his arms, his face hovering just above mine. His eyes looked into mine with lust and love, a look he gave me every time we were together. Maybe he wouldn’t tell me he loved me, but he certainly showed it when he wore that look.
My hands moved up his hard body, feeling the riverbeds and mountains of his stomach. I moved to the endless planes of his chest, feeling the smooth slab of concrete that protected me from the horrible things in the world. When I was underneath him like this, it was the safest place in the world.
He started to thrust inside me, enjoying my beauty with his intense gaze. He watched me open my mouth and moan as I felt his massive length inside me. He made my body shake slightly with his movements, my tits rocking with the momentum. His large length was even bigger than it usually was, probably because he wanted me more than he ever had before.
My hands cupped his face, and I brought his
lips to mine.
He kissed me as he kept thrusting, making love to me in a way he never did with anyone else. His thrusts were slow and gentle because he took his time. Neither one of us was interested in finding release. All we wanted was to feel each other, to hold on to each other for as long as possible until we had to say goodbye.
The necklace he gave me rested in the valley of my breasts, the heavy diamond right against the bottom of my ribs. I hadn’t taken it off because he hadn’t asked for it. It was impossible to forget about given the weight against my body. It was an extra few pounds around my neck.
He sucked my bottom lip then rested his face near mine as he kept thrusting. “You will always be my queen, baby. Always.”
15
Balto
She was cuddled into my side with her arm draped across my chest. Her hair lay against my arm, and she breathed quietly as she slept. When we took a break during our lovemaking, the exhaustion overcame her and she fell asleep.
My lips moved to her hairline, and I kissed her, my lips gentle so she wouldn’t wake up. When I pulled away, I looked into her face, seeing the most beautiful woman in my arms. When morning came, she would leave me for good. Her memory would haunt me for a long time. I would have to get used to sleeping alone again. I would have to get used to living in this house alone. I’d been alone my entire life and I thrived in solitude, but the idea of going back to that life after spending so much time with her filled me with pain.
I dreaded letting her go. I dreaded living without her.
But there was no other choice.
I couldn’t give her the life she deserved. If I allowed her to stay, I wouldn’t be any better than Evan. My enemies would also use her as leverage against me. I could never make her the Skull Queen without making her a target for violence. And I certainly wouldn’t give up my entire life to be with her. I refused to change for anyone. I never expected to fall in love and that complicated my life, but I refused to let it define me. I didn’t want a family, and that was something we would always disagree on.
