by Kelly Oram
Vivian glanced up at me with a questioning look, amused at the hint of the temper tantrum in Cinder’s voice. I rolled my eyes, but I was grinning like an idiot.
“And seeing as how I am Cinder, kick ass prince of the Realm,” Cinder continued on like a dork, “it is my right to discipline anyone who tries to steal her from me. I warn you now, the punishment for such a heinous crime is death by flesh-eating worms.”
I cracked up, but Cinder didn’t hear me because Vivian barked out a louder laugh. “Flesh-eating worms?”
Cinder remained one hundred percent serious. “Hell yes, flesh-eating worms. It’s a very slow, painful, and grotesque way to die. Highly undignified. I wouldn’t recommend it. If I were you, I would just stick with the assistant title, and maybe, if you prove to be worthy, you can be Ellamara’s second best friend.” He paused a second, then added, “Distant second.”
Vivian laughed again. “Gee, thanks. Are you finished?”
“Not even close. There’s still the issue of the two soon-to-be-dead men you mentioned manhandling my woman.”
Vivian’s eyebrows shot up and her smile turned wicked. “What’s the matter, Prince Cinder? Are you jealous?”
“Of course I am. Princes don’t share. But besides that, whoever they are, they aren’t good enough for Ella.”
“How do you know?” I called out, unable to hold back any longer.
“Ah, there’s my girl.”
Cinder’s voice warmed in a way that had Vivian turning on me with wide eyes. I tried my best not to blush, but I knew I’d be having a long conversation with her as soon as this phone call ended.
“How do you know they aren’t good enough for me?” I demanded again, just to get Vivian’s attention off of me.
“Because no guy is worthy of you, Ella. All men are dogs. Absolutely no sharing your body with any of them. Ever. I forbid it. Well, except for Brian Oliver. You have my permission to let him ravish you in the most ungentlemanly ways imaginable.”
Vivian gave me a strange look, and even Glen and Stefan were blinking up at me after that brilliant comment. All I could do was laugh and shake my head in shame. “Your man crush on Hollywood’s Boy Wonder is disturbing, Cinder. It really is.”
“You know you’d like it. Admit it.”
“I know you would.”
“I certainly would,” Vivian offered.
“Me too!” Glen called out, winking over at Stefan.
“I fantasize about it regularly,” Stefan added, and we all burst into laughter.
Oddly, Cinder didn’t seem to appreciate the Brian Oliver lovefest. “Wait a minute. Who was that?” he demanded. “Are there really guys manhandling you right now?”
“Of course not.” I laughed. Then, because I simply couldn’t resist, I added, “They’re being very gentle. Stefan hasn’t even poked me yet.”
“Ellamara!”
His horror was so genuine that I doubled over laughing until I had both Stefan and Glen yelling at me to hold still. “I’m sorry!” I called out, still lost in giggles. “I’ll stop teasing. You know you’re the only man in my life.”
“As I should be.”
“Actually, that’s not entirely true,” Vivian said. The sudden thoughtfulness in her voice made me nervous. “You say you’re her best friend, right?”
“I am,” Cinder promised vehemently.
“Then maybe you can help me convince her to go on a date with this guy from our school. He’s really sweet and he’s crushing on her pretty hard, but she’s too scared to give him a chance.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. I didn’t want to hear his answer. It would kill me when he declared he was happy for me and encouraged me to go for it. Which was what I was sure he would do. And, of course, he did. Sort of. I think.
“Ella…” His voice softened in that way it does sometimes, as if he would be holding me tight in his arms right then if it were at all in his power to do so. “What could you possibly have to be afraid of? Any guy would have to be out of his mind not to fall head over heels for you.”
Stefan sighed and Glen threw a hand over his heart. Vivian practically melted in her chair. Me? I did the most embarrassing thing ever—I cried. Not like noticeable sobs or anything, but my eyes misted over enough that Vivian brought me a tissue.
“You know, it doesn’t have to be Rob she goes out with,” Vivian said into the phone. My gut just about exploded from stress when I realized what she was about to do, but before I could stop her, she said, “Ella and I are having a movie night at my house this Friday. You could come in Rob’s place.”
My heart stopped. How did I not see that coming from the second Vivian answered the phone? How could I let it happen?
Cinder had never asked to meet in person. Not once. He’d never even hinted that he’d like to. The only time the topic ever came up was when he found out I moved to LA, and then he said how much he liked that we’d never met.
I know I said I didn’t want to meet him, either, but of course I did. I loved him so much. I wished everyday that we would meet in person someday and fall madly in love. I was just afraid he wouldn’t want me because my body was broken and scarred. That, or he’d start treating me the way my dad and Jennifer do: as if he thought I were broken and not just my body.
If Cinder ever started treating me as if I were made of glass, it would kill me. But then, Vivian didn’t walk on eggshells around me, and if this Rob guy could have a crush on me the way I am, then maybe Cinder could, too. Granted, I wasn’t one of Cinder’s supermodels, but he cared about me. That had to count for something. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe Vivian was giving us the push we both needed.
I held my breath as I waited for Cinder’s answer. He didn’t say anything for so long that Vivian checked the phone to make sure she hadn’t dropped the call. “Hello?”
“I can’t.”
I shut my eyes to keep tears from sliding down my cheeks. He didn’t want to meet me. Deep down, I’d already known it. We’d tiptoed around the subject before, but neither of us had come out and said it outright. I’d told myself he was just nervous like me and that we’d get there eventually, but his “I can’t” sounded so final. I was sure he heard the quiver in my voice when I finally responded. “It’s okay.”
“I have to go out with the shrew on Friday,” he explained, almost as an afterthought. “We’re having dinner with her dad and some other people. I can’t get out of it.”
Vivian, trying to be helpful but completely missing what was really going on, said, “So we’ll do Saturday instead. Are you busy then?”
“I—” Cinder’s voice broke off and he let out a frustrated breath. “Shit! Ella…I…I can’t.”
He sounded downright tortured, and I was suddenly terrified. “It’s okay,” I said quickly. I didn’t want this to make things awkward between us forever. “Don’t worry about it. I totally get it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
A heavy silence settled on the room. Vivian and her dads didn’t dare move. They had no idea what was happening, but they knew enough to wait it out in silence. Cinder was the first to speak. He cleared his throat and asked, “Is it okay if we read tonight?”
He sounded strange. Hesitant. It was a far cry from his usual confident self.
Even though I knew the answer, it took me a minute to say yes. I was far more upset than I wanted him to know. My heart was breaking, but I knew I’d never be able to give him up even if it was going to hurt every time I spoke to him from now on. “Of course.”
He let out a breath of relief. “I found a new book that I think we’ll like. That’s why I called. I thought we could give it a try together.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Good. Call me later?” He still sounded unsure.
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
I gestured for Vivian to hang up before my voice cracked. As soon as the phone was off, Vivian looked up at me in a panic. “I screwed up. I don’
t know how, but I know it was bad.”
“It’s a long story.”
My body sagged so drastically that Stefan had to jump up and steady me. He helped me off the stool, declaring my work done for the day. Vivian offered to take me home after that. All of them could see that my conversation with Cinder—his official rejection—had exhausted me.
When I got home from Vivian’s it was only a little after four, so I was surprised to hear my dad’s jovial voice coming from the kitchen. “That is not funny!” he declared, but he was laughing as he said it.
In response, I heard both Anastasia and Juliette fly into wild peals of laughter. The mood was light and cheerful. At first it made me smile—as it would anyone, because good moods are generally contagious—but the smile quickly faded as I realized I’d not heard any of them sound so natural since I arrived. They were enjoying themselves like a happy family would. It was obviously a familiar tone for them, too—playfully teasing each other and enjoying one another’s presence. It was like that now because I hadn’t been there. Juliette was right. I was ruining their family.
I stood frozen in the doorway, unable to walk into kitchen and make my presence known. I didn’t want to be the thorn in everyone’s side, didn’t want to be the mood crusher. I didn’t want to ruin this family. Anastasia aside, they weren’t bad people. They deserved to be happy. The second they realized I was home, all the playfulness would stop. That thick, heavy blanket of awkwardness would return and settle over us all again like the inevitable, inescapable fate that it was.
I decided not to go in. I didn’t have anywhere to go, but I figured I could at least do my homework on the front porch or something for a while and give them a little bit of a break from me. They obviously needed it.
Before I could make my escape, Jennifer came around the corner and spotted me. Her eyes flashed, and it took her a second too long to put a smile on her face. “Back from your friend’s house already?”
“Something came up.”
“Everything all right?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
She hesitated but didn’t ask anything else.
“I can leave again if you want me to.”
Jennifer flinched when my words registered. “What?”
I pointed a thumb over my shoulder at the front door. “If you want me to stay away for a while, give you guys some time, I can do my homework on the porch or something.”
She actually looked conflicted for a moment before shaking her head. “Why would you say something so ridiculous?”
She sighed when I raised an eyebrow at her, calling her out. “I’m sorry, Ella. It’s not you. I just hate to see Anastasia having such a hard time. She’s been a different girl since you got here.”
Jennifer sounded as if she was asking for my sympathy, but Ana was being a baby. Everyone in the house was struggling with this arrangement. Ana needed to suck it up just like the rest of us were doing. “I don’t try to antagonize her.”
Jennifer let out a breath and sat down on the bench by the front door. She surprised me when she patted the space next to her. Warily, I sat down beside her and waited for her to speak. “My ex was not a nice man. He was abusive to the girls and me. I met Rich when he was doing some pro-bono work in Boston for a battered women’s shelter where I was living with the girls—hiding, actually, from their father.”
This news was startling. All these years I’d never had a clue how my dad met Jennifer. The way my mother talked about her, I always figured she was his waitress at Hooters or something.
But the story did sound very much like my dad. He was always trying to be the hero, always saving someone. He was so smart and got the best grades at one of the top law schools in the country. He could have been an amazing, highly-paid corporate lawyer, but he always wanted to help people. He was a public defender before he got his job as a state-appointed district attorney. Hearing Jennifer’s story, I could finally see why they were together. He was her heroic knight in shining armor, and she was his beautiful damsel in distress.
Dad was a modern-day Hercules, and it only made his abandonment hurt that much more. I’d always wondered how such a hero, who spent so much time helping others, could be the villain of my story. How could a man like that just walk away, leaving Mama and me on our own?
“Rich swooped into our lives like a guardian angel,” Jennifer said, pulling me from my thoughts. “He saved us, and we all fell in love with him. Ana, especially, has really grown close to him. She’s always been daddy’s little girl. I think she’s afraid you’re going to take her dad away from her.”
“I don’t think she has to worry about that,” I muttered, pulling myself to my feet. I didn’t want to hear any more of this. It was salt in my wounds. He had chosen to play the hero and be the best dad in the whole world. He had just chosen to do it for someone else’s family. I had to swallow back a sick feeling in my stomach.
Jennifer rose with me and set a hand on my arm. “No, she doesn’t,” she agreed. “Rich has room in his heart for you both, but Ana doesn’t know that yet.”
I doubted it, too.
“I’m sorry she’s been mean to you, Ella, and we’re putting a stop to that, but could you at least try to be nice to her, or talk to her sometimes?”
That made me angry and I pulled myself out of her grip. “I may defend myself when she forces me to, but I’m never just mean to her.”
“You’re never friendly, either.” I froze, shocked by the directness. Jennifer’s face softened into something desperate. “I know she doesn’t deserve it, but one of you girls is going to have to be the bigger person and be kind first. I hate to admit it, but from what I’ve seen of you, you’re the stronger one in that respect.” She gave me a watery smile that was equally sad and proud, and possibly even a little jealous. “You’re just like your father that way.”
I had no idea what to say to that. I didn’t even know how I felt about it. Did I like being compared to my father, or complimented by Jennifer, even if the compliments were given with a grain of grudging salt?
I sat back down again. This entire conversation blindsided me and I needed a minute to recover. I think Jennifer could see that because she patted my shoulder and went to join her family after saying, “When you’re ready, everyone’s in the kitchen trying to decide our dinner plans. Special night tonight, so we’re celebrating. You’d better not wait too long if you’d like to have any say in the matter.”
My heart sank. After that conversation, and what happened with Cinder earlier, I didn’t think I had it in me to make it through another family dinner debacle like the last one. I was trying to figure out if the cramps excuse would work in this house when I reached the kitchen.
As expected, the girls’ faces both fell and the laughter stopped immediately. My dad looked surprised, but seeing me didn’t kill his mood. His voice stayed chipper, his eyes bright. “You’re home early.”
“So are you.”
“Court adjourned. I decided to take the rest of the day off to celebrate.”
“I take it your case ended well?”
My dad puffed out his chest, and his grin broke out into a wide smile. “We nailed the bastard.”
I managed a smile for him. It was small, but at least it was sincere. “I’m glad.”
My dad had been on this particular case since before my accident, and his team had struggled, thanks to my dad having to spend so much time in Boston with me. I was really relieved he’d won his case—and not just because he’d been prosecuting a man accused of kidnapping and killing three girls.
“So, sweetheart, we’re going to dinner to celebrate, and we’re having some trouble agreeing.”
“Providence!” Juliette insisted.
“No,” Anastasia groaned. I think it was the first time I’d ever agreed with her on anything. “We did sushi last time.”
“How about Italian?” Dad suggested.
“No!” Jennifer cried, horrified. “Nowhere with breadsticks and
white cream sauce the day before a shoot! You will kill me!”
My dad’s snicker made me think he’d only suggested Jennifer’s biggest food weakness just to rile her up.
“I want Mexican,” Anastasia said. “We never get to eat Mexican.”
“That’s because there aren’t any decent Mexican places around here,” Juliette argued.
“Gloria’s,” Anastasia replied, as if everything was settled.
“I said around here. Gloria’s is in Culver City. It would take us two hours to get there this time of day.”
“Mexican does sound good,” Dad chimed in, rubbing his belly. He smiled at me in a conspiratorial kind of way. “Though no restaurant will ever compare to your mother’s cooking.”
My blood froze in my veins at the mention of Mama. Dad didn’t seem to notice that he’d given me a heart attack. He was smiling at Anastasia and Juliette. “Ella’s mom was the most amazing cook in the world. If there was one thing I missed after we split, it was Lucinda’s green chili enchiladas.”
He may as well have shoved a butcher knife into my heart. Actually, that probably would have hurt less and healed faster. I sucked in a painful breath right about the same time Anastasia laughed and said, “Oh, burn!”
“Dad!” Juliette hissed.
It took him a minute to understand. I watched him go back over the conversation in his head, and then all the blood drained from his face. “Oh, no! Honey, no! That came out wrong. Of course I missed you, too.”
That had to be a lie. He couldn’t have thought of me all those years, because even now, with me standing right here, I’d still been nothing but an afterthought. Juliette had had to spell it out for him.
I was about to run for my room—Dr. Parish’s rules be damned—but when I whirled around my eyes locked with Juliette’s and I couldn’t leave. Juliette wasn’t making any kind of mean face—if anything, she felt bad for me—but just seeing her made me remember what she’d said. I couldn’t run away.
After a deep breath, I turned back around and forced myself to speak. I couldn’t say it was all right or that I was fine, because anyone would have heard the lies in my voice, so I chose to completely change the subject. “Would you like me to make enchiladas for you?”
