He took a deep breath. I realized I’d been holding mine and exhaled slowly, trying not to hyperventilate.
“I never should have said any of those things I said to you. I was pissed off all over again with my father. I didn’t want to admit it, but I’d always hoped he would apologize for what he did. Doing it from his death bed felt too easy. Like he was just a dying old man trying to cheat his way into heaven. When I met Margaret she told me who he’s been since she’s known him. He’s been watching me for years, just inside the shadows, and making sure I was okay.”
His hand brushed over his nearly bald head again and he walked out into the parking lot. “Watching you walk out my door snapped something inside me. I was hurt that you’d actually do it. I told myself if you really loved me then you wouldn’t have left me when I needed you the most.”
I started to interrupt him, but he held up his hand. “Let me get this out, then you can say whatever you want.” I nodded and clamped my mouth shut.
“I was an idiot. I hurt you. I meant to at the time. I wanted you to go. Having you tell me you loved me was more than I could handle right then. You’re the first truly good thing that’s ever happened in my life. Mixing your love with my father’s hate, or my hate for him, turned everything sour in my gut, and I didn’t believe it. I had to hurt you the way I was hurting.”
He shook his head.
“I know. It’s not fair, or right. Watching you walk out the door a part of me knew I loved you but wasn’t ready to admit it. I fucking lost it when you left. I became a complete asshole to work for and work with. People started avoiding me. Greg took me aside and threatened to kick my ass if I didn’t work my shit out. He told me to go home and not come back until I had my head on straight.”
He took a deep breath and waited. I risked a glance at him and saw pain and shame in his eyes. “I spent a week drinking. If my dad could erase my mom with a bottle I thought maybe I could erase you. But it didn’t work. Lucky whined at the door every night, waiting to go see you. I smelled you on my sheets and couldn’t bring myself to wash them. I saw you every time I closed my eyes and felt you every time I closed my hands.”
I’d felt the same. Brady was so ingrained in me that he was like a ghost in my house. It was like he was there, even though he never was.
“I went to see him. To his grave. I told him everything I felt, how much I hated him for what he turned me into. I yelled at him and cried and yelled some more. Margaret was there, but I didn’t know it. She heard all the things I said to him and told me how sorry she was and that she knew he was sorry too, and had been for years. She gave me a letter he wrote and invited me to lunch at their house Sunday so I could meet Grace. That’s when she told me about you going to see her. I knew I had to get you back.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him, not speaking, but silently asking why it took three days for him to visit me. If he had to get me back on Sunday, why wait until Wednesday?
“I know, I shouldn’t have taken three days to find you, but you moved. And I had to be worthy of you. I had to be someone you could be proud to be with.” He took a deep breath. “I signed up for get my GED, and I threw away all the liquor I’d bought and recommitted to myself not to drink. I’m not going to be him. I’m going to be someone you don’t have to be ashamed of, and I’m going to spend my life showing you how much I love you, Sam.”
What? Was he serious?
I looked at him and found him studying me. Waiting. “Is it my turn to talk now?” I asked. Brady nodded. “First of all,” I said angrily, “how dare you claim I wasn’t proud to be with you. I love you, Brady. Not your education, not your gym, not your past, not whatever. You, every bit of you. Second, you don’t know me very well at all if you think you need to prove yourself to me. And third, how dare you accuse me of being with someone else already. I’ve been a mess since I left your place. You told me to go. You told me you didn’t want me. You shattered my heart. Fourth, you’re not getting away with keeping me at arm’s length this time. You’re letting me in, all the way in, Brady. I don’t want you avoiding questions, dodging answers, or changing the subject. If I ask you something, you’re going to tell me the truth. More than your words, what hurt me was knowing how much you’d kept from me. Believing you cared so little for me that you didn’t even want to tell me anything. We’ve delved into my world, we’re getting comfy in yours next.”
Brady was grinning like a fool by the time I finished. I was out of breath, my chest heaving in my anger. He stalked toward me, his eyes shimmering in the light above the door. I stepped back but the door was behind me, trapping me.
“What are you doing?” I stammered. “Why are you smiling at me like that?”
Brady rested his hands on my hips and leaned in close. His lips brushed my neck and he whispered, “You said ‘this time.’ ‘This time’ like you’re giving me another chance. ‘This time’ like you forgive me for being such an asshole. ‘This time’ like I’m going to be able to kiss you and love you and hold you again. ‘This time’ I’m not going to screw it up.”
Then his mouth was on mine, demanding, taking, loving. With my back pressed against the door and Brady covering my front, I felt secure, safe, right. I kissed him back, our tongues battling for a taste, our hands roaming, our bodies aching to come together again.
A horn blared in the distance and Brady let me up for air. We both turned toward the parking lot and saw Carrie and Riley standing next to the car and smiling at us.
“It’s about fucking time,” Riley yelled.
“No shit!” Carrie agreed.
I pushed Brady away and started walking toward them, but they held up their hands.
“Nope. We’re gone. We were never here. Drag that man inside and have your way with him. Or take him home. We’ll reschedule,” Carrie said with a grin.
“Yeah, what she said. And let the dog out of the car,” Riley added.
“Dog?” I questioned, turning back to Brady. “You brought Lucky?”
Carrie and Riley’s doors slammed shut and they pulled out of the lot like nothing had happened. I was going to need to do something nice for them. Like, really nice.
“Lucky was Plan B,” Brady said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward his Jeep.
Lucky was on the driver’s seat wagging his tail and smiling at me. I was almost as excited to see him as I was to see Brady. Almost. He whined and pawed at the door, and as soon as Brady opened it he jumped on me for some loving. I ran my hands over his soft fur and cuddled him into my neck. I’d missed him.
We all headed back toward the studio and I remembered what Brady said. “What do you mean Plan B?”
Brady grinned and pulled me close. “If you wouldn’t take me back I was going to tell you how miserable Lucky was and ask for joint custody. I hoped that maybe seeing me all the time you would fall in love with me again and let me back in.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and lifted up on my toes so we were almost nose to nose. “You were never out, Brady. You were always in.”
“Good, now let me in the rest of you, baby. You’re already in. All the way. And once we get inside I’m going to show you,” he teased me with a nibble along my neck.
Brady snapped his fingers and Lucky fell into step beside us. Brady stopped me outside the door and sealed our lips together again, his hands drifting down to cup my ass. He lifted me, pulling me into his arms. My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist and opened me up to him. He felt so good, so right with me again.
Brady carried me inside and straight to my studio, laying me down on the blankets that were scattered on the floor. He ran out for a minute and I heard the doors click locked, then he was back. “I love you, Sam. I love you so much,” he said, peering into my eyes.
“I love you, Brady. I’m not letting you go again,” I said sternly.
“I’m not going anywhere. I promise, baby,” he whispered before slanting his lips over mine.
Then he proved to me, over an
d over again, just how deep inside his heart I was.
Epilogue
Riley
“This is such a cool idea, don’t you think?” Carrie asked as we walked up the sidewalk. Mandy and Xander’s house seemed to be the gathering place for the group, a group Carrie and I were welcomed into only a few months ago.
“Yeah, it’s nice. I feel like we’re a part of something with them.”
“Me, too. I can’t believe we’ve all been in the same town for so long and never ran into each other. I’m just glad Sam wandered into READ when she did.”
“Yeah, she and Brady are so happy. I’m glad he finally pulled his head out of his ass and got her back.”
Carrie threw her head back and laughed. My best friend was one of the most beautiful women I’d ever met. She had long, wavy brown hair that fell a few inches past her shoulders. She was curvy in a way that drew men’s attention instead of made them look right past her. And her eyes… she had the most unique and amazing eyes I’d ever seen. They would have fit better on a cat, but on Carrie she just looked exotic and beautiful, not that she was exotic. She didn’t know any better than I did where she got her gorgeous eyes.
Me, on the other hand, I was the complete opposite of Carrie. I had more curves than a mountain road, and not in a good way. My hair was dull and lifeless and my eyes were a boring brown color. There wasn’t anything special about me.
“Xander’s friend is supposed to be here. Everyone said he’s really nice, and totally hot.”
“He’s also practically engaged,” I chastised. Carrie was constantly on the lookout for a new man, even, occasionally, when she had one. Having a guy with a good recommendation meant she was that much more interested.
“Girlfriends can be eliminated,” Carrie teased.
“Says the woman who wants nothing more than to become a wife and mother. You know that starts with girlfriend, right?”
Carrie waved her hand dismissively. “When it’s right I won’t worry about that. I’ll know.”
Carrie rang the doorbell and we waited. A few seconds later Mandy opened the door with a huge grin. “Hi ladies! Come in.”
“It smells amazing in here,” I said as we stepped inside.
“Xander’s been cooking all day. He’s so excited about this.”
“Are we the last ones here?” Carrie asked, her eyes glancing toward the kitchen where the others were.
Mandy shook her head. “Nope. Sam and Brady aren’t here yet. They’re on the way though.”
“Is Xander’s friend here?” I asked, saving Carrie from embarrassing herself.
Mandy wrinkled her nose. “No. His bitch of a girlfriend wouldn’t let him come. Something about wanting him to take her shopping.”
“It is Black Friday,” I said tentatively, hoping to ease the tension.
“It doesn’t matter. She just doesn’t like Drew coming over here. She knows we trash her the whole time and try to talk him into dumping her. But enough about her. We’re here to be thankful.”
Carrie and I followed Mandy through the living room to the kitchen where the others had gathered. We exchanged hugs with our other friends, grateful to have been welcomed into their world.
“Dinner’s almost ready,” Xander announced. “Where are Sam and Brady?”
“Probably having sex if I know Sam,” Addi teased.
“Hey, I resemble that remark,” Sam answered as she and Brady came into view.
“Finally! Someone who’ll let themselves into the house without requiring me to answer the door,” Mandy cheered.
Sam and Brady laughed and he pulled her a little closer. “We had important things to do, and no we weren’t having sex. Well, we did earlier, but that’s not why we’re late.”
“Why are you late?” Addi asked carefully, leaning into Joey.
“We had to run into the city to see my parents.”
“Didn’t you see your family yesterday?” Claire asked.
Sam nodded and chewed her lip. She glanced up at Brady and love passed between them. It was palpable. God, it made me so jealous. I adored Sam and Brady, but man did I want a man to look at me like that.
Not that one ever would.
“We did. But Brady promised my dad we would go see them first when we got engaged.”
Sam smiled so widely I thought her cheeks were going to split in half. She waited as her news sunk in around the room. All at once everyone started talking, offering congratulations and asking questions.
“Let’s eat,” Sam said. “We’ll answer questions over dinner, but I don’t want to let Xander’s amazing cooking get cold.”
Everyone agreed with Sam and we all settled at whatever seats we could find. Carrie and I sat together at the breakfast bar with Addi and Joey. Sam, Brady, and Charlie pulled up stools opposite us at the breakfast bar. Claire, Aidan, Mandy, Xander, Lexi, and Mike sat at the table in the dining room.
“Okay,” Mandy said, standing up and lifting her glass. “Since this is our first friends Thanksgiving, we’re going to go around the room and say what we’re thankful for right now and what we’re hoping for during the next year. I’m going to start. Right now, I’m thankful for my friends who have become my family. For next year I’m hoping we keep our traditions going with girls’ night and more get togethers like this.”
“We should start calling it friends’ night or something,” Aidan teased Mandy. “Us guys are starting to feel like we’re not wanted.”
“Yeah!” the other guys cheered.
Mandy raised an eyebrow at them all and they quieted. “We’ll see,” she finally relented. “Who’s next?”
“I am,” Xander said beside her, standing. “I’m grateful for the beautiful woman by my side, for the gift of having you as my wife. And in the next year I hope the launch of XD Designs is as much of a success as our marriage.”
“You’re finally starting it?” Claire asked.
I had no idea what they were talking about.
“Yep. Drew and I were going to announce it tonight, but since he’s not here, I’m telling everyone. We hope to be open for business by summer. We’re still working, but we know if we don’t take the plunge now we never will.”
“What is he talking about?” I whispered to the others.
“Xander and Drew have been working together on the side to rebuild old houses, like this one. They’re finally starting up their own company to do it full time,” Addi explained.
“Awesome,” Carrie said. “So cool.”
“Yeah. They met in college and always talked about starting their own company. They’re crazy talented. You should ask Mandy to see the before pictures of this place. It’s amazing what they’ve done.”
The room continued talking, everyone saying what they were grateful for and their wishes for the next year. When it was my turn I was incredibly anxious. “I’m grateful for my new friends. Life has changed with all of you in it and I couldn’t be happier. And next year I’m hoping, well, I’m hoping I don’t lose my job.”
“What?”
“Why?”
I forced a grin I didn’t feel. “My bosses are getting close to retirement. They’ve been handing more and more of the business over to me. I’d love to buy the store, but I don’t have enough money just yet. I’m worried they’re going to end up closing it down or selling off to one of the bigger stores. Not many people want small bookstores anymore.”
“Wow, that sucks,” Addi said. “Hopefully it all works out.”
I nodded and forced a grin. I hoped she was right, but I had very little faith in that. Pam and George had started taking more and more time off work, leaving me to fill in. I loved it, but I knew it was only a matter of time before they wanted out completely. Not that I blamed them. They were in their 60’s and ready to relax and enjoy life, or so they told me. I just wished they’d hold out a few more years so I could save a little more and buy READ from them.
When everyone finished telling what they were thankful for and what the
y wanted we all jumped back into wedding questions. “How did he ask?” “How big of a wedding?” “Have you set a date?”
At the last question Sam looked up into Brady’s eyes. He leaned down and sealed their lips together in a tender kiss. Staring at each other they answered, “January 22.”
“That’s two months away!” “Are you crazy?” “Are you pregnant?”
Again, the last question had them pausing.
“No,” Sam said definitively. “We just don’t see the point in waiting.”
“I don’t want to wait to call this woman mine,” Brady said, leaning down to capture Sam’s lips again.
And I realized I’d lied. I could always find another job. What I really wanted in the next year was to have someone look at me the way Brady looked at Sam. To have someone who couldn’t wait to marry me. Someone who only had eyes for me.
Someone I was sure didn’t actually exist.
Thank You!
Thank you so much for reading Fat & Fine. I knew when I started this series that not every one of the women was going to be content with her size. What I didn’t know was Sam was going to be the one who wanted to change. I think she learned by the end that she was fine as she was though.
Reviews are huge for writers, especially new ones like me. I’d love for you to leave a review of Fat & Fine wherever you buy books. And please check out my other titles!
Big & Beautiful series
Chubby & Charming (free everywhere)
Lush & Lovely
Shapely & Stunning
Bulky & Beauteous
Fat & Fine
Plump & Pretty (preorder now)
Husky & Hot (available Apr 5)
Fat & Fine (Big & Beautiful Book 5) Page 21
