by Nicky James
“Then you underestimate how I feel.”
His eyes were on me, but I wouldn’t meet them.
“You really think I can just walk away from this, don’t you? Like it’s that easy.”
A group of people moved around us and I shrunk away from their press of bodies. When they passed, I turned to Soren. “Tonight, I hoped we could talk about it. Would you accept my help if I offered? If we could find you a way out, a job that would provide you with at least an equal income, would you consider?”
He blew a strand of hair from where it’d fallen across his forehead and rolled his eyes. “You’re persistent. I’ll give you that. Let me ensure you have a table and a fresh drink. I’m on stage next.”
Without waiting for me to respond, he spun and went off toward the main bar. He wore yellow shorts that evening with wide silver stripes and a black band around the waist. The curve of his spine and the swing of his hips drew my eyes as they always did. His skin was flawless and smooth, shimmering in the flashing lights of the club. I wasn’t the only man to notice him either. As he walked away, many eyes followed. One pair belonged to a man I recognized and I stilled when I saw him.
It was the same creep I’d seen with Soren over a month earlier. The one that caused anxiety to swim in Soren’s eyes. My blood heated as the man took in Soren’s scantly clad body. Every instinct wanted to react, but I refrained. It wasn’t my place.
It felt like ages before Soren was given the okay to leave the floor. I’d become accustomed to the signs he looked for from Donny, yet was smart enough not to let either of them know how attentive I’d become to their subtle communication.
Our routine up until that point had been established, and Soren no longer asked whether I wanted a drink. I never stayed long. That night, I had different plans and when Soren escorted me into the private bar and poured himself his usual double spiced rum and Coke, I approached the bar opposite him.
“How about making that two tonight.”
He paused mid-pour before acknowledging the request and he pulled down another glass. When he’d filled both our drinks, he tossed a coaster on the bar, wiped the condensation from my glass and set it down with a stack of napkins beside it.
I smiled at the arrangement as he took the first sip of his own. Once he swallowed, he chuckled. “I’ve got you figured out.”
“You do.” I picked up the drink and napkins in one hand and the coaster in the other. “Any chance we can relocate somewhere we won’t be interrupted?”
He nodded, and I followed him to the smaller room we’d been in a few weeks back. He set his drink on the small side table and flicked on the lamp. In the weeks since I’d started coming to see him, he’d relaxed significantly.
Once the room was dimly lit, he spun and placed his hands on his hips. He said nothing, only watched and waited for me to begin.
I crossed the room toward him, placed my own drink beside his—on my coaster. Then, I picked up his glass and placed the folded napkins he’d given me underneath, soaking up the wet ring it’d left behind.
“My God, you have to let things go sometimes.” He laughed and picked up his glass removing the napkins before plopping it back down again. He then waved the damp napkins. “I know your head wants to explode because it might leave a wet ring on the table or stain the wood or warp it or whatever might happen when a wet glass sits on a table without a coaster, but listen, this is Donny’s place. Donny. The man we both hate. How about for once, we let it slide and have ourselves a little laugh if the furniture gets ruined? Can you do that? For me?”
My body warmed as he teased. His fire burned my core and ignited a lust that simmered under the surface more frequently as of late. His blue eyes radiated humor and his smile… it was free, open and reserved for me.
I took the wet napkins from him and balled them up. His eyebrows rose as I tossed them over my shoulder. He laughed. It was musical and vibrant, singing through every part of me. In that moment, I would have given anything to take his face and kiss him soundly, but I refrained. It wasn’t the time or the place for anything like that to occur. I wasn’t one of those men and I didn’t want him thinking he’d been wrong about me.
As his laughter slowly simmered, he shook his head. “Sometimes, your actions surprise the hell out of me.”
“I’m aware of my quirks and that they make most people crazy.” I took a step closer, and unable to help myself, grazed my fingers lightly up his arm, from his wrist to his shoulder. He was warm to the touch, his porcelain skin smooth. As my fingers reached the end of their journey, faint goosebumps rose over his arm. He didn’t pull away, only watched me as his body stilled. Even the rise and fall of his breathing stopped as he held his breath.
Knowing I shouldn’t be touching him like that, I withdrew my hand and his face turned upward to mine.
“I know you want me,” he whispered. “You can’t hide it from your eyes. I see it. You’ve been paying for it for over a month now. If… if that’s what you want… I-I can…” He averted his gaze to the floor. “I can. If you want.”
“Look at me.” I didn’t touch him or raise his chin like I wanted. But I used enough firmness in my tone he lifted his head. There was weariness where his humor had been moments before and it broke me. “Are you listening?”
He swallowed hard and nodded.
“I don’t deny my attraction, nor have I ever. I want very much to convince you to get away from this place so that maybe we can explore new ground—if that is something you desired as well. Under no circumstance will I pay to have sex with you. If you decide you want a relationship and it is something we mutually agree upon in time, then that is how it will happen. Not here. Not like this.” I motioned to the lounge area. “Will you sit and talk with me?”
There was a pause before he nodded and moved to the couch. He undid the buckles on his boots and threw them aside before curling his feet under himself where he sat in the corner.
I chose a seat in the chair, keeping a distance between us I hoped would help him feel more comfortable.
I sipped my drink and went to replace it on the coaster before thinking better and tossing the coaster at Soren and resting my glass on the wooden surface of the table. He smiled and took it in his hands, fiddling with it as he waited for me to speak.
“If I could help you find a job, would you leave? If it didn’t sacrifice your income.”
He glanced up from the coaster he spun in his hands before dropping his gaze again. He picked at the cardboard’s edge, tearing little pieces off and rolling them in his fingers.
“Doing what?”
“Does it matter? From what you’ve shared, I would assume anything would be better than this.”
He tossed the little ball of paper on the table and picked at the coaster again, pulling it apart more.
“If it was just dancing and serving, I wouldn’t hate it.”
It didn’t answer my question, so I remained quiet. When the silence increased, he glanced up, his fingers stilling their assault.
“Can you really help me?”
“Do you want out?”
“Yes,” he said without missing a beat.
“Then I’ll do everything in my power to help you.”
His head dropped and his fingers busied again making little paper balls which he set aside one after another. Eventually he stopped again. His gaze remained fixed on the little mountain he’d made on the table. “And in return?”
My stomach curdled when I realized he thought my offer held stipulations. But, why wouldn’t he?
“No strings, Soren. If you can get yourself out of here, it would put my mind at ease.”
He seemed lost inside his head while he thought and his next words came from somewhere deep within and were weighted heavy with sadness and grief.
“I’ve developed a huge dislike for sex. Kissing to me was always way more intimate, so I stopped allowing it when I had no other control. At least I could hang onto something and not taint
everything.” His gaze lifted; he looked years older than his mere twenty-two years. Like a man who had seen a lifetime of injustices. In so many ways, he had. “I don’t know if we can ever date. I don’t know if I can have a relationship with a man anymore without being reminded of who I am. So, I need to know that isn’t an expectation.”
“I will never ask for more than you are willing to give. If someday you change your mind, or that desire returns, perhaps we can talk. No strings though, like I said.”
“Okay.”
I let out a tight breath. The progression and cooperation I’d received was more than I expected. His admissions tasted bitter on my tongue. At twenty-two-years-old he’d given up on the prospect of having a real relationship. What was worse, he’d developed an aversion to sex. His whole experience, from what I’d gathered, consisted of shady men and giving himself unwillingly to them. Did he even know what it was to love or be loved? On a best guess, I’d have said no.
“I have some possibilities, nothing definitive, but avenues I’m exploring. When I know better, we can talk.”
I rose from the couch and Soren’s mind returned from where it had strayed. “And… until then?” Mild panic distorted his blue eyes. His desperation was unmistakable.
“Until then, I will return every weekend. I meant what I said, I can’t stand the thought of anyone laying their hands on you. Especially knowing how you feel about it.”
Soren rose as well, his thin exposed body appearing smaller still with the weight of responsibility he carried. I wanted to take him in my arms and carry him away from all of it, but I knew all I could do was guide him. It needed to be his choice; his actions.
I removed my wallet and he cringed.
“I hate that you do this. You are spending an incredible amount of money being here so often.”
I tossed the money on the side table and returned my wallet to my back pocket. “I’d pay ten times as much to know you were safe.” Whether it was from a lack of restraint or the sadness making his blue eyes mist over, I reached out and trailed a thumb across his cheek. “Believe me when I say, no man will ever violate you in that way again. Not if I have anything to say about it.”
I wasn’t sure if I imagined it or not, but the pressure against my thumb increased as he leaned into my touch. I wanted to believe I saw hope in his face just then.
With no more to say, I lowered my hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
By the following weekend, I’d researched and touched base with three acquaintances who could help me place Soren in a better work environment. I’d made printouts of the skill requirements and basic job descriptions, graphed their comparative pay scales and hour expectations, and also printed the layouts of potential schedules and what days of the week and hours the companies were looking for… In case he chose to call and set up interviews. I didn’t want to assume anything on his behalf, especially before we talked.
The folder of information was filled with enough pages it was bulky. I couldn’t jam it anywhere inconspicuous, so I planned to ask Soren if he’d like to meet up again on Monday so we could discuss it more openly in a safe environment. Selfishly, I also wanted to cook dinner for him again and get to know him better. The last non-date had ended a little rough, I hoped to do things differently.
That night I showed up around my usual time and was surprised to find Soren on stage. Ordinarily, he danced the final set of the evening. I shimmied carefully through the crowd and collected a beer from the bar. I didn’t see Donny and breathed a sigh of relief since I had no desire to speak with him.
There wasn’t an open table, so I found myself a spot out of the way to watch him dance. He was on stage with Ashton and they complimented each other well, even danced together at one point which the crowd loved, giving them hoots and whistles of encouragement.
When Soren caught my eye, a smile spread to his face and for the remainder of his set, his eyes were glued to me alone. A few times, I felt like I was getting a personal show. The way he rolled his hips along with the music, thrusted his pelvis and spun as he swayed his body, was incredibly erotic and eye-pleasing. It warmed me inside and out. My mouth went dry and I swallowed two large mouthfuls of beer just to remain composed. My skin tingled and the seductive looks he gave me told me he knew exactly what kind of effect he was having.
Then, he ramped up his game. When he lowered himself to the ground in a squat, he ran his hands down his outer thighs to his knees, then trailed them back up his inner thighs, spreading his legs and devouring me with hungry eyes. I almost dropped my beer. I knew it was a show, an act, but I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a reciprocal attraction.
When the set ended, he hopped off the far end of the stage and collected a glass of water from the bartender before skipping over to see me. There was a spring in his step I’d never seen and a smile radiated across his face.
He looked… happy.
“Hi!” His energy bubbled and it brought a smile to my own face. “Guess what?” Before I could respond, he snagged my shirt and drew me down to his level so he could speak into my ear. “Donny is gone away all weekend.”
The heat radiating off his skin seeped into me. The soft scent of his fruity lotion permeated my nostrils. I inhaled deeply, not flinching at the close connection we shared. He pulled his mouth away from my ear, but his hands remained fisted onto my sweater. The flush in his cheeks accentuated his beaming joy. Blue eyes shone and sparkled in the flashy lighting.
“Isn’t that great? No backroom. Nothing. We are free all weekend.”
I returned a smile. “That’s wonderful.”
And it was. However, I was surprised to find a small element of disappointment surface. There was no need for me to stay if Donny wasn’t around, nor was there reason to return the following day. Soren had a reprieve without my being present and he deserved it.
“Did you need another beer?” He released my sweater and smoothed a hand over the wrinkles he’d caused, flattening me out again.
“I think not. Since you have a free night, I’ll let you enjoy it.”
“Oh,” his smile faltered, “Okay. I… I understand.”
Was he disappointed? He smoothed his hand one last time down the front of my sweater and stood on his toes, lifting himself to my height. I suspected he was going to speak into my ear again. The club music was loud and we needed to shout to be heard. I leaned down and his lips landed on my cheek. He kissed me lightly and pulled back with hesitation in his eyes
“Thank you for coming. I’m sure it’s as much a night off for you as it is for me.”
I could still feel the dampness his lips left behind on my cheek and their warmth from when they’d touched my skin. As difficult as it was managing my reactions to the seedy club’s atmosphere, I enjoyed Soren’s company and a twinge of sadness dampened my mood.
I didn’t care if his hands had come in contact with a hundred other men’s that evening as he delivered drinks and collected empties, I reached to where it still rested on my sweater and encased it in my own. “I have some information for you with regards to what we talked about. Would you like to come for dinner Monday evening? Not a date, just food, and we can talk some about it?”
The disappointment that had risen when I’d told him I was leaving evaporated and his vibrant smile returned. “I’d like that. Sure.”
“Should I pick you up?”
“I can take the bus.”
“I can pick you up. How is seven again?”
His smile widened. “Perfect.”
I squeezed his hand in my own and released it. “I’ll see you then.”
His acceptance and the way he lit up at my invitation made my heart swell. I left The Escape feeling lighter and confident that we were on the right track. Seeing Soren so full of glee and without the heavy burden of responsibility was enough to calm all the worry and concern I’d been having for so many weeks. Whether he chose to date me or not, if I could help him escape from that hellhole that was destr
oying his natural vibrancy, I’d be at peace.
Chapter Thirteen
SOREN
“Just admit it’s a date and I’ll shut up.”
“It’s NOT a date.” I tried to close the dresser drawer for the third time and it still didn’t shut. I shoved the few sticking out socks in harder and tried again. There didn’t seem to be enough drawer space for all the clothes I’d accumulated over the past year. Only, I’d never tried to fit everything into the dresser, so I had no idea.
“You like him. I saw you two together Friday night. Donny wasn’t even there and you were all over him. Soren, you are never like that. You were all flirty and touchy. You kissed his cheek. You don’t kiss. Ever. You won’t even kiss me.”
Ash sat on his bed watching me as I frantically tried to tidy our apartment. When the fourth attempt at closing the drawer still didn’t work, I yanked it open and removed a few pairs of underwear. That time it closed. I opened the next drawer down and crammed them inside, squishing them into the corners. With enough pushing and shoving, the drawer closed and I spun, scanning the room and the million and one mini disasters that were still scattered about.
“I don’t like him. I… I can’t explain it. He’s just trying to help me.”
Ash crossed his arms over his chest and seethed. “Oh really, then explain why your shirt is in a knot over the state of the apartment right now.”
Because I don’t want him to think I’m just some slobby teenager who can’t clean up after himself.
God, what was happening to me? When did I start giving a shit what Remy thought?
“Can you stop asking me a million questions and help? He’s going to be here any minute and I’m not ready… and this place is trashed.”
Ash fell backward on his bed and put his hands behind his head. “Nope, not until you tell me the truth.”
I growled with exasperation. How did I explain something I hadn’t figured out?
