When Time Stood Still

by K. S. Adkins

  Leaving the cane in the car because she’d rather hold my hand, I lead her to the door and ring the obnoxious bell. Mary, his dedicated she-servant, lets us in, seating us in the parlor. Time even raised an eyebrow at the word parlor, then informed me that until now, she didn’t think they were real. I went on to tell her that until today, I was never allowed to sit in it at all.

  All these years later seeing the prick still required an appointment. Of course, we both could hear him barking orders from down the hall, it’s what he did. When he finally decided to give us an audience he was loud about that too.

  Jesus, he still wore the robe…

  “Drummond,” he booms and I catch a smile from Time. She knows I hate being called Drummond and only does it if she’s super pissed or wants to rile me up.

  “Father,” I stand bringing Time with me. For her part, she hid her shock well. It’s not every day you see formality like this and I was impressed she didn’t vomit. I know I wanted to.

  “And who is this?” he asks, but it was said in a tone like who is the commoner you dare to bring into my castle…

  Extending her hand she goes too far to the left of him and he watches her miss the mark. “What are you blind?” he laughs then I tensed up, pulling her behind me. Stepping back forward she puts her hands on her hips and says, “Not yet, but very soon. I’m impressed you even noticed.”

  Immediately he bristled, ready to square off with her. I knew better than to bring her here. Dammit, she had enough challenges without dealing with this asshole. When he attempts to speak she extends her hand again and for some reason that made me want to cry. There was no getting through to him and I didn’t want her to be hurt when he treated her like trash. “My name is Time,” she says waiting for him to take what she’s offering and I couldn’t believe it when he did. “Time Green, actually I’m your daughter-in-law.”

  When he covers my wife’s hand with his own looking to me for confirmation, I nod. “Drum is also my doctor,” she says proudly. “He’s been helping me prepare for a life without sight. But I’m super hard not to love so he decided on the package deal. You’re speechless right? I know you expected me to be taller but what I lack in height I make up for in inappropriate jokes.”

  When my father stays silent watching Time with sincere eyes, I didn’t know what to do. But like always, she did. “May I?” she asks reaching out to touch his face. When her hands touch his cheeks his eyes close while she explores. “I can still see you,” she explains. “But I’m remembering you for when I can’t.”

  Still covering her hands, he looks down at my wife and asks her, “You love my son?”

  “Your son sold his practice to open up a center to help people like me. If I hadn’t loved him before that, I have to tell you, that would have done it.”

  “Is this true?” he asks me.

  “It is.”

  “You did this for your wife?”

  “I did.” This was the longest conversation we’d had in fifteen years and honestly, I wanted Time out of the line of fire before it reverted back to slinging insults at each other. But that isn’t what happened. For the first time in my life, my father looked at me with something other than disappointment. He looked at me with pride, a lot of it. Then he grabbed a hold of Time and refused to let her go. With an oomph, she fell into him and returned the hug.

  For once, he and I were on the same page and it was all because of her.

  “You’re staying for dinner,” he announces pulling her behind him.

  “Uh, dad,” she says trying to keep up. “I can walk without help.”

  Stopping dead in his tracks she runs right into his back and carefully he turns to face her. My father was a large man, always has been but he was gentle with my wife and fuck if I knew what to make of that. “Of course you can,” he says pulling her under the safety of his arm. “But why should you? You have me and I have a house full of priceless things, I wouldn’t want you getting hurt.”

  Spinning to face me, she points and with wide eyes she squeals, “Oh my God, he is totally your dad!”

  He and I both closed our mouths. This was so surreal it was almost comical, almost.

  All through dinner my father doted on Time. He listened to her describe our adventures and what we’ve done to prepare for the future. But it all came to a screeching halt when he asked her about children, a topic we haven’t even broached yet. Very quietly and without looking at either one of us she says, “I think it’s wise if I learn how to take care of myself before considering children.”

  “Time,” my father says getting out of his massive chair and coming over to her smaller one. “I am…sorry.”

  Like nothing ever happened, she pats his hand and defuses a sad subject by asking him, “Would you like to hear about my dog?” She would never know what it took for him to apologize. In all my years, I’d never heard him apologize to anyone, not even my mother.

  For two more hours I watched my father fall in love with her like he would a daughter. In return, I watched my wife love my father for exactly who and what he was. She loved him because he created me.

  As for me, I decided that maybe it was time to give the old man a break. I wasn’t exactly an easy son to raise and I held some blame for our rift too. Since meeting Time, every day has been a new lesson in humility.

  My wife, although losing her sight, sees much more than I ever have.

  The two days of training in preparation of my life with Bella was amazing.

  I loved her more than what is probably considered normal. She wasn’t just going to be a pet to me, but my friend, my security and my lifeline. Within the first hour, she and I were already in synch with each other. Drum was as impressed as the handler, and they looked proud.

  The only struggle I had was being asked to close my eyes during training.

  I know those with sight find it difficult to understand, but soon I was losing this gift forever. Closing my eyes even for a second meant not seeing something and I rebelled against it. It’s the main reason I now have trouble sleeping. Even with my painted room and calming noises, I couldn’t get to sleep without pills. I was obsessed with seeing.

  Just as we were leaving, my vision went from dim to darkness with no warning. Panic seized me immediately, Drum noticed and tried speaking to me but his words were like static. I was absolutely terrified, utterly lost, totally pissed off, ready to lose it, when I felt Bella’s nose nudging me for attention. Focusing on her, I kneel down using her as a crutch. She was there between my legs allowing me the time I needed to get control of myself. Burying my face in her fur, I fought the hysteria. It took closing and opening my eyes a dozen times for them to finally clear. These voids were happening more frequently, taking more time to get my vision back which was a stark reminder that time was not on my side. Licking my cheek, she nudges me again and I was pretty sure it was her way of saying, okay it’s over, now get up.

  Normally I relied on Drum to calm me down, and until recently he was able to. But lately the frequency kept me on edge, always fearful of not how it would strike, but when. Right away, Bella saw the change and knew what to do. Without a doubt, I made the decision to use a leader dog before it was too late. Leaving her behind wasn’t easy, even though soon she’d be home with me, I wanted her now. So needless to say, when Drum took me to the pet store to get her supplies, I was moody.

  Okay, so moody wasn’t the right word.

  Maybe, more like…combative.

  Fine, I was spoiling for a fight.

  I was stocking up on treats while Drum secured her food when I was rammed hard from behind. The treats in my hand went crashing to the floor while my cane hung loosely from my wrist. With limited vision, I stared at her treats, furious I’d have to start over. Pissed off at the world I yelled, “Hey fucker!” to get his attention.

  “What’d you just call me?” he says getting in my space. He was blurry but, I was able to make him out enough to know he was now my enemy. If the fucker gave me
an opening or any more lip, I was prepared to choke him to death.

  “You just plowed into me, asshole,” I point out.

  “So?”

  “So?” I sputter. My God I was arguing with Lucifer.

  “Yeah, so? If you can’t see to get the fuck out of the way then it’s your own damn fault—”

  Normally, I was a kind person. I really was. But I’ve had a rough day. I’m feeling emotional and scared for my future. Actually no, I’m feeling like a total bitch and this bastard pushed me beyond the point of reason.

  Bella’s treats forgotten; I gripped my cane and started swinging.

  She insisted she would get Bella’s treats alone.

  So here I was loading up on food for our new addition. Bella knew Time was in trouble and without prompting she was there keeping her safe. The look of fear on my wife’s face would never leave me. It was like she was shut off from the world, stuck in a room with no way out.

  Her eyes moved wildly searching for something she knew, but finding nothing. She was mute, unable to scream for help. My voice didn’t register, not even my touch until she felt Bella. Taking a deep breath I had to remember her vision came back, that today she still has a small amount of her sight left.

  There was no one in the world I respected more than her. She handled everything with grace and patience. Then I heard her screaming and swearing. Dropping the food, I ran over to her, worried she was hurt. “Oh shit!” I blurt when I see her swinging her cane at some punk kid who was throwing dog bones at her.

  “Time,” I grunt pulling her away. “Stop, you have to stop.”

  “Let go,” she growls fighting me to have another swing.

  “You can’t hit people with your cane,” I remind her. “You could hurt yourself.”

  “Oh fuck that!” she yells trying to break free. The little bastard took off when I showed up. But my heart broke for my wife who was swinging that cane at a shadow. “Point me in the right direction and give me a shove, I’ll be fine!”

  “Time,” I whisper while people watch her meltdown. “Enough, you scared him okay? He took off.”

  “He did?” she asks breathlessly.

  “Yeah, he did. Now can we finish getting Bella’s things?”

  “Oh no, her treats,” she says dropping down to her knees to pick them up. “She needs new ones, Drum.”

  Don’t cry, I tell myself. Do not fucking cry.

  Waving the manager off, I watched her pick up the bones from the floor, setting them aside because she wanted to pay for them. Then I watched her pick out fresh treats carefully placing each one in the bag with care. At the register, she apologized and the clerk told her she was her hero, which made my wife smile.

  Once she was in the car, I opened the trunk to fill it with Bella’s items when I hear, “You should put a leash on your bitch.” Reaching in my pocket, I lock the doors to our car. Then, with her safe inside, I was on the prick in seconds. Not giving him an inch, I beat the shit out of him for upsetting my wife. I wanted this punk to feel every ounce of hurt my wife felt every time she was bumped, stared at, or scared. I wanted…

  “Drum,” she says coming to stand by the trunk. “I think he’s done.”

  Breathing heavy, I watch the punk fall to the cement and stay there. I thought she was coming over to get me but she went two steps past and wacked him over the back with her cane again. “Six years of fast pitch, bitch!”

  “Time,” I groan trying not to laugh. “What was that for?”

  “I said I think he’s done, but I wasn’t sure,” she smiles at me. “Now I’m sure.”

  “You played fast pitch?”

  “Hell no,” she laughs. “But I did take the team’s photos for the yearbook. Throwing that in there seemed like overkill.”

  “Let’s go before the cops show up,” I advise and then laughing, she slaps me on the ass before climbing into the passenger seat. “Drum?”

  “Yeah, slugger?”

  “I think you missed your calling, should you go into fighting, I’d bet on you.”

  She was quiet a moment before she went on and when she did I forced myself to stay silent. Because, I never wanted her to hear me crying. “I heard what he said to you,” she says softly. “Thank you for sticking up for me, I lost my temper. I know I’ll have to get used to it. I just… I just wanted to be mad for a minute. It happened so fast, one second I could see and then…” she pauses to take a breath. “Then we had to leave Bella, and I was angry, Drum. Sometimes I get really fucking angry.” Then she snaps herself right out of it by turning to humor. “We could have taken tag team to a whole new level, we’d make bank, too. It’s something to think about.”

  The laughter that came out of me before I could stop it. Grabbing my hand she says, “Will you dial your dad for me? I have to tell him about this.” Doing as requested I hand her the phone and listen to her recap the pet store smackdown. I could hear my father’s laughter and his praise. At the light, I watched her talk with her free hand, then I focused on her smile wondering what adventure I could plan to make her smile like that again.

  Time stood up for herself today. It was also the first time she’s ever admitted to getting pissed off. Pulling into the driveway, I head around back to unload the trunk while she lets herself inside. I was halfway through the door with the bag when I heard a crash followed by a grunt of pain. Dropping the bag I run into the living room and see her picking herself up off the floor. “Time!”

  “I’m okay,” she says rubbing her leg. “It’s okay.”

  That’s when I realized I left a garbage bag by the table that I meant to take out to the curb but had forgotten. It had tipped over while we were gone and she hadn’t seen it. “I’m sorry,” I tell her tossing it out of the way. “I fucked up, it’s my fault.”

  “It’s going to happen, Drum.”

  “It was careless of me,” I remind her. “It won’t—”

  “Yes, Drum,” she says staring me down. “It will and it will be okay then too.”

  “Time,” calling her name she turns to face me but can’t locate me until I say it again. Coming to her side, I pull her to me and watch her struggle to focus. “It’s getting worse, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah,” she mumbles trying to look away.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You worry too much as it is,” she says clinging to me. “Bella will help so you won’t have to do so much.”

  “Did you ever ask me if I thought it was too much? Has it occurred to you that I like being there for you?”

  “Has it occurred to you that I don’t want to be a burden?” she sniffles. “Surely you remember meeting me in your office and you handing me a folder that outlined my future. From the day you’ve met me, you’ve known that I’m not like other women, that I’ll require assistance. Has it occurred to you that I want to be your wife not your babysitting job?”

  Clearly she and I needed to have a talk. But before we had a chance, my father showed up with balloons to celebrate my wife’s first cane fight. We ended up having pizza, beers and fight highlights for dessert. The talk never happened.

  As the weeks go by, Drum and I continued to add more resources to the menu for the center. We both agreed that any person needing a resource would have one regardless of their budget. Every day another idea springs to life and Drum is the first to make the call. He pulls long hours yet never complains. I’ve never seen him so focused and part of me knew he kept busy to keep his mind off me. Honestly, it’s why I couldn’t sit still myself.

  Though I never voiced it, I felt it coming. For every day the center was one day closer to opening, I was one day closer to losing my sight. The darkness was present more than it was absent and without Bella, moving around wouldn’t even be possible. I’m clumsier than usual, I get disoriented more easily and I find myself battling anxiety constantly. Because of these new challenges, I’m afraid to leave the house without him escorting us. Of course he noticed, but he didn’t push, he just worried
more. Drum’s dad is also a fixture, and though my husband won’t admit it, he likes having him around. Personally, watching or more times than not, hearing, them was the highlight of my day.

  Taking Drum’s advice, I was also spending more time with my eyes closed so that when the time came I wouldn’t panic. He was worried I would give myself a stroke; I was worried I would give him a stroke. For the first few weeks closing my eyes sent me into a panic attack until one day, it didn’t. That’s when I knew I could do this. I could leave the seeing world without losing myself to the void I feared. I could make the transition with dignity, not taking Drum down the black spiral with me.

  When his breathing turned to snoring, I crawled out of bed to use the bathroom. Careful not to wake him or Bella, I count the steps out in my head. Six to the door, two steps to the right and one sharp left. Only I hadn’t anticipated the door being closed and introduced my face to it, hard. Thanks to my constant state of disorientation, I couldn’t figure out where I wanted to go, so to be safe I sat right down.

  Though I couldn’t see the light, I heard the click a second before he started screaming at me. “Stop yelling at me. I’m okay,” I tell him holding my hand over my bleeding mouth. “I just bit my lip.”

  “Where in the fuck is Bella? Why isn’t she with you?”

  “She had a long day,” I defend. “I didn’t want to wake her just to use the bathroom. It’s nine steps total, Drum, I can do it alone.”

  “Clearly you can’t, Time! I don’t give a fuck what kind of day the God damn dog had! She has one job, and that’s to help you! Jesus, you’re bleeding let me help you.”

  “I’ll do it,” I tell him feeling for the wall behind me.

  “Time…”

  “I said, I’ll do it!” I snap.