by Jean Oram
“I always knew,” Justin stated, arms crossed.
“You did not,” Marisa said, giving him a light tap on the chest.
Amber watched the family interact. Family. She caught her mother’s eye. It had been just the two of them for so long that to suddenly have this bounty of people in her life felt overwhelming and strangely sorrowful. She wouldn’t have her mom—her first best friend—to herself any longer. Her mother was going to have all these other people to turn to, as well. John to confide in. Possibly one day soon, stepchildren with babies to dote over. A new daughter to get to know.
Amber could see herself becoming second fiddle.
The conversation buzzed around her, building and building. The easy banter, the smiles.
Something wasn’t right.
It was the timing of it all. Sure, it was easy for John to say that he hadn’t been ready to claim Amber earlier. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was easily accepting his role now that he’d seen how Blueberry Springs had taken Delia in as one of their own. There had been no shaming of Gloria for her actions.
“How could a man like you not figure out who I was?” Amber asked her father. “Why didn’t you step up? Why didn’t you force the issue?”
“I didn’t let him,” Gloria said, her voice deathly quiet. “He tried to talk to me, to approach the subject, and I refused.”
“That is the worst excuse I have ever heard for someone not pushing an issue as important as being a parent.”
“You’re right,” John said simply, taking Amber off guard.
“We were never good enough for you,” she pressed. “Why are we now?”
She knew she wasn’t being particularly fair but she needed him to feel remorse for the time they’d lost as a family. She wanted him to know that the years of not having a father couldn’t be erased with a few smiles and an “I’m here now.” She feared that if she allowed him to act as though it was all good and wonderful that it would be like Russell all over again. She’d ignore her own feelings and allow his desires to take precedence over her own. If boundaries were going to be set, they needed to be set now.
“He was named as your legal guardian in case anything ever happened to me,” her mom said.
“But not any longer?” John asked.
“She’s all grown up.”
He turned to Amber again. “There are a million excuses I could offer, Amber, but nothing will give you back the time you were denied. The relationship you deserved.”
Her mother immediately added in his defense, “I made it pretty clear that he was not to ask me again, and I told him that you weren’t his. If you’re going to be mad, be mad at me.”
So this was what it was like to have two parents. They stuck up for each other, but nobody stuck up for her?
“Do you like vodka?” she asked John.
He gave her a frown. “Yes.”
“And actually enjoy it? Or was it all an act? Hanging out at Brew Babies all those times, eating nuts and drinking vodka?” Her voice had taken a sharp, snappy edge, her hurt showing in her voice.
Marisa gave her father a look and Amber wondered if his attempts to be in Amber’s life had left his own daughter hanging. Soccer coaching. Helping Amber’s friends with legal issues. Even helping her move to the city the first time, telling her he was going that way, anyway, with a trailer, to pick up something in a deal that hadn’t worked out in the end. The man had told fibs in order to help her out, but how much of it was genuine and how much was guilt?
“I’m sorry if me being around took away from you—if John trying to fix my life from the sidelines meant less father time for you,” Amber said to Marisa.
“No, it was fine,” she replied, looking a bit confused. “He was a great dad.”
Amber, uncertain where all her sudden anger had come from, and certain she was going to say something she’d regret, quickly excused herself and flew to the washroom. She shut the door and sat on the edge of the tub, wishing there was a way she could hide out the entire night. There was just too much to process. Too overwhelming. Everyone was accepting everything, eager to be one big happy family. But what about the past? You couldn’t just sweep it under the rug. There had been years of hurt and abandonment she needed to process.
Her phone buzzed with a text from Delia.
What’s up?
Amber replied, Family reunion where I’m supposed to act as though my parents’ past actions haven’t affected me, and be the smiling, happy kid who is delighted to have the family reunited. As you can tell, I’m having trouble finding my excitement, even though I’ve always wanted this.
It was funny. Delia was the one person she felt the closest to right now. The one person who might be able to understand the mix of emotions she had swirling through her like a blizzard.
You okay?
Amber’s eyes welled up and she mouthed, No.
It was too much. The past month had been life-changing and she was exhausted. So much had happened in so little time. So many things about her life had shifted that she didn’t know what to think any longer. She didn’t know what to feel. She wished she could sit on a couch eating popcorn with Delia and not think at all. Or curl up with Scott and watch some cheesy movie, with him laughing beside her. Instead, she was hiding in the bathroom on what should have been the happiest night of her life.
Amber?
Still here.
Be kind to yourself. I had a whole lifetime to get used to the idea of having another family somewhere. You only had a few weeks, and everything is changing. It’s exciting, but emotionally taxing, too. You don’t have to be strong. You can feel however you feel right now.
Tears blurred Delia’s text message.
It’s okay if it’s overwhelming. It will get easier.
Promise?
Promise.
Amber loved having a big sister.
Want to play hooky? I’m babysitting Blossom in an hour, but why don’t you come help me? Her parents won’t mind another sitter and Blossom has the best giggle in the world. Hanging out with her puts everything into perspective. Although it doesn’t seem to help the biological clock I have ticking inside me. Ha ha.
Do you have chocolate drops? Amber replied.
Three different kinds.
Amber considered the offer. She should stay here and be responsible, suck it up, act like an adult and all that annoying, exhausting business. She should do this family thing and make sure her mom knew she was okay with it. Because once it all sank in, Amber would be. But right now it was just too much load and she needed time away to process it. Gain some perspective.
Exactly what her sister was offering.
I’ll be there ASAP, Amber texted back. She just hoped her mother would understand.
* * *
Amber and Delia had tucked Blossom into bed, the baby drifting off to sleep with a smile on her face. Perspective for sure. Everything seemed so much more in focus and simplified when hanging out with the little girl. You had food, shelter, and love… then you had everything you needed and every reason to laugh.
Blossom’s parents arrived an hour later and the sisters walked across the dewy grass to Delia’s, where she unlocked the door and turned off the security alarm, Sass barking until they gave him a good ear rub.
“Where is your husband?” Amber asked.
“He’s negotiating a contract in Germany at the moment. He’ll be home tomorrow night.”
“Do you miss him?”
“Like crazy.” Delia flicked on the lights, making her way to a cabinet, where she pulled out a bag of chocolate drops, spilling the contents on the granite countertop. The spotlights above caused the wrappers to glitter like jewels, and Amber turned one over in her palm, not wanting to open it and spoil the illusion.
The two of them had been busy with the baby, taking turns tickling her tummy and making her giggle. It had been a good distraction from all that was whirling through Amber’s mind, but now there was plenty of time to face i
t, and she was hoping her sister would turn on a movie so she could hide from the emotions.
“In your text you said your parents had reunited?” Delia asked.
“It sounds like it.” Amber wasn’t sure how much she should spill. She didn’t want to accidentally taint her sister’s view of their mother or make Delia feel as though she had to take sides. Amber also wasn’t sure how much Delia wanted to play the big sister role and listen to all her woes.
“A relationship?”
Amber nodded.
“Wow. After all these years.”
“I know. It’s kind of sweet, but I have all this anger. He knew about me all this time and didn’t do anything about it. I understand it wasn’t easy, and he was trying to respect my mom’s wishes while trying to help me, but at the same time…” Amber let out a shaky breath as more anger ripped through her like wildfire.
“We all want a dad who is our own personal hero. Someone who instinctively knows what we want and need, and provides it without question.”
Amber nodded, blinking back tears. She focused on hooking a thumbnail under the chocolate’s silver wrapper, exposing the waxy brown confection.
“I can’t help but feel as though we weren’t enough.” Amber lowered her head into her hands. Just when she’d been feeling as though she was finally whole and didn’t need a dad, this had to come along and poke holes in her bubble.
Delia unwrapped a chocolate drop, smoothing out the foil. “Do you think Blueberry Springs would have accepted the situation if your parents had come forward sooner?”
“There would have been a lot of gossip, for sure. I just—I just feel like I wasn’t important enough.”
Delia squeezed her hand, her own face contorted with emotion as she stood to put the kettle on for tea.
When folks in Blueberry Springs didn’t like something they made it very clear. Given John’s parents’ disapproval of his relationship with Gloria, and his own views on babies out of wedlock—or at least given up for adoption—Amber wasn’t sure how he would have reacted if Gloria had told him right away. It probably would’ve made life very difficult for her.
Maybe Gloria had made the right choice. Maybe both of them had, so they could have something now.
But all those years of silence. Of secrets. He’d taken the easier path—he’d remarried, instead of asking Gloria for a second chance. He’d continued his life instead of fighting to claim a daughter he believed was his.
Easy paths. Amber shook her head wryly. It wasn’t as though she was in a position to judge. She’d taken the easy path with Russell, believing him when she didn’t want to, pretending to love him so she wouldn’t get hurt risking it all with the man she truly loved.
However, understanding that didn’t make the storm of emotions go away.
“Have I told you,” Delia said, placing a cup of tea in front of Amber, “that I believe all things happen for a reason, and when they are meant to? What would have happened if this had all come out earlier?”
If John or her mother had come forward when Amber was a kid, she would undoubtedly be a different person in many ways. Which meant she might not have become the right person for Scott.
She stood suddenly, feeling as though her entire life had just dodged a bullet.
Delia looked surprised at her sudden move. “I’m sorry,” her sister said. “I was just philosophizing.”
“No, you’re right.” Amber felt as if she had to move. Had to go. Had to get back to Blueberry Springs. She was missing out on the life she was supposed to be leading—right now.
She gave her sister a massive hug. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“I wouldn’t have my life any other way. Things are good. Life is good. This is where I’m supposed to be right now.”
Her sister smiled, looking as though there was something else she wanted to say.
“I’m glad…” Amber began saying when her sister remained silent. She paused, trying to find the right words. “I’m glad that you and our mom have hit it off.”
Delia smiled again, giving her hand a squeeze. “You’re the best sister anyone could ask for, Amber.” She picked up an envelope from a table in her front entry as Amber slipped on her shoes. But before she could open the front door, her sister stopped her, asking, “Is John someone you would have chosen to be your father?”
Amber would never have assumed someone like him could be her dad. He rescued girls who didn’t have fathers, but she had never dared dreamed that he could really and truly be hers.
“Yes. Yes, I would choose him. Over anyone.” She grinned.
“Would you choose me as a sister?” For the first time, Amber saw an inkling of uncertainty in Delia.
“Yes! Definitely, yes.” Amber gave her a big hug, even though she was eager to get out of the house and off to see Scott.
“Good.” Delia handed her a piece of paper, relief relaxing her features. The letterhead showed it was from the government adoption agency that had handled Delia’s adoption. The same agency Amber had contacted to verify their sibling match. It looked as though Delia had contacted them as well.
Amber scanned the document and smiled. “Welcome to the family, sister.”
* * *
Gloria was sitting in her car in front of Amber’s house.
“What’s wrong?” Amber asked, hurrying to her mom who was climbing out of the car.
“Where have you been? You weren’t answering your texts. I had half the town out looking for you before Delia told me where you were.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I was worried. I don’t want to lose you, Amber.” Her mother hauled her into a hug so desperate it was like being squeezed by a python.
“You won’t lose me.”
“I thought this was what you wanted.”
“I was just overwhelmed for a moment. I’m okay now.”
Her mother let out a sigh, releasing her, but still looking so worried that Amber pulled her into another hug.
“Really. It’s a lot to process, but I think it’s cool that you and Dad are getting back together. And I think it’s cool that he’s willing to be my father and that Marisa is willing to be my sister.”
Her mother’s face wrinkled with pent-up emotion. “When I was younger I imagined the family I started being a lot different than this.”
“You didn’t imagine a daughter who loves you?”
Her mom gave her a grumpy, don’t-mess-with-me look.
“You didn’t imagine having a pile of kids, in-laws and a small town that felt like one big family?”
Gloria’s eyes filled with tears again.
“And you didn’t imagine having a man who loves you tremendously coming back to you, like the hero in some cheesy romantic flick?”
Her mother sniffled, tucking Amber’s head into the crook of her neck as she pulled her into a hug.
“Who cares how you got the family,” Amber continued, hugging her tightly. “The thing is that you have one. Two healthy daughters who get along. A man who loves you. Plus John’s kids who seem willing to be a part of this crazy thing. This is family, Mom. We’re lucky, you know that, right?”
“We are.” Her mother had let go again and was unsuccessfully blinking back her flood of tears.
“Delia got a letter from the government, Mom. She’s ours. For real.”
Gloria smiled through her tears. “This is a bit overwhelming, isn’t it?”
“One big happy family.”
Her mother held her at arm’s length, studying her, her mascara smeared beneath her eyes.
“Are we really okay, Amber?”
Amber knew without a doubt, right then and there, that the buck stopped here. This was it. Her mother and her. Nothing and nobody could wedge their way between them. They had too much history to be shoehorned apart. Kind of like Amber and Scott. There was room for others to be part of their lives, but together they created an unbreakable core.
“We’re going to be just
fine, Mom, and so is this new family. We’re going to create a new, common history. It’s going to be even better than anything you could have ever imagined as a kid.”
“Promise?” Gloria asked.
“Promise.”
Chapter Eleven
Amber straightened her T-shirt and ran a hand through her hair, wishing she’d opted for a jacket now that the sun was down. The air was cool and damp, Scott’s front step illuminated by his porch light.
Familiar uncertainty was leeching in, undermining her courage. She’d come here to claim Scott completely. To revel in the timing of the universe, the luck of finding true love. She wanted to tell him he had her forever. Not just today, tomorrow, and next week. But forever.
The neighbor called out, “You’re in luck! I saw him come home about five minutes ago.”
Scott’s front door opened. “Are you coming in? Or are you waiting for it to rain so you can look like a drowned rat?” He gestured to the darkening clouds bunching up behind her, collaborating to bring in a good storm.
She scurried inside as the first drops fell.
“In a hurry to see me?” he joked.
Suddenly feeling nervous and as though she had about three limbs too many, Amber stood in Scott’s entry, wishing she’d done more than pop a few breath mints on her way over. Her stomach rumbled and Scott tipped his head, his eyes quiet, giving nothing away.
“Supper?” he asked at last.
“I haven’t.”
He checked his watch. He was wearing a well-worn waffle shirt and a pair of loose 501s that hung low on his hips. He was broad, powerful, and intoxicating.
And her best friend.
“It’s after ten. Better get you fed.”
He lifted his jacket off the hook. Outside, lightning flashed and thunder boomed as rain landed hard on the roof of his house.
She was supposed to come to him and prove she was ready to make their relationship more than just good intentions and conversations. She was supposed to wow him and feel as though they had made a real commitment as girlfriend and boyfriend.
And he was going out for supper. In a downpour.
