She trailed her fingertips along his spine. “Want some water?"
He shook his head, still staring at the backs of his eyelids.
Did I sleep with her? He didn't want to ask, didn't want to know. The bed dipped, squeaking a little as she got up.
"I'm going for some coffee,” she said. “I'll bring you back some."
Eddie heard the soft slipping of fabric over skin as she dressed. Grunting, he waited until the door closed before he turned over and opened his eyes. He took his time surveying the room, looking for signs of a knockdown, drag-out, all-clothes-off-in-sixty-seconds adventure the minute they'd stepped inside the room last night.
It's happened before. I'd be a fool to think it couldn't have happened again.
But he didn't see much out of place. No chairs tipped onto the carpet. No ice spilled the length of the dresser. Even the bedspread covering his lower half, in some God-awful plum pattern, appeared smooth and tucked in. Only his shorts and shirt lay tossed on the floor, alongside the two motorcycle helmets.
Eddie slid from the bed and lurched into the bathroom. He dropped the toilet lid and slipped to an awkward seat. Leaning forward, he rested his head in both hands and stared at his lap. At least he still wore his boxers. That was a good sign. He couldn't remember actually doing anything with Cass by the time they'd collapsed inside this wreck of a room, but then again, he couldn't remember walking the two blocks from the bar to the motel, either, or checking in at the front desk.
"Idiot,” he said to his feet. He turned on the cold water. The fact that Ashton Kirk had just twisted him inside out didn't give him any excuse to ride around New Hampshire, screwing the first willing woman who came along. Pull yourself together, West. Women have treated you worse than Ash did. Doesn't mean you crawl into a hole and wait for next year. Jesus, she's just a woman. Thousands more in the damn sea, remember?
He stood, grabbed a towel, and wet it until it dripped. Then he slapped it across his cheeks and draped it around the back of his neck. He spat into the toilet and flushed. The way he figured it, he had two choices. One, he could head back to Paradise, ignore her for the rest of the summer, and by the time autumn rolled around, be back to his usual self. Or two, he could go back to Lycian Street, march upstairs, and tell her exactly what he thought of the lies she'd told.
Eddie ground his teeth together. He didn't really like either option, because both required him to turn his back on the first woman who'd made him feel alive in years. Still, what choice did he have? He jammed the heel of one hand against his forehead and tried to ignore the heave working its way up his throat. Gonna be sick, he thought, a second before last night's burgers and tequila caught up with him. Bending over the toilet just in time, he hugged the cold porcelain with both arms as he sank to his knees and lost everything inside him.
* * * *
"Eddie?” It was Cass's voice.
He wasn't sure how much time had passed. Only a few minutes, probably. Struggling to a stand, he flushed the toilet, and rubbed a hand over his face.
"Yeah.” He pushed his way back into the dingy motel room. Cass waited by the bed, sipping a steaming cup of coffee. Another sat on the dresser.
She cocked her head, hair streaming over one shoulder. “Gonna be all right?"
Shrugging, he reached for his clothes and pulled them on. “Thanks for the joe.” He took a long gulp, letting it burn his lips. Black. Good.
"Welcome.” She ran a finger down the side of his face. “You look like hell."
"Tell me something I don't know."
She laughed and sank to a seat in one of the chairs near the window. “Okay.” She paused. “We didn't sleep together last night."
Eddie jerked a little at her words. “You're ... well, I..."
She laughed outright then. “Oh, please. I know you've been wondering since the minute you woke up. I know you, Eddie. I know that guilty look that makes your eyes all squinty."
He felt himself redden and stared down at the coffee, as if it might hold the answers within its darkness. “Listen, I'm sorry,” he said after a minute. “I didn't mean to drag you all the way over here, just to listen to my problems."
She flipped a hand into the air. “I didn't do much listening. After you fell asleep halfway in the door, it was all I could do to get you undressed...” Her eyelashes fluttered down toward her lap, coquettish. “Thought I might get a little action after all."
Eddie felt a smile tug at his face.
Cass shrugged. “But you kept talking about Ashton this, and Ashton that.” She looked back up at him. “I thought her name was Ashley."
So did I.
Eddie found his wallet, tossed in the open drawer of the nightstand, and stuffed it into his back pocket. “I gotta get back home. Things to take care of. You ready?"
She shook her head. “I have a couple friends in town. Called ‘em this morning.” She spun the watch on her thin wrist. “We're meeting over at the diner in twenty minutes."
He nodded, relieved. The ride back to Paradise, the sorting out he needed to do, was better suited for solitude. Bending down, he planted a kiss on his ex-girlfriend's cheek. “You're okay,” he mumbled. “Thanks."
Cass leaned back in the chair, letting her glance slide down his torso. “No problem. Make sure she knows what she's missing."
Eddie smiled for real this time and dropped a hand on her shoulder. Then he picked up the helmets and headed out into the sun.
* * * *
He took the long way back to Paradise. Avoiding the main road, he chose the back ones instead, the narrow ones that wound their way through woods and past lakes and by the occasional house or gas station. He drove slowly at first, savoring the feel of the handlebars and the hum of the engine beneath him. He waved to a little girl playing in her front yard and a pair of joggers. He watched fields and trees change places every mile or so.
But try as he might, Eddie couldn't get her out of his head. Ash. Ashton Kirk. Okay, the damn senator's daughter. That's who she was, then. His grip tightened. And wrong or right, somewhere in between all the stories they'd told each other that summer, he'd fallen in love with her.
He ground to a halt as a stop sign caught him by surprise.
In love with her? Are you out of your mind? He shook his head at the inner voice that argued back. Bottom line, that's what it came down to. Sure, Ash had lied to him, and that broke up something inside him. It made him ache, the idea that he'd bared his soul while she'd kept hers banded tightly up. It made him wonder how she really felt about him. What it didn't do, though, was change the way Eddie felt when he was with her. It didn't change the fact that in meeting Ash, in living with her, in spending all those minutes together that added up to something more, he'd come alive for the first time in three years.
She did that. She took away my guard. She made me laugh. She pissed me off. She made me remember what it was like to be a regular guy, someone who wasn't trying to get into bed with a woman because it was easier than talking to her. God, she reminded me I still had a heart beating under the mess I became after the accident.
Eddie sped up as he reached Paradise's town limits. The thoughts tumbled faster and faster inside his head. He needed to get back to Lycian Street. He needed to see her. He needed to talk to her.
Whoever she really is.
Chapter Twenty-three
"Don't touch me.” Before Colin could take her by both arms and pull her in for a kiss, Ash twisted away from him.
He stopped, and his smile froze. “I just—Okay. I'm sorry."
She stuck her hands into her pockets, house keys digging into one palm. First her father. Now her ex-boyfriend. Ash let out a long breath. Her legs grew unsteady, and she refused to look at him again. She couldn't take any more surprise visitors. She was about torn in half as it was.
"What are you doing here?"
"That's a nice way to say hello."
"I told you I wasn't coming home.” She looked at the peeling paint beside him,
the rusted door hinges, the weeds growing alongside the geraniums in the yard.
He exhaled. “Thought maybe you'd reconsidered."
"Why?"
Colin's chin jerked in the direction of the house. “This is where you decided to spend your summer?"
"What's wrong with it?"
He swiped a hand over his close cut, dark blonde hair. “Nothing, babe. I just..."
"My father told you where I was. Didn't he?"
Colin raised both palms to the sky. “Guilty. But only because I called him and told him I needed to see you. Needed to make up for the stupidest thing I'd ever done."
Suddenly, the fire left Ash's heart, and she sank into the chair farthest away from him. She didn't have the energy for this. “Whatever. Stay, leave, I don't care. I'm not going back to Boston. I already told him that. I don't care if he sent you to try and convince me."
"He didn't."
She doubted that, but she kept her mouth closed.
Colin sat in the chair across from her and folded his fingers together. “Okay, I get that you were mad. That you needed space."
"That's an understatement.” She tried not to look directly at him, because she had a feeling that if she did, he'd burn her to the core. Colin Parker was—always had been—a too-bright sun shining down on Ash. He pulled her close. He drew her into his orbit.
"I wanted to apologize. In person.” Eyes on the ground, he cleared his throat. “I was a total ass. Really. That thing with Callie—"
"I really, really don't want to talk about it."
"It was a complete mistake. I was juvenile. Idiotic.” Another throat-clearing. “And yeah, the thing that happened with your dad, it shook me up some."
Ash rubbed the back of her neck, trying to loosen the muscles there. “Well, me too.” I wasn't exactly a saint when it came to defending him. I guess we both ran away from it in our own ways.
Colin reached for her hand, brushed his fingers across the back of it for an instant. “I want to try again,” he said.
Oh, God. The words she'd wanted to hear three months ago. Even two months ago. Ash's skin burned from where he'd touched it. “I don't think—"
"Hear me out. Please.” He inched his chair closer, so that their knees touched. Skin to skin, breath meeting breath. Ash's heart sped up. “We're a good match,” he went on. He caught her gaze and held it with those dark eyes. “We're headed the same way. We want the same things."
Oh, really?
"We'd be good for each other.” He wound his fingers through hers. “Or you'd be good for me, anyway.” He laughed a little. “But I'd try, babe. I'd try to be the best goddamned husband you could ever wish for."
Husband?
Ash drew her hand away. “What are you talking about?"
Colin rose then, towering over her for a moment before he folded himself into a crouch at her feet. Ash heard the boards creak beneath him, and for an instant, she thought of the night she and Eddie had stood there, after a dinner shift. After the first time they fought. Before the first time they kissed.
"Thanks for walking me home."
"No problem."
"See you tomorrow, I guess."
"See ya."
Colin spoke again, interrupting the memory.
"Ashton.” He reached into his front pocket and pulled out a small black box.
She drew in her breath and held it. That box didn't contain what she thought it did. It couldn't. The wind picked up, and she wondered absently if rain were moving in again. Crickets scratched their legs together. The flowers near the sidewalk swayed. Beyond the hills, thunder rumbled.
"It's going to rain,” she said. “We should go inside.” Thunder announced itself, closer this time. As if it hovered in the hills behind the college, or came up from the ground beneath her. Or turned the corner on two wheels.
In slow motion Ash looked past him, just as the motorcycle veered onto Lycian Street. Just as its rider slowed to a stop in front of the house. Just as he pulled off his helmet and looked at her and Colin. Oh, Eddie. His eyes, wide at first with something like hope, dimmed as his gaze moved across them. Even from a distance Ash saw his face redden. Something clutched inside her chest. It's my heart tearing in two. Stretching in opposite directions. Breaking apart.
Colin took her hand, forcing her attention back to where he still kneeled in front of her. “Ash, I love you.” The last word cracked. “I want to spend my life with you.” He flipped open the box, and an enormous diamond ring flashed up at her. Emerald cut, the way she'd once told him she'd wanted. Close to two carats, if she had to guess. And more diamonds set along the delicate band of platinum. Sunlight caught a rainbow of color as his hand shook a little.
"Marry me, babe. Please. Make me the happiest guy in the world."
* * * *
Eddie pulled up behind a sleek, silver BMW. Who the hell does that belong to? For a minute he wondered if Ash's father had stayed in town. Then his gaze traveled up to the front porch. Eddie straddled the bike and stared. The whole way back to Paradise, he'd thought it over, and here was the thing: he wanted to work things out with Ash. He wanted to see if they could push aside the mud and the mess and make a go of it. Just the two of them. He thought maybe they could. He thought maybe they had a chance.
But now...
She's not alone. The realization stopped him before he got off the bike. She's with another guy. After twenty-four hours?
Ash glanced over and saw Eddie then, and her eyes widened. A messy ponytail fell down her back, and her top looked damp. He wondered if she'd been up half the night, or out walking since dawn. Her face flushed, and her hands worked themselves in and out of her pockets. She bit her bottom lip and turned away again.
What the hell is going on here? With his head still throbbing enough to remind him of last night's mistake, Eddie rubbed a hand across his eyes. He didn't recognize the guy kneeling on the porch, in his light blue shirt and ironed shorts and woven leather sandals. But he held something in his hand that Ash kept staring at. Eddie took a few steps up the sidewalk.
"Colin, I don't...” As the guy stood, close to six three or four if Eddie had to guess, Ash put a hand on his chest. Her words fell away, but she didn't stop looking at him.
That's Colin? The ex-boyfriend? Eddie's earlier cup of coffee burned in the center of his chest. But what—
He didn't have time to finish the thought. As he watched, Colin slipped a ring onto Ash's finger, wrapped an arm around her waist, and pulled her in for a kiss. One hand swept the hair off her forehead. The other pressed five fingers into the small of her back. Possessive. Wanting. He hadn't even looked Eddie's way.
Eddie's head jerked back, as if someone had caught him square across the jaw. He felt sick, almost feverish. Stumbling, he backed toward the bike. Mistake ... the word echoed inside his head. A total mistake, to come back here. To think she'd want to be with me. To think she wouldn't go back to her other life the minute she had the chance. Thunder growled close by, and a few drops of rain pattered the back of his neck.
"Eddie, wait!"
He didn't turn around. One leg over the motorcycle, and it revved to life. The rain picked up; the wind swept in and chilled him bone deep. He couldn't have cared less. Barreling through the stop sign, he headed downtown. He wove around a stupid Civic going thirty miles an hour and an equally stupid mini-van with a bumper sticker that read “I Brake for Manatees."
Manatees? Where the hell do you live, lady, fucking Florida? Look around you. Only small-town USA up here in New Hampshire. No ocean. No big cities. No place anyone would want to stay and build a life, that's for sure. Under his breath came every curse word he could think of, most of them directed at Ash. A few at himself. What an idiot he'd been to fall for her, someone he'd known less than three months.
On he rode, faster at every chance, savoring the silence, the speed, the rush of air that stilled his thoughts after awhile. Gotta get myself a bike. Or talk Frank into letting me buy this one. The rain came d
own harder with every mile, and he welcomed it.
Only when he reached the hairpin curve that headed out of town did Eddie realize he'd left his helmet sitting on the curb back on Lycian Street.
Chapter Twenty-four
Ash stumbled down the porch steps as Eddie jumped back onto the motorcycle. He sped through the intersection and left a strip of burnt rubber three feet long. She felt Colin's hand on her shoulder and shook it off.
"Colin, I—” She looked down at the ring on her finger. Already it felt heavy with the weight of the gem, not to mention Colin's offer and the promise it held if she said yes. “I can't make this decision."
His Adam's apple moved once, in a hard swallow that betrayed his disappointment. “It's okay. Take some time. Take as much time as you need."
He didn't look mad, or impatient, or as though he wanted to change his mind. He just looked sad, as if he knew maybe he'd waited too long. As if he understood he'd made the wrong decision and now couldn't right it.
"I know ... ah ... that maybe you didn't expect it,” he went on.
"You think?"
Colin reddened. “Took me a while to figure things out.” He stared at his feet. “I screwed up. But I don't want to lose you. I'll do whatever it takes."
Ash sank onto the bottom step. She didn't want to blame Colin for her heartache. She didn't want the exhaustion of hating him anymore. She wanted to watch the rain fall and not count all the times she'd walked with him in it. She wanted to sleep for more than two nights in a row without waking up thinking of him. She wanted what he was offering her: the chance to forgive, move on, and change the past.
That makes it harder. Don't be so damn nice about it. Give me an ultimatum, and I'll throw the ring across the porch and tell you to go to hell. But don't tell me you'll wait. Don't tell me it's okay to sort things out. Don't turn into this sensitive guy I don't even know.
"You screwed up,” she said. “You broke my heart.” She meant to hurt him with the words, to make him feel one ounce of the pain he'd put her through. “You can't just make everything better with an apology and a ring."
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