"Irene.” The graying brunette sat in the chair beside Ash. She balanced on the edge as if she might jump up again at any moment.
"How is he?"
The woman ran a hand over her mouth. “They're not sure. He was thrown...” Her last word broke on a sob.
A man approached them, and as Ash stood to shake the hand he offered, she saw an older version of Eddie, with the same strong jaw and the same solid stature. “Malcolm West. Thanks for coming."
She nodded, not sure what she was supposed to say. I live upstairs from your son? I think I might have fallen in love with him? I've lied to him about everything important since the day we met?
"They're doing some more tests,” Eddie's father said after a minute. He sank into the seat beside his wife and took her hand. “They want to make sure there wasn't any damage to ... ah ... his brain."
Irene burst into tears and fell against her husband's shoulder.
Ash looked away from them, down at her lap. Black spots circled in front of her eyes, and the room grew hot. Did they turn off the AC? She had to pinch the skin on her arm to keep from passing out.
I shouldn't be here. It's too private, too fragile, too awkward. I don't even know them. I barely know Eddie. She shifted in the chair, meaning to get up, go outside, find some fresh air, when something poked her in the leg. She looked down and saw the bulge in her pocket. The ring. Colin's ring. Colin's offer.
For a minute or two, Ash sat perfectly still. This is it, the moment when I have to choose. Life with someone I know, or life with someone I've only just met. A life that's predictable, that follows rules I know, or a life with twists and turns I couldn't begin to predict.
She ran her fingers across the lump in her pocket and felt the edges of the ring, the smooth circle of the band.
Choosing Colin means I get the marriage I always wanted. I get the comfortable life in Boston. I get the partner my family approves of.
Choosing Eddie means no guarantees. It means taking a chance, holding my breath, and jumping into the deep end. It means starting all over again with someone brand new.
She stole another glance at Eddie's parents. If I say no to Colin, there's no promise that Eddie will even know my face when he wakes up.
Ash pushed herself to a stand. “I'm ... I'll ... would you excuse me?” She reached for her cell phone. “I have to make a phone call."
Irene sniffled and looked at her hands, folded like a broken bird in her lap. Malcolm nodded and tried to smile, but the expression slipped away before it reached his eyes.
Five thirty, the clock now read. Ash found a spot beneath the overhang outside where a weak signal came in. Down the saved numbers she scrolled. For a minute she thought about calling Jen, but what good would that do? She couldn't ask her best friend to hop into her car and drive a hundred miles, not on a night like tonight. And not to save Ash from something she needed to figure out by herself.
She stopped halfway down her list and stared at the digits she knew by heart. It's the right choice. The only choice. She dialed and waited for Colin to answer.
Chapter Twenty-six
"Aaron?” Up from unconsciousness, Eddie lurched. He looked at the door, the last place he'd seen his kid brother. Nothing. No one. Not even a flesh-and-blood doctor or nurse.
His head swam. Everything hurt, tenfold. He rolled his head on the pillow. The bike. The rain. And I forgot the damn helmet. He ran one hand over his thigh and touched gauze. Sliced off some skin. After a minute, he realized his right arm was bounded tightly to his chest. It ached like hell. His hair felt matted against his forehead. Did I break an arm? Hit face first? He had no recollection of the accident, no idea how hard he'd hit or how far he'd been thrown.
The room remained empty, and he wondered if they'd moved him up from the ER. He glanced around. Looked like every other damn room in this place, and he'd spent enough time in the hospital to know. The bed next to him was unmade, the hall outside empty. He leaned up on one elbow and caught a glimpse of a sign for the elevator. So I'm upstairs. Second floor. That meant his parents were probably wandering the halls somewhere close by. He was surprised Mom wasn't sitting bedside, waiting for him to wake up.
Or maybe she figured she couldn't wait like that again. Not after last time. Not after Aaron didn't wake up at all.
Tears filled Eddie's eyes, pain he thought he'd gotten rid of long ago. He pressed the first two fingers of his right hand against his breastbone, a gesture from the months after the accident. A superstition. He'd once thought that the hollowness there would go away, that one day when he checked, it would have filled again with something like life. Each day when he woke, for almost a year, he checked for some sign of recovery. Each day his fingers fell away without finding one. And after awhile, he realized they never would. Like a bum ankle, or a scar that stretched the length of your jaw line, some pain you carried around with you forever.
But it's not there, Eddie thought with surprise, pressing down. He closed his eyes and checked again. That awful emptiness, that bone-deep ache that had greeted him each morning for the last three years, had disappeared. Maybe the accident had shaken it loose. Maybe grief had run its course. Or maybe he'd finally met someone who cast light on him again.
He reached for the call button. Aaron was right. I've got to let Ash know how I feel. She's the reason I didn't roll over and die. She's gotta be. Nothing else changed in Paradise this summer, except for her coming here.
Eddie only hoped it wasn't too late to tell her that.
* * * *
"Thanks for meeting me here."
Colin ducked under the overhang. Rain dripped onto the back of his neck and soaked his shirt. “No problem."
Ash crossed her arms over her chest and shivered.
"How's your friend?"
She shook her head, not trusting herself to guess.
"Ash.” He took hold of her arms and pulled her close.
She blinked away tears. Fitting herself against Colin's chest, the way she had so many times before, felt right. It felt familiar. She knew his rough spots and his edges. She knew the way he slept with one leg outside the covers and the way he ordered his eggs in the morning. She knew the feeling of his arm around her when they stood for pictures. And as if the pages of her life had suddenly opened in front of her, Ash saw the next forty years with Colin. She saw a lavish wedding, a new house in the suburbs, children, a dog, and vacations to Europe. She saw TV interviews and reporters. Elections and sound bites. She saw Congressional balls and fund-raising banquets. She saw her own law practice grow and then fade as she gave it up to support her husband's presidential hopes.
She saw all the things she wasn't sure she wanted.
"You made a decision.” He whispered the words into her hair, a statement rather than a question.
Ash nodded into the soft fabric of his shirt. Even without looking at her, he knew.
"You're in love with him.” Another statement.
"I'm sorry.” She said the words without looking up at him.
"Don't be.” Colin pulled away from her. He squeezed her hand, once. “It's not your fault. It's mine. I screwed up. Waited too long.” He glanced over his shoulder, at the parking lot, the sky, the tops of the buildings that marked downtown Paradise. When he looked back at her again, a careful mask had dropped into place.
I don't really know you, do I? I'm not sure I ever did.
She reached into her pocket. “Here."
Colin nodded as he slipped the ring into the folds of his palm.
"It's beautiful,” she said. “But for someone else. You belong with someone else.” Her chest lifted and felt lighter even as she said the words.
"I guess I'll see you around,” Colin said. He scratched his jaw. “Back in the city, maybe. If you go home."
"I'll be there,” Ash said, and was pretty sure that she meant it. She watched as he walked back toward his car, watched as he slammed the door and pulled away without looking back.
Yes, I n
eed to go back to Boston. But not now. Not right away. There's something I have to do here in Paradise first.
* * * *
"Don't cry, Ma.” Eddie patted her hand. “I'm gonna be fine. Doc said."
Irene West drew a deep breath. Tears traced a familiar path down both cheeks. Behind her, Eddie's father stood with his back to the room, looking out onto an evening that had finally cleared.
"Goddamn fool.” The man spoke to the window, but Eddie heard his anger, loud and clear. “Didn't learn a damn thing from your brother's death, huh? Thought maybe you'd be better off in the ground beside him?"
"Dad, I—” What was he supposed to say? He hadn't gone out looking for the accident to happen. He hadn't planned it, for Christ's sake. Eddie looked at his mother, who continued to weep, and wondered if the tears were for him or Aaron.
Ash never knew him. He was startled to feel relief rather than regret. She never cried for him. She never compared me to him. And she was the one person in Paradise who didn't see the kid brother I killed every time she looked at me.
It was, he realized suddenly, one more reason he'd fallen for her.
"I'm not him. I'm not Aaron.” He paused. “And I'm not dead."
His father turned. For a long moment, he stared at his son. “Your friend's here."
Eddie frowned. “Frank?"
"The woman. The one you kept asking for. Ashton."
The name struck Eddie square in the heart. “I asked for her?” Impossible. He would have remembered. He would have felt her name on his tongue.
His mother managed a weak smile. “A couple of times. The nurse on duty knew who she was. Told us to call the restaurant."
"And she came?” Even after I acted like a jerk, ran away like I was twelve years old?
His father nodded. “She's been here a while."
Irene turned. “But she's...” She pressed her lips together and shook her head at her husband.
"What?” Eddie caught the look that passed between them.
Suddenly he knew. The machine monitoring his blood pressure beeped a couple of times. Colin. She's here with Colin. Sure. Of course. Again he saw the guy down on one knee. Eddie coughed. Well, it made sense that he'd come to the hospital with Ash. He probably gave her a ride, held her hand in consolation while she did her duty and checked on her neighbor.
"Do you want me to see if she's still downstairs?” Eddie's father moved toward the door. “I'm sure she'd like to see you."
Eddie waved a hand and yanked up the thin blanket that had bunched around his knees. All he really wanted to do now was sleep. He felt like an idiot, calling out some woman's name while he was delirious with pain. Especially when the woman in question had shown up at the hospital with another guy.
"Nah. Don't bother. You can tell her thanks, but she can go on home.” It's better that way. Better for both of us, if we never see each other again.
Chapter Twenty-seven
"He's upstairs. Room 214."
Ash stood in the waiting room, where Malcolm West had found her pacing and biting her bottom lip. “He's okay?"
"He will be.” The man smiled for the first time since she'd arrived at the hospital. “He's very lucky."
She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding.
"He's pretty banged up. Suffered a concussion, a broken ankle, and a dislocated collarbone. Lost a lotta skin, too, but doc says he'll be fine."
Ash wiped her hands on her shorts. Looking down, she realized she still wore her work clothes and still had her hair up in an unwashed ponytail.
"...said he didn't want to see you,” Eddie's father finished saying.
"He ... what?” Eddie didn't want to see her? But he'd asked for her. He'd wanted her to come to the hospital. Hadn't he?
"But I think that's the drugs talking.” Malcolm led Ash toward the elevators. “I know my son.” His voice turned gruff. “Maybe not as well as I oughta. But I know you mean something to him.” The elevator doors slid open, and they stepped inside. “Know from the look on his face when his mother told him you were down here with someone else."
"You...” You weren't supposed to see that, she finished silently.
He cocked his head and looked at her for a moment. “You're the senator's daughter, aren't you?"
She nodded. No reason to hide anymore. I'm finished with that.
"He's a good man, got caught in a bad spot,” Malcolm said. “You can tell ‘im I said that. Hope he doesn't let it keep him down."
Ash smiled at the kindness in the man's words. “I don't think he will. We Kirks are pretty tough when we need to be."
The elevator doors creaked open, and she could see room 214 to her right.
The older man's hand rested on her shoulder for a moment as they stepped into the hall. “He looks a little rough right now. Just so you know."
"He's awake?"
Eddie's mother slipped out of the room and came toward them. “He's drowsy,” she said in response to Ash's question. “But yes. He's awake."
Ash left them standing in the hallway and forced herself to walk toward Eddie's room. With one hand, she knocked, pushed open the door, and stepped inside.
Oh, Eddie.
For a moment, she couldn't speak. She could barely draw a full breath. Someone had cut off the T-shirt he'd been wearing, and he sat up against the pillows with a bare chest and scrapes along his chin. One foot looked lumpy under the sheets. The edges of a purple bruise puffed out around one eye, and his right arm lay strapped in a sling across his chest.
But it was him. It was Eddie, whole and alive, and looking at her with something in his gaze she couldn't quite read. Anger? Relief? Happiness? Affection?
Neither one spoke. He's still angry. She knew he had every right to be. Between her father waking them up and her ex-boyfriend reappearing with a marriage proposal, she imagined that, quite possibly, Eddie wouldn't want anything to do with her again.
"Why the hell did you take off like that? In the middle of a storm?” They weren't the words she'd meant to say, rough with anger and fear.
He frowned. “Got about a hundred questions I could ask you, too."
Ash hunched her shoulders. I screwed up. In her mind's eye, she saw dark red hair, an hourglass figure, a local girl who'd soothed Eddie after the loss of his brother. Maybe he wanted someone like Cass, someone who didn't lie about her background. Maybe he wanted someone who'd grown up with him, and someone who knew all the secrets of the town. Maybe he wanted someone to climb on the back of a bike at a moment's notice and toss her hair across his lap. Ash didn't have hair that tossed.
"My mom said you were here with someone."
She nodded. “I was.” Truth. Only the truth from here on in.
"So where is he?"
She shrugged. “He left. Went back to Boston."
"Yeah?” Eddie ran a hand through his hair.
"Yeah."
I love you. The notion prickled her skin, startled her, terrified her, and yet the longer she stood there, the longer she knew it to be true.
All the nights they'd spent on the porch, all the drinks they'd shared at the bar, all the afternoons eating grilled cheese and watching the Red Sox: they'd become all the little puzzle pieces that made up a love, and a life. Eddie is my best friend, she thought, the one who caught her when she fell, who made her laugh until the corners of her mouth ached, who danced her to sleep under a midnight moon. He was the one who knew Ash the woman, not Ash the Kirk daughter, and not Ash the Harvard grad. He was the one who lived with her and put up with her. The one who loved her for the complicated person she was. The one who made her happy.
Eddie coughed, and she wanted to go to him. She wanted to climb onto the bed and gather him up in her arms.
"If I could take it back ... if I could change the things I said, the things I told you at the beginning, I would...” She trailed off. “I would have started the summer over,” she went on after a moment. “I would have told you the truth from the start.” I
wouldn't have tried to build a whole life on a lie.
Eddie didn't say anything. Ash walked closer, and her legs brushed the sheet that fell over the side of the bed. From up close she could see the fatigue around his eyes, the glassiness in his expression, the scratches and scrapes along his arms. She stood beside him and held her breath. One second. Two. His free hand crawled across the blanket to hers.
"You asked them to call me?"
"Apparently.” He grinned. “Though I was pretty drugged up, so I might have asked for the Queen of England, too."
"Not Cass?"
"Come on. What do you think?” Eddie shook his head. “It's always been you, Ash. From the day we moved in, I think.” He chuckled. “You didn't even give me a chance, just reeled me in and made me fall."
"But I lied about so much.” She wanted everything out in the open, every last bit of the ragged edges that needed mending.
"You had your reasons, I guess.” He lifted her hand to his lips.
"I'm so sorry. You need to know how sorry I am."
"I already do.” He glanced at her other hand, the one without the diamond on it. “You're here, right?"
She nodded. “Yeah. And I'm not going anywhere."
He relaxed his hold, and his eyes fluttered. “Good.” His breathing deepened, and he tugged her close. “Ashton Kirk."
"What, Eddie?"
"Stay with me."
She laced her fingers through his. “I will."
"Tonight?"
She laughed. “I'm not sure they'll let me. I'd have to sweet-talk one of the nurses."
But he was shaking his head. “Tomorrow. And the next day. And after the leaves fall. And next spring. Stay in Paradise with me."
Ash didn't answer. She wasn't sure she could. But one thing she knew for certain: whether she stayed here in New Hampshire, or convinced Eddie to move to Boston, whether she moved to Europe to follow a job or opened a restaurant with him in a corner of the country, she wasn't ever leaving.
I found myself here just when I thought I'd lost it all. She'd didn't need to run anymore, didn't need to hide. She didn't need to pretend away her name. She didn't need to be anything except a woman who was completely in love with the boy next door. Ash smiled and bent to kiss Eddie's forehead as he drifted into sleep.
Lost In Paradise Page 17
