“I tortured him, Tahlia. He had information about Rudolf and I needed to get the info out of him. I put a drill into his knee and then drilled it through. It was horrible. He screamed and there was blood, so much fucking blood. I have gone too far, even then I knew it, but I carried on anyway.” He clenches his fists until his knuckles are pale.
My heart feels heavy and painful. I have seen things, experienced the worst possible abuse, but I didn’t expect that Micah would do something like that, for me. There are always ways to deal with the consequences.
“That man, will he live?” I ask.
“Maybe. I don’t know what happened to him. I left him there with that Russian when we got what we wanted,” he continues. “That’s why you have to stay away from me. First I failed you, because I didn’t see the monster that was right in front of me. I still want revenge. Steph’s death cannot go unpunished. She was an innocent in all of this and I need to say goodbye to her. It’s been eight years.”
I force my tears away and place my hand on his chest, feeling the heartbeat.
“No, Micah, you are wrong about so much. You have only ever done what you felt you had to do. The situation with the Russians? They would have hurt you if you hadn’t done what you did. It was you or him and I’m glad it wasn’t you. We both have to move past that. Josh will get what is coming to him, but now is not the time. I want us to try again and I want you to know that I don’t hate you. I never could, not really,” I say, offering a hopeful smile.
Micah widens his green eyes and wets his lips. The silence stretches for minutes and we stare at each other for what seems like forever.
“Tahlia, please, I can’t. I have ruined your life. You are better off without me.”
“It’s done. We have both suffered enough. I have missed you, even when I was staying in that hotel I couldn’t stop thinking about our time in Braxton,” I say. “And yes, I want him dead as much as you do, but we have to stop thinking about vengeance, at least for now. At least today.”
Then I do something that he might not want, but I can’t stop my emotions from running their course. I kiss him softly, touching his lips like he did mine that first time in the library, when we didn’t have to worry about Rudolf or my scars. Our lips touch and Micah slams my body to his and deepens the kiss. My body melts into his, and every inch of me roars to tell him how much I want him.
The kiss shuts down bad memories from the past, the toxic things that I used to feel.
Then he pulls away, holding my face in his hands. His eyes are filled with resentment and pain.
“I can’t … we can’t do this. You need more time to heal,” he says. “There is something else that I have to tell you.”
“Micah, if I didn’t want this, I wouldn’t have let you touch me back in Braxton. You were the only man I ever allowed to touch my soul.”
“Love … I can’t—”
“You were the one that pulled me out of that hole, the one that saved me. I thought that I was dreaming that day, that I finally died. All these years before, I wished that I could have taken Steph’s place.”
“I have put you behind bars for no reason and I’ll never forgive myself. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. I used you,” he keeps arguing. It’s like he doesn’t want to let me in again.
I raise my voice. “Stop lying to yourself. We had something … you damn well know that you still love me.”
“I managed to get hold of Rogers. The police raided Josh’s new territory and they found new evidence that links him to Suranne Wallace’s death. Do you know what that means?”
I step away from him and rub the nape of my neck.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“You might get cleared of all the charges. You can have your life back.”
“What about Josh? Do … do they have him too?” I ask, and then laugh. They can’t have rat. This would be too easy, too good to be true. It’s odd to call the man that caused me so much pain by his real name. Micah brings me closer to his body, which can only mean one thing. Josh managed to get away, like always.
“No, he wasn’t there, but that doesn’t matter. Rogers is certain that he is back in London. It’s just a matter of time before I find him, Tahlia. You don’t have to worry. He will never hurt you again.”
I shut my eyes, inhaling his scent that makes me instantly calm. My heart is still racing away. Maybe Micah is right, there is still a chance for me to have my life back, but that won’t happen as long as Josh keeps living and breathing.
“What about you? What about your career?” I ask, pulling away from him. “If we can prove that it was a set-up then maybe they will overlook your insubordination?”
“No, Tahlia, this is never going to happen. I’m done with doing things the right way. Now it’s time to take matters into my own hands,” Micah argues. “Come on, let’s lie down. You have been on your feet all day and we both know that you’re not fully recovered yet.”
“Fine, but only if you wrap yourself around me. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
He agrees with some hesitation. After all this time we still can’t have the same closeness we used to have. I close the door and climb on the bed.
Micah takes off his T-shirt and jeans and climbs onto the bed with me. When his arms are wrapped around my waist, I instantly forget about the fact that he doesn’t think he is good enough for me. We end up watching a movie on Tequila’s laptop for the rest of the evening. We don’t need words to communicate. Deep down I know he can’t keep pretending that he is empty and that he can’t love me. He is too afraid, but I don’t recognise any flaws anymore. Micah has grown and become a better man.
I don’t even know when I begin to drift, imagining living a different life with the man that loves me, where I have never been hurt, burned or beaten. It’s always been happy, and that hole in the wall never existed.
When the morning light wakes me up, I realise that the space next to me is empty. Micah must have gotten up earlier. I lie there for a moment, trying to deal with overwhelming misery and sadness. Rat is still out there and now he is going to become Micah’s obsession. I wish he could die. I wish he could disappear from this world forever.
The clock is showing just after nine. My left side is still a bit sore, and when I get up and look at myself in the mirror in the bathroom it looks like most of the bruising is healing nicely, and the swelling has faded. I still have died black hair. Since I have been in the house, I haven’t had a chance to think about going back to blond or pink. I brush my teeth wondering if Micah has gone out or if he just wasn’t ready to wake up with me in the morning.
My friend Tequila barges inside once I’m dressed and ready to face another day. She must have been up early because her hair is done up and she has full makeup on. This isn’t like her. Normally she doesn’t pay much attention to her appearance at all.
“I’m going to strangle him. Seriously, why does he have to be here all the time?” she asks, pacing around the room.
“Who are we talking about?”
“Hunter, the arsehole. He insisted on making pancakes this morning when I wanted to an omelette,” she complains, checking her hair in the mirror.
“Oh no … breakfast, that’s terrible,” I say, not able to hide the smile.
“Shut up, and cut the sarcasm,” she snaps.
“Just say it. I’ll understand it, Tequila. You like this guy. That’s why you act like you’re mad all the time.”
She widens her eyes on me, still trying to pretend like she has no idea what I’m talking about.
“Like him? Are you out of goddamn mind? I don’t trust him. He is arrogant and abrupt,” she argues, fuming. “And while we are on the subject, what is going on with your prince?”
I look away and start brushing my hair.
“Nothing, but at least he is talking to me now. Things are still complicated and I’m worried that he will do something stupid.”
“Just remind him why he fell fo
r you in the first place. Drop your clothes for him after a shower or something … I don’t know. You guys have gone through enough. Maybe it’s time to push whatever is holding him back and admit to your feelings.” Tequila opens the door to the bedroom to leave, but I grab her elbow.
“Admit it, Hunter is bloody hot and you like him. The only problem is that you won’t make the first move?”
Tequila starts working her jaw and pulls her hand away from mine.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Besides, men should always make the first move, not women,” she blurts out and slams the door behind her.
I smile, knowing that I scored. She likes the guy, but she won’t even admit it to herself. A few minutes later I head downstairs. Micah has gone out early, but this time with Hunter. I spend the rest of the day watching the clock and playing Monopoly with Kiki.
Late in the evening after Tequila helps me with dinner, I head upstairs, hoping to get distracted. I have no idea how long I’ll have to stay in her house, but the truth is that I have nowhere else to go. I want to start over somewhere else, but things are difficult right now.
In the end I decide to take a relaxing bath. I grab a towel and lock myself inside, trying to stretch the muscles that I haven’t used for a while. My ribcage is painful, but I’m making progress. When the water is ready and I get in, I feel great. It’s bliss soaking in the warm water and not thinking about the past at all. I finally feel good, being surrounded by friends, people that care about me. The man that wants to control me might be close, but I’m no longer afraid of what he can do to me. Hunter has given me another knife that I keep on me all the time. Maybe the fact that I got rid of the fear made me stronger and wiser.
I stay in the bathtub for as long as I can, then wrap my flushed body in the towel and get back to the bedroom. I stop in my tracks, noticing Micah’s rucksack is on the floor. He is downstairs. He and Hunter most probably came back earlier. Then, out of the blue I remember what Tequila said this morning:
You have to remind him why he fell for you in the first place.
He rejected me yesterday, all because he had done something unforgivable. Maybe I can just encourage him a little bit to be himself again. Several minutes later after weighing some pros and cons, I hear heavy steps. We are not alone and it might not even be Micah, but who cares? I’m ready to claim him.
When he steps inside the room I turn around and drop the towel. The excitement rolls over my spine and the tension suddenly becomes unbearable. I feel his eyes on me, zooming over my tattoos, so I slowly turn around.
When our eyes meet I know that this is my only chance to make him mine again.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Difficult decision
Micah
I’m standing in the room that I share with Tahlia, unable to move, completely and utterly frozen, as heat starts creeping over the side of my face. The most beautiful creature is standing in front of me completely naked. She is perfect, stunning and I don’t know if this is a delusion or the most amazing dream. My groin starts burning with raw flames; heat spreads down my body like a wildfire. I have been fighting with my overpowering desire to touch her for days, waiting to just feel normal again. Tahlia was always the only one that managed to accomplished that. She turned me into a human being, into a man that could love again.
Last night she kissed me and I didn’t back away like I meant to.
Right now all I can think is how beautiful she is. Her skin shines in the dim light, and her tattoos are all exposed, making me want to drag my fingers over them. The artist that created them must have been incredibly talented.
My heart fucking ceases beating in my chest when she smiles shyly, not even trying to cover herself up. I zoom my eyes over her magnificent breasts, imagining touching her hardened nipples. She is making me lose control again, and that fire in her eyes slowly breaks me, tears me into a direction I shouldn’t be even thinking about.
“Tahlia, what are you doing?” I rasp, swallowing hard. There is only so much self-control inside me, and I’m pretty sure that I’m going to lose my mind in a second.
“I just wanted to remind you what we had. I’ve missed you, Micah, and I want you to touch me,” she says and takes a few steps towards me. My muscles are suddenly burning and my skin aches for contact, but I stand in front of her still frozen. The thick longing of desire sparks my soul. I want to make love to her again, but I can’t get distracted. I have never protected her and I don’t want to fail again. The irresistible longing intensifies as she takes my hand and moves it down the slope of her breast down to her nipple. All I can think of now is spreading her on the floor and kissing every inch of that scarred body. Suddenly my forefinger is caressing her stiff nipple.
“You know I can’t. This is a very bad idea. You’re still healing,” I say, but my voice gets lost in that mumbling incoherent sound.
“It’s a very good idea. You said you loved me, so show me that nothing has changed,” she whispers and diverts my hand down towards her stomach, guiding me even further down.
A loud sexy moan escapes her, when my fingers brush that sweet forbidden spot between her legs. The skin-to-skin contact sends a shock wave through my system. My pulse is pounding, and my thoughts are lost in a heady, dizzy swirl.
I use my other hand to bring her body closer to mine. She shuts her eyes and parts her lips when my fingers begin massaging her sex. My clothes are the problem, and I have this sudden urge to tear them apart.
Her scent is intoxicating to me. It captivates me, urging me on. I slam her against me and kiss her hard, slipping my tongue into her mouth. Her hands are greedy, touching and caressing my chest. Our mouths explore each other all over again, until we can’t catch our breaths. She grabs my belt and starts fighting with it, but I bring her hands around my waist, then grab her perfect arse cheeks and lift her, so her legs are wrapped around me.
“I can be gentle, please tell me to be gentle,” I say, between our greedy kisses.
“No, I want you, just hurry. I want you to make love to me,” she urges when I put her down on the bed. I get rid of my shirt and trousers with inhuman speed. When I hover over her naked body I’m in fucking heaven. Nothing else matters anymore, people downstairs, Josh or whatever promise I made to myself.
I kiss her lips hard, until they are swollen, then start moving down to her neck. My insides tighten as her fingers slip into my hair, tangling it roughly. My mouth is on her nipples, and my tongue keeps exploring and swirling around it. I’m so hard it’s unbelievable, and I desperately want to be inside her.
She tangles my hair with her fingers when I use my hand to caress her breast, while my lips move further down to her stomach. Her moans are like music to my ears, and I don’t know why I’ve been keeping my distance from her.
My lips find her clit and I suck hard until her whole body shudders painfully, until each slow pass of my tongue has my pulse pounding loudly in my ears. She arches her hips towards me and I lick her until she screams my name and grips the sheets in her tightly clenched hands. I pull away just before she is ready to come undone for me to get rid of my boxers.
“Why are you stopping?” she asks, flustered, lifting herself on her elbows. I give her a cheeky smile and search for the condom in my jeans. My dick is erect and I want to look into her eyes when I’m inside her.
“Shhhh, you can’t come yet. I want you to spread your legs wide and let me make you come like you never have before.” I slip my fingers inside her and a loud groan passes through my lips. “Jesus, you’re so wet and ready.”
She bites her pierced lip as she lets out a breathy moan, so responsive to my touch.
“I love you, but I’m going to kill you if you don’t just get on with it,” she rasps.
“Your wish is my command, pinky head,” I say, and then position myself on top of her and use my hands to guide myself inside her. I make that throaty sound, unable to control my urge to be quick and hard. She wraps her hands aro
und my back, digging her nails into my skin when I finally move. I kiss her until her lips are swollen and she moans underneath me, telling me to go deeper.
Tahlia
Every tiny hair on my body is rising, and his grip on my hips tightens. Micah’s breathy moan shakes my system as he keeps sliding himself in and out, staring down at me with his green eyes.
The pressure deep in my abdomen keeps building up, sending spasms of pleasure down my spine.
“You’re so beautiful, and I’m so sorry for everything, for hurting you,” he tells me, biting my ear and thrusting himself inside me faster.
His lips are everywhere, touching and licking. He groans, pushing his way into me, stretching and filling me until I’m falling apart, until we both lose touch with reality and finally climax simultaneously. I bite the pillow, silencing my screams, coming so hard, at the same time tightening my hips around him. Everything is perfect then, as he continues kissing me gently until our bodies stop shuddering, and he collapses next to me.
“I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not believing you and I’m sorry that I never noticed you before,” he whispers and brings me closer, wrapping his arms around my sticky skin.
“Its all in the past now, Micah. I don’t want you to bring this up again. We are back together and nothing else matters,” I tell him, caressing his chest.
We stay like that for a while, just lying there and talking. I tell him about the future that I want to have, about our house somewhere in the country. Then he makes love to me again, and again, and eventually I fall asleep in his arms.
When I open my eyes in the morning, I’m instantly afraid that last night was just a one-time deal for Micah, because he isn’t next to me. The bed is empty yet again, and that overwhelming anxiety starts squeezing its hands around my neck. I keep wondering if this was only a dream, his moment of weakness. Tears form in my eyes, my insecurities prompting me to think that all the things that were said last night might not have meant a thing.
A moment later the door to our bedroom opens and Micah walks in, carrying a tray filled with food. He places the tray in front of me and a huge smile breaks across his face.
Love & Hate Series Box Set 2 (Love & Hate #3-4) Page 43
