My lips twitch with amusement. With a brief shrug, I stride out of the room, glancing over my shoulder just in time to see her shocked expression that I didn’t immediately spill.
“Sawyer!” Willow springs to action, following me. “Tell me!” We hit the living room before she catches up and tugs on my elbow, spinning me around to face her.
I lean in close as if I’m going to whisper a secret in her ear. And I do. Sort of. “I don’t kiss and tell.”
“But you kissed, I know it. Hadleigh had make-out hair when you came and introduced her to me at the bar. Your hands had definitely been messing up her hair. And I bet there was more than that last night.” She jabs a finger toward the smile emerging on my face. “I can tell just by looking at you. You. Got. Laid! Finally!” She throws her hands up in the air and dances around.
I laugh at her and her antics. “No comment.” I clear my throat. “I’ve got to get going. I have a meeting in twenty minutes.”
“Is it a sexy meeting? Tell me it’s a sexy meeting with Hadleigh!” Willow follows me to the front door, kind of like a bouncing bunny, unable to contain her excitement—or like Hadleigh’s crazy ball of fur, Space Ghost. Thinking about the kitten leads to thoughts of Hadleigh—and that’s how I know I’m already falling fast—I can’t keep the smile off my face.
I turn, eyes twinkling, knowing Willow will be disappointed with my answer. “It’s with my advisor from Roxford.”
“Aw, man. Well, okay, I guess you have to go do that. Will you see Hadleigh again later?”
“Willow. What is up with you?”
She eyes me carefully. “This is the happiest you’ve looked in a long time. I just want to make sure everything is good with you.” She stomps her foot playfully, throwing up her arms. “And you are being annoyingly secretive.”
“Everything is good. It was really, really good.” With that, I slip out the door and shut it firmly behind me. I can imagine the internal squealing she’s doing right now. Everyone should have a cheerleader like Willow in their life. Someone who will be there whether you are up or down. I’ve been down for so long, I’m sure that this win with Hadleigh feels very much like a win for Willow, too. After putting up with me through all the Tara issues and coaxing me out the other side, I probably owe her a drink. Or twelve.
My advisor, Professor McDaniel, waves me into his small office and gestures for me to have a seat in the chair across from him. “So, tell me how things are going with Ms. Beckett.” He steeples his fingers in front of him with an affable smile as he kicks back in his chair.
How are things going with Ms. Beckett? This is when it fully hits me just how far across those professional boundaries we’ve stepped. Not that I hadn’t thought about it, but now it seems pretty serious. And for once in my life, I just don’t give a damn. There’s something special between me and Hadleigh, and once we’re on the other side of this eight-week placement, the little parts of my subconscious that wonder if we ever should have started anything will calm down and leave me alone.
I bob my head, pondering what I should tell him. Professor McDaniel surely doesn’t want to hear about how just being around Hadleigh makes my dick hard. Or how soft the skin of her stomach is. Or how the sounds she makes when she comes make me want to bring her to the edge of bliss and then drown in it with her over and over again. Giving myself a mental shake, I give him the information he’s expecting, which is also one hundred-percent truth.
“She’s an amazing teacher. I’ve enjoyed watching her in the classroom and learning from her. She’s easy to get along with, really smart, and quick to share her knowledge with me. More than that, though, she’s really good with the kids, knows just how to guide them through conversations and keep them interested and engaged in the lesson. I was most nervous about how I’d handle working with students at the high school level, but I’m confident by the time I’m done with this placement, I’ll feel competent and ready.”
“That’s great to hear. I was a little concerned when we set this up because she’s not quite done with her fifth year. Usually that’s the minimum requirement we need to assign student teachers to teachers, but she came highly recommended by her department chair. She’s meeting all of your needs currently?”
I cough, a trickle of sweat sliding its way between my shoulder blades. How I’m sweating when it’s twenty-five degrees outside is beyond me. “I have zero complaints.”
Zero. I feel like I should thank this man for everything Hadleigh has become to me, but that would be … decidedly inappropriate.
He claps his hands together once and stands. “Great. Then we’re done here for now. I’ll see you in another two weeks, and we’ll talk a little more in depth about your experience at NHS.”
“Sounds good, sir.”
As I leave, I pull out my phone to shoot Hadleigh a quick text to let her know how the meeting had gone.
Me: Hey. Just got done with McDaniel.
Me: He asked me if you were meeting my needs. I refrained from saying the first thing that came to my mind. :)
Me: But just so you know, you are everything I need.
I frown when she doesn’t respond right away like she normally does, but maybe she’s just busy. We’d left things on a fantastic note.
Another two hours go by, and I regret sending that last text and am beating myself up all to hell about it. I know that she’s who I need. But am I who she wants?
Early Monday, Hadleigh and I are surrounded by other people in the workroom. I’m ready to pull my hair out. Why are so many people here already? All I want to do is get her alone and figure out what the hell is going on. I need a chance to find out just where I went wrong. Had I moved too quickly for her? Maybe that was the mistake. She told me herself she has trouble with relationships because of the piss-poor role model her own mother had been. When she’d finally texted me back Sunday night, it’d been curt and to the point. A definite blow to my Tara-damaged ego.
Hadleigh: That’s good. See you Monday.
That’s all she’d said. I’d bared a piece of my heart to her, told her I needed her, and she’d said, “That’s good.” I know she was responding to how my meeting went and completely ignoring the rest, but still. What. The. Hell?
She’s hardly looked at me since I arrived this morning. Fuck, I’m so frustrated. I think back to Saturday morning—her eyes had devoured me right up until the second I closed her door behind me. Nope. There’d been no mistaking the look in her eyes. We’d been on the same damn page. Yet, fast forward to today and she’s totally giving me the brush off.
Cold sweat dots my brow as I start to wonder if she’s having second thoughts. I’m so fucking frustrated right now.
Frustrated I can’t just ask her with everyone here.
Frustrated I don’t know if I somehow did something wrong.
Frustrated we’re even having an issue in the first place, seemingly out of the blue.
Because that first time with her and every time after had been everything. So. Damn. Hot. I’d wanted to claim her body. But more than that, I’d wanted to possess her heart—I want all of her, every bit she’ll let me have.
But not if she doesn’t feel the same. Not if it doesn’t mean to her what it does to me. My stomach twists into knots.
Chapter 25
Hadleigh
It’s not helping my current state of mind that I’ve only had two-point-two hours of sleep. I’d come in early, figuring there was no reason to lie around in the bed moping, so I figured I’d at least be productive by getting some grading done. Piper, Jake, and Brian were already in when I got here. Considering it was a full hour before school starts, I’d been extremely surprised when Sawyer had also shown up early.
I feel awful. Sawyer doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, and it’s obvious from the bags under his eyes and rumpled hair that he didn’t get much sleep, either. I don’t know what to do about Ed, though, and my first inclination is to push Sawyer away, to protect him from whatever cr
ap Ed decides to fling my way. I don’t want Sawyer to be taken down with me if Ed truly intends to somehow use those photos against me. And if he decides to tell everyone that Sawyer and I are together? Well, I don’t know what to do.
I’m so lost in thought I startle when Sawyer lightly touches my arm. My heart rate picks up, but I don’t look at him. I can’t. He sinks into the chair beside me, propping his elbow on the little student desk and resting his head on his fisted hand. I feel his hot gaze on me, and finally, I can’t handle it anymore. I have to look at him, so I angle my head his way. My eyes move over the rugged features of his handsome face, and I want to cry. He definitely seems exhausted, the same way I am.
His voice is low enough when he speaks that only I can hear it. “Are you mad at me about something?”
When I don’t answer right away, he swallows visibly before lifting one hand like he’s about to touch me, but then he lets it drop, like he’s thought better of it.
I blink rapidly and try to control my breathing. I’m so overwhelmed by what I should and shouldn’t do that I can barely think, much less formulate an answer. Finally, I shake my head and murmur, “No.”
He glances at Brian as he leaves the room, then at Piper and Jake, whose desks face the opposite direction before he leans in and feathers a kiss over my cheekbone. “I don’t understand what’s happened. Do you want to clue me in?”
My heart clenches and claws within my chest. “Okay. But can we talk after school? I want to be as professional as I can be with you during school hours.”
His brows pinch together and he looks at me curiously. “Um, yeah. That makes sense. I’ll—I’ll just go get ready for class.” He gets up, shaking his head to himself. With a lingering glance at me over his shoulder, he leaves the workroom. I wonder if he knows that he just walked out of here with a tiny little piece of my heart.
Jake and Piper chatter behind me, but I’m so caught up in worrying about how to handle Ed I can’t even join in on the conversation. I feel terrible for the way I’m making Sawyer question what’s between us, but he doesn’t know I’m trying to keep him out of trouble. With a disgusted groan, I allow myself to think through everything again.
It figures. Just when I’m about to get everything I’ve ever wanted my world blows up in my face. I wish I could stop breaking my own damn heart. I wish I had never gone out with Ed in the first place. I still can’t fathom why I’d said yes or why I’d stayed with him when I wasn’t happy. And then when he’d taken those photos without my permission? I should have known better. I should have seen him for the creep he truly is. But nope. It’d taken him sending me the same photos weeks later—photos he’d sworn he’d deleted—to know for sure that he’s a complete asshole.
Being with Sawyer, though? He can’t be a mistake. I won’t let him be. Nothing has ever felt as right. It makes my heart ache to know I’m hurting him. But I don’t want to drag him into this. And because I’m trying to hide this from him, he’s confused, and it’s all my fault.
I’m falling for Sawyer and that makes this whole Ed situation that much more difficult. I don’t know which would be worse for us, if Ed were to say something to the administration about me and Sawyer or if he were to do something with the photos he’d taken and kept. I’d put nothing past him.
Ed’s plenty pissed off and it came through in the tone of his texts. The only way I can see to protect Sawyer is to try and stay on Ed’s good side. But how do I do that? I don’t want any part of him, and I don’t want to just give in. I won’t go back to him. I won’t. No way in hell.
Later in the day, when the door to the workroom opens during our lunch period, my heart does a little leap. Screw waiting until after school. We need to find somewhere to talk before I go out of my mind worrying about this. I look up expectantly, plastering a brave smile on my face, ready to skip lunch and talk things through if that’s what Sawyer wants.
Unfortunately for me, it’s not Sawyer standing in the doorway. It’s Ed.
“Hey, Hadleigh.” He rubs a hand over the coarse stubble on his jawline. “I know you’re probably pissed about the text messages, but I want to talk to you about giving us another chance. What do you say we go out for dinner and talk things through?” He’s looking at me the way he used to when I first agreed to go out with him last fall—when he was actually trying to make a good impression on me. Is he crazy? I’m not buying it. Not for a damn second.
I glance up from my papers. “Um. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?” He cocks his head to the side and his gaze narrows on me.
I set my red pen down, giving him my full attention. Here we go. “Look, Ed, I’ve already said no to going out again, and I meant it. I don’t want to argue about it with you. I don’t think we are good for each other. I’d hoped you’d understand, and we could part on relatively good terms.” I can’t help the incredulous huff I let out. “But now you’ve threatened me, and I’m not sure how you expect me to look past that.”
He scoffs, staring at me indignantly. “Back up. How are we not good for each other?”
I blink a few times. Is he insane? “I don’t like the way you treat me, Ed.” I expel a huge breath and decide it’s now or never. Conscious of the fact that anyone could walk in at any time, I whisper-shout at him. “I would also really appreciate it if you would stop threatening me, stop holding things over my head, and honor your promise to me.” My teeth clamp down so hard on my lower lip, I’m surprised I don’t draw blood. “Did you delete the photos like you keep saying you will? Because it’s pretty shitty that you told me you’d deleted them all immediately after you took them but then started sending them to me. Taunting me with the fact that you didn’t get rid of them? Really shitty, Ed. So, no, I don’t want to go to dinner with you.”
He laughs—hard—right in my face, and I can’t help but draw back, sucking in a breath as I do. His tone with me does a one-eighty as he spits out, “Let me see if I have everything right—you won’t let me take you to dinner because you’re running around fucking your student teacher. Is that accurate?”
My face pales and my throat goes completely dry.
“I can see I’m right by the look on your face. You forget I know you, Hadleigh. You’ll be lucky if I don’t put your tits and ass in an e-mail and send them to the whole damn school. You want favors now? Fuck that. And fuck you.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Sawyer steps through the doorway, bristling. “What the hell is going on here?” He’s got a good three inches on Ed, is much broader, and his expression is dark and thunderous like a storm cloud. If I were Ed, I’d be terrified. I’ve never seen Sawyer angry before, and I’m guessing it doesn’t happen all that often. He appears to be the kind that doesn’t anger easily, but when he does … Boom.
Ed, though? He’s dense and doesn’t correctly read the anger emanating from Sawyer. “Mind your own business, Rivers.”
Sawyer plants his hands on his hips, glaring at Ed as his chest rises and falls raggedly. “Are you kidding me, man? I walk in here and find you swearing at her, and you think I should mind my own business? Not happening. Even if she’s your ex, there’s no excuse for that.” His eyes bore into Ed, and he asks without looking at me, “Hadleigh, do you have anything else you want to say to him?”
“Yes.” My voice comes out stronger than I thought it would. “Yes, I want him out of here.”
Sawyer steps toward Ed. “You heard her. Get. Out.” His jaw clenches, breath coming fast.
Just then, Jake and Damon walk in discussing the merits of some book by an author I’ve never heard of. They freeze in place when they see they’ve walked right into an argument.
My face flushes red with embarrassment, and I close my eyes briefly, wishing I were anywhere else but here. When I open my eyes again, my gaze flicks over to them and then back to Ed. “Ed, you should go now.”
Sawyer’s brow lifts as he stares Ed down. He looks like he could strangle him.
Before he
walks away, Ed leans close to me and whispers harshly in my ear, “How about if I show your pretty pictures to your new man? I could do that, too.” He edges back, sneers at me, and backs toward the door.
My heart hammers hard behind my ribcage. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath until the door slams behind him and it comes out all sputtery. I try to act normally, like that didn’t just happen, but I’m sweating all over and shaking hard.
Jake’s eyes are big behind his thick glasses. I’m pretty sure the only arguing he’s ever seen in here has been between Damon and Piper, and that’s never anything serious. He clears his throat. “Um. Are you okay, Hadleigh?”
I nod, my face flaming hot, eyes trained on the gray tile flooring. “I’m okay.” I tuck my hair behind my ears and glance up to find all three men watching me with concern. I want to sink into a hole in the ground and never come back out. Why did I ever, ever think Ed was a good idea?
Damon and Sawyer exchange a quick look before Damon claps Jake on the shoulder. “Could you come talk to me in my room? I think they could use a minute.”
“Oh yeah, sure.” Jake pushes his glasses up on his nose, glancing at me one last time. “Let’s go.” They don’t hesitate more than a second before they hustle right back out.
“Sit.” Sawyer’s voice is gruff as he backs me up and makes me sit down in my chair. He pulls another chair my way and takes one hand out of my lap, holding it between his. “Hadleigh. I don’t know what’s happened between the time I left you on Saturday and now, but I want to help you, if you’ll let me. I promise I won’t be upset with whatever your answer to this question is, but I’m going to ask this just one time, because I think it’s important that I have the full picture.” He works his jaw before he rasps, “Are you still seeing him?”
I shake my head adamantly. My stomach churns. I don’t want Sawyer to doubt what I feel for him. “No. He just keeps coming back and trying to get me to go out with him again. He won’t leave me alone.”
Fight for You (Flirting with Forever Book 2) Page 13
