by Love Belvin
“Hi,” she smiled warmly. “You must be Wynter.”
I’d seen her on Myisha’s IG recently, which was how I recognized her, but minus the sleep gear.
My neck twisted, but my eyes remained on her. Had she slept over? How?
“Yes,” I managed.
“Oh, nice. I’m Heather, Raj’s best—”
“Friend,” I purposely dismissed the qualification of the relationship she shared with my husband, especially because she was in his home with not much underneath that robe.
“Yes!” she beamed with big eyes and a bright smile. “Well, I know you’re taking off this morning. I’m going back to bed. Long day ahead. Safe travels.”
Her beam remained as she switched down the hall with a jiggle in her ass.
Dazed, I continued down the stairs, a million and one questions bouncing in my head. Wasn’t Heather married with kids? Who has time for sleepovers with that load? And who was she sleeping over with when I was deep throating her so called “bestie” late last night?
I didn’t have to travel far. Raj was waiting in the foyer, off toward the kitchen. Adding bemusement to shock, he was dressed in his house pants and a sweater rolled up at the lower arm with his hands pushed into the pockets. His feet were tucked into his UGG slide in slippers. With amusement in my eyes, I frowned. He lectured me all week about how fast paced our actions would have to be this morning. And here, he wasn’t even dressed.
When Raj didn’t speak, my heart leaped in my chest. Seconds more, my chest fell, too. His eyes fell and I knew. Something was wrong. A pang coursed my agitated chest.
Slowly, his eyes rose to meet mine again. I could see them welling, but nothing fell. A sour film coated my mouth and a slight tremor began to take over my body.
Why?
Why was I so alarmed? Where was this anxiousness coming from? It wasn’t my style.
His Adam’s apple bobbed underneath his beard. “Change of plans,” his voice was too low, too calm. My brows rose in question. “I have work I can’t delay.” He cleared his throat after tossing his thumb toward the hall that led to the studio suite. “The jet’s juiced up and ready. Leech took your luggage out there already.”
A wave of dizziness washed over me. This moment felt surreal. I was out of body, experiencing every second of this exchange.
“Ca—” I swallowed, my eyes closing to gain myself. “Come again?”
Raj swiped the back of his head, his nostrils widening as though he was fighting for control. It was clear to me, he was pained. Was it that hard telling me to go fuck off?
“Mmmm…” a quiet groan left my belly and I was able to catch the emotion it carried with it.
Raj’s eyes narrowed. “I’mma…” They closed quickly before he tried again. “Ummmm…” He licked his lips. “I’mma hit you soon to make sure you’re good.”
My head angled and eyes narrowed. Did he just say he’d reach out sometime in the distance future to check up on me?
Something was fucking off. I’d been here before: abruptly dismissed, taken for granted. When this should have been an easy exit, it hurt just as fucking bad as all the others. My core still ached from his unrelenting passion just hours ago. Tenderness from the Apa between his thighs still rang out in my groin; where was this coming from?
“We’re not—?” I swallowed involuntarily. My damn face squeezed in agony. “This is it?” I shook my head, trying to center myself. Reclaim my body to get ahead of this nightmare. “What’s going on, Raj?”
His words were soft, eyes heavy. “Work.” He shook his head to convince me. “I had a builder call first thing this morning. Some code violation bullshit I gotta figure out ASAP.”
“Bullshit.” I gritted, lips pursed.
“Wyn…” his voice broke and eyes fell.
This was it. He’d switched moods on me unexpectedly again. Too bad for him, his timing was off. I finally had the opportunity to pursue my dreams and the prospect of it terrified me. But I was here. The door was open for me to leave the life of playing counselor, putting people’s needs before my own, and doing something to define and satisfy me. I would create a new identity. Like Pastor McKinnon said, I would find my purpose here on earth. For once. And if I wasn’t going to get in my way, I wouldn’t allow Ragee to.
This moment provided clarity. Beyond all the lovemaking, sharing we’d done, Ragee McKinnon was still a broken man. I’d resigned from trying to help sort and heal them last September. Back then, I recognized being burned out and decided to leave that line of work. For good. Raj may have been an unexpected discovery of passion, but him backing out at a time as tender as this was a glaring reminder of me looking back instead of moving forward. Him switching faces this quickly, easily would be my undoing in no time.
But I deeply cared for him. Had fallen into a trusting and vulnerable place with him. I thought he’d trusted me, too. But I learned a long time ago you can’t love a man with a fractured heart. It had to be whole, functioning, and willing.
My chest was heaving as I stared at him in disbelief. I had no words. I probably wouldn’t speak them if I did. Again, I’d been here before with Sheldon. Once at the mark of a big event in my life and I encountered betrayal.
Raj tossed his head toward the set of French patio doors that led out to the back. “Leech’s out there waiting on you.” His eyes were somewhere in the region of my shoes.
The fucker couldn’t even look at me. A ball of some…shit shot from my belly to my throat. Again, I caught it with a deep swallow before I stepped off. With my chin in the air, I brushed past him, experiencing his masculine scent and cold radiation for the last time. I’d gotten over it before, and I’d do it again.
I didn’t slow my pace until I was outside and on the last step of the massive terrace. Leech was indeed there, waiting with the motor of the golf cart going. With dignity, I slid inside.
“Hey, Leech!” I didn’t know how I managed.
“Whaddup, Wynter,” he replied in his usual tenor as he glanced behind us before cutting the wheel. “You ready to go fuck up L.I.T. Music?”
“They are not ready,” I declared with a smile in my cheeks.
That gesture of encouragement got me through the silent ride all the way to the waiting jet that had been running. Leech unnecessarily walked me to the steps where an Asian man waited for me at the top.
“Go kill it, ma,” Leech bade.
I nodded and turned back for the plane.
The steward waved me on, greeting me by name. He helped me out of my coat and walked me to a seat. Ironically, it was the one Raj sat in when I’d flown with him.
“Mr. McKinnon has placed the order for your breakfast. It’ll be out once the captain declares we’re free to move about the cabin. Can I get a mimosa started for you until then?” His hands were clasped, wedged between his legs as he bent to speak.
“That’d be nice. Thanks.”
“Sure!” he stressed. “Oh!” He held an index in the air, taking off just beyond me. “Here.” He handed me an envelope when he returned hardly seconds later. “For you.”
The captain greeted me over the loud speaker. He called for everyone to take their seats for takeoff. I buckled up, eyeing the envelope, metallic gold stationary. Suspicion overwhelmed me and as the plane began its run before ascension, I ripped it open. With impatience, I yanked the paper inside out and unraveled it. I’d never seen his handwriting before, but knew it was his.
You’ve changed me. No matter what my under-developed heart can’t reveal or what my inexperienced mouth will not speak, I’ll never be the same. God has revealed Himself to me anew. Through you.
And without warning or delay, a sadness descended on me with a quickness I wasn’t prepared for. An emotion too quick for my stubborn façade had shot from my belly and a cry hurled from my mouth. I covered it with the slap of my palm, my eyes wild and panicked. Then another yelp shot from behind my hand. Before I knew it, a gang of them came uncontrolled, overtaking me. Soon, I had
to remove my hand to breathe. I was subdued with a type of sadness I hadn’t felt since saying goodbye to my grandfather, releasing him to my grandmother. This shit hurt. My face was soaked and breathing uncontrolled. I could see the flight attendant at my side, likely speaking, but my fucking heart throbbed, lungs squeezed, and eyes blurred from determined tears.
I was done.
I don’t know how long I stood at the set of patio doors leading to the terrace out back after the jet took off. But I told myself it was over. The damage had been done and there was no turning back now. The way she glided out of here, carrying her purse on one arm and duffle bag on the other shoulder was classic ironclad Wynter. She didn’t show her pain. She shouldered through my corny way of breaking things off. I thought I’d have a better way to do it this morning, but I realized after spending the night between her legs, her chest against mine, imploring my heart, there was no easy way to say goodbye to your first true love.
Yup. My sucker ass done fell for the first time this late in my life. As I turned for the hall, the wetness of my eyes finally fell to my face.
“Aye,” a voice stopped me in my tracks.
I cleared my eyes and saw the last person I needed in my face right now.
“What?”
Myisha couldn’t speak at first.
“WHAT?” I barked.
“It’s Mike Brown. He was shot a few hours ago.” She shook her head, expression ghosted. “They’re saying it doesn’t look good, Raj.”
My eyes fell closed and I shook my head before taking off to my office.
###
To be continued in…
#PenningWithoutParameters
??#ImGonnaMakeYouLoveMe??
Love Acknowledges
Photography & Models: Jaida Moore of Jaida A. Moore Photography — Thanks for that fourth quarter save! Your talent and level of professionalism was just what I needed. I can’t wait to work with you again! Derrick Hitch Jackson and Janeé, thanks so much for sharing your talent with my reading community.
Researcher: Shumethia S. — Told you, you couldn’t get rid of me by moving! Ha! Thanks so much for the magic you bring to my imagination. You’re truly a rare human being with the ability to have me stretch the bounds of my brain. I really appreciate your Mom’s uterus. Teehee!
Love’s Betas — Rocita H., Shumethia S., and Angela J., thanks for your dedicated patience and honest feedback. You have no idea how helpful your developmental editing consultation is. Yorubia McNeil, thanks for making room for me and my high maintenance fictional universe. You’ve truly been a blessing. Ya Mom’s uterus ain’t so bad either. LOL!!
Love Belvin Therapy Room — Afi, Adrian, Angela B., Angela J.J., Artemysia, Ashleigh, Ayanna, Ayo, Azaria, Bonita, Brittany, Courtney, Dana, Dee, Deena, Deidre, Denise, DeVona, Diane, Diva Dee, Doresha, Doris, Erica C., Ericka M., Fennia, Gail, Grace, Heather, Heidi, Hezie-Ann, Jessica, Kamashia, Karmen, Katrice, Katrina, Kay, Kerry, Keyma, Kim, Kimmiko, Kita, Korei, LaKaya, LaKisha, LaLa, LaSonde, Linda R., Linda W., Lee, LeShonda, Levette, Marshall, Michelle M., Michelle R.O., Michelle T., Mocha, Monique H., Monique N., Natoya, Nena, Nikki, Pamela, PJ, Rakia, Quan, Regina, Richell, Rose, Roslyn, Samona, Sharon L., Sharon F.W., Shaun, Sola, Sophia, Stacey K., Stacy M., Stina, Tabatha, Tamara, Tanisha, Tanya, Tara, Té, Teresa, Terri G., Terry H., Tesha, Tia, Tiffany, Tineka, Tonya, Tralaina, Vivian, Wendi, Yolanda, Yorubia, and Yvette H., you guys give me life errrrrrday! Never forget you’re my fortune, because I won’t. Jemeka & Rita, how many ways can I say thanks? Your dedication is unreal, and I’m grateful. Thanks for being trusted confidants.
Christina C. Jones aka CCJ — And still you’re blowing my mind with your creativity. Love you more than I do carrot cake! #AuthorBae
Interior Artist: Cedeara Ardell McCollum — Thanks, baby girl, for the imagery you’ve designed for my books! Love you always!
Proof Reader: Tina V. Young — Your heart is boundless! And so is your #pettyeye and patience for me. I can’t fully express how grateful I am to have my own personal geek!
Editors:
Zakiya Walden of I’ve Got Something to Say! — Thanks for making the sacrifice. You are awesome!
Karen Rogers-McCollum of Critique Editing Services — Thanks so much for not just cleaning me up, but teaching me, too! You’ve been an amazing resource. I appreciate your patience and generosity!
MDT: Who can push out five BIG ones in one year? I’m waiting… ***brushes thumb over nose*** Yeah. Because I’m that chic! #ToldYou
Master, my Jireh, my Rohi, Psalm 3:3 (NKJV) “But You, O Lord, are a shield for me,
My glory and the One who lifts up my head.” “Decidedly, Your vessel” #Forever
~Other Books by Love Belvin
Love’s Improbable Possibility series:
Love Lost, Love UnExpected, Love UnCharted & Love Redeemed
Waiting to Breathe series:
Love Delayed & Love Delivered
Love’s Inconvenient Truth (Standalone)
Love Unaccounted series:
In Covenant with Ezra, In Love with Ezra & Bonded with Ezra
The Connecticut Kings series:
Love In the Red Zone, Love on the Highlight Reel & Determining Possession (by Christina C. Jones)
Wayward Love series:
The Left of Love, The Low of Love & The Right of Love
~Extra
You can find Love Belvin at www.LoveBelvin.com
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