by Megan Linski
“Sure we aren’t going to get lost?” I ask, and laugh.
“It’s not as big as it looks. Come on.” Cairo tugs on my hand, and I follow.
Cairo’s lying. The house is way bigger than it looks. As I predicted, there are at least ten bedrooms, as well as a courtyard, a theatre room, a gym, a large dining area, and several bathrooms that you could play football in. He seems amused at all my gawking.
His bedroom at the top of the house looks like any other boys’ room. It’s large, but his bed isn’t made and the walls are covered with posters of NFL stars, clothes scattered all along the floor. There’s a large stereo system, but besides that, not much else.
“Sorry. Forgot to clean up before you got here.” Cairo kicks a pile of clothes out of the way.
“You act like I mind.” I turn towards him. I suddenly am aware that Cairo is standing very close to me.
Cairo licks his lips. He puts his hands on my hips, and draws me close. Automatically, I put my hands on his chest, and look up at him.
“I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time now,” he explains. “I wanted to wait until I was sure we were alone.”
My mouth opens to ask him what he’s talking about, but my voice is stifled when his lips come crashing down upon mine. I close my eyes, and fall into the kiss. Cairo’s mouth moves upon mine, creating a symphony of sensors that fire off all at once in my mind. I kiss him back, lost in the moment, yet at the same time hoping I’m doing a good job of kissing him back. His tongue drifts across mine, and I gasp, leaning forward into it and grazing my teeth on his bottom lip.
He groans, and shifts. His hands move upward so that they’re caressing my stomach, lifting up the edges of my shirt. Warnings blaze in my head to stop right there, but I tell them to be quiet.
Forget about Eric. Just this once, I beg myself. I lean against Cairo’s touch and let passion sweep me away. His hands don’t go any higher, though his palms drift across my stomach and my lower back.
This, more than anything, is pure heaven. Cairo pulls his mouth away. It trails down my neck, making a path back upwards to my ear. Goosebumps rise on my arms, and I shiver.
“We should probably stop,” Cairo whispers. At the same time, every part of my body is shooting with electricity.
I gulp. “Yeah.” Finally, we pull apart. My head is spinning, and my knees have gone weak. I can’t believe that kiss was so powerful.
He lays his forehead against mine. “We’d better be careful. Otherwise, we’ll get too carried away.”
I laugh. “Yeah. But not like I could ever get enough of you, anyway.”
Cairo’s smile reaches his eyes. “Same.”
“What were you thinking of doing tonight?” I ask.
One thing crosses my mind, something I’m definitely not ready for, but Cairo’s thoughts seem cleaner than mine. He says, “There’s a nice Italian restaurant I know of. It’s in the next town over. It’s an hour’s drive away, but I promise you it’s worth it.”
My stomach, betrayer that it is, grumbles. Cairo hears, and says, “I’m guessing that’s a yes.”
“Yep. And I don’t mind the drive. I’ve got nothing else to do,” I say. Most people would be irritated at the U.P.’s long drive times to get anywhere, but not me. Gives me more of an excuse to spend extra time with Cairo.
It’s already past four thirty, so Cairo and I head for the truck. I’m glad Clara doesn’t meet us on the way out.
The drive there doesn’t seem long. Not with Cairo. He talks about lacrosse, and school. He doesn’t bring up the demon attack or anything Nephilim related. A thought crosses my mind. Thames is the one that says he wants to be normal, but Cairo acts like he wants to be normal way more than Thames does. I’m pretty sure Thames has accepted what he is already. Cairo, in opposition, doesn’t seem like he has.
When we arrive, it’s dark, and the entire town is lit up with a multitude of lights. Small globes have been strung over the streets. Strands of lights wrap around the lamp poles, glowing like fireflies in a tiny village that looks like it’s straight off a postcard. When I get out, my mouth drops open.
“I knew you’d like it,” Cairo says triumphantly. “The town decorates itself every winter for Christmas and doesn’t take the decorations down until spring. It’s really incredible.”
Snowflakes fall from the sky, onto my nose. I hold out my tongue to catch them like I did when I was a little girl before I stop. I’m too old for that.
As if he read my mind, Cairo scoops up a little pile of snow and blows it into my face. I giggle, wiping the spare flakes away.
“That’s better,” he says. “I can always tell when you’re trying too hard to be grown up. Your brow gets really scrunched.”
“I grew up in the foster care system. I had to become an adult really fast,” I say.
“That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun now.” Cairo threads his gloved fingers through mine. We start walking down the street, toward the restaurant. “There’s nothing wrong with being a little immature sometimes. Life’s too short to be taken seriously.”
Underneath the magical glow of the lights, with how spectacular he looks, I can almost believe him. “Life’s hard. You can make one mistake and screw up everything.” I kick a spare block of ice. “If you don’t take it seriously, everything can go wrong in an instant. There’s no room for mistakes.”
“I doubt you’ve made a mistake that’s messed up your whole life,” Cairo says gently.
“Yes, I have.” I’ve gone so quiet, I’m surprised Cairo can still hear me. His breath stops.
Am I really doing this? I don’t want to. But my heart, it seems, isn’t giving me a choice. I’ve been thinking about telling Cairo this for a long time, ever since he first showed me his wings.
Now, I finally have the courage to speak.
“I’ve never told anyone. Except the people that had to know, like the cops, and the lawyers,” I explain. There’s a lump in my throat. I try hard to swallow it, but it won’t go away. “I’ve told you about Eric before.”
“Yes.” Cairo’s voice has taken on a softer undertone.
“He wasn’t a nice man.” This is so hard to explain. My feet make soft graces upon the powdery snow. Did it all really happen? Because this place is making it seem like nothing more than a bad dream. “He was the last foster parent I had before Isolde got me. I came up here to escape my past.”
I shake my head quickly. Cairo is still silent, waiting for me to explain. “He only fostered me for the check, obviously. I would’ve been okay with that, if he hadn’t wanted more.”
The lump is getting bigger and bigger. “He uh… he molested me. And I put up with it, for months, because I had nowhere else to go.” I wipe at my face with the back of my hand. “When he got bored, he handed me off to his friends for them to use. They paid him, you know.”
There are tears pricking at the corners of Cairo’s eyes. “Oh my God, Cassia.” His voice is muddled and rough. “I can’t imagine anyone doing anything like that to hurt you. I’m so, so sorry.”
I take a big sigh. Now that the big reveal is over, the weight in my chest is lessening, my throat less constrictive. “Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I stole his car and left. I tried to make it on the streets for a while, but the system came and found me. I told them everything. His lawyers tried to spin it, tried to say that he didn’t do it. When proof came back that he did, they said I wanted it. That I consented. They made me feel like the criminal, and I didn’t even do anything. But at the end of it, they had convinced me it was all my fault.”
Cairo squeezes my hand. Taking a steadying breath, I carry on.
“The trial took a long time. People I didn’t know came into my life and picked it apart, examined everything. They didn’t care about me as a person. It was just me up there all alone, retelling my story again and again. They made me relive every single detail for months. Those defending me made me feel like it was my responsibility to make sure he was convicted, that if he
got out and did the same thing to other girls, that I’d be responsible. After awhile, that’s how I felt, too. I felt that I was obligated to stop him, even though I had no power.”
This is the hardest part. “They didn’t think they’d be able to convict him, but they had enough evidence. After I miscarried.”
Cairo’s eyes are welling. Two droplets, like crystalline diamonds, fall from his eyes and kiss his cheeks. He steps forward and wraps me in a thick, warm hug, tight and welcoming, safe. An overwhelming feeling of home passes over me. I press myself into his downy winter jacket and try to breathe.
“I will never let anyone do anything like that to you ever again.” Cairo’s voice is muffled against my hair.
My voice is wobbly. “I can’t stand to face him again, Cairo. But the trial’s coming up, and I know if I don’t testify he’ll just get out and do it to other girls.” I keep holding him to me. People are passing us on the street, looking at us strangely. They don’t get what’s going on.
“What happened wasn’t your fault, Cassia. It wasn’t a mistake you made.”
“I should’ve spoken out sooner. I should’ve done something to stop him. I should’ve—”
“No. You had no say. You were a victim.” Cairo pulls back and places his hands on my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes. “I don’t want to hear you say that it was your fault ever again. That was in your past. This is your future. If you’re strong enough to survive that, you can get through anything. I’m convinced that you’re a stronger person than I ever imagined being.”
“Why’d you pick me?” I whisper. “You could’ve had anyone. Any girl you wanted.”
“There isn’t an explanation, Cassia,” he says quietly. “I was just drawn to you, like a magnet. I tried to keep myself away, but I couldn’t even when I wanted to. You’re just my person.”
This makes me happy. I lean in to kiss him this time. Instead of passionate, this kiss is tender and full, the rawness of two souls intermingling. A sweet warmth blossoms inside my chest, wrapping me up in it. The snow trickles from the sky, landing on our cheeks and hair as the kiss continues.
I came up here to start over. I had no way of knowing my new beginning was Cairo.
January whirls by. Cairo takes me on dates every Friday, and we hang out whenever he doesn’t have lacrosse practice or when he’s not “working.” I try to balance my spare time by studying and spending time with the girls, though each spare second without Cairo there seems to inch by like molasses.
There are no more attacks. Cairo says they haven’t spotted one single demon since the day they chased off the one. My suspicion that the demon was after me lessens with each passing day. If the demon was hunting me, he would’ve made a move by now, right? Cairo’s most likely correct that the attacks were sporadic and my bad luck caused me to be in its path whenever it decided to show up.
January turns into February. I’m feeling caught in the middle of Thames and Cairo on Valentine’s Day, but thankfully, Lavonne suggests that we girls spend the day shopping and watching crappy romance movies instead. As much as I’d love to be on a romantic date with Cairo, I also know that doing so would cause an even bigger rift between him and his brother, so I agree to go along with the girls instead. Cairo has to hunt demons that day anyway, so at least my guilt is lessened, though he does leave a rather large stuffed owl wrapped in a bow on my desk the morning of the big day.
A few weeks pass. February goes by, until I look at the calendar and realize it’s March, my birthday month. Only a few more weeks until I’m eighteen. I can hardly believe that I’m this close to freedom. But being here, being in Heaven… being with Cairo… it’s made things different.
Maybe I don’t want to leave Isolde and everyone. Maybe I want to stay. I can’t figure it out.
I decide to put my confused feelings on hold until after graduation, when I’ll have a degree and a clearer idea of where I’m going. I try to focus on my relationship with Cairo and not my future, even though everyone else in my grade is knee deep in the middle of college planning.
But as Cairo and I spend more and more time together, Thames and I seem to be drifting apart. He doesn’t show up at my locker anymore. I can’t remember the last time we spent an afternoon eating pizza and playing video games, like we used to every week last semester. A few months ago we used to hang out almost every day after class, if Isolde didn’t need me or if the girls didn’t book something. Now it’s like I hardly see him unless we’re in class. Even then our relationship is strained, the jokes frail and barely heard. Things are different between Thames and I. I keep hoping that things will go back to the way they were, before Cairo asked me to prom.
I really want him to get over it.
After school one day, I decide to extend an olive branch. I run out to catch him just before he gets into his truck.
“Thames!” I call out. He turns at my voice, yet he doesn’t smile. His eyes seem pained and cold. I forge ahead anyway. “Do you want to come over tonight? I’ve got the game, the one you’ve been talking about for months. I could let you borrow it, if you like.”
“No.” His voice flattens over my hopes, my feelings, like a monster truck.
“Okay…” I take a deep breath, and try again. “I know the snow’s still melting, but the first rain’s supposed to come soon and thaw it all away. Why don’t we work on your bike, get it ready for spring?”
“I’m busy.” It’s like he’s a robot or something.
“Why?” I’m confused. “You’re never busy.”
“I’ve been working a lot lately.” He won’t meet my eyes.
I can’t take this anymore. “It’s obviously at the mill, because you haven’t been talking to Cairo.” I cross my arms. “He’s told me.”
“That’s typical you listen to everything Cairo says,” he sneers.
“What’s wrong with you?” I narrow my eyes. “You’ve been edgy about this since school started.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me, okay? Just let it go.” Thames smacks the edge of his truck, and the walls come right back up again. The walls that everyone told me about at the start of the year. They were something I was able to break down and get across months ago, but not now. He’s treating me like a total stranger, and it hurts.
“You’re just being a baby because Cairo asked me to prom!” I say. “If I knew saying yes would’ve caused this huge thing between us, I would’ve said no!” It hurts to say, but it’s the truth. Thames’ friendship is worth more than a dance to me, even one with Cairo.
“The only reason Cairo asked you to prom so early is because he knew I wanted to ask you first!” Thames thunders.
Everything comes grinding to a screeching halt. There’s a change in our friendship that happens instantaneously. I know it. Thames just seems to realize it. He blushes, and I rip my concrete shoes off the ground.
I take a deep breath. “It still doesn’t make things different between us. You’re my friend. I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” he confesses. “But I have feelings for you, Cassia.” His breath, and words, quicken. “I have for a while. I was getting ready to say something, but then Cairo swooped in and took you away.”
I can see where this is going. “What happened with your dads and what’s happening with us is a different story.”
“It doesn’t matter. I want to be around you, but it’s hard. It hurts. It’s almost cruel. You picked Cairo over me.”
“I didn’t pick Cairo,” I say firmly. “I didn’t even know it was a contest. Thames, I’m sorry if I hurt you, but I still care. It isn’t right to be friends with a girl and then fall off the face of the planet because she doesn’t want to sleep with you.”
“You do think that’s what it is?” Thames rages. “Cassia, I lo—”
Before he says anything else, he shuts his mouth, and holds himself back.
I drop my gaze. I know exactly what three little words he was going to say. I’m glad he stopped himself. I
can’t say them back, because I’ve already told them to someone else.
“You have to understand. It’s hard for me to be with anyone after what happened with Eric,” I say.
“Eric? Who’s Eric?” Thames is thoroughly confused.
“Ask Cairo,” I say. “Please don’t ask me. I can’t bear to tell it again.”
That’s when I run off, to board the bus. I’ve seriously had enough of Thames and his games. If he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore because I’m with Cairo, fine. Real friends don’t make each other pick sides.
Or pick them.
I toss and turn in bed that night. This is driving me crazy. Now that his confession is out in the open, I have to admit to myself that I have feelings for Thames, too. That much is obvious.
But whatever I feel for him can’t measure up to my emotions about Cairo. Thames is my best friend. He’s someone I could love, and could learn to love more. I know just by thinking about it that he could make me happy.
Yet Cairo is completely different. When I look at him, the thought of being without him in any way is enough to make my heart stop, to make my existence seem empty and incomprehensible. He connects with me. He completes me, fills up all the parts of my soul that I thought were missing and gone forever. He understands me with a single glance. He can make my pulse quicken and my breath cease all in one glance, or with a single word.
The emotions aren’t the same. It’s like I simply know who I’m supposed to be with. I get Cairo, and he gets me.
I flop on my back and hug both of my owls tightly. This is insane. Can I really be in love with both heaven and hell?
At the start of the year, I didn’t even want a boyfriend. I’m not even sure if I do now. Yet my heart belongs to two different men. I doubt I can suppress romance forever.
The next morning, I throw on some heavy concealer to hide the dark circles underneath my eyes. When I come downstairs, I see that Isolde is waiting for me. She’s perched at the kitchen table anxiously, as if she’s afraid of what she has to tell me.
“Cassia, I have some news.” Her face is worried. “I’m just not sure how you’re going to take it.”
