I See You

by Patricia MacDonald

  ‘Are we done?’ said Lisa.

  ‘Go back to bed,’ said Hannah.

  ‘Look, Mom, I didn’t do it to upset you. I just …’ Lisa shrugged. ‘Sometimes I feel like I have to … forget everything.’

  ‘Good night, Lisa,’ said Hannah.

  Lisa opened her mouth to speak again, and then thought better of it. She left the room, pulling the door shut behind her. Hannah went and sat in the rocker by the front window. Years ago, she had sat in that same rocker, in their first apartment, holding Lisa, her baby, rocking and daydreaming. Imagining her daughter’s life. College and marriage. Fame and children. In all her wildest dreams, she had never once imagined a murder charge with her daughter accused. Rocking that baby, it was impossible to imagine such a thing. Now, all these years later … Hannah sighed and gazed out at their leafy front yard, their quiet street. It was impossible still.

  The next day Hannah nearly knocked over Jackie Fleischer as she arrived late to work, and barreled through the front door of social services.

  ‘Oh, sorry,’ Hannah said. ‘I’m so sorry. Am I too late for the meeting?’

  ‘You didn’t miss much,’ said the psychologist. ‘I’ll fill you in.’

  Hannah sighed. ‘Thanks. I owe you.’

  ‘Did you have your coffee yet?’ Jackie asked.

  Hannah shook her head. ‘I was up late, and I forgot to set my alarm. So I ran out of the house. I haven’t had anything.’

  ‘I’ve got that espresso machine in my office. Come on.’

  Hannah didn’t really like espresso but she was grateful, and seriously in need of some caffeine. She followed Dr Fleischer into her office.

  The walls were covered with framed photos of waterfalls and forest canopies, along with occasional close-ups of unusual birds or exotic flowers. The effect was both colorful and soothing. Dr Fleischer and her husband, empty-nesters, often went on adventurous trips to observe and photograph the wonders of nature.

  Hannah took the cup that Dr Fleischer proffered, and sat down. She added a packet of sugar and took a sip. It seemed less bitter than the occasional espressos she had had in fancy restaurants. In fact, it was pretty good. She sipped it carefully.

  ‘I’m a wreck,’ she said.

  Dr Fleischer sat down in the corner of the loveseat in her office. She cocked her head and looked at Hannah. ‘So what’s going on with you?’

  Hannah sighed. ‘Well, you know my daughter is out on bail, waiting for this … trial to begin. She’s … chafing, shall we say, with the restrictions. Letting certain things slide. Acting up a little bit when she should be keeping her nose clean. She’s never been good with … limits.’ Hannah was aware, even as she said it, that she was soft-pedaling Lisa’s offenses, that she desperately wanted this psychologist to agree to how normal Lisa’s behavior really was.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ asked Dr Fleischer. ‘This is obviously taking a toll.’

  ‘I just want to help her get through this,’ said Hannah. ‘Once this horrible trial is over, we can get our lives back.’

  ‘You seem pretty confident that it will turn out well.’

  Hannah shook her head. ‘Oh, don’t kid yourself. I’m sick with worry. I mean, it’s a trial. With a jury, anything can happen. We just have to rely on Lisa’s attorney to get at the truth.’

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘Well, either it was an accident, or somebody else is responsible for Troy Petty’s death. I don’t expect the attorney to produce the guilty person. That’s not her job. Although she certainly charges enough. But I do expect her to show the jury that Lisa had nothing to do with it.’

  ‘Do you and your husband talk to Lisa about the case? Is she able to shed any light on why she got blamed for this? Besides that thing with the paycheck, of course …’

  Hannah blushed and shook her head. She shouldn’t have been surprised. Every detail had been in the papers. ‘She meets with the attorney all the time. She doesn’t really want to dwell on it. We get our information from the internet or the paper, just like everybody else.’

  ‘But she must tell you what the attorney said.’

  ‘Honestly,’ said Hannah, ‘she doesn’t really talk about it.’

  Dr Fleischer shook her head. ‘I’d have to insist on knowing if I were you.’

  ‘I want to. But I try not to lean on her too much.’ Hannah frowned, thinking of their arguments from the night before. ‘I mean, sometimes I forget because she has such a demanding profession, and a child, and she’s still just a young girl.’

  ‘You seem to have the weight of the world on you,’ Dr Fleischer observed.

  ‘Well, she’s my daughter. I can’t even bear the thought that somehow, by some judicial error, she might be …’ Hannah couldn’t even bring herself to say the word ‘convicted’.

  ‘No, of course not.’ Dr Fleischer tapped her chin with her slender fingers. ‘It’s got to be weighing Lisa down too.’

  Of course, Hannah started to say. And then, for a split second Hannah thought of the photo on the iPad. Lisa’s unbuttoned shirt, and that wink as she slugged the Jack Daniel’s. Hannah’s stomach seemed to shrivel inside of her, and she felt the coffee sloshing acidly in her gut. Then she shook her head, as if to shake the image out of her mind and shake off its effects. ‘Of course,’ she said. ‘Of course it is. She’s only human.’

  The phone rang in Hannah’s pocket and she fished it out. She looked at the name on the caller ID, and then she looked at the psychologist.

  ‘I have to take this,’ she said, setting down her coffee cup. ‘Will you excuse me?’

  The psychologist nodded, and Hannah gathered up her things and answered the phone at the same time, stepping out into the hallway.

  ‘Yes?’ Hannah expected to hear a voice telling her to wait for Ms Fox, but instead it was the defense attorney herself.

  Marjorie Fox skipped the pleasantries. ‘You need to get down here to the courthouse right now. Lisa’s already here with me.’

  ‘Why?’ Hannah asked, with a sickening feeling in her stomach.

  ‘There’s a problem. A photograph on the internet. Meet us there in twenty minutes.’

  Oh God, no, Hannah thought. ‘I will,’ she said.

  NINE

  Hannah was able to reach Adam on the phone when his plane landed. He grabbed a cab and slid into the seat beside her in the courtroom as Judge Endicott, seated on the bench, came straight to the point. ‘Young lady, you were told at the time that bail was granted that there were conditions to your remaining free on bond, were you not?’

  Lisa, who stood beside her attorney, looked almost like a child playing doctor. She was still wearing her white lab coat that she wore on rounds. Never much of a clothes horse, that coat seemed to be Lisa’s favorite item of clothing. Hannah suspected that her daughter enjoyed the status that it conferred.

  Lisa looked gravely at the judge. ‘Yessir, I was.’ Marjorie whispered something in her client’s ear and Lisa nodded. ‘Your honor, I meant to say.’

  ‘Did you think I was joking about those conditions?’ he asked.

  ‘Nossir. No, your honor. Of course not.’ Lisa sounded sincere. Contrite.

  Hannah could feel Adam’s fingers gripping hers. Having her hand in his was soothing, as ever. They sat quietly, following every word. The judge’s expression was cool.

  ‘What do you have to say for yourself?’ the judge asked.

  Lisa fidgeted and looked pained. ‘Well, I realize I should never have been out in that bar. I certainly should not have let someone take my picture like that. I should have known better. My friend just took me by surprise.’

  The judge’s eyes narrowed. He gazed unsympathetically from the photo to Lisa, who stood, hands demurely clasped, in front of him. ‘Some friend,’ he said.

  ‘I didn’t realize it until it was too late,’ Lisa admitted.

  ‘If you hadn’t had your picture taken, you wouldn’t be here, would you?’

  ‘Well, probably not,’ said
Lisa. ‘In all honesty.’

  ‘Your evening out at a bar would have gone undetected,’ he observed.

  Adam grimaced and raised a hand as if to stop Lisa from speaking, but Lisa had decided to try being coy. She gave an embarrassed shrug and pushed her glasses up onto the bridge of her nose. ‘I really wasn’t there that long. Honest. It’s not as if I closed the place down,’ she said.

  ‘Is that a joke?’ the judge asked.

  Lisa looked annoyed. ‘Well, maybe not a funny one,’ she said.

  The judge shook his head. ‘Perhaps you think these conditions of bail are unreasonable.’

  Lisa straightened up at his tone. Coyness was not going to work. She resumed her cool demeanor. ‘Not so much unreasonable,’ she retorted, ‘as disproportionate.’

  ‘To the crime?’ the judge asked, raising his eyebrows.

  ‘To the situation,’ Lisa corrected him. ‘Your honor, despite my youth, I am involved in a very demanding course of study. I’m able to do work that is normally done by a much older person. All my colleagues are much older than me. When it’s time to relax, they don’t go out for an ice-cream soda.’

  ‘Indeed,’ said the judge, his face betraying no expression.

  ‘And let’s not forget that my work is about helping people. About saving lives,’ Lisa reminded him piously.

  Marjorie Fox sighed but Lisa looked quite satisfied with her own response.

  ‘Right,’ said the judge. ‘One could argue that you shouldn’t even be subjected to the same sort of restrictions that ordinary defendants are subject to.’

  Hannah grimaced. She could hear the sarcasm in the judge’s voice. Belatedly, Lisa seemed to notice the disapproval in his tone. Even though Marjorie put a warning hand on her arm, Lisa shook her head and spoke up.

  ‘Don’t misunderstand me, Judge Endicott. I know that I have to comply with whatever conditions you set. I am accustomed to adapting to difficult situations. I was just exhausted from a very draining day, and I had a lapse of judgment. It won’t happen again, I promise you.’

  She spoke respectfully, and sounded reasonable. But Hannah knew exactly how Lisa’s unrepentant attitude, her self-exculpatory words were falling on the judge’s ear.

  ‘You know, I hear you speaking to me, and it’s as if you regret having missed a bus, or not finishing your laundry. Do you understand the gravity of this situation, Ms Wickes?’ the judge asked.

  ‘Dr Wickes,’ said Lisa.

  ‘It’s my understanding that you are still a student,’ said the judge in a withering tone.

  ‘That’s sort of a technicality,’ said Lisa. ‘I am seeing patients.’

  ‘When you’ve earned the title, I will use it. And not until. Now about this situation …’

  ‘You mean, the drinking?’ Lisa asked

  ‘I’m talking about the charges you are facing in your upcoming trial,’ he said sternly. ‘Do you understand their gravity?’

  Lisa nodded. ‘Yes. Oh yes, I do. Of course.’

  ‘Hasn’t your attorney explained these charges to you? You are charged with murder in the first degree. And larceny in the second degree.’

  Lisa nodded again. ‘I know, sir. I do.’

  Judge Endicott studied the woman standing in front of him. Then he shook his head. ‘I don’t think you do, Ms Wickes. I don’t see, from your manner and your responses here, that you understand the seriousness of this situation at all. The very fact that you were even granted bail is highly irregular. I was making allowances for you in light of your youth and your unblemished record, not to mention the fact that you are a mother. But those conditions of your release on bail were not suggestions. They were orders. Surely someone with your level of intelligence understands the difference. There are no “do-overs” in Superior Court,’ he continued.

  Lisa opened her mouth to speak. Frowning, Marjorie Fox whispered urgently in her ear.

  ‘No, no, Ms Fox. I’d like to hear what your client has to say,’ said the judge.

  ‘I do understand what you are saying, and I can assure you that, going forward, there will be no other lapses of this kind,’ said Lisa. ‘Your honor.’

  Judge Endicott studied her pensively. ‘You should heed the advice of your attorney. Do you realize what harm you have done to yourself by your own behavior and your responses here today?’

  Lisa looked puzzled and somewhat irritated. ‘I believe I’ve tried to address you as one intelligent person to another.’

  ‘Your honor,’ Marjorie Fox interrupted, ‘my client is young and immature, despite the high level of study she is engaged in. As you can plainly see, she’s a young woman who’s never been in serious trouble, and it would be, in my opinion, an unnecessary cruelty to take her away from her child and her medical studies, deprive her of her freedom and send her into the prison population.’

  The judge peered at Lisa. ‘Do you share custody of your daughter with her father?’

  ‘Her father’s not involved,’ said Lisa.

  ‘So, where was your child when you were out … relaxing with your colleagues?’

  ‘She was with my mother. My mother loves taking care of her.’

  ‘How fortunate for you,’ said the judge.

  ‘I can’t be in two places at once,’ said Lisa.

  Marjorie frowned and gave Lisa a warning look.

  The judge studied Lisa for a few moments, lost in thought, and Hannah squeezed Adam’s hand, praying that the judge would be lenient.

  Then, the judge shook his head. ‘Ms Wickes, many of the defendants who appear here before me are uneducated and socially backward. Many of them can barely understand these proceedings. You, on the other hand, are a young woman blessed with many advantages. But these advantages don’t excuse you from the rule of law. You disregarded the terms of your bail as if they didn’t apply to you. You seem more annoyed than regretful to be brought before this court. The world may treat you as gifted, and therefore exempt from certain requirements. But not in my courtroom, you’re not.’

  Lisa stared at him, openmouthed, as if, belatedly, she understood that her bail was actually in jeopardy. ‘Your honor, please be reasonable.’

  Marjorie Fox exhaled and shook her head.

  The judge glared at Lisa. ‘It is my job to be reasonable, young lady. The defendant’s bail is revoked. Bailiff, escort the defendant to the county jail. She will remain there until the time of her trial.’

  Hannah’s knees gave way and Adam was able to catch her and hold her up before she collapsed to the ground.

  For a moment, Lisa looked stunned. Then she turned and whispered to Marjorie Fox, ‘What a prick!’

  ‘I told you what to say to the judge, Lisa,’ said the attorney evenly. ‘I warned you. And you ignored me.’

  ‘I told the truth. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in court?’

  ‘You acted as if this were a conversation between equals. Now you have to suffer the consequences. From now on, do as I tell you.’

  ‘Come along,’ said the bailiff, snapping the handcuffs on Lisa and prodding her toward the door.

  Lisa looked back at her parents and shook her head. ‘Do you believe this? Tell Sydney there’s no justice,’ she said.

  ‘Not “Tell Sydney I love her”,’ said Adam through clenched teeth.

  ‘Don’t,’ Hannah said.

  Hannah and Adam were silent on the ride home. They stopped to pick up Sydney at Tiffany’s house, avoiding all conversation with the curious babysitter, and then retreated into their own house. Sydney wanted to play outside but Hannah convinced her to stay in and play with her dolls in her room. Adam went into his office and closed the door. Hannah sat curled up in the corner of the sofa for a while, thinking about all that had happened. Lisa had been rash and had spoken inappropriately to the judge. Hannah didn’t actually blame the judge for being angry. He didn’t realize that Lisa’s social skills didn’t match up to her level of education. Thanks to her extreme intelligence, Lisa had skipped grades and been o
ut of sync with people her own age for most of her life. She had missed out on the socialization that happened naturally to most kids. It made Hannah’s heart ache to think of her child, her wonderful, brilliant medical student, locked up in the county jail, wearing some kind of jumpsuit, eating from a chow line with a bunch of drug addicts and prostitutes. A headache formed over her eye at that image.

  When she couldn’t stand it any longer, Hannah got up and shuffled into the kitchen, knowing she needed to put something together for supper. She looked out the kitchen window at the Dollards’ house, and felt guilty for not having called Rayanne about Chet. She didn’t want to call because she didn’t want to talk about what had happened to Lisa. But, she reminded herself, when there was an illness in the family, nobody cared all that much about the problems of others. She decided to give Rayanne a quick call before she could learn about Lisa’s revoked bail on the six o’clock news.

  As she had suspected, she had no need to explain anything about Lisa.

  Rayanne launched into a description of Chet’s condition, and everything the doctor had said about the surgery it was going to require, and every detail of how Chet was feeling. She never even asked about Lisa, and that was simply a relief to Hannah. She murmured encouragement to her friend, and hung up feeling better for at least having checked on her neighbors. She opened her freezer door and wondered what she could thaw out for dinner. It suddenly all seemed too daunting. Maybe we can get pizza delivered, she thought. As she was staring hopelessly into her freezer, she heard a knock at the door.

  Go away. She shrank from the sound, and thought about not answering it at all. The knock on the door came again. There was no use in hiding, she thought. Soon enough, the trial would be on, and they would be forced to face the press, the public, the world. With a sigh, she closed the freezer, went to the front door, and opened it.

  Alicia Bledsoe looked uneasy, and waggled her fingers at Hannah. ‘Hi, Mrs Wickes,’ she said. ‘Is Lisa here? She hasn’t been answering my texts.’

  The girl at the door was overweight, with an ivory complexion, shiny brown hair and large, wary brown eyes. She and Lisa had been friends in high school. Alicia had taken an instant liking to Lisa, and although Lisa was a few years younger, an awkward adolescent, and often isolated, Alicia was the follower in the friendship, and would get involved in whatever scheme she dreamed up. Hannah had been secretly grateful to her for befriending Lisa. She stepped aside and Alicia came into the living room.