“You can touch them,” Jack said. “Just not the new one. It still hurts.”
My fingertips touched his back and I shuddered. A jolt shot through my body, my love and lust for Jack swirled together. As I ran my hand down his back, I could feel the bumps of the scars, one after another.
Jack had become a gorgeous man, a man with a command that I didn’t understand. But my gosh, did he pay dearly for it. And judging by the new cut, he was still paying for it.
“What do they mean?” I asked.
“Exactly what you want to know,” Jack replied.
“I don’t understand…”
“You asked me how many times I have helped you. Or saved you. Or… anything with you, or for you. You’re staring at the answer.”
I pulled my fingertips from his back, my eyes trying to count the marks. There were so many, enough to count, but I lost track after ten. I couldn’t stand the idea of Jack being hurt.
“There’s punishment beyond this life,” Jack said. “Some move on, some don’t. Some linger where they were. Some become something else. I wandered and then managed to find my way back to you, Tessa. At first, watching was beautiful. Even when your father was sent to prison, it was okay. But time moved on for you, and me. I started to realize I was growing up, along with you. Seeing you become a beautiful young woman and then blossom into a woman, it hurt me so much. And fate put its hand into your life because of me, time and time again, but I couldn’t resist it.”
Jack turned around, his eyes suddenly changing from tragedy to perfection.
Look at his eyes, look at his eyes, look at his eyes…
I looked at his chest. Then down to his stomach. Then to the top of his jeans. Then finally to his eyes.
“I couldn’t resist you, Tessa,” Jack said.
His hand touched my face again and I sighed. “I don’t understand…”
“Being near you put you in danger. Then and even now. But I couldn’t resist… then and now. Each time I stepped in, I tempted fate. And fate has its own backlashes.”
“Someone did this to you?”
“Sort of. It just happens. There’s a darkness I’m in, a place that reminds me of my destiny if I continue to help you. And then it just happens.”
“What does it? What does it feel like?”
“I don’t know who or what does it. It feels like a very thin knife but it never goes deep enough. It’s just enough that I lose my breath. I feel like I’m going to fall over, but I don’t.”
“There’s so many,” I said.
“Like I said before, you’re sort of a big klutz.”
I pushed Jack, at the top of his shoulder, too afraid to touch his back. He moved and then stiffened.
“Tell me when you helped me,” I said.
He stepped a little to the side. He wanted to move more, maybe even turn around, but my hand clamped on his shoulder, stopping him. I couldn’t stop looking at the scars.
“Two words for you,” Jack said. “Black ice.”
A chill whooshed inside me, taking me back to that night. I was sixteen, not too long after getting my license. Auntie B had called me to tell me to just stay put at a friend’s house because there were warnings of snow and ice. I ignored her, because I knew it all. What I didn’t know was what black ice actually was.
I was driving fast, but not speeding, or at least I swore it to Auntie B as I stood on the side of the road, hugging myself, crying. Come to think of it, I should have been freezing… really freezing. But I wasn’t. Sure, I shivered, but it was the shock of almost being in a horrible, perhaps life ending accident.
I had no idea what saved me that day because I had no control of the car. After hitting a patch of black ice, I did the worst thing possible. I panicked. My elbows locked, going with the wheel, my feet not touching the pedals.
The car spun and skidded, spun and skidded. It happened over and over, the wheel moving… like someone else had control of it…
Finally, I remembered the car straightening around, sliding to the side of the road where it hit a tree. It was more of a tap. The tree finally brought the car to a stop. The passenger window shattered and the back right tire blew out. Considering what should have been the result from the accident, a window and tire were nothing.
Auntie B gave me hell for a week, grounding me as though I was a child because my car had already been taken away. I had to pay for the damages myself and wasn’t allowed to drive in the dark for two months. Those were hellish days and nights, but I was alive so I couldn’t complain too much.
“Black ice, huh?” I asked.
“You were there,” I said.
“I’m always there,” Jack said.
“Except when you’re not.”
“Which you never know… well, you used to not know.”
“You were in the car with me?”
“You were driving on roads covered in black ice. What was I supposed to do?”
“And you saved me?”
“That part I didn’t mind so much…”
“Why are you smiling?” I asked. “You’re confusing me.”
“Tessa, listen to me. As soon as you started sliding, I had to take control of the car. I got the wheel, thinking you’d at least hit the brake pedal. You didn’t. Then your foot started just doing whatever the hell it wanted. Did you know that you actually hit the gas pedal a few times?”
I didn’t respond. I knew what happened that night, just not the nitty gritty details.
“You did,” Jack continued. “So I had to take care of the wheel and the pedals. You’re welcome by the way.”
“I didn’t know,” I said. “Why didn’t you show yourself then?”
Jack turned his head. Now he wouldn’t look at me again. I must have touched on a subject he didn’t want to talk about.
“I did get to go between your legs though,” he said.
I could see from the side of his face he smiled, his sexy dimples having their way with me.
“You were…”
“Had to take care of the pedals. I didn’t do anything bad, I swear.”
“You probably thought it though.”
“All the time.”
How did everything between Jack and I turn sexual? It was flirty and frustrating all in the same second.
He became serious again and said, “That was just one time. Of many.”
“When were you first there?”
“Almost right after everything happened. It just sort of happened one day. I was walking, looked down, looked up, and there I was, walking up your backyard. I could go where ever I wanted and I could do anything I wanted. Total freedom. Well, for the most part. There’s a rule here and there I can’t break.”
“What about my dreams?” I asked. I was the serious one now, trying to dig back into my mind. I hated going back to the days as a teenager. I had to deal with a murder trial, my father being sent to jail, and moving in with Auntie B. Somehow, I managed to stay sane… on top of my body trying to become a woman’s body.
Yeah, all the fun stuff.
“What about your dreams?”
“Could you go there?”
Jack nodded.
“Did you?”
He nodded again.
“I saw you…”
Jack closed his eyes. He swallowed. “Yeah, I know.”
“You did it on purpose?”
He finally looked at me again, standing at an angle that allowed me to see his chiseled body but still see his scars.
“Yeah, I did. I wanted to see how you’d react.”
“You scared the hell out of me.”
“I know that too. And I paid for it. One of the worst I ever felt.”
My eyes scanned his back looking for the worst scar. There was one that went from his right shoulder blade down to his pants. Long and thick, terrifying if I stared at it long enough.
“Why? Why do all this?”
“To protect you,” Jack said. “To stay with you. I couldn’t resist you, Tessa. I stil
l can’t.”
He tried to turn the rest of the way but I stopped him. I placed both of my hands to his back, not caring what I touched. He needed to know his scars were beautiful. They were visible, real, and important. They showed me how much he cared, and how much he suffered. He watched me suffer for years and was right along side me.
My hands ran and up down his back, feeling the bumps of his scars. On the fresh wound, I moved easier, not wanting to hurt him. I stepped close enough to Jack so that when I exhaled, he could feel my breath on him. My hands went up and came down again, this time moving to his sides. I was shaking, visibly shaking, and there was nothing I could do about it. I’d never felt so physically attracted to a person and so emotionally involved before. My sexual desires weren’t just fantasies anymore, my body told me exactly what it wanted, how it wanted it, and everything revolved around Jack. I couldn’t stop thinking about his muscles, his strong hands, his tongue. I wanted to make it so he never suffered again, somehow turning all his pain into a pleasure that would make it all worth it.
All he had done for me.
All he had to go through.
All he was still going through.
I knew he had just barely opened himself to me, but that was good enough for now. I pushed away the racing questions and placed my lips to his back. I closed my eyes and kissed.
Then I kissed again, and again.
I moved down, my lips staying against his body, feeling his scars. My tongue came forward, flicking at him, feeling the definition of the wounds he bore for me.
“Oh Jack,” I whispered, “you didn’t have to do all this…”
My hands were moving again; I felt like it was happening on its own. Not against my will, but definitely happening without my mind telling me to do so. I was around to his stomach, his flat stomach, the bumps of ab muscle feeling delightful.
“If fate took you from me,” Jack said, “I might not have ever seen you again.”
My lips went to his back again. He tasted perfect and as my breathing increased, I started to claw at his stomach, pulling him closer to me. He took one step back, then resisted.
“No,” I said. “Please. I need you. This.”
Jack moved faster than he ever had before.
In a second, he spun around, had his hands on my waist and was eyeing my hands as they were now palms flat against his sexy belly.
Oh my.
His hands tightened against my hips. I bit my lip, which was something I never did. I wanted it so bad, I needed it.
“Tessa…”
“Don’t do this,” I said. “We’re here, tonight, right now.”
“I know everything,” Jack said. “I know you haven’t…”
“So what?”
“I want it to be special. Not a lust thing.”
“Why can’t it be both?” I asked.
Jack threw his head back and let out a groan. I was breaking him down, wearing at him. My only other option would be to strip naked in front of Jack. Then again, he had already seen my naked.
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”
“You haven’t hurt me,” I said. I was at the point of yelling. “What have you done?”
Jack licked his lips. “Just not like this.”
“Like what? What else needs to happen?”
“A date.”
Jack said it so matter-of-fact like. His voice stern, honest.
“A date?”
“Yes. I know it sounds dumb but I want to take you on a date. To talk, to be together, to let the night just happen.”
“So I have to wait?” I asked.
“Just until tomorrow,” Jack said. “Meet me at your café at six.”
“It’s not my café, I don’t own it.”
“Fine. Meet me at Thorns. At six.”
“Meet you? Don’t you know how to ask a girl out?”
“Ask? I’m not asking you, Tessa…” Jack’s right hand moved from my hip to my face. His thumb did the whole cheek caressing thing again. “I’m telling you.”
“Tell me, Jack, tell me.”
I smiled.
Jack didn’t.
He paused, long enough to kiss me. Our tongues touched, played, flirted. The kissing was just so hot, like romantic movie kind of hot. Like the kind of kiss a woman could only dream about. All I needed was Jack to push me down to my bed.
A date?
Who needed a date?
Jack did.
He stopped the kiss before anything else could happen.
He licked his lips and moaned.
“It was hard before,” he said, “resisting you. But now, now that I can actually touch you, be near you. This is impossible.”
My fingers curled, my nails trying to dig at his hard skin.
Let it be impossible.
That’s what I wanted to say but I held back. The idea of a date felt good. Really good. I hadn’t been on a date in a while, let alone a date that I wanted to be on. I figured since Bridget already knew about Jack and that word had to be floating around about he and I, then what did it matter to go on a date?
Plus, it would be pretty nice to have a guy like Jack standing with me, holding my hand, maybe even kissing me. Everyone that thought I was a prude, found me weird because I was virgin, imagine what they would think then?
As I thought about everything, Jack managed to back up. He turned to retrieve his shirt from the bed and I saw the scars again. Any enjoyment I had been feeling was stripped away, leaving me almost in tears.
The scars were a silent proof of what Jack had done for me.
Now, I wanted to give myself to him.
10
Six.
What a terrible time of day for a date. But it’s what Jack wanted, so I obliged. Not to mention I did have work and would be getting off right around the time for our date. Of course, this left me in a worried fury because I didn’t want to go on a date with Jack smelling like a café. I wanted to have something sexy for him to look at, something that would keep his mind on me and what I wanted him to do to me. I couldn’t imagine waiting any longer. All I wanted was him.
He had me. He had me all these years and it didn’t feel fair. It didn’t feel right. Sure, he saved me and protected me, but he was here now. I could see him. People could see him. I could touch him, taste him, and now…
“Excuse me, can I get some freaking service here?”
My lip curled and I fought it back to normal. No need to fight with some businesswoman on her way home from a long day of work. She was probably heading home to do more work. Maybe alone. Maybe not. None of it mattered. I just needed a smile on my face to suffer through the last little bit of my shift so I could meet Jack right there at Thorns. Chances were we would end up staying at Thorns, and that was okay too. There were a few bands playing, most I had no idea who they were. I loved seeing the local people and those traveling in beat up vans, chasing their dreams.
I turned, forcing myself to smile.
“Can I…”
I looked at a smiling Bridget.
That bitch.
“Well?” she asked. “Can I get some service?”
“Prices go up after five,” I said.
“How much?”
“Double. Especially for you.”
She laughed and I poured her a coffee. I tried to sneak it to her on the house but she insisted on paying.
“I wanted to stop by and see how you were feeling,” Bridget said. “I haven’t heard from you… since we talked about your old friend.”
“Oh.”
Yeah, Bridget was right. Time seemed to slip away when it came to Jack. Minutes became days. I wished the days would become years. Our lives, always.
“Did I upset you?”
“No. Never.”
I could see it in Bridget’s face that it had been bothering her. She always let her demons get the best of her. She’d rather spend time worrying about a situation than working on solving it.
And in this case,
there was no situation.
“Are you sure? I mean, Tessa, if I upset you, I was just kidding.”
“You didn’t upset me.”
“Okay. I was so worried about it, you know? I was just joking about the old friend thing.”
I smiled. The funny part of it all was that Bridget had been right. I did meet up with an old friend, I did have feelings for him, and he did have feeling for me. Not to mention all the back story, pieces that I couldn’t tell Bridget. Things were just better kept between two people. Like sharing scars. In a tragic romantic sense.
“I’ve just been figuring things out,” I said. I didn’t want to bring it up to Bridget that it had only been a day or two since we talked. She stood with a blank face, on the verge of crying as though we hadn’t spoken to each other in months. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings anymore than she already hurt her own.
“I know, Tessa.”
“I mean, the accident, my father…”
“I still appreciate you telling me about it all,” she said. She reached for my hand and squeezed it. “I feel closer to you. And I’d never tell anyone. Just because Gabrielle and I talk, it doesn’t mean anything.”
“I wouldn’t question your friends,” I said. “Even though I disagree.”
“Her father’s a client,” Bridget said. “I have to deal with her. Better to make friends than enemies.”
“Or not.”
I winked and tended to the next customer in line.
Bridget lingered for a few minutes as a rush of people all tried to get their orders placed before the first band started then I was able to talk to her again.
“How’s Timmy?” I asked.
“Confusing, as usual. He threw Danny out.”
“That’s good.”
“Danny got in trouble with someone or something. I think his father did something, I don’t know. I don’t care either. But Timmy got pissed and told him to move out.”
I thought it was a good situation. Danny mooched off Timmy and in turn, mooched off Bridget. I personally would have thrown him out after his strange request to have Timmy share Bridget.
Bridget thought otherwise.
She tried to keep a straight face but her thumb flicked at the lid of her coffee.
She was nervous.
And worried.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Well, Danny moved out.”
Hurt Like HELL (new adult contemporary romance) Page 13
