by A. Zavarelli
“Huh?” she blinked. “What do you mean?”
“You’re all nervous and fidgety,” I said. “I can always tell.”
“Well, so are you,” she grumbled. “Geez, neither one of us can relax.”
“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” I volunteered.
She let her head fall back against the sofa and blew the hair out of her eyes. “Okay.”
I waited patiently for her to formulate the words. It always took Nicole a while. Something I’d come to know well.
“Matt and I have been seeing a lot of each other,” she said. “But we still haven’t… you know.”
“Really?” I asked. “I had no idea. You guys have been going pretty strong now for the last couple of months.”
“I know,” she whined. “Everything is so good. And I know he wants to, but he’s being patient with me. And I’m so nervous.”
“Why are you nervous?” I asked. “Haven’t you… er… haven’t..”
“Yes, Brighton.” She laughed. “My God, I’m not a virgin. But the only guy I’ve ever been with is Jackson, and that was so long ago. I’m just scared.”
I reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. Something else Nicole was getting better at was allowing people to comfort her when she needed it.
“Tell me why you’re scared,” I suggested. “Is it because you’re afraid it’s going to feel wrong?”
“No.” She picked at her nail absently. “It’s not that. We’ve gotten past that I think, for the most part. But it’s just that Matt’s built me up to be this great thing inside of his head, and what if I’m not? What if this screws everything up somehow?”
My heart squeezed as I gave her a knowing smile. She and Ryland were so much more alike than they could ever know. They were both afraid of losing the people they loved again, and I didn’t blame them. But I also wasn’t certain how to reassure her. Regardless, I would do the best I could.
“Look, Nicole,” I said. “You can spend the rest of your life worrying about something potentially bad happening, or you can make the most of every moment you have together. I know that might be easier said than done, but none of us can ever know what’s in store for us. We just have to make the best of the situation we’re in and hope it works out.”
“I guess I never thought of it that way,” she admitted.
“But you love Matt, right?”
“I do,” she agreed.
“So you could be spending your time being happy with the man you love, or you can spend your time worrying about what the future holds. What sounds better?”
She grinned and gave me a playful shove on my shoulder. “Obviously the first one. You make it sound so easy.”
“I know,” I said. “It’s probably not that easy. But there are no guarantees for anybody. I worry every day that something bad is going to happen. Because I’m so ridiculously freaking happy with Ryland right now, it hurts. And I don’t ever want that to be taken away from me.”
“You are happy.” She smiled. “I love that. I love how happy both of you are. It inspires me to believe I can have it too.”
“You already do,” I assured her. “Matt is crazy about you. And taking things to the next level is only going to make him crazier. I’m sure of it.”
“Oh okay.” She bounced around on the couch and grinned. “Now you’re making me all giddy. I’m going to do this. You’re right, I don’t know what I’m so afraid of.”
“Good.” I grinned. “But I don’t want all the gory details when you do. I consider Matt to be like a brother.”
“Fair enough,” she agreed. “I already know way more about Ryland’s sex life than I ever wanted to.”
“You do?” I asked in confusion.
“Um, well yeah… that day you came home with marks all over your neck, I went and confronted him about it.”
“You did? I never knew that.”
“Yes.” She nodded. “And he tried to explain himself, but I did not want the visual.”
I laughed and hugged my knees to my chest, pouting. “I miss him already.”
“Is that why you’re so uptight?” she asked. “You promised to tell me yours.”
“No.” I frowned. “I’m just worried about Brayden. I don’t know what he’s doing or who he’s hanging out with… but I just have this horrible feeling in my stomach.”
“So why don’t you call him,” Nicole suggested.
“I haven’t talked to him since I told him Norma was in rehab,” I admitted. “I don’t know what I would say.”
“Just ask him, Brighton,” she encouraged. “I’ll sit here with you while you do it.”
“You would?”
“Of course, I would,” she insisted. “That’s what friends are for.”
I reached for my phone and hovered over Brayden’s contact. What if I couldn’t handle his answers? I wasn’t entirely certain I wanted to do this. But I needed to know the truth, and Nicole was right. There was only one way to find out. So with a deep breath, I pressed send and waited patiently while the line connected.
“Hello?” Brayden answered.
“Brayden,” I sputtered.
“Brighton.” His tone was flat and cold.
I fidgeted while I tried to figure out what to say. It had never been this difficult to talk to him before. So why was it now?
“How have you been?” I asked.
“Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?” he belted out a hollow laugh. “You send your fucking watchdog here to threaten me, and now you want to ask how I’ve been? I can’t believe you married that prick.”
I swallowed and squeezed the phone in my trembling hand. “You’ve seen Ryland?”
“What the fuck do you think?” he snarled. “Why else would he be in Chicago?”
I almost hung up. I didn’t want to hear this. But I kept telling myself that Ryland wouldn’t do this to me again. That he wouldn’t hurt me like this.
“What did he say?”
“He’s trying to tell me who I can and cannot associate with,” Brayden grated. “As if I believe one fuckin’ word that comes out of his mouth.”
“Who have you been spending time with?” I demanded. “Why are you in Chicago?”
“Why don’t you ask your husband,” he suggested. “He seems to know all about it.”
“I’m asking you.” My voice wobbled. “My brother. Because I don’t want to see you screw up your life Brayden.”
“My life was fucked from the day Frankie walked into it,” he said. “And that’s all you need to know, Brighton. You have your perfect little life in San Francisco. Congratulations on the baby, by the way, I hope it doesn’t try to kill you in your sleep.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I snarled. “You’re my brother, Brayden! How can you talk to me that way?”
There was a beat of silence on the other end of the line, and I knew he regretted what he’d said. But it didn’t change the fact that he’d said it.
“Look, Brighton,” his voice softened. “I don’t want to fight with you. You’re my sister, and I’m always going to love you, no matter what. But we’re living two different lives now, and you need to stop worrying about me. I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.”
“So that’s it?” I whispered. “We’re just not going to see each other or spend time together anymore?”
“And how would that work exactly?” he asked. “I come down to California and spend Christmas with you and Ryland? Or you and Ryland come here and stay in my shitty apartment for a couple of days throughout the year? We can sit around the table, break bread, talk about the stock market. You tell me if that’s how you see it, Brighton. Because you and I both know that will never fucking happen.”
“He invited you to the wedding,” I said. “You didn’t come.”
Silence. Again.
There were a couple of other voices in the background I didn’t recognize. They were talking to Brayden.
“Listen, I gotta go,
Brighton. I’ll try to call you later, okay?”
He was brushing me off. Something I’d never thought Brayden would ever do. “Okay,” I agreed. “Talk to you later then.”
I hung up the phone and cried.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Brighton
Ryland had been back for three days and still hadn’t said a word about seeing Brayden. I doubted I’d get the truth if I confronted him, so I was making other plans. Plans that I hated. More sneaking around. More lying.
I checked his schedule for the week and decided today was going to be my best opportunity. I’d already made a copy of his keys, and now it was time to put my plan into action.
I slipped into the silk stockings I’d bought along with the black thong and lace bra. Ryland liked me in white, but I thought black was more fitting to my mission. Once those things were in place, I slipped into a pair of black pumps and a trench coat.
Cliché? Yes. But I didn’t care. I needed to distract Ryland with sex, and this was a surefire way to do it. I got to his office just after noon, and he glanced up in surprise when he saw me walk through the door.
“Hey, baby girl. Everything alright?”
“Yep.” I smiled and shut the door behind me.
Ryland caught on pretty quickly to what I was doing, and he looked both eager and anxious.
“I have a meeting in twenty minutes.”
“Oh do you?” I feigned ignorance as I untied my coat and let it pool on the floor. “Then I guess I’ll have to make it quick.”
I walked towards him, and his eyes devoured me. His grip on the handles of his chair tightened, but he didn’t make a move. He wanted to see how I was going to play this out.
“I recall a few other times we had to cut it short for a meeting,” I said as I lowered to my knees in front of him. “I do believe you used your belt on me then.”
He cursed, and his head fell back as I rubbed my palm over his cloth covered erection. Just as I suspected, he was hard as a rock already. I tugged on his zipper and freed him, stroking him in my hand.
“Do you remember that?” I asked.
“Hell yeah,” he grunted. “Your ass was so pink it was all I could think about during my meeting. I sat through the whole thing with a hard-on.”
I grinned because I never knew that. I needed to interrogate him like this more often.
“What else did you think about?”
He didn’t hesitate to answer, his cock jumping in my hand as I palmed the silky flesh. “How I wrapped my hand around your throat and fucked you from behind. Fuck that was hot, baby girl. I still think about that all the time.”
“Me too,” I whispered.
“Come up here,” he pleaded. “Turn around and sit on my cock. I need to be inside of you.”
I rose up and spun around, and Ryland gripped my hips and helped me lower myself onto him. I leaned forward just a little bit so he could grab my ass the way he liked as he pumped into me from below.
“This is exactly what I needed today, Brighton,” he spoke reverently. “You always know what I need.”
Those words made my heart ache. The guilt of my deception was almost too much, but it had to be done.
His movements grew quicker, harder, and I knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. His thumb reached around and found my clit, and I pulled it into my mouth and sucked it inside instead.
“Not today,” I murmured. “This is just for you.”
He exploded inside of me with a grunt, stroking his hand up and down my back as he collapsed against me. When he’d caught his breath, he turned me in his lap and kissed me soft and slow.
“I love you,” he murmured.
“So fucking much,” I replied.
He gave me a lazy smile and dragged the pad of his thumb across my lips. “Did you miss me?”
I pressed my cheek against his chest and squeezed him with my arms. Of course, I missed him. I always missed him. But that wasn’t why I was there. Why did I feel so bad for doing this?
“Yes,” I whispered. “Always.”
“Then you’ll be glad to know I’m working on a solution to that problem,” he said.
“You are?”
“Yes. I’m redefining job responsibilities and management roles around here so I can spend some time away from the office.”
I stared up at him in surprise. “You mean you’re actually going to give up some control?”
He laughed and kissed my temple. “A little,” he admitted. “But it’s worth it if I get to spend more time with you and the baby.”
“I’m all for that plan.” I wiggled my brows.
“I thought you might be,” he said. “And I’ve made us an appointment to look at some houses on Saturday too.”
“Houses?” I asked. “You mean no more sterile apartments?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“You know I didn’t actually think that apartment was sterile,” I admitted.
“I know.” He laughed. “But even if you didn’t, you were right. We’re a family, that means we need a house.”
His words set my heart aflutter. I’d never lived in a house before. He really did want to be a real family and the idea of it was so sweet it almost overshadowed my need for information. Almost.
“Sorry to cut this short,” he said. “But I have to go.”
“It’s okay.” I stood up and gave him a weak smile. “Mind if I use your bathroom before I go. I’m sure I’m a mess.”
“What’s mine is yours, baby girl.” He kissed me on the forehead and swatted my ass. “I’ll see you tonight.”
I waited until he was gone and then locked the door behind him. But when I sat down at his desk and pulled out my key, I wasn’t sure I could go through with it.
I had the same feeling of dread as when I’d discovered his secrets back on Belvedere Island. But this was different. I knew Ryland thought he was protecting me by keeping this information from me. And I wanted to trust that he was right, but with our history, I just couldn’t.
I took a deep breath and opened up his file cabinet. There were about a million neatly organized folders in there, and none of them had anything to do with Brayden. So I went through each meticulous drawer one by one until I found what I was looking for. And sure enough, it was there. Right beneath his perfectly organized pens. God, I loved my neat freak.
Please don’t hurt me, Ryland.
I pulled the file with Brayden’s name on it from the drawer. And when I opened it, there were surveillance photos. Of Brayden in Chicago. With a bunch of scary looking guys I didn’t know.
I had a sinking feeling in my gut because it wasn’t too hard to guess who they were.
There was some information about Frankie and his associates, which I really had no desire to see. But Ryland obviously thought it was important, so I kept reading through it. From these records, it looked like Frankie’s boss was a guy named Alfredo Zucco. I’d be lying if I said he didn’t scare the shit out of me.
He had cold black, lifeless eyes. And Ryland had been keeping an eye on him too. But I didn’t know why. There were more pictures of Maria Gallo, Frankie’s wife. And they were recent. I was surprised by how scary she looked too.
I kept imagining someone like Norma, who may have been a little scatterbrained but was generally harmless. But this woman didn’t look harmless at all. Brayden told me Frankie didn’t really work for the mob, but some kind of loan shark. I guess in my mind that had equated to not as dangerous, but clearly, that wasn’t true.
If Frankie’s body being found in a dumpster was any indication, these people had no qualms about taking life at the drop of a hat. The Lockhart family was evidence to that as well. They were just collateral damage.
I wondered if Brayden was trying to look into these things. If he was, I didn’t know what his motive could be. By the time I’d gone through the stack of information, I was no closer to understanding what any of it meant. Ryland had been keeping tabs on a lot more people than
I ever suspected. But he was the only one who knew why.
And at the end of the day, I had no other choice. I was going to have to come clean about not trusting him and ask him what it all meant.
***
When Ryland got home, I was waiting for him with a special dinner from one of his favorite restaurants. He kicked off his cap-toe Armani dress shoes and loosened up the collar of his navy blue shirt while he watched me with an odd expression.
“You’ve been in a very giving mood today,” he remarked.
I gave him a weak smile. Of course, he knew something was up, but I wasn’t going to delve into it right away. I would let him eat first, relax a little before I told him I’d lied to him.
“Come and eat,” I urged him. “Before it gets cold.”
He sat down across from me and dug in. The room was quiet, too quiet. I ate my gnocchi and tried to find something pleasant to say before I dragged up the darkness that seemed to loom over us.
“I’m excited to look at houses on Saturday,” I volunteered.
Ryland polished off the last of his steak and pushed his plate across the table as he leaned back in his chair. “I’m glad to hear it, baby girl. Now come here and give me a cuddle.”
I walked on jelly legs and sat on his lap, curling against his chest. He was so warm and strong beneath me. My solid foundation. I hated that I still didn’t trust him completely, and I felt even worse for lying to him.
“Tell me what’s on your mind.” He rubbed circles over my back. “I know there’s something.”
I clutched at his shirt and started crying. How embarrassing. It was happening more and more the farther along I got in my pregnancy, and half the time I didn’t even know why.
“Baby.” He gripped my chin in his fingers and brought my gaze to his. “What’s the matter?”
“I’m a horrible person,” I blurted. “A horrible wife.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“I tricked you today,” I said, tearing my gaze from his. “I came to your office and had sex with you so I could look through your files.”
He stiffened beneath me, and his grip tightened. “Why, Brighton?”
