by Tom Ryan
Jay was right, but I didn’t feel good about keeping it to myself, especially after Kierce had asked me to keep him in the loop. As it turned out, I didn’t have much time to think about it.
The next night after work, Maisie helped me clean up the kitchen so we could get out of there quickly. Diana and Jay were picking us up after our shift ended.
“See you guys tomorrow,” said Lisa, stopping into the kitchen to grab her coat.
“Hey, Lisa,” said Maisie. “You should come out with us after work sometime. We miss you!”
“Soon, I promise,” said Lisa, walking over to where we were polishing wineglasses. “I’m terrible. I’ve been kind of preoccupied.” She looked at me and smiled.
Maisie and I finished up and walked out of the restaurant about ten minutes later.
“Oh shit,” said Maisie. I turned and saw Kierce’s van parked next to Lisa’s car. Diana’s car pulled into the parking lot, and she and Jay got out just as Kierce jumped out of Lisa’s car. He had a bunch of flowers in one hand, and he hurled them onto the ground. Lisa got out of her car and stood awkwardly next to it.
“Get away from me!” he yelled.
She started to walk toward him, but he held his hand up, palm out, to stop her.
“Go!”
She hesitated, then got into her car and pulled out of the parking lot.
Jay and I walked over to him. He was pacing in a circle, and as we approached, he stopped and looked at us. I was surprised to see that his eyes were glistening.
“Come on, man, calm down,” said Jay.
“Don’t fucking tell me to calm down! What do you know about it anyway?”
Neither of us said anything. He stopped in his tracks, turned and looked right at us.
“Did you guys know about this?”
“We didn’t find out until after you were gone, Kierce,” I told him.
He looked at me with disbelief.
“You mean you guys knew about this, and neither of you bothered to tell me?”
“Kierce, come on, we figured it was her job to tell you.”
“So my two best friends didn’t think I deserved to know she was screwing around on me?”
“It wasn’t like that at all,” Jay said. In the background, Maisie and Diana stood watching us.
“Do you know what?” he asked, walking up to me and poking his finger at my chest. “I thought you had my back. I really believed that. Joke’s on me, right?”
“Kierce, come on,” I said. “You aren’t making any sense.”
“Unbelievable. Rule Ten: Who needs enemies with friends like you guys?”
He walked over to his van and got in, spinning his tires as he took off out of the parking lot.
“What the hell just happened?” asked Jay.
I TRIED CALLING KIERCE the next day, and the day after that, but his mom kept making excuses, and he didn’t return my calls or Jay’s.
Driving across town with the girls, we would sometimes see him cruising around with Ferris and some of their hockey buddies, laughing and drinking beer. Occasionally he’d glance at Maisie’s car and then turn away without acknowledging us.
“He’s being a total dickhead,” said Lisa when I told her what was going on. She obviously didn’t care whether she ever saw Kierce again or not.
“Well, he’s still my friend,” I said, “and I feel bad for him.”
“Bad because he decided to blame you for something that wasn’t your fault? Danny, things don’t always end up all neat and tidy. He probably wasn’t much of a friend to begin with, if he’s treating you like this.” She headed back out to the dining room with an order of desserts.
Jay saw it differently. “Who cares, man? Kierce will come around. He’s just pissed off about Lisa. By the time school rolls around again and she’s back in New York, it will be like it never happened.”
Something told me it wouldn’t be that simple.
TWENTY-ONE
“Are you guys heading down to the beach party?” Lisa asked me as Maisie and I prepared to leave work.
It was the last Saturday of August, and there was going to be a big end-of-summer party at the beach, one last blowout before school started up again after Labor Day.
“You bet,” said Maisie. “It’s going to be super fun!”
“Why don’t you come with us?” I asked Lisa. “It’ll be packed. Jay and Diana are already there. You could bring Ken.”
“You’re sweet,” she said, “but it’s his last shift, so we’re going to go hang out together somewhere.” She flashed me a genuine smile, and I felt a pang of sadness that things had ended up this way.
“You never know,” she said, “maybe we’ll show up later on.” I doubted it. Ken obviously thought he was way too cool to hang out with us.
“I don’t understand what Lisa sees in Ken anyway,” Maisie told me as we crossed the road and headed through the sand dunes toward the far end of the beach. “He’s such a jerk!”
“Yeah, no kidding.”
“She and Kierce were weird too, I never understood them being together. Maybe she just likes to test out different kinds of guys.”
“Who knows?” I said. I’d given up trying to understand what Lisa was looking for.
“So you’re still not talking to him?” Maisie asked.
“Kierce? It’s more like he’s not talking to me.”
“All because of the Lisa thing? That’s so stupid. There must be something more to it than that.”
“Like what?”
“Who knows, but it’s obviously not your fault that Lisa was screwing around with Ken. I don’t know why he’s punishing you.”
I wondered if she was right. If something else was bothering Kierce, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it would be.
“Hey,” said Maisie, “do you want to go up into the sand dunes and have a drink before we head down to the party?”
We scrambled up into the dunes and set ourselves up in a hollow surrounded by sea grass. From where we sat, we could see down the beach toward the already growing bonfire. Thick clusters of clouds drifted lazily across the moon, and the tide kept up a steady rushing pulse. Sitting there with the sea air wafting up into my nose, I wondered how I would ever leave this place. For a few moments, it was hard to imagine anywhere more perfect on Earth.
Maisie had arranged for her cousin to buy some booze for us, and I was pretty happy when she opened up her backpack and pulled out a big bottle of Raspberry Comet Cooler. She cracked it and took a swig, then passed it to me.
“Sorry, I’m sure you’d rather have beer.”
“I don’t mind. This is fine. I actually prefer this stuff.”
We passed it back and forth between us for a while, not saying much. Off in the distance, the bonfire had grown. We were well hidden in our perch, but we could see people making their way along the beach toward the fire, unaware that we were only a few feet away from them. The light from the bonfire flickered at us through the darkness. The wind picked up, and it started to get colder.
After a while, I asked her, “Do you think we should go down to the party?”
“Let’s just stay a few minutes longer.” She lay down on the sand and I followed, lying down next to her, watching as the sky filled up with clouds. Maisie wiggled closer to me. “I’m chilly!” she said. Before I knew it, she’d rolled sideways and we were kissing. She tasted sweet, like the liquor, and for a few minutes, we rolled around, tangled and laughing and grabbing at each other. Then I pulled back.
“What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know, Maisie. I don’t think this is a good idea.”
She sat up, propping herself on her elbows. “It’s Lisa, isn’t it?”
“No.”
“Hey, it’s okay! I’m not going to be offended. I think it’s kind of sweet if you like someone so much that you don’t want to fool around with anyone else. It’s like, loyal, or something.”
“That’s not it.”
She just looked at me, and there was something about her face—kind and sweet and trustworthy—that made me feel safe.
“I think I might be gay,” I blurted out.
“Really? Wow!”
I nodded, and maybe it was because I was kind of drunk, or maybe it was because everything with Kierce and Lisa and my dad caught up with me, or maybe it was because I’d never said the words aloud to anyone before, but I started to cry. Maisie leaned over and gave me a big hug.
“Oh my god. Hey, don’t cry. It’s okay!”
“I guess I’ve always known,” I told her, wiping my face with the back of my hand. “Or at least since I was twelve or thirteen. But I managed to convince myself it wasn’t true. Couldn’t be true. It’s hard to explain.”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain.”
It felt so good to talk to somebody about it, to say all the things that had been bottled up in my brain for years. Maisie understood what it was like to grow up in Deep Cove, how difficult it was for someone to be different.
Something else crossed my mind. “Maisie…”
“Hey, don’t even say it. I’m not going to say a word to anyone. Not even to the girls.” She laughed. “Especially the girls.” She looked me in the eye. “I promise you. I promise. I know how that would go over around here. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I knew that I could trust her, and I also felt kind of bad that I’d misjudged her. That I’d listened to Lisa badmouth her.
“Let’s head to the party,” I said.
“Are you sure? If you’d rather just go somewhere and talk, I would totally do that.”
“Thanks, but I think we should go. I feel really good; I feel like we should go somewhere and celebrate.”
“First time I’ve ever celebrated being turned down by a guy!” She stood and grabbed my hands to pull me up. We brushed the sand off our backs and headed down through the dunes to the beach.
The party was in full swing when we got there. A couple of people had brought guitars, and a sing-along was happening by the fire, a massive flaming pile of driftwood. Even from several feet away, it held back some of the chill in the air.
I saw Jay and walked over to him.
“I was wondering if you were going to make it,” he said.
“Yeah, Maisie and I were up in the dunes, having a drink,” I told him. He raised an eyebrow. “Nothing happened,” I said, laughing. “Seriously, she and I are just friends.”
I glanced across the fire and saw Lisa walking toward us.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “I thought you had plans with Ken.”
“Yeah, well, he had different plans. Whatever.”
“Did you guys split up?”
“I guess you could say that. Serves me right. I don’t know what I expected to happen. Anyway, life goes on, right?”
It was actually kind of great to just relax with everyone, Lisa included. My talk with Maisie had taken some weight off my shoulders, and even though I hadn’t spent much time with Lisa lately, having her there seemed like the right way to end the summer. The only thing missing was Kierce. I tried to put him out of my head.
Then he showed up, staggering into the middle of the party with Ferris and some of their buddies. He was drinking straight from a bottle of Captain Morgan and laughing loudly. People stopped and looked over at him. He was obviously really messed up. He pushed through the crowd and walked over to where we were standing.
“Oh, will you look who it is? My excellent friends!” he said. “I might as well tell you all the big news. I’m moving to Ontario. Good riddance, right?”
“Whoa, what do you mean?” asked Jay.
“That’s what the big trip to see my grandparents was all about,” he said. “My mom is leaving the old man, so we’re getting the fuck out of Dodge.”
He looked at Lisa as if he had only just noticed her. “Oh hey, Lisa! Where’s your new boyfriend, you whore?”
“Fuck you, Kierce,” she said.
“Why don’t you go sleep it off, Kierce?” I asked him.
He laughed. “Are you kidding me? Are you going to defend her?” He looked at her. “If you’re planning on doing him next, you should know that it’s a lost cause. My man here is a total faggot.”
And that was it. I lunged at him, screaming and punching wildly. He was taken by surprise, and we both fell backward. We rolled around on the ground, throwing punches and jockeying for space. I vaguely heard the girls screaming at us to stop, and then I felt someone—maybe Jay—reach in and try to pull me out. I threw him back, and after a few failed attempts to break us up, everybody just stood back and let us have at it.
I’d never been in a fight before, but I didn’t care, I was beyond thinking. Everything moved in slow motion, and it was almost as if I wasn’t even in the middle of it, but watching from the sidelines. Kierce managed to get to his feet, and when I stood up, he connected with my face and I was knocked backward. From the ground, I jumped for his legs, and he lost his footing. Somehow I managed to get on top of him, my knees pressing on his chest, my arms holding him down at the elbows. He squirmed to move, and when he shifted sideways, I hauled back and punched him in the side of the head.
Somehow, I was dragged away, kicking out at the air, my arms held behind my back. For a few minutes I struggled, and when it was clear that I’d calmed down and the fight was over, I was let go. I dropped to my knees, my chest heaving. I put my hand up to my face and realized that it was wet. I could taste blood, mixed with salt. I could tell that tears were running down my cheeks, but I wasn’t really crying.
My ribs were burning, and I puked, retching and spitting into the sand. Someone bent down beside me and put a hand on my back, and I was aware for the first time of people standing around looking at me.
“Are you okay?” Maisie asked quietly.
“Leave me alone,” I managed to sputter, standing up and starting to walk down the beach.
I didn’t make it far before Lisa was beside me. “Come on,” she said, lifting my arm over her neck and helping me as I hobbled along. I looked sideways at her, and was struck by how she no longer looked like someone who’d dropped into Deep Cove from another world; she just looked like any other girl at our school. She looked like the rest of us.
I let her help me along for a few feet. Then I pulled away. “This is your fault!” I said. “Why did you come here? Do you even care what you did? Go back where you came from!”
She let go of me and stepped back.
“Jesus, Danny, will you please just shut the fuck up!” she said.
I stopped in my tracks, not knowing what to say.
“Listen to yourself!” she went on. “Do you really think this is my fault? You think this happened because I screwed around on Kierce? Okay, fine, so I’m a bitch and Kierce is mad at me, gotcha. It wasn’t very nice of me. But what the hell do you think that has to do with you?” She walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder. “Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and blaming people for shit, why don’t you try showing yourself some respect, so you can move the fuck on with your life?”
I stared at her, stunned.
“I’m sorry,” I managed to stammer.
“See, that’s what I’m talking about. Nobody needs to be sorry for anything.”
She turned and walked away along the beach toward the parking lot. I stood watching her as she moved away down the beach. Then Maisie ran up and grabbed me by the shoulder.
“Diana has her car. She and Jay are going to come and get you. Stay here, we’ll be right back.”
She went running back along the beach, and I dropped down and sat on the ground. After a few minutes, Jay was kneeling down next to me.
“You okay, buddy? Come on, you can crash at my house tonight.”
I nodded. He helped me up, and they walked with me to Diana’s car. As Diana pulled out of the parking lot, the sky opened up and it began to pour.
TWENTY-TWO
I woke up on
the couch at Jay’s house the next morning with a fat lip and a throbbing cheek. I figured I looked like hell, but when I looked in the mirror, it didn’t bother me as much as I expected. There was a cut in my lip, and the hint of a bluish-green bruise spread from my eye down my cheek. I could tell it would look a lot worse in a day or two. I looked tough. It wasn’t even close to the truth, but I liked the illusion.
Jay’s dad drove me home. When I walked around to the back of the house, Alma and my parents were on the deck eating breakfast. My mom took one look at my face and gasped.
“Oh my god, Danny, what happened?” she asked, jumping out of her chair.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said.
I looked warily at my dad, expecting some kind of lecture, but instead he just stared at me as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.
“Who’d’a thunkit?” said Alma. “ ‘You coulda been a contenda!’ ”
“This isn’t funny,” said Mom. “Danny, I don’t even know what to say about this!”
“You don’t have to say anything,” I said. “It’s my business, and it’s over, and that’s all there is to it. Now I have to take a nap.”
But I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I felt a faint rush of adrenaline as I visualized hitting Kierce and being punched back. In the middle of all of last night’s excitement, I’d almost forgotten about coming out to Maisie. So much had happened, I didn’t know what to think about anything anymore.
There was a knock on the door to my room, and my dad stuck his head in.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah.”
He grabbed my desk chair and pulled it over by my bed. “I’d hate to see the other guy,” he said with a slight smile.
I laughed. “I doubt he looks worse than me. Mom’s pretty pissed off, hey?”
“Oh, she’ll be fine,” he said. “I just reminded her about the time back in high school when I beat the crap out of some guy who was making eyes at her. It was probably a pretty stupid thing to do, but she didn’t seem to mind it back then.”
