by Lu Hersey
But Mr Albright doesn’t wait. He starts talking the moment Levi’s gone.
“As you can see, Danni, your mother is almost completely non-responsive to verbal communication. The good news is the brain scan we conducted when she was brought in didn’t highlight any serious head injuries, just some localized bruising around the temple region, which may have led to a slight concussion. So it’s a bit of a mystery. Perhaps you can tell us about her state of mind the last time you saw her? Did she appear very depressed, or upset in any way?”
I’ve been through this with the police already.
“She was no different from usual that morning. She was just fussing about me getting ready for school. Same as always…”
My voice trails off. Tears well up in my eyes and spill down my cheeks. I wish Dad would come back. He’s so useless sometimes. I wipe the tears away quickly with my sleeve.
“We’re only asking as her case is somewhat unusual,” Mr Albright continues, stroking his chin. “Does she have a history of psychiatric problems?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so…”
He stares at me for a few seconds. “Hmm. Well I think the way she was found, and the lack of serious external injury, suggests that she’s suffering from some form of acute stress disorder which has led to the dissociative stupor she’s in now.”
Dr Murphy chips in. “He means we think she’s possibly had some kind of shock, Danni, and this may be her way of dealing with it. But you have no idea what that shock or upset might be?”
I shake my head again. I feel numb. Mr Albright moves towards the door.
“Then we’ll wait a while longer to see if she improves,” he says. “But we may need to discuss a more radical treatment for her on your next visit.”
Something about what he just said makes me shudder. He mutters a few words to Dr Murphy and leaves the room.
“Has anyone told you where your mother was found?” asks Dr Murphy when he’s gone.
“I don’t think so. The police talked to Dad. I think they just told him that she was in here, suffering from amnesia.”
“She was on the beach at a place called Porthenys. Did she ever mention this place? Does it mean anything to you?”
“Porthenys? No, I don’t think so. I’ve no idea why she would go there. I just thought she’d gone to work…”
“The ambulance crew said they thought she’d been in the sea. She was starting to show signs of hypothermia. Her hair was still wet when they brought her in. Perhaps you can think of somewhere round here she might have left her things? She had nothing with her on the beach.”
I shake my head. “No idea, sorry.”
Mum starts calling out again.
“Mam? Please help me, Mam.” Her voice cuts my heart like a knife and I start to cry again. Dr Murphy hands me a tissue and smiles sympathetically.
“Is it possible for you to bring your grandmother in with you next time? She asks for her a lot.”
“But I haven’t got one – not on Mum’s side anyway.”
“Oh? I’m sorry. I thought the way she kept asking… Never mind, it’s great that you’re here. That should help her a good deal.”
Her words start me thinking. It feels like there’s a lot I don’t know about Mum right now. Like what she was doing around here, and what happened to her. And I realize that she never talked about her family or her past. But I’d know if my grandmother was alive.
Of course I would.
chapter 8
As we leave the hospital, I’m still angry with Dad. I can hardly bring myself to look at him. Why did he have to get a cup of coffee at the critical moment? If only he’d been there when Mr Albright was talking. Even Levi wasn’t with me, because he was chasing after Dad instead. Already I can’t remember half of what the consultant said.
“I’ve said I’m sorry, Danni. There’ll be other chances to meet Mr…you know, the consultant. I just didn’t expect him to come and go so quickly.”
I don’t bother to answer.
“Anyway, love, where do you want to go? No point in rushing back for the shop. Elliot’s there until it closes. We’ve got time to take Jackson for a walk before we drive Levi back to Graymouth.”
It feels like it’s been one of the longest days of my life and it’s still only lunchtime. All I want to do is find out why Mum was in this area in the first place. She usually avoids coming anywhere near Dad’s place if she can, and we never visited Cornwall when I was younger. I try to tone down my anger.
“Could we go to Porthenys – where they found Mum – or is it miles?”
“Porthenys? No, it’s not far. We can drive there if you want.”
I look at Levi. He shrugs and nods.
“Okay, Dad, I guess we may as well take a look.”
I want to see if I can discover anything that might explain what happened to Mum. After talking to Dr Murphy, I wonder if perhaps her car’s still there, or her bag, or something that might give me a clue what she was doing. I keep going over it in my mind. Whatever possessed her to go in the sea on a freezing cold day? I’m sure she must have left her things somewhere nearby.
The three of us huddle together against the cold wind in Porthenys car park. Dad’s is the only car here. It looks almost luminous against the muted colours of the few houses down by the beach, but for once the bright pink is comforting. There’s something dark about this place. Even Jackson is subdued.
There’s a tourist information board next to a sort of thatched shed with a picnic table and benches inside. We read the board in silence.
The picturesque hamlet of Porthenys, with its excellent bathing beach, is also sometimes known as “the village that died”. One tragic night back in February 1898, a terrible storm wiped out the entire fishing fleet of Porthenys and the male half of the village population with it. The village never recovered, and in time was abandoned completely.
Fortunately, times have changed. In recent years Porthenys has become a thriving holiday destination, and apart from a few remaining ruins by the side of the lane, most of the formerly derelict houses have now been fully restored.
Under the notice, someone has stuck an advert for Charming Traditional Cornish Cottages, listing a phone number to contact for holiday lets available in Porthenys.
“Wonder how many people died in that storm?” Levi is looking down towards the beach.
In the dull light, shutters closed fast against the biting wind, the cottages don’t look very charming to me. Dad shivers. “Think I’ll stay here and check the car over if you don’t mind. Need to find out what that ticking noise in the engine is all about.”
I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with the car apart from the colour. I reckon he’s just ducking out again. He probably only agreed to come here because he felt bad about disappearing in the hospital.
“Take Jackson down to the beach with you.” Dad raises the bonnet of the car with a clunk. “He needs a good run.”
Jackson and I are nearly at the cottages by the beach when I realize Levi is lagging behind. I turn back to see him crouching next to a gap in the hedge.
“Danni? Come and take a look at this.”
I walk back, dragging a reluctant Jackson, and crouch next to him. We peer through the gap. A couple of ruined cottages have been completely hidden by the high hedgerow and we’re staring into what would once have been the front door of someone’s home.
Ducking under the overhanging branches, we step inside. The cottage roof is long gone, but you can still see where the fireplace was. Dark stains in the brickwork show where a staircase led to an upper floor. The air is still because we’re out of the wind, but it’s icy cold in here. A pigeon suddenly flaps off from the thick ivy covering the back wall and I nearly jump out of my skin.
“Shall we go on down to the beach and take a look round?”
Levi nods.
I feel unnerved. I can’t imagine why Mum would want to come to this place.
As we wander down to th
e beach, I start wondering who found her and called the ambulance. I wish I’d asked Dr Murphy if she knew. I might get Dad to ask the police later. Maybe they live in this village? I can see a few houses higher up on the cliff that don’t look like holiday lets. Perhaps Mum was able to say something to whoever found her before she went to hospital. I’d love to find out.
The beach is narrow and rocky, enclosed on both sides by dark slate cliffs. The whole place smells dank and looks deserted. I can see from the line of seaweed that the tide comes right up to the slipway by the houses. It will have swept the beach several times over since Mum was found, and I’m disappointed. I doubt we’ll find any trace of her here.
Jackson is determined to help us and keeps bringing me stalks of rotting seaweed and pieces of driftwood to throw. His barking echoes sharply off the rocks. The only other sounds are the gulls and the crashing waves.
I get an uncomfortable feeling that we’re being watched. I turn back towards the village and notice the dark outline of a man silhouetted against the holiday cottages. I’m sure he was staring at us, but now he’s looking towards the car park.
A large Rottweiler appears beside him and Jackson loses all interest in trying to get me to throw things for him. Before I can stop him, he races off towards the other dog. I feel uneasy.
“Jackson, come back!”
Jackson chooses not to hear me.
“Shall we go and fetch him?” Levi doesn’t wait for a reply and starts running back up the beach. I run after him.
The closer we get to the man, the stronger my feeling grows that something’s wrong. He doesn’t stop staring at us as we approach, his pale eyes unblinking. He isn’t smiling. It’s possible he’s annoyed at having to deal with Jackson, but I think it’s something about us. As the wind whips at his unbuttoned black coat, I’m surprised to see a large silver crucifix hanging down the front of his purple shirt.
He recognizes me. I see it in his face when he looks at me. Yet I’ve never seen this man before. He crosses himself quickly and glares. I feel my skin come up in goosebumps. That’s the second time in twenty-four hours someone’s reacted like that. What’s wrong with this place? I feel like there’s something going on I’m expected to know about, but I’ve no idea what it is. It’s starting to scare me.
“You need to control your dog.” His voice is loud and authoritative, like someone used to giving orders and being obeyed. The Rottweiler growls at us. Levi steps back in alarm and I try to catch Jackson’s attention so I can get him on his lead. Of course he ignores me completely, and keeps crouching and then leaping up and barking excitedly at the massive dog. The Rottweiler growls more loudly and bares its teeth. Jackson cringes and whines.
“What are you doing here?” The man sounds about as friendly as the Rottweiler. And what does he mean anyway? It’s a public beach and anyone can go on it.
“Danni’s mother was found here a couple of days ago.” Levi is remarkably polite. “Did you hear about it? She’s in hospital now. We’ve come to see if we can find any clue as to what happened to her.”
I wish he hadn’t said anything. I don’t like the look of this man. I definitely don’t want him knowing anything about me. He keeps staring at me. When he opens his mouth to speak, I can’t help recoiling at the sight of his crooked teeth, stained dark with nicotine.
“You mean the poor lost soul on the beach? Gabriel found her. He’s such an angel. I went straight back home to call an ambulance. Had to cover her with my coat first of course.” He brushes his hand absently against his coat sleeve like he’s wiping off some invisible dirt.
Gabriel has to be the dog, though he doesn’t look like any kind of angel to me. All the same, I’m glad he found her. She might have died of exposure if he hadn’t.
“Thank you for helping her.” I manage to force myself to smile at the man.
“Don’t thank me. I was merely bringing a sheep back to the fold. It’s my job. I’m a minister of God.” He caresses the silver crucifix. I catch a whiff of his sour breath on the wind.
Jackson starts growling softly. A snarl from the Rottweiler silences him, but I know how Jackson feels. I don’t like the man either.
“Well thanks anyway.” I want to get away from him as soon as we can, but I still have to ask, “Did she say anything when you found her?”
“No.”
Somehow I don’t think he’d tell me if she had.
“Did she have anything with her? I wondered where she put…” My voice fades to silence under his cold stare. His eyes have virtually no colour. They’re pale, washed out blue, like the circle round the yolk of a hard-boiled egg.
“Nothing.”
“Not even her handbag?”
“Nothing. There’s no point in you looking further.”
His eyes keep flickering to the sea and back. He looks shifty suddenly, and I feel sure he’s lying. The trouble is I’ve no idea why, or what about. I drop my gaze and bend down to grab Jackson. For once he keeps still. As soon as I get the lead on, I turn to walk back to the car, a shudder rising up my spine. Levi loses no time in following me.
“What’s wrong with everyone round here? Why do they look at you like that?” Levi is furious. “Some bloody minister he was. That guy was naaasty!”
The way he says it makes me smile despite everything. We walk back to the car park. Dad isn’t even pretending to fix the engine any longer. He’s sitting in the driver’s seat reading a book on crystal healing. Levi thinks it’s funny, but I don’t.
Dad looks up as we approach the car.
“Find anything?” he asks.
I try to sound casual. “Just some psycho.”
Dad picks up on my tone straight away. He stops reading.
“Psycho? What sort of psycho?”
“One with a hellhound.” Levi is right. That dog was vicious.
“You have to be careful of dangerous dogs. I hope you didn’t get too close? Quick, get in the car out of the cold.”
As we climb in, I see something out of the corner of my eye.
“Take a look, Dad. That’s the man we were talking about walking up the road. He says he’s a minister of God.”
Dad looks to where I’m pointing. “A minister! That’s okay then.” He sounds relieved and leans forward to put his book in the glovebox.
“He told us he’s the one who found Mum.”
“Really?” Dad stares after him. “I should go and thank him.”
Before I can stop him, Dad jumps out of the car and hurries over towards the lane. Levi and I watch him in silence. Dad looks up the lane for a minute, then turns and walks back to the car.
“He’s disappeared. Couldn’t see him anywhere.”
I’m relieved. “He probably wouldn’t have wanted to talk to you anyway.”
“Don’t be silly.” Dad starts the engine. “Why ever not?”
I can’t think of an answer, but I know I’m right.
Dad drives carefully out of the car park.
“Strange for a minister to have a Rottweiler,” he says thoughtfully.
chapter 9
We drive home to Graymouth and take Levi back to his house. I wish he could stay at Dad’s longer over half-term, but it’s Sunday and he’s looking after Cheryl and Syrus tomorrow while his mum’s at work. After we’ve dropped him off, Dad drives to my house. I need to collect some clothes for Mum.
“I’ll wait in the car, Danni. I don’t know where she keeps anything anyway.”
The rain lashing against the windows makes the place look really depressing. I’m not surprised Dad doesn’t want to go in. Neither do I.
Dad reaches out to turn up the Ramones, then hesitates a moment.
“Is that okay with you?”
“I’ll be fine.”
It’s stupid to be afraid of going back in by myself. I just wish we hadn’t dropped Levi off before we came here. He’d definitely have come in with me.
The Ramones get louder as I shut the car door. Jackson must be deafe
ned. I run to the house through the rain.
Inside it’s freezing and the whole place smells musty. I stand in the hall a moment, wishing I didn’t have to do this on my own. Then I pull myself together and head upstairs to Mum’s room. It’s already getting dark, so I switch the light on. Somehow the bulb isn’t bright enough to disperse the gloom.
I try to collect her things together without getting too upset, but it’s horrible having to go through all her clothes. It feels wrong. Finding T-shirts, jeans and jumpers is easy enough. I leave the underwear drawer until last. It’s far too personal. Finally I have to brave it and I open it, trying to decide how much to take. I grab a big handful and dump it on the bed. A piece of paper flutters to the floor and I bend down to pick it up. It looks like a page from an old school notebook. I scan the page quickly. It’s Mum’s writing, but more childish.
Beryl says my sort end up in hell for definite. She’s such a bitch. We haven’t even done anything wrong. Not like her family.
Beryl says she’s going to heaven because the new minister says so. He’s a slimy toad. I told her I’d rather be in hell anyway if she’s up there.
Beryl’s a spiteful cow and I hate her. She knows people like me and Mam aren’t allowed in the chapel now, even if we want to go. Which I don’t anyway.
It’s obviously from a diary Mum wrote when she was young. From the date I work out she would have been about twelve. I wonder who Beryl was. And why wasn’t Mum allowed in the chapel? Anyway it’s no use to her in the hospital, so I shove it back in the drawer.
Soon I’ve got everything I think she needs. I pull down a large weekend bag from the top of the wardrobe and cram in all the clothes I’ve piled up. I add a hairbrush, deodorant, and some face cleanser.
I can’t find her make-up anywhere, so I guess it must still be in her handbag. I wonder if the police have found her car yet. Her handbag is probably still in the car, unless someone stole it from her on the beach. Either way it’s not here, and I’m desperate to get out.
As I struggle to do up the zip, I look round to see if there’s anything else she might want. No point in taking books or magazines. On impulse I snatch a framed school photo of me that she likes off her bedside table and stuff it in the side pocket. Stupid really, since she doesn’t even recognize me right now.
