by Lynda Chance
“But what?”
She remained mute and only shook her head.
“But what, Sarah?” he asked more heatedly.
“But I try not to think about how much you must have loved her. How you stayed true to her for so long after she died. It makes me—it makes me ill inside knowing what you lost, but it also makes me—it makes me feel terrible to be jealous of that. So I try not to think about it.”
He didn’t take his eyes from the road, but he braked immediately and pulled over onto the shoulder and turned to her. “Where’d you hear all this?”
She didn’t want to say her friend’s name. She was already a sore spot with him, but she had no other choice. “Jaime.”
“Jaime’s wrong, sweetheart. She’s been listening to too much gossip.”
“What do you mean?”
“Is that the rumor? That I was so inconsolable that I retreated to my ranch and shunned the female population?”
“Yes.”
His mouth hardened. “It’s not true, baby. Sarah, my marriage wasn’t what you think. It wasn’t perfect, far from it. You think you were the only one who was cheated on? Think again. Monica cheated on me with my best friend. He was also my business partner. I was betrayed by the two people closest to me.” He watched her closely to see if she understood what he was explaining. “There’s a lot you don’t know about. Shit, nobody knows about it. She was an alcoholic and addicted to pills. I’d already filed for divorce when she had the wreck. I wasn’t staying true to her memory, Sarah. I abstained from sex because I respected her old man. Her father was devastated when she died, Monica was his only child and he had no one else but me. He didn’t know the divorce was pending, and after she died, I couldn’t chance hurting him even more by running around like a tomcat. I just couldn’t do it.”
His running dialogue came to an abrupt stop and he waiting for her reaction. She was watching him closely, her eyes running over his face. “What caused the change in you then?”
He frowned. “What change?”
“Jaime said that one minute you were a recluse, and the next you were—you were—” Her words came to a halt when she either couldn’t find the words or refused to speak them. But he knew what she was asking.
“Her father died.”
“That’s the reason?”
He picked up her hand and laced his fingers through hers over the console. “Yeah. He died and couldn’t be hurt by my actions anymore.”
Sarah sank deeper into the leather seat as uneasiness gripped her. She was feeling so many emotions it was hard to take them all in. A warning voice hammered inside her head, telling her to be careful. Don’t move so fast. Don’t fall for him so deeply and so quickly. But there wasn’t much she could do to protect herself from it. She was inordinately relieved that he wasn’t pining away inside for his dead wife. She was equally upset that he’d been hurt. That someone had taken this beautiful, giving man’s trust and smashed it to smithereens and turned him into the almost-cold, calculating person he was now. She knew how it felt to be cheated on. Her lips opened and she spoke without thinking, “I’d never hurt you like that.”
His fingers clenched on hers. His scrutiny dropped to her lips and just as quickly, came back up to her eyes. His gaze clashed and tangled with hers. “I’m beginning to think that might be true.”
“Of course it’s true,” she whispered.
Leaning over the console, he dropped a kiss on her lips as his thumb caressed the back of her hand. “Let’s get you home, baby. You’ve had a rough morning.”
****
Sarah didn’t remember falling asleep during the rest of the ride home. But she must have because she came awake as the smooth drone of the engine was cut off. She opened her eyes and sat up, preparing herself to get out of the vehicle.
Her fingers froze over the seatbelt enclosure as she looked around and saw where he had brought her.
To his house.
She looked across to him but he wasn’t looking at her; he was already opening his door and stepping out into the hot sunshine. Before she couldn’t even get her brain to fully function, he walked around to the passenger door and was opening it for her.
He didn’t look her in the eye, he didn’t say anything to her, he just reached over and unsnapped the seatbelt and took her hand in his to help her step down.
Why did she get the feeling that this meant something? Why did she think that his bringing her to his house now, after everything that had passed between them, meant more than just the obvious? Her pulse accelerated as her hand was enfolded in his and she followed him into the house.
“John—”
“Not now.”
He led her inside and deposited her in a chair in the living room and then walked through to the kitchen. Moments later, Beth walked into the room behind John with a large smile beaming across her face. “Okay. I get the afternoon off.” She hooked her purse over her shoulder and spoke directly to Sarah. “There’s a pot roast and vegetables in the oven. I just turned the heat down. All you have to do is open the oven at six o’clock and it will be done. Y’all have fun; I’m going home.”
Sarah felt like a fish out of water and barely managed a nod and an ‘okay.’
The door shut behind the other woman and Sarah watched as John went to the window and watched from the draperies as Beth drove away. His hand fell to his side and the curtains fell back into place.
Walking to the front door, he bolted the lock and then turned to Sarah. He walked over to her, and held out his hand to her.
She lifted her eyes to him and tried to read what he was feeling. He didn’t reach for her, he didn’t make a grab for her hand like he usually did. She got the idea he was waiting for her to give him something, to give him something of her own accord, of her own free will. Alarm bells ringing in her head, she slowly reached out and put her hand in his.
****
Satisfaction, pure and simple ran like a molten river through John’s system when her trembling hand reached for his. She was so soft, so sweet, and he wanted her all to himself. He knew it was selfish, but he didn’t much give a damn. She soothed him. And he accepted that as fact.
Ever since they started sleeping together, the fires that raged inside of him burned down to a low level, and a coil of what felt like peace slid through him. Her very presence in his home gave him a contentment that he wasn’t going to question. He just knew the feeling was there. He felt his mood shift and become almost buoyant, and the only thing that could top that now was to have her naked under him.
With that thought in mind, he pulled her from her chair and began leading her to his bedroom. It was a room she’d never been in before, but suddenly he wanted her there with a ferocity that surprised him.
He didn’t bother shutting the door; they were all alone here and the front door was locked. He led her to the bed and turned her toward him and began undoing the buttons that ran down the front of her shirt.
“John—”
“Shh.”
He saw her bite her lip and he spread her shirt until it was completely open. He pushed it off her shoulders an unceremoniously unclipped her bra and let it fall to the floor. He had an urge to get her naked as fast as he possibly could. She was like a fever in his blood, and the only way it could be tamped down was to have her close to him. She trembled in his arms, and he sat on the edge of the bed, legs spread wide, and brought her between them. “Sarah.”
She brought her hands to the back of his head and tangled her fingers through his hair. “What?” she asked softly.
“Baby, I want you.” He reached his hands up and enclosed a firm little mound inside each palm and felt the soft weight of her.
“I know you do,” she whispered.
“No, I mean I really want you. What we did today, the tests we took, do you know what that means?”
Her eyes searched his as if looking for the answer. “No.”
“It means you’re mine. It means that we’re toget
her. Nobody can have you but me, and I don’t want anybody but you.”
“You’re asking me to make a commitment.”
“No. I’m telling you that we’re committed now. The time for arguments or doubt is over. We can’t get tested every week. You’ve got to trust me, and I’ve got to trust you.”
“Okay.”
“That easy?”
“I didn’t say it was easy. But I believe you.”
He pushed her hair over her shoulders in a caressing motion. “You’re so sweet. It never occurred to me how sweet you’d be when I first met you. All I could think about was one thing, and I’m ashamed to say that your sweetness wasn’t it.” His hands caressed the satin smoothness of her flesh. He ran them around her back and hugged her to him.
She clung to him and he felt her soft breath ruffling his hair as she laid her cheek against the top of his head. He closed his eyes and let the feel of her encompass every inch of him. She took a ragged breath and whispered, “You make me feel things I have no right to feel.”
He clenched her butt in his hands. “How’s that? What things?”
“Things. Things that women hide and send men running for the hills.”
Pleasure shot through him at the intimation. “That’s all good, baby. I can handle it. Lean on me, and I’ll take care of everything. I’ll take care of you.”
Sarah let the feel of his hands, his touch, glide through her and land in a pool of warmth that surpassed just sexual awareness. He pulled her toward him. The kiss they shared was breathtaking, enthralling.
He broke away, stood up and stripped out of his clothes and then took her back in his arms. He pushed her pants down her legs, and they clung together, kissing, caressing, learning each other in a deeper, newfound way.
When he laid her back on the bed and claimed her with one quick thrust, Sarah closed her eyes as a profound warmth and intimacy flowed between them. It was unlike anything she’d ever felt before, even in her ill-fated marriage, and the knowledge that he could induce such strong sentiments both terrified her and escalated her to the heights of smoldering temptation. She refused to allow fear to ruin the communion of their minds and bodies and pushed it away and concentrated solely on the affinity they were sharing.
Each stroke brought a surge of pleasure, anticipation, and a fevered emotion she refused to name. He wrapped his hands around her face and lifted her chin. “Open your eyes.”
Sarah did and found exactly what she was feeling radiating from his eyes. Sharp, undeniable relief surged through her and blended with the heady pleasure pulsing through her loins.
He took another stroke as their eyes clung. “I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to go back to Dallas,” he said in a raspy, desire-laden voice.
Shock and a shaft of temptation went through her at his tender declaration . She tried to find an answer through the haze of passion that clouded her brain, but he didn’t wait for one and his lips closed over hers again.
He pushed into her again, and as their bodies strained together looking for the ultimate release, she gloried in the raw emotion that pulsed from his body and filled her with a reassuring sense of euphoria for what tomorrow might bring.
Chapter Nine
The hot days of summer fled too quickly for Sarah’s comfort. By unspoken agreement, neither she nor John talked about the summer ending or the fact that Sarah was still planning on leaving. Except for that one time in bed, he never mentioned her staying again, and she was too scared to bring the subject up. She tried to live for each day, to enjoy the hours at her house during the day before John came to pick her up each evening.
Since the day they had driven into San Antonio to be tested, Sarah had spent every night with him on his ranch. He didn’t seem to want her to drive at night, and she didn’t really care either way and just let herself relish being chauffeured around by him. Working for his foundation didn’t take more than an hour or so of her day, and she had a huge, niggling feeling that she was taking advantage of him. She desperately wanted to ask him when they could discuss the retirement home but didn’t want to rock the boat. He was paying her such a ridiculous amount of money already, and she didn’t want anything to get in the way of the easy companionship that was slowly developing between them. She realized that she was, indeed, trying to play by the rules he had set out early on; she was trying to keep the two issues separate.
She began trying to think of other ways to accomplish her goals for Top Hill, but as before, she kept coming up blank.
He had taken her to eat at the diner in town several times, and slowly, he began introducing her to his friends. She first met Janie and Brian Canton. Brian was tall and quiet and the complete opposite of his sparkling, vivacious wife. When Janie came face to face with Sarah and John the first time, she had a look of such interest in her expression that it was almost amusing to Sarah. The woman stared for a moment, and then beamed a smile at her and promptly invited them to a party she was having the next weekend.
Sarah thanked her and after the other couple had left, John took her hand in his. “Janie’s always having parties. It’s her thing. We don’t have to go.”
“I don’t mind. It sounds like fun.”
****
And it did sound fun until Sarah was actually at the party, holding a glass of wine and surrounded by Janie and Janie’s grown niece, Elaina Vega. The two women had quite literally ‘shooed’ John off, and now they were not so subtly interrogating her.
“You’re only here for the summer?” Elaina asked.
“Yes. I teach math in Dallas.” Sarah looked between the two women who were both studying her not with any kind of animosity at all, but with a speculation they couldn’t quite hide.
“Well this is a first. John’s never brought a woman to one of my parties before,” Janie said with a smile.
“Really?” Sarah knew the other women could hear the surprise in her voice.
“Really. Where’d y’all meet?” Elaina asked.
“The convenience store in town. He helped me pump my gas.”
“I hate pumping gas,” Janie said.
“I haven’t had to pump gas since Raul and I got married,” Elaina added with what looked to Sarah to be an evil little grin. She couldn’t help but smile back.
Sarah took a sip of her wine and enjoyed the volley between the other two women, before offering a little more information. “I’m running his foundation now.”
“What foundation?” Elaina asked.
“He set up a philanthropic foundation and I’m the manager.”
“He put you in charge of his money?” Janie asked as she turned toward her niece and a look passed between the two women.
“What?” Sarah wanted to know what they were thinking.
“No, it’s nothing. It’s just that John—he’s well, he’s—”
As Janie floundered for words, Elaina piped in, “women don’t get close to John. He doesn’t date—exactly— and Janie and I are probably the closest thing to women friends that he has. And that’s just because he respects our husbands. It’s a shock for us that he actually brought you here, that y’all are in—” Elaina’s words came to an abrupt ending as she, too, obviously couldn’t voice what she was thinking.
“That we’re in a relationship?” Sarah asked.
“Yes,” the two women said in unison. And then Janie asked for clarification, “Y’all are, right?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
Elaina and Janie both smiled at her response. “Girl, you’ve accomplished what no one else ever has, I’d say you’re in a relationship. He brought you to one of my parties, and he’s trusted you with his money. And don’t look now, but the guy can’t keep his eyes off you.”
At Janie’s words, all three women looked over to where John stood talking to Elaina’s husband and Sarah saw that Janie was right. John watched her as he stood listening to Raul, his glass suspended in mid-air as if struck by a thought he couldn’t quite shake.
&nb
sp; Sarah gave him a tiny smile as shivers of anticipation lanced down her spine.
****
John’s eyes left Sarah for a moment and he turned back to face the man who was the closest thing to a true friend that he had. “What’d you just say?”
“I said you ought to marry her.”
John couldn’t help what he was thinking. He knew what he felt for Sarah was strong. He knew she felt the same say he did. But marriage? He’d already fucked that up once before and evidently, so had Sarah. Could they try again? Should they try again or would it totally fuck up what they already had? Even as he thought it, he felt a river of pleasure and a goddamn feeling of contentment. And now here was Raul Vega of all damn people, telling him to marry her. Who would have ever thought it? “Why would you say that?”
Raul studied John and attempted an explanation. “Because I recognize the look in your eyes. I recognize the obsession running through your blood. I recognize it because I see it everyday when I look in the mirror.” Raul shot him a look that said it all. “You’ve got it bad, just like me. Sooner you accept it, sooner the agony will go away.”
“The agony goes away?” John acknowledged to himself that it was an agony. The thought of her leaving him was pure pain, being hundreds of miles away, possibly dating someone else, sleeping with someone else. He gritted his teeth.
“Yeah, the agony goes away. The minute she’s living under your roof for good and you get your ownership papers back and notarized from the State of Texas,” Raul said in a deadly serious voice.
John felt his mouth quirk into a half-grin. “Ownership papers? I could blackmail you with that one, bud.”
“Nah. Elaina knows who she belongs to. Don’t you doubt it.”
“Right. I’m fairly certain I know who owns who,” John said.
