June 20th
Nothing feels better than the comfort of your own bed, except for when you can’t sleep. That’s been the case for me ever since we got back home from our vacation. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to get more than an hour or two and even then I’m still restless. After three nights of tossing and turning, I’m literally exhausted.
“Why don’t you stay home from work today?” Todd says, poking his head around the bathroom door.
I sit up in bed and try to hide the yawn that escapes my mouth.
I’d pretended to be asleep when the alarm had gone off, and Todd had quickly climbed out of bed to turn it off. He meant well, not wanting to wake me. I stayed perfectly still with the covers pulled all the way up to my neck while he collected his clothes and tiptoed to the bathroom. I listened as the water ran in the shower but it only increased my need to go pee. Since having the girls, well, I can’t hold it first thing in the morning like I could when I was younger. It also hadn’t helped that I had a glass of water shortly after midnight.
“I’ll be fine,” I tell him and rub my eyes with the palms of my hands. “Once I have my shower and a cup of coffee, I’ll be good to go.” It sounds good, but even I know such little rest isn’t healthy for anyone. Eventually it takes its toll on your body and that’s exactly what’s happening to me right now.
“I’ll take a look at the schedule when I get to work and see if I can call in one of the other techs to cover for you today. You need a day off to do nothing—no cleaning, no cooking. Absolutely nothing but rest.”
“Todd, really, I’ll be okay,” I say again, but the tone of my voice doesn’t even convince me. He’s right, I need to stay in bed.
“You heard me.” He walks out of the bathroom wearing nothing but his boxers and a t-shirt. Damn, my husband is hot! Even after all these years. “Go back to sleep. Dream of me and you back at the beach again. I’m rubbing suntan lotion on your back; the wind is blowing your hair. Think about how nice it felt, just the two of us, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.” He walks to the side of the bed and massages my shoulders.
“Ahhh. That was nice wasn’t it?” I add, leaning against his firm body and thinking back to just a few days ago. For a brief moment I even think I smell the warm, salty air but I know it’s only my imagination. “Next time, what do you say just me and you get away? No kids.”
“I think you got yourself a plan.” His voice sounds sexy and alluring.
“Promise?” I manage to say before yawning again. “Excuse me. I can’t seem to stop yawning.”
“Look, don’t worry about us today. Even if I can’t get someone to come in, we’ll manage just fine. If you don’t get some rest, you’re going to fall out from pure exhaustion. If you’re still tired tomorrow, I’m making you a doctor’s appointment.”
“Todd, I’ll be fine. I know I will. It’s just…the other day really did a number on me. I’ll get over it. I’ll get back to my usual self. Eventually.” I add, hoping the day off does the trick.
I’m actually thankful he suggested I stay home. Talking about the beach does sound good, but I’m just too tired to even enjoy the thought. If I don’t soon get some rest, I’m going to go crazy. I just knew last night was going to be different and sleep was going to take over my body, but just as soon as I’d dozed off, the dream started happening again. So I laid there, fitfully tossing and turning, watching the minutes tick by on the clock. No matter how hard I tried to push it from my head, the dream haunted me all through the night and into the early morning hours. It must’ve been three or four o’clock before I finally fell asleep only to be awakened again at six.
While Todd is finishing up in the bathroom, I can’t help but stare at him. He’s dressed in his usual work khakis and a polo, but damn, he looks good this morning. I spot the t-shirt he was wearing last night at the foot of the bed. I slip out of my nightgown and slide the shirt on. As I pull it over my head, his smell meets my nostrils and I’m instantly turned on. The scent of my husband is exhilarating. I open my eyes again only to find him standing at the end of the bed watching me.
Slightly embarrassed, I stand up to kiss him goodbye. I wrap my hands around his waist as he pulls me to him. In a split second, he slips his hands underneath the t-shirt and slowly works his way up to caress my breasts. Although his hands are warm and gentle, my nipples harden from his touch.
“What do we have here?” he whispers in my ear. I push my hips forward, feeling the erection that’s formed in his pants.
“Mmmm,” I moan. “Don’t stop.”
Using his thumbs and forefingers he pinches both nipples, over and over, until I can’t take any more. I feel like ripping his shirt off and forcing myself on him.
“You like that, huh?” I feel his breath against my ear and chills run down my back.
All I can do is nod my head. I don’t want him to stop, but if he doesn’t, I can’t promise what this might lead to. Apparently Todd has more on his mind, too, than opening up the pharmacy today.
Slowly, he works his t-shirt up over my head and drops it to the floor.
“You’re bad, you know that?” I tell him.
“Bad? You’re the one sitting here completely naked now. You’d think you were some sex-deprived woman,” he teases.
“Naked? Who’s naked?” I ask and push my panties to the floor. I lay back against the pillows, completely naked. Todd stands still taking me all in. I quickly forget how tired I am and stare at him longingly.
He takes a seat beside me on the bed and leans over. Tracing an imaginary line, Todd runs his finger down between both of my breasts, stopping just above my belly button. His mouth is merely inches from my skin, and I feel his warm breath as it sends a wave of goosebumps all over my body. It’s taking all I can do to stay still. I can already feel the moisture forming just outside my opening.
“Damn, you’re soaking wet,” he says and inserts two of his fingers inside me. Slowly, he slides them in and out. I watch the expression on his face turn into that of desire.
I lift my hips slightly off the bed, inviting him to explore more.
He brings his finger up to his nose and inhales my scent. The move is bold and daring, so early in the morning. I can’t take my gaze from him. I’ve never had a problem with this man turning me on.
His lips slightly part and the tip of his tongue comes out to lick my juices that are still grazing his fingertips. “You taste so good,” he tells me.
Just seeing him do this turns me on even more. I spread my legs, inviting him to do more. Out of the blue, his cell phone rings and our intimate moment comes to an end.
“Dang it. Just when it was getting good,” I say, knowing the phone call better be important. It’s not even eight o’clock yet.
Todd walks over to the dresser just as the phone stops ringing. I sit up and pull on his shirt again. There’s no way we can continue what we were doing—Todd would never make it to work on time.
“Oh well, must not have been important since they didn’t leave a message.” He leans down to kiss me. “As bad as I hate to I really need to be going, baby. Tonight, I promise to pick up where I left off.”
I pull the covers up and watch as he walks out of our bedroom. I look out the window towards the already sun-filled sky and get lost in the view. It’s not until I hear the front door close that I shut my eyes.
I’m thankful the house is nice and quiet. Both girls spent the night at Rick and Beth’s since they were planning to go shopping for new bathing suits today.
I roll over on my side and adjust the pillows. I reach for Todd’s and pull it up close to me. In just a few moments, I’m fast asleep.
Not even an hour later, my eyes dart wide open. I’m struggling to catch my breath while I pull at the bed sheet that’s worked its way up around my neck. I ease myself into a sitting position while my breathing slowly returns to normal.
It happened again. That dream.
I go into the
bathroom and splash cold water on my face. If I thought I felt bad earlier, I feel even worse now.
I bring the back of my hand to my forehead which feels clammy and feverish. I’m actually achy all over and almost feel like I’ve been in a fight and lost. I decide to send Todd a message, asking him to bring me home some medicine tonight. Could it be I’m coming down with the flu?
Suddenly, my phone rings, startling me. It’s no surprise he decided to call instead of texting me back.
“Hey, honey. I’m sorry you’re still feeling so bad.”
“It’s a good thing the girls are with your mother today. I’d really hate for them to catch what I’ve got.”
“If you’re not better when I get home tonight, you’re going to the doctor first thing in the morning.”
“Alright, dear. If you insist.”
“Try to go back to bed, okay.”
“Bye.”
I hate not being completely honest with Todd. I do feel like I’m coming down with something, but it’s these damn dreams. They’re doing a number on my body—emotionally and physically. Every. Single. Night. Why won’t they stop?
I turn on the television and flip through a couple of stations. On every channel it’s either someone cooking some kind of gourmet food or it’s a reality show with these crazy women accusing their boyfriends and husbands of cheating on them. God, I don’t think I can stand to see that kind of drama this early in the day.
I get engrossed in a movie on the Lifetime channel, and it’s after lunch before I’m able to fall asleep again. This time, I sleep for a few hours before they return—again.
A burning sensation on my face awakens me. For some reason or other, I’ve been crying. I reach up to wipe the tears, but instead, my fingers glaze over something warm and sticky. Blood. My fingertips are coated in blood.
I look down at my pillow, and, sure enough, the pillowcase had a dark red stain. I panic and jump up out of the bed. I’m almost afraid to look in the mirror to see where it’s coming from.
I flip on the bathroom light and my reflection scares me. Not only is my hair a disheveled mess, but the side of my face is covered in blood. I lean forward to get a closer look in the mirror and see the scar, even though it had healed very nicely after all these years, has been reopened. I turn on the hot water and pull a washcloth from underneath the sink. I hope it only looks worse than what it appears to be.
I dab at my cheek, careful not to make it worse. It’s a good thing the salt from my tears woke me up. If the dream was that traumatic, who knows what kind of damage I could’ve done to my face. What’s Todd going to think when he sees it?
I turn on the water in the shower and step inside. The hot steam feels soothing against my tense muscles. The only thing missing is some relaxing music.
When my body has had enough and my skin is covered in wrinkles, I shut the water off. I wrap my towel around me then wipe the steam from the mirror. I dab a little bit of antibiotic ointment on my wound and hope it takes care of it.
I feel a little better now, despite how the day has been. Just maybe those last few hours will do me some good, at least until Todd gets home. Too many things are going on right now—things that aren’t normal—and I’m not getting a good feeling about any of it.
Nope, something is definitely off.
Chapter 3
Brian
A few weeks ago.
I got the text message from one of my brothers while I was in the middle of my fifth period P.E. class.
“Family meeting. 3pm. Urgent.”
That was all it said. I had no idea what was going on but nothing about it felt good. Urgent and family were two words that should never be used together in the same message. Was something wrong with mom? With Dad? It’d been difficult to stay focused the rest of the afternoon and I’d gotten out of there as soon as the dismissal bell rang.
On the way, I called Grace just to give her a head’s up. I wasn’t certain how long I’d be so I told her to go ahead and eat when she fed Brady and not to wait on me. She felt bad that she wasn’t able to go, too, but at the time, Brady was napping and I hated for her to wake him up. Besides, if it was something going on with my parents, they surely didn’t need Brady toddling around, getting into everything and crying. I promised I’d be home as soon as I could.
There’s simply no easy way to prepare yourself for bad news when it involves one of your parents. I sat there at the kitchen table and watched my mother literally fall apart while my brother, James, explained the news about my father. It was painful for her to hear it all over again. Earlier that day, my dad had been diagnosed with stage four brain cancer. Cancer. A word so ugly, I almost didn’t know how to react.
Long story cut short, he’d been given weeks to live. Not months or even a year, but weeks. In fact, the doctor said he’s be lucky if he made it through the end of the month. There was no treatment, no cure. Nothing. He’d waited too late to seek help.
Dad sat beside mom, zoning in and out. I almost didn’t recognize him. It was like he’d aged twenty years even though I’d seen him just days ago. He looked calm on the outside, but I knew on the inside, he was terrified to death. He had to be. Finding out you’re dying—how was anyone supposed to handle hearing that?
Mom would compose herself for a few moments, then break down all over again. She was pitiful just to watch.
Dad’s health had been steadily declining and with being so dang stubborn, it’s a wonder he even went to the doctor when he did. Had he just seen about it earlier, when he’d first started to feel bad, maybe there’d still be a chance. Just goes to show, being hard-headed doesn’t get you any further in life.
In fact, it probably takes away from it, which had been the case for me, too. For so many years, I battled back and forth with him—fighting constantly and saying nasty things that I’d later regret. Bitter, hateful words that got me nowhere. We fought so much that one of us usually gave up and just walked away—for the most part, that was me. I’d stay gone for days, even weeks at a time. I can still see the relief on mom’s face when I’d walk back through the door. I’d sure grown up a lot since then.
For a long time, I was jealous of my brothers because they spent so much time with dad. I couldn’t see beyond my own anger and frustrations that I could have had that same quality father/son time, too. It had all come down to I’d just needed to grow up. Being rebellious had seemed the easy way out.
I’d chosen to leave home.
Not only had it made my parent’s life more miserable—never knowing when I was coming or going—but I’d done a number on someone else’s life, too. That someone was Jennifer.
I knew it wasn’t easy for Grace to accept when I finally broke down and told her about Jennifer and my failed marriage to her. Add in that I’d fathered a child that I knew nothing about hadn’t been a piece of cake, either. My relationship with Grace was getting pretty serious and I felt she had a right to know. She deserved to know everything—the good, which was very little, and the bad, which happened to be a lot. I was so afraid she was going to think less of me and change her mind about us. The more we talked, though, the more she was willing to forgive me. After all, she’d seen the change in me and the goodness I’d found in my heart since we’d been dating.
It wasn’t long after Grace and I married that we began talking about having a baby of our own. I spent many restless nights struggling because I’d never been a father to my daughter so how could I possibly be a father to a new baby. But Grace was patient with me. She sought out someone I could talk to, someone that could help me deal with the emotional turmoil that I was faced with. The two of us began meeting with a local pastor who was patient and understanding with our situation. He prayed for us and offered us guidance in the right direction.
After months of therapy sessions and lots of prayers, Grace and I started contemplating my contacting Jennifer. A long-time friend of Grace’s parents, a retired law enforcement officer with his own private investiga
tive practice, said he was willing to take on our case. In the beginning, I only wanted to know about Jennifer and her whereabouts. I wanted to know that my daughter had been born healthy but I was terrified to death to learn much more. I wasn’t exactly sure I was ready for what I was about to discover.
Mr. Steadham, the investigator, wasted no time getting started and found it rather easy to locate Jennifer. I was shocked to learn she was still living in the same state and just hours from me and Grace. We learned all about Jennifer and her husband, where they lived and worked, what vehicles they drove, and the two children who lived in the household with them. A few years after Chloe was born Jennifer had had another daughter. Mr. Steadham was even able to obtain photographs of Jennifer and her family but I couldn’t deal with seeing the pictures just yet. They remained sealed in an envelope tucked away in my nightstand.
It’d been a relief to know that Jennifer was doing well and that she hadn’t suffered. I always figured I had been a thorn in her side, but to know she’d overcome the troubles I had caused helped me find peace within myself.
I sometimes amaze myself with how much my life has changed. The person I used to be and the person I am now—hard to believe I’m the same person. I realized just how bitter I was. I hurt so many people along my destructive path. Man, some of the things I used to do.
In many ways, though, I felt my father’s diagnosis was my punishment for the way I’d treated him; heck, for the way I’d treated other people, too. We’ve forgiven each other and we’ve both come a long way, but I can’t take back the hurtful things I said nor the pain I caused. My mistakes will always remain in the back of my mind.
I’ve accepted that my father’s condition is getting worse every day and time is of the essence.
Towards the end of the school year when my students were getting ready to take their end of the year tests, I decided to take a personal day. My dad had a doctor’s appointment and I insisted on driving him and mom. God, it nearly killed me seeing my dad struggle while getting in and out of the car. I hated to see how weak the cancer had made him. Without treatment, he worsened daily. He was frail and so much thinner than the man I once knew.
Heart of the Matter (Coming Home Book 3) Page 2
