“I suppose I owe you even more than I thought. You saved me from the wilderness, saved my reputation, and apparently saved my body as well. Thank you.”
Although it didn’t sound like a compliment, he inclined his head. He had no idea what she was feeling, but gratitude wasn’t even close. Why were women so difficult to understand?
“You’re not angry, then?” he couldn’t help but ask.
“Of course not. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’d like to return to the manor. Please pass on my regrets.”
Before she gave him an opportunity to respond, she turned on her heel and strode away. Each step brought a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He got the distinct impression he’d done something wrong. He only hoped she’d give him the opportunity to fix it.
Claire tossed her sewing in a nearby chair and let out a sigh of disgust. She’d made it clear to her brother she was ready to return to London, but he had refused. After mumbling something about enjoying himself too much, he wiped away her concern. She would have attempted to find her own way back, but they’d worked too hard on repairing her reputation for her to destroy it with a rash decision. And Ian . . . Claire shuddered. Right now she didn’t even want to think about him.
“Are you well?” Annalise asked, also setting aside her needlework.
Claire forced a smile. “Yes. I suppose I’m simply missing London. This is the longest I’ve remained away during the season.”
“I understand. I, too, have longed for the London season. To ride through Hyde Park, to enjoy Gunter’s ices, to dance at Almack’s. Such pleasures are easily taken for granted.”
Curiosity burned through Claire at Annalise’s declaration. She had previously believed the decision not to return to London resided with the lady. Apparently, she’d been wrong. Although it took some effort, Claire kept her questions to herself.
“I’m sure you will have the pleasure one day.”
Annalise shook her head vehemently. “Certainly not. After my scandal, Mother rushed Marcus and I back here. She vowed to never put a foot inside the city and forbade us from doing so, as well.”
“I’m sure that will change with time,” Claire offered.
“Mother is very stubborn.”
Retrieving her sewing, Claire hoped to lighten the mood. Her heart went out to Annalise. Had she been in the other girl’s situation, Claire had no idea what she would do.
That brought Ian to mind. Again. Yesterday, she’d been hurt to discover he hadn’t taken her innocence. The fact he hadn’t wanted her bothered her more than it should. After all, he’d seen her as a little sister for most of their lives.
Unrequited love was a very difficult thing to overcome. Regardless, she would survive just as she had all this time. In addition, she now realized he’d given her a wonderful gift. He left her with a memory she could cherish and hold onto forever without having to suffer as Annalise currently did.
Claire owed Ian an apology for running away from him the other day. He had been a perfect gentleman, and hadn’t taken advantage of her innocence. He deserved her gratitude, not her anger.
Annalise sighed as she, too, took up her needlework. “I’m pleased that you have come for a visit. Typically the only visitors we received have been run from London. When they arrive, they aren’t very sociable.”
“I’m glad we can be here,” Claire responded, honestly.
The comment about the visitors made Claire wonder why she had never heard mention of Avange Manor before. Surely, if Lady Starsen intended to make her home a sanctuary for those unfortunate, London would be abuzz. Perhaps that was the point. Drawing attention would only lead to more scandal.
Later that night as Claire lay awake in her bed, thoughts of Ian entered her mind again. He hadn’t spoken to her since she’d left him in the garden, but his eyes had followed her. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been able to read anything in his expression.
Unable to force herself to sleep, she tossed off the coverlet and crossed the room. Gazing out at the beautiful landscape, Claire let out a contented sigh. The full moon cast a brilliant glow across the grounds. A perfect picture, which artists spent their lives trying to capture.
Movement caught her attention. Someone strolled through the garden. Her heart skipped a beat. Without needing to see his face, she knew who it was. A tug of familiarity pulled at her mind, but she shrugged it off. She had no desire to dwell in the past at the moment.
Noticing he was alone, Claire stepped back from the window, pulled off her nightgown, and donned her morning dress faster than she had ever done before. After throwing a dark shawl over her shoulders, she set out, hoping no one would catch her outside with Ian, especially without her stays.
Hurrying to the garden, she held her breath until the cool night air hit her face. No one had stopped her. Excitement made her giddy, but she stifled the urge to giggle. Keeping her steps light, she moved silently.
As she traversed the now darkened garden paths, memories of a similar situation assaulted her again. When she’d been a young girl, she had made this trek hoping to catch Ian before he disappeared. A shudder raked her body. She hoped this time would end differently.
Nerves engulfed her. Would he be happy to see her? Or, irritated she’d infringed on his solace? The thought made her pause. As she did, the noise of another’s footsteps reached her. Crouching among the bushes, she attempted to hide herself.
“Ian.” The breezy female voice stabbed Claire in the chest. Exactly like last time, he was meeting a woman out here. At fifteen, she’d been madly in love with him, and seeing him with his arms wrapped around the milliner’s daughter had broken her heart. And gained her hatred.
Breathing through her mouth, Claire made her way over to the voices. Hunching in the shadows, she saw Ian standing in the moonlight with Annalise. They were facing each other, and although Claire couldn’t see his face, he didn’t appear to be surprised or upset by Annalise’s presence.
Something inside Claire’s chest squeezed. How could he do this to her, again? Unable to look away, she watched, hoping this was only a chance meeting of common souls on a sleepless night. When Annalise smiled, Claire’s hope began to shatter.
Annalise closed her eyes as she leaned forward and pressed her lips to Ian’s. The echoes of Claire’s heart breaking reverberated through her body. Her vision began to swirl, and feeling desperate to escape, she turned from the horrid scene.
Ian hadn’t changed at all. The rake he’d always been still remained inside him. And, he didn’t want her. A sob caught in her throat. Why wasn’t she good enough for him?
Clutching her shawl tighter around her shoulders, she pushed herself through the door and melted into the shadows. Being caught now would be much worse. After all, she could only take so much before her tears took the last remnants of her vision.
Once she entered her assigned bedchamber, she slid her body down the closed door and allowed her unshed tears to fall. The secret hope she’d had of being able to marry Ian had died. After countless minutes on the floor, her tears dried and her heart hardened.
Fury at herself pumped through her veins. How could she have allowed herself to be hurt by him, again? Ian didn’t deserve her love. She took a deep breath. Starting from this moment, she was completely finished with Ian Michael Caldwell.
Chapter 6
Ian reined in the stallion as he let nostalgia run over him. This obstacle course through the woods had been something he and Marcus had lived for. He smiled as the rush of danger and excitement flooded his body just as it had done when he was a child.
“I concede,” Marcus announced, drawing up his horse beside Ian’s. “Clearly the years haven’t been kind to my reflexes.”
Grinning at his win, Ian dismounted and allowed his horse to graze. “With the course set, I’m surprised you haven
’t practiced more over the years.”
After dismounting, Marcus made his way over to join Ian at the edge of the stream where the course ended. “Inheriting the earldom brought too many unwelcome changes in my life to invite pleasure as well.”
“Or you have simply forgotten how to handle your horse.” Ian shrugged, a goading grin on his face.
“Certainly not. I think your recent traveling of this path gave you an unfair advantage.”
The reminder of his and Claire’s journey brought bitterness rising in his throat. Matters had been better between them when they had been lost in the forest. At this moment, Ian wished them back there. If this morning’s breakfast was any indication, Claire had already begun to recall her hatred of him.
“I disagree. At the time, my mind had been otherwise occupied.”
“Ah, yes.” Marcus rubbed his chin as he rested his foot on a stump, the rest of his weight on his cane. “Miss Ashford does encompass one’s thoughts.”
Ian gritted his teeth at the look on his friend’s face. “I referred to our survival. Concentrating on much else proves difficult when you haven’t eaten a proper meal in three days.”
“There is no need for anger. I was jesting. However, it does make me wonder.”
“What?” Ian wasn’t sure he wanted to hear his friend’s response.
“Why does the idea of Miss Ashford and I bother you?”
Surprise froze Ian, and he had to force herself to move once again. Marcus couldn’t know how the mere thought of Claire with someone else nearly drove him mad. They had been friends for a long time, but Marcus had never been adept at reading anyone. In addition, Ian prided himself on not being very transparent with his thoughts.
“That’s a ridiculous question. Why would you believe I feel that way?”
The look he shot Ian said the answer should have been obvious. Not liking the direction this conversation had taken, Ian picked up a smooth stone and skimmed it across the lake. The small relief it provided had him gathering up a few more similar stones.
“If you want her, I’ll back away. I just thought—”
“You would give her up like that? But, what if she has chosen you? All of our wants and desires are nothing without her consent.”
Marcus picked up a few stones and shook them in his palm. “Clearly you’ve thought rather extensively on the subject.”
Dusting his hands on his breeches, Ian turned to Marcus. “Just an observation about marriage in general. I’ve decided a man must do what he desires, and hope all will fall into the correct places in the end. If Miss Ashford is for you, no one could come in between.”
Marcus smiled and clapped him on the back. “I’m very pleased to hear that from you. Now, tonight I’ve invited a few families over. Hopefully, that should give us more time to become further acquainted with the ladies.”
“In what way?” Ian didn’t like the sound of that.
“The moon should be bright tonight. We plan to have the terrace and garden lit for an outside dinner followed by guided nature walks. My sister is fond of such walks and would no doubt enjoy taking one with you.”
Swallowing, Ian decided not to comment on how he’d already known about Annalise’s penchant for moonlight strolls. Nor did he wish to mention how the girl would never want to do so with him again. After all, breakfast this morning had been frosty from more than one side of the room.
He hadn’t meant to hurt Annalise’s feelings, but she caught him off guard, and he needed her to understand his interest in her only extended as a friend. He’d allowed her to kiss him to prove her point, but it only served to prove his own.
After dinner that night as Ian gazed over the gardens, he could still feel the fury from both Annalise and Claire. The ladies kept far away from him as they found new gentlemen to take up their attention. He didn’t like how easily Marcus inserted himself beside Claire.
Spinning around, Ian leaned on the railing as he saw Annalise practically throwing herself at Gordon. His friend didn’t seem to mind as he poured her yet another glass of Claret. At the rate the two of them were partaking in the drink, Ian doubted either of them would remember the events of this evening come the morning.
As he turned his attention once again to Claire, Ian’s throat closed. Marcus leaned so close to her, his cheek almost touched hers as he pointed out something in the sky.
Ian should have told his friend to back off, but it had been thoughts of Claire holding his tongue. The idea of her choosing the earl over him made his heart wrench. He would abide her decision, but until the banns were announced, he determined to keep her safe, even from Marcus.
“I see you are receiving no enjoyment from this evening, either,” Lady Isabella Rossland said, appearing at his side. “Had my brother not insisted on my presence, I wouldn’t have come, regardless of the fact Lady Annalise is my very good friend.”
Pasting on a smile, Ian faced Lady Isabella. She barely reached his chest, but her spirit far outweighed her slight stature. Although not very well acquainted, he could see the lady didn’t have trouble speaking her mind.
“I’m sorry to hear of your dissatisfaction with the evening. Is there something I can do to increase your enjoyment?”
She let out a sigh that shook her whole body. “I guess I’m just looking for someone to share my misery.”
“I think it’s time for our nature walk,” Annalise declared loudly. “I know there are some among us who enjoy solitary walks in the moonlight, but tonight we’ll be going as a group.”
Her eyes snapped to his, but he looked away, refusing to acknowledge her reference to last night. If she thought to make an attempt to trap him into marriage, it wouldn’t work. As it stood, her reputation had been shredded so thoroughly, no one would believe her false claims of him using her ill.
Shaking his head, he scanned the crowd again. In all honesty, he hoped she had other ideas. After all, he refused to provide another reason for her reputation to be maligned.
As his eyes fell on Claire, he saw Annalise’s expression mirrored. Had the mention of moonlight walks reminded her of their time in the forest? Then why the anger? Those thoughts brought him an entirely different emotion.
He pushed himself off the wall, ready to move toward her when she focused her attention back on Marcus, taking his arm. Gritting his teeth, Ian offered Lady Isabella his arm as they followed the crowd into the night.
“I’ve never seen you before this evening.” Lady Isabella reclaimed his attention. “Are you a friend of Lord Starsen?”
Trying to keep his attention on Claire and not be rude to the lady, Ian spared her a smile “For many years now.”
“That’s nice. I’ve never found him to be particularly interesting, though.” She eyed him, a calculating look knitting her brow.
The odd statement had him focusing his full attention on her. “Perhaps you need to get to know him better.”
She laughed. “I have much more interesting things to do with my time. So, tell me, are you a friend of Lady Annalise as well?”
A warning sound began ringing in his mind. She’d already admitted being Annalise’s friend. This was a trap. He swallowed.
“A friend, yes.”
Her eyes scanned his face before she nodded. “I see. Now, stop looking at me and enjoy the moon. That’s why we’ve all been dragged out here tonight.”
Stunned, he pulled his gaze away. The lady was definitely an unusual sort. He admired her honesty, but was uncomfortable with her knowing eyes. As if she saw something he didn’t wish to reveal. He cast her strange comments from his thoughts as he resumed his search for Claire.
A number of couples disappeared through the walk, but he kept his focus. He refused to allow Claire to be one of the deserters. Lady Isabella didn’t seem to mind as she allowed him to lead h
er wherever he wished.
For a second, he lost sight of them and his heart raced. Frantically scanning the path and the company, he saw her turning toward a deserted area with Marcus.
“Miss Ashford,” he called as he hurried to her side, leaving Lady Isabella to her own devices.
She turned toward him as relief sank into his bones. “Yes?”
“Can I have a word with you?”
At that moment, Lady Isabella appeared by his side and reclaimed his arm. Claire’s eyes narrowed.
“No, you may not, my lord,” she ground out before spinning around and disappearing into the crowd, sans Marcus.
“What was that about?” Lady Isabella’s gaze followed Claire’s retreating back.
“I have no idea,” he answered truthfully.
The remainder of the night passed much the same. Claire avoided him, but his eyes never left her. He couldn’t even bring himself to care if anyone else took note of his preoccupation. Keeping a lookout for Claire seemed much more important than avoiding gossip.
After rising late the next morning, Ian decided he needed to have a talk with Claire and discover exactly what he did wrong. As well as how to fix it. He couldn’t go on like this any longer.
Not seeing her at breakfast, he found the butler just outside the empty drawing room.
“Can you tell me where to find Miss Ashford?”
“Certainly, my lord. She departed early this morning, along with Lord Gordon.”
Rocks settled in the pit of his stomach. She’d left him. Claire and Gordon had both gone without the courtesy of telling him. He clenched his fists as fury clouded his mind.
She couldn’t escape him this easily. He would follow her to the end of time, if that’s what it took.
Guilt swamped Claire as she wandered aimlessly from her father’s room. His condition had worsened while she’d been away. Biting the inside of her cheek, she swallowed. Knowing his time was limited, she never should have gone on the picnic. Not only would that have awarded her more precious minutes with her father, but then she never would have made those memories with Ian. Memories that would haunt her forever.
Embracing the Knight Page 8
