“I know. I’m not sure if I would forgive me either if I were you.”
Nathan turned and faced him. “How am I supposed to trust you—hell, trust anyone again? Everyone I have ever allowed to get close to me has betrayed me.”
Smokey’s gaze fell, but not before Nathan saw the raw pain that reflected in them.
“Are you saying that you are able to forgive Travis but not me?”
The question packed one hell of a punch and made Nathan erupt with guilt. “Damn.” How was it that he was the one that felt guilty now? He wasn’t the one who’d lied for nearly thirty years. “Why are you telling me all this now? Were you afraid that Travis would rat you out?”
Smokey rammed his hands into his pockets while his lowered gaze condemned him.
“I don’t believe this,” Nathan said, shaking his head. “It’s like I’m living a nightmare. In one hour you’ve told me that my father walked out on me and my mother because he caught you two in an affair. Then you tell me that he’d actually written to me several times when I was growing up, but you never said a word, and to top if off, you seized an opportunity to take over the man’s company by convincing your employer to do a hostile takeover. Not to mention this is the same infamous employer who you knew I’ve been looking for for the past month and was actually the woman I was falling in love with. Did I leave anything out?”
“No,” Smokey said as his shoulders sagged. “I know that I’ve made a mess of everything. God knows your mother reminded me of that every time she took a drink.”
“Don’t you dare pin this on my mother. By your own confession, you said that you took advantage of her loneliness. What went through your mind when you decided to betray your best friend? Isn’t that what you guys were before all of this? Did it ever occur to you that she died of a broken heart?” Nathan said, defending his mother. “Do you realize that you single-handedly destroyed my family?”
Smokey stepped forward as his eyes glossed with tears, but before he could speak, Nathan stepped back.
They stared at each other through a painful silence, seemingly trapped in a stalemate.
“You have to know that I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did.”
“And I’m sorry for it. I’m sorry for a lot of things. I wish like hell that I could turn back the hands of time. I would do so many things differently.”
Nathan snorted in disgust and turned away. He walked into the kitchen and got himself a beer, then waited until he took a long swig before he said anything. “So what do you want from me? You want me to say it’s okay—it’s in the past? Or maybe I should say that I never want to see you again. You might not have heard, but I’m in the process of simplifying my life. This year alone I’ve gotten rid of two fiancées.”
“Two?”
This time, Nathan’s gaze fell. He took another swig of beer. “Can you believe it? I’d actually believed that I’d found my soul mate—a woman I’d looked forward to waking up next to for the rest of my life. She was someone who understood and had experienced the same kind of pain. She was also a woman I was just happy as hell to be around.” His voice dipped and he struggled to control his mounting despair.
“None of that has changed,” Smokey pointed out. “She’s still the same woman you fell in love with. I mean, given the circumstances, I can see why she’d keep her identity from you.”
“Now why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“Okay.” Smokey took the blow with an uplifted chin. “I deserved that. But when you’re through casting judgment on us mere mortals, your highness, you just might wake up in time to go catch your soul mate before it’s too late.” Smokey turned and headed toward the door.
“What the hell does that mean?” Nathan shouted out to him.
“Just what I said. Cartel may be my employer, and maybe I’ve never gotten the chance to know her on the level you have. But I know enough to know that in the short time that you two have known each other, you were the happiest you have ever been. And since you broke up with her, it’s been the worst I’ve ever seen you. That has to tell you something.”
For the first time that night, Nathan’s hard features softened.
“I can understand if you never want to speak to me again. I admittedly deserve your anger. But I’m not so sure that Cartel does.”
“Stop calling her by her last name,” Nathan mumbled irritably.
“Okay. I don’t think that Carissa deserves your anger. Have you really thought about how you would have reacted if she’d told you her real name? Didn’t you say that when you first met her you were rude?”
You must be my father’s latest conquest. Nathan cringed as his first words floated back into his consciousness.
“How was she supposed to tell you that she felt responsible for Travis’s heart attack? And if your father had died, her guilt would have destroyed her. Didn’t you tell me that she already feels responsible for her own father’s death?”
Nathan nodded as he digested everything.
“You know, if I were her,” Smokey went on, “I’d try to avoid you. But wait a minute, she tried that, didn’t she?”
Nathan’s frown deepened. She had refused to have dinner with him, then stopped coming to the hospital. He was the one who had pursued her, refusing to take no for an answer. He looked to his stepfather. “Did she send you over here to present her case?”
“Now you don’t really believe that, do you?”
He shook his head and set his beer down on the counter. Everything Smokey had said made perfect sense. “You know there were a few times I remember her trying to tell me something, but I always told her she could tell me later. I just never dreamed that she was simply trying to tell me her name.”
“But what about all the stuff that she did do? What happened to all those things that had you walking on cloud nine and had you willing to jump into the relationship with blinders on?”
Nathan clamped his mouth shut.
“Didn’t she help you bury the past and had even preached about second chances with Travis? That hardly sounds like a crime to me. Hell, when all this is over I hope to enlist her help to get you to forgive me, because despite what you may think, I’m truly sorry…for everything. I love you, son.” Smokey opened the front door.
“Pop?”
Smokey stopped, his heart swelling with hope. He turned to face his son.
There were tears in Nathan’s eyes as the corners of his mouth lifted. “I don’t want you to go.”
Chapter 30
One month later
Sitting on top of the world—what a joke.
Carissa’s dispirited gaze roamed across the Atlanta cityscape while remorse settled in her chest. I can’t do this anymore, she said to herself. I can’t go back to business as usual.
With each passing day, she thought more about dropping everything and just going, but she didn’t know where. She just couldn’t keep masquerading as the cold and ruthless C. J. Cartel anymore.
She turned from the window and walked to her desk, where she picked up Colin Hunter’s letter of resignation. “It’s just as well,” she said to her aunt, who sat in the chair across from her desk. “It saved me the trouble of firing him. No doubt he’s been able to walk away from this whole fiasco unscathed.”
“Don’t you worry about him. I firmly believe that what goes around comes around. A man like that will get his due. You can trust me on that one.”
Carissa exhaled and shook her head. “I know that this may sound strange, but I actually feel sorry for him.”
“You’re right. That does sound strange. If I weren’t a lady I’d pound the weasel into the ground myself.”
Carissa laughed at the image. “Now why don’t I have any trouble believing that? But let’s face it. Everything he’d done, he did for love—or what he thought was love. He loved Nathan’s mother and, I guess, did whatever he could to keep her.”
“There is such a thing as crossing the line, Risa. And look
at the mess he’s made. Sometimes you have to learn to walk away from love.”
“Tell me something that I don’t know.” Carissa lowered her head. “Maybe once I leave here, I can begin making some sense out of my life.”
“You’re doing the right thing by stepping down as president and CEO,” Helena said. “You hated working here.”
“More like I hated what I’d become. But there were some good things about the job. I’m proud of a lot of my accomplishments here.”
“You’ll still be a member of the board.”
“I know. It just feels strange, that’s all. Then again, it’s exciting. I think I’ll take up dancing again, maybe teach in a small studio somewhere.”
“That sounds nice. Summer is just around the corner. You know that you’re more than welcome to come with me to Costa Rica. Then after that I think I’ll jet off to Spain.”
Carissa considered it. Maybe it was time for her to start taking chances, to do exciting things. “I’ve always wanted to go to Morocco. You think we can add it to the list?”
Helena’s face brightened. “Of course we can.” She clapped her hands together. “This is going to be great. Just picture it, you and me traveling around the world without a care. There will be fun, lots of dancing and plenty of men. Which brings me to another philosophy of mine. ‘Nothing helps you get over this man like the next man.’”
“You’re impossible.” Carissa laughed. She leaned back in her chair and reviewed her options. “So when do we leave?”
Liz buzzed in over the intercom. “Ms. Cartel, you have a visitor.”
Carissa frowned. “I asked for all my appointments to be rescheduled.”
“Yes, ma’am. This gentleman wasn’t on your calendar, but he’s insisting on seeing you.” Liz’s voice lowered to a whisper. “I think you really want to take this visitor, Risa.”
“All right, send him in.” Carissa straightened in her chair and tried to get into character. “Maybe we should talk about this later, Auntie.”
Helena stood. “Okay. I’m going to call my travel agent. We’re going to have so much fun.” She headed out just when Liz knocked, then opened the door.
Nothing could have prepared Carissa for who waltzed inside.
Travis Edwards met her startled gaze with a cool, satisfied smile. “Good morning, Ms. Cartel. I hope I’m not inconveniencing you.”
“Holy smoke,” Helena said, staring at Edwards. “You’re an older replica of—”
“Aunt Helena, I’ll see you tonight,” Carissa said, cutting her off.
Helena turned with a questioning look.
“It’s okay.”
Liz also gave an apologetic look, then eased out of the room with Helena following close behind.
Carissa stood, not sure of what to say, then sat down again. He looked good, damn good. His domineering presence filled the room, while his striking resemblance to Nathan tore her apart.
“Please, don’t get up,” Travis said, moving toward her desk.
“I didn’t know you were out of the hospital.”
“Are you disappointed?”
“Of course not. But I have to admit I’m a little surprised to see you here.” She crossed her arms, unable to quell her guilt. The last thing she wanted to do was beg this man for forgiveness…again. “Don’t tell me you came all this way to finish me off?”
He held up his hand as a sign of surrender. “No need to get defensive. I guess someone should have called and informed my fiancée of my release.”
Embarrassment heated Carissa’s face. “I was afraid that you’d hear about that.”
“I heard a lot of things.”
“I was afraid of that, too,” she said despondently.
He shrugged. “Actually, I was touched.”
She met his gaze. “Mr. Edwards, I don’t know how to say this. But I’m terribly sorry about what happened. It was never my intention to wish you any harm, nor did I have some hidden agenda to destroy your company. You’ve got to believe that.”
“I know.”
“I wish there was something I could—”
She stopped. “What do you mean, you ‘know’?”
He sat in the vacant chair in front of her desk. “Let’s just say I had a very interesting talk with your vice president.”
“Ex-vice president,” she corrected, then asked, perplexed, “Colin told you of his involvement?”
“That and a whole lot more.” Travis folded his hands. “I know this may sound strange, but it’s starting to look like this hostile takeover was the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“You must be joking.”
He shook his head and smiled. “The truth is, Ms. Cartel, I came here to thank you.”
“Thank me? For what?”
“For giving me my son back. Nathan said that it was you who convinced him to stay and try to bury our past. I thought I’d never see this day. I have you to thank for it.”
Carissa stood and moved toward the window. “I’m happy you two will have a second chance to become a real father and son. I wish I’d been so lucky.” She swallowed the lump lodged in her throat. “But I am glad that you’re here. I need to talk to you about Edwards Electronics.” She straightened her shoulders, then turned to face him. “I decided to revert control back over to you.”
Surprise registered in his eyes. “You’re giving me back my company?”
“It’s not exactly a wise business move for me, but it’s definitely the right thing to do.”
He stared at her for a long time, then looked down at his braided fingers. “I’m not going to pretend that I understand you, Cartel.”
She shook her head and laughed sadly. “How could you? I don’t understand myself.” She drew in a deep breath. “But you can start by calling me Carissa.”
His smile broadened as he stood. “Very well, Carissa. Thank you, but no thank you.”
“What?”
“Well, I’ve thought about it and I think it’s time for me to slow down—take time out and smell the roses as they say. I’m going to enjoy some time with my son. We have a lot of years to make up.”
Tears stung the back of her eyes. “That sounds great. I’m happy for you.”
“Well, I better get going. Again, I want to thank you.”
“You’re welcome, I think.” She nodded, lowering her gaze, and she struggled on whether she should ask about Nathan. No, she decided. It was over. The sooner she accepted that, the better off she’d be.
“Could you tell him I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know what I did hurt him and I just want him to know how sorry I am.”
When she looked up, Travis smiled. “I tell you what—I’ll let you tell him.” He opened the door and Nathan entered.
Carissa’s heart squeezed at the sight of him. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think, and, God, he looked good. Dressed in black, he appeared more handsome than she remembered.
“I’m going to leave you two alone,” Travis said, then eased out of the office.
Nathan and Carissa stood facing each other. A strange and powerful electrical current streamed between them.
“So this is what the inside of your office looks like.” He glanced around, nodding.
She nodded. “I guess I deserved that.”
“I didn’t mean it the way it sounded,” he apologized.
Another awkward silence lapsed between them before he tried again. “So how have you been?”
“Miserable,” she answered honestly. “And you?”
“Pretty much the same.”
“Now that you’re here, I don’t know where to begin.” Her eyes moistened as her voice softened into a whisper. “There’s so much I have to tell you—things I need to explain.”
He crossed his arms and studied her. “Sounds like another all-nighter.”
Nervous, she shifted her weight under his scrutiny. “Please don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Stare at me like that.
It makes me feel like a convict on death row. This is hard enough.”
Nathan laughed.
Her eyes narrowed. “Do you find this funny?”
“Only because you’re trying to pick a fight with me in order to ease your guilt. Let’s face it, saying you’re sorry or apologizing has never been your best suit.”
“I did apologize, remember?”
“Good point. What can I say? I was hurt. But then I realized that it wasn’t your name that I fell in love with. It’s important that I know things about you. That way, I know that the person I fell in love with is real.”
Carissa’s eyes widened in surprise. “You love me?”
“How could I not?” He walked toward her. “I spent a lot of time going over in my head all the things that I know and love about you. Like, I love that you have a quick temper. And that at times you appear so childlike, then the next moment you’re this spitfire. I love your compassion, and I love the fact that you’re here right now.” He now stood just inches in front of her. “I’ve missed you, Risa.”
She neither knew how she remained standing nor whether she could trust her hearing. “What happened between you and Smokey?”
He drew in a deep breath. “We fought, we cried, and we’ve made up. Despite everything that has happened, I still love him. Nothing is going to change that. It’s going to take time for all the wounds to heal, but they will heal. I think it will be a while before he and Travis bury the hatchet. But you never know.”
“It would be nice if they did,” she conceded.
“After talking with Smokey, I understand more why you lied to me. To tell you the truth, I’m not so sure I wouldn’t have done the same thing myself.”
“No, you wouldn’t have, Honest Abe. Besides, you weren’t too forgiving at the hospital.”
“Okay, maybe not. But aren’t I allowed to make mistakes, too?” He pulled her into his arms. “I’ve missed you so much. Every time I turn around, I see your face and smell your perfume. I love you so much. I don’t want to live another day without you in my life.”
“Despite my name?”
“Carnes, Cartel—it doesn’t matter. But I’m actually leaning more toward Edwards. Carissa Edwards. I love the way that sounds.”
Love's Deception Page 16
