by Golden Angel
It felt weird to be the one knowledgeable about something kinky, but by the excited gleam in Diana’s eye and the slight flush of her cheeks, it was knowledge that she wanted as well too. Allison counted herself extremely lucky to have a friend like Diana, so sweet and loyal and honest, and interested in everything. Even if she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t judge Allison for anything that she did. And she wouldn’t go around gossiping about Allison’s proclivities either. Diana wasn’t one to do anything behind someone’s back.
“Cool,” Diana said as Allison turned to go. “I might have to try it someday. Or maybe try it out on someone else first.” The pretty Asian winked as Allison laughed out loud at the idea of Diana putting a butt plug in Chad. Then he really would have a stick up his ass! Or close enough.
“I don’t think I have anyone that would be willing to let me try that on them,” said Allison. Not that she wanted to really, she liked being the one out of control. Of course, if Todd had been around she might have mentioned it to him anyway. Just to get the reaction.
Dammit woman, get that man out of your head.
Roger probably wouldn’t react too well either. Thinking of him Allison felt her heart sink.
“Uh oh, what’s that look for?” Diana asked.
“I’m going to have Roger over this Saturday afternoon so I can break up with him.” She’d decided last night, definitively, that it wasn’t fair to keep him hanging on. Even if she wanted to have feelings for him it’s not like she could force them to appear, and it was right to keep both of them stuck in this limbo.
“Oh.” The soft brown of Diana’s eyes were sympathetic. “Do you want me to be around?”
“Probably not during the afternoon, if that’s okay with you, but can we get some girl time afterwards?”
“Absolutely,” said Diana, and she gave Allison a big hug. Allison squeezed her friend back, and then giggled as she realized that she was still holding the butt plug. Somehow holding a butt plug and hugging just didn’t seem to go together. Diana turned her head and saw the reason for Allison’s laughter, making her giggle as well. “Out and take your naughty toy with you.”
Both of them giggled as Allison headed back towards her bedroom, hearing the sounds of water running as Diana turned on the shower. Too bad Diana wasn’t a man. Then Allison could date her.
****
Saturday came all too quickly. Too scared to call him and talk to him on the phone, afraid that she might blurt out the reason she was inviting him over – and Allison didn’t want to be one of those girls who did an over the phone break up – Allison had texted Roger to see if he could come over that afternoon. Of course he’d said yes. Now she didn’t know what to do. Should she put out cheese and crackers and offer him a snack before dumping him?
Ugh. She felt so heartless. It had been so much easier when it was guys that she truly didn’t care about and that she could tell had only been dating her for the approved social connection, not because they really had any interest in her. None of them had been hurt when she’d started turning them down for dates. But she and Roger had been dating for months and it had started to turn into a real relationship. Just not one that she was truly invested in. She didn’t want to hurt him though, and it might sound egotistical to say that she knew she was going to, but it was true. Last week he’d told her that he loved her, this week she was breaking up with him.
Should she chicken out? Just keep up the charade?
No. That was worse. It would come out eventually that she wasn’t happy in the relationship and she couldn’t see that changing for herself. Holding onto something that she didn’t want would just make them both miserable. She should free Roger so he could find a girl that deserved him, that would make him happy and would allow him to make her happy.
Allison just couldn’t be that girl.
Her stomach twisted and she felt nauseous when the doorbell rang. Diana had vacated about half an hour ago, she would have stayed longer but Allison had shooed her out the door. After all, Diana had her own life to attend to. They’d go out tonight, have a couple of drinks, do some dancing and then come back to the apartment for a chick flick and some ice cream. It sounded like the perfect post-break up night, and Allison felt incredibly guilty that she’d been able to plan it in advance.
Opening the door just made her feel worse. Roger was standing there with the sweetest smile on his face, the kindest look in his green eyes, and a bouquet of mixed flowers that smelled wonderful. As he took in the expression on her face his smile faded and he started to look worried rather than happy. Allison felt like the biggest bitch, the worst person on the planet and she wished she could just run away. Maybe she should change her mind, if she made him happy that wasn’t the worst fate in the world, right?
“Allison what’s wrong?” Roger asked, setting the flowers down on the table next to the door where she and Diana kept their keys and loose change.
All it took was one look up at him, right back into his caring, generous eyes, and Allison burst into tears. Care was replaced with alarm as Roger pulled her into his arms, holding her close against his body and stroking the soft curls of her hair. Shit, she was shit.
“What’s wrong sweetie?”
Allison sobbed harder. God it was now or never and she needed him to stop being so nice to her or she’d never be able to get through this. Pulling away from him, she stared at the floor, relieved that he let her go far enough to distance herself from him.
“I’m s-s-s-ooorry, I can’t… I can’t do this,” she managed to say through shuddering gasps for air. The sobs wracked her body. She was pathetic. She needed to get a grip so that he didn’t feel like he had to pity her.
“Can’t do what?”
“This. Us. I’m sorry,” she said, gulping back the tears. For a brief moment she looked up into his concerned green eyes and then immediately tore her gaze away. That was a mistake. “I… we… I can’t be with you anymore.”
His hands fell away from her arms. Good, now he would hate her the way she deserved to be hated.
“Is it something that I did?”
Horrified, Allison shook her head frantically. Now she was the one reaching out to touch his arms, looking up into his face so that he could see her expression. Tears still leaked out of her eyes, but she was getting more control over herself as the urge to make sure he knew it wasn’t him that was the problem became overwhelming.
“No. No, no, no, no.” Her fingers clenched in his sleeves as she tried to get her sincerity across to him. Disbelief, worry, flickered across his face. “I want to want you. You’re perfect. So perfect in every way… it’s me. There’s something wrong with me, or something. There’s just… something missing for me and I can’t explain it and I’m not sure I really know what it is, but it’s not fair to keep you hanging around me when I can’t give you what you deserve.”
Finally the right words were coming out of her mouth, the ones that she’d thought about saying to him, hoping they would explain everything to him. It saddened her immeasurably to see his green eyes darken, the delicate skin around them redden slightly as he held back his own tears. But he wouldn’t cry in front of her. Gently he plucked her fingers from the sleeves of his shirt.
“It’s okay Allison.”
“It’s not – you have to know it’s not you. I swear.” Babbling she was babbling.
When Roger pulled her into his arms again she lost it, her sobs renewing. “Why do you have to be so perfect?” she wailed against his chest. A thin bubble of ironic laughter rippled through him.
“I could say the same to you,” he said gently as he released her.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she said again, wiping her tears from her face. Gulping air she tried to slow her breathing, to get herself back under control. The expression Roger’s face was full of regret and disappointment that she’d put there. But it reaffirmed her decision too; holding onto him longer than this would have just been so unfair. “I wish… I wanted it to
work. I really did.”
“So did I,” he said. And then he kissed her forehead and turned to go. He gave her one last sweet smile before shutting the door behind him.
Allison burst into tears again.
Fortunately it didn’t take Diana long to get home after Allison texted her. Telling her friend about Roger’s kindness, his understanding, made Allison cry all over again as Diana held her. Cocktails and dancing were put on the back burner. Fortunately they had some vodka and cranberry juice in the fridge for Allison to drink while they picked out chick flicks (definitely needed more than one now) and ordered Chinese food.
Talking to Diana helped a lot too. Allison couldn’t help her feelings and she’d done the right thing. Those were the two thoughts that she had to hang onto, that kept her from feeling like an incredibly wicked person. Although she still felt guilty for hanging onto Roger as long as she had. She should have broken up with him a while ago. But she’d wanted to try and make it work so badly.
Well she wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Chapter Five
The last couple of weeks before school started trickled by and then, to Allison’s relief, time sped up again. Her parents were unhappy with her for breaking up with Roger, but not entirely surprised either apparently. In fact, her mother made several caustic remarks during Labor Day weekend about Allison’s inability to hold down a stable relationship. Daddy didn’t say anything, but Allison could tell he was displeased, especially once school started and her schedule became much more demanding. For her part she was grateful for the new pace of her life; so much busier than the summer had been. Between work, classes and homework she didn’t have much time to visit with her parents, and she had plenty of excuses for turning down any dates that she was asked on.
A few of them came from Todd’s frat brothers, guys that she’d seen and had sex with at the gang bang that he’d arranged for her. Definitely not interested. The very sight of them just reminded her of Todd and the way he’d fulfilled her fantasies and opened her up to so many new experiences.
The entire fall semester was like living in a dream world on automatic. There were plenty of moments when she had fun. Diana had come along to a happy hour that Allison had gone to with Linda, Clara and Sally, and the five of them had started spending more time together. It was nice to have other women to be friends with. Allison had completely lost touch with her supposed “best friend” Chrissy. She’d stopped calling Chrissy, getting tired of listening to the girl’s long vents and realizing that Chrissy created a lot of drama for herself. Once she’d stopped calling her former best friend, she realized that Chrissy rarely called her anyway. Since Allison wasn’t instigating the phone calls, none ever happened.
Slowly Allison was coming to accept that Todd wasn’t going to come back and see her again. That he’d probably forgotten about her. But she found it impossible to forget about him. Maybe if she could find a guy that she was truly interested in dating, but Prince Charming never materialized. During family dinner her father informed her that Roger had been seen dating Veronica Adams, a snobby socialite that Allison didn’t particularly like, but she wished Roger well with her. She hoped that he was happy.
For the most part she didn’t miss having a boyfriend. She had her friends. She had her toys. And she had her fantasies.
And plenty to amuse her around the house too. Chad was staying over more often, which was nice because she’d found that she truly enjoyed his company and they’d become pretty good friends. He was over often enough that she didn’t think about Todd every time she saw him. Obviously she’d become accustomed to his presence; but things had taken an interesting turn with him and Diana. Apparently she’d talked him into letting her try putting a butt plug in him, and he’d liked it.
Drunken girl talk had eventually led Diana to admitting that she was trying out a lot of new stuff with Chad. Bondage. Domination and submission. But Diana was on top for it, a dynamic that fascinated Allison and, at the same time, did absolutely nothing for her sexually. Although seeing Chad’s waddle around the apartment after a night with Diana did occasionally cause Allison some amusement, she was also jealous of the blissfully happy look on his face after nights like that.
Still, the two of them weren’t serious. Allison had the suspicion that deep down Diana didn’t want to be the one in control, and it had just been happenstance that they’d found out that Chad didn’t either. While she seemed to enjoy Chad’s company and sex with Chad, it didn’t seem to deepen their relationship. Both of them were still dating other people.
So maybe no one was getting what they wanted.
It was during winter break that the package came, a few days before Christmas. There was a message written on the outside top of the box, in scrawling print.
********
Merry Christmas Princess.
Your Secret Admirer
*********
Todd. It had to be Todd. Allison’s hands shook as she opened the box, wondering what he could have possibly sent her. She almost laughed when she finally got it open and saw the sex toys sitting there, but her heart sank a little too. Of course, sex. Nothing to do with her personally. But it was still a present from him.
The first was obviously a vibrator, but it looked to be very high-tech, glossy silver and with an awful lot of buttons and dials on a box that was attached to it by a wire. Looking over the instructions she saw that it had 10 speeds of vibration, could twirl inside her, pulse, vibrate rapidly, and also had little pearls at the bottom that could travel along the outside of the vibrator. There was also a little hummingbird sticking out of the top of it for her clit... just looking at the very expensive instrument of pleasure made her body tingle with excitement.
There were also two suction cup looking things that had tubes connecting them and also a little squeeze ball type thing; on top of each of the suction cups there were little bullet looking vibrators attached to them. The box for these said that squeezing the ball while the suction cups were over her nipples would make a vacuum inside the cups, the suction could be pleasurable or painful depending on how many times you squeezed the ball. And yes, the little bullets were vibrators. Just handling the toy made her nipples hard with anticipation.
The last toy in the box was an anal probe, 8" long and 2" diameter it was covered with ridges, and was also a vibrator. All the batteries needed were also packed inside of the box.
At the very bottom of the box was a framed photo, wrapped in Christmas paper covered with penguins wearing little Santa hats. For a moment she debated waiting until Christmas to open it. Then she debated just throwing the entire box away. Curiosity won and she pulled the paper off of the frame. It had four photos in it, vertically going in a line from top to bottom, 4x6 black and whites. The middle two were obviously taken when she was sleeping, her curls scattered across the pillow, the softness of her lips and face curving with a satisfied looking smile. The other two were of her and Todd at the restaurant that he’d taken her to on their first and last “date.” In the one at the top he looked smug and she looked pissed, definitely from their first date. In the one on the bottom, the way they were looking at each other was filled with emotion. Caring. They looked like a real couple, one that was deeply…
Crap. Allison dropped the frame down and ran to get some tissues. Could she really keep this? Seeing the evidence of their emotions? Of the changes that had overcome her during their time together?
Why had he sent it? To remind her? Because he thought she was still seeing someone else and he was jealous? To torture her?
Her heart ached as she looked at the last picture again. Dammit. She couldn’t destroy it, but she couldn’t leave it out either, looking at it made her heart ache. Wrapping it back up in the paper Allison hid it in her closet. Returning to the box she ran her fingers over the sex toys.
He’d picked these out for her. With her in mind. Knowing that she’d play with herself and think of him. Sudden heat flushed through her body. The la
st reaction she’d expected. It was ridiculous what just the thought of him could do to her libido.
It was useless to admit that she wasn’t curious about the toys. Picking up the box, she took the whole thing into her bedroom and started putting the batteries into the toys, turning them on and watching them. Trust Todd to pick out toys that would push her boundaries. Other than the vibrator, would she have had the guts to buy any of these herself? And the high-tech hummingbird was much more expensive that the simple beaver that she’d gotten herself.
Maybe she should just try them out. Pulling her shirt over her head, her big breasts swayed gently as she placed each sucker over a nipple, holding them in place with one hand, and then used her other hand to squeeze the ball.
OOOOOOOOoooooooo... The sensation was indescribable. Her nipples felt like they were firmly pinched, being crushed a little between someone's fingers, but at the same time it was much more firm and encompassed the entire nipple, even pressure all the way around. Squeezing the ball again her head fell back as little jolts of pain spiked her breasts, sending aroused tingles all the way down to her pussy. Oh this was good. Even better than the clamps. Squeezing the ball again she moaned, and looked down to see her little nibs sticking very far out into the suckers, along with the pink flesh of her areola. They looked a little disfigured. Turning on the vibrator on each of the suckers she shuddered as the pleasure ran through her. This was almost as good as if Todd was here himself. The fact that these were presents from him did turn her on even more, she had to admit. Even if she didn’t understand why he’d sent her anything at all.
Pulling off her pajama pants and thong she climbed onto her bed on all fours. Her breasts hung down beneath her, nipples vibrating and tingling with pain. Sliding the probe into her pussy she got it wet with her juices and even pumped it in and out of her a few times, liking its thickness and the ripples on it. Bringing it up a bit further she bent over a little more as she began to press it into her ass, wondering what those ribs would feel like in her tighter hole. They rasped over her sensitive nerves, making her shudder and whimper as she pressed it in. She had to work it in slowly as her body kept clenching around it, slowing her progress. The thick length stretched her so wonderfully. Had Todd thought about her doing this when he’d picked it out? Had he known the way the strange ridges would make her feel, how they would make her body pulse?
