by V. E. Lemp
“It seems I’m to escort you home.” Karen turned. Alex was standing so close her elbow almost caught him in the ribs. “Come along. My car’s at the edge of the lot. We should be all right. Our friend,” he added, with a jerk of the head, “is keeping the security forces at bay.”
The Oneiroi’s avatar was standing at the top of the hill. Karen bent her head. “Thank you,” she thought, not at all certain he could understand her.
“You are welcome, Karen Foster Hallam.”
Alex shot her a sharp glance. “You can talk to them telepathically now?” He guided her through a wooded landscape to the front of the building.
“Sometimes,” Karen said. “Though we don’t meet often, outside of my dreams.”
“But I think they are watching you more than you know.”
“Yes, I’ve come to accept that reality, strange as it seems.” The landscape in front of Karen was sparkling, as if swarmed by fireflies. She stumbled and grabbed for Alex’s arm.
“Don’t pass out on me.” Alex put his arm around her as he led her to his car. “My poor darling. First the episode with Jasper and now this. I’d love to punish Ian properly, but we’ve no time for such pleasantries.” He opened the passenger-side door and waited for her to climb in. “But, trust me, I plan to make him pay, sooner or later.” He slammed the door shut.
Karen waited until Alex pulled the car out the parking lot before speaking again. “Mark said to tell you to be on alert.”
“I had thought of that.” Alex drove in silence for some time before her glanced over at her again. “You shouldn’t have gone back. You could be the one bleeding out.”
“I wasn’t thinking of myself.” Karen sank back into the seat cushions. The adrenaline that had kept her on her feet had drained away, and her body was trembling with exhaustion.
“I know. You were worried about your husband. But I bet Mark would rather you be safe than by his side in such a situation.”
“Oh, absolutely. He’s almost as angry with me as you are.”
“I doubt it. He has much more tolerance for your foolhardiness than I do.”
“Don’t lecture me.” Karen pressed her hand to her forehead and frowned. She had another fever.
“Someone needs to.”
She stared at his profile, cleanly etched against the darkness. “You need a hobby.”
“Apparently I already have one,” he said, without taking his eyes off the road. “It seems to be saving you from your wilder impulses.”
“Oh, really? I thought you liked my wilder impulses.” She looked away, immediately sorry those words had left her mouth.
“That,” Alex said, “is horribly cruel, Karen.”
“I know. I am sorry. It’s been such a long and difficult day. And month, for that matter. Forgive me?”
“I’ll think about it.” Alex was silent for the rest of the drive.
TWENTY
They reached Mark and Karen’s home in the middle of the night. Alex escorted her to the porch and stood beside her as she unlocked the front door. “I’d better come in and make sure no one else is around,” he said.
“Oh, I don’t think that’s necessary.”
“I do. And I’m sure Mark would agree with me. He did place you in my care.”
She had no choice but to follow Alex into the house.
“Now lock the door, Karen, and wait here for a moment.” Alex strode off, turning on lights all over the house as he glanced into every room.
When he came back, he looked her up and down. “You’re a mess. Get a shower and a change of clothes.”
Karen casually pressed her hand against a tall buffet table to steady her trembling legs. “You aren’t leaving?”
“Not until Mark gets home. Not to worry, my sweet. I’m too tired to seduce you tonight.”
Karen blushed. “I wasn’t thinking that. After what you told Vance…”
“Yes, well, that’s the man I want to be. I still have to battle my less admirable feelings every day. That’s why”—he fixed her with a fierce gaze—“I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t tease me about such things.”
Karen ducked her head. “I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in the future.”
Alex’s expression softened. “It’s okay. I know you didn’t mean any harm. Now, I’m going to try to wash up as well. From my observations earlier, I assume the guest bath is in the hall?”
Karen nodded. She walked to her bedroom, sliding one hand along the wall. “Let me get you something else to put on. I’m sure Mark won’t mind if you borrow one of his shirts. Yours is covered in blood.” She grabbed the first thing she could find and walked back to the living room to offer the faded Steely Dan tour t-shirt.
Alex took it from her hands. “Are you all right?”
“No, not really. Myron could die, couldn’t he?”
“I’m afraid so. But it won’t help him if you don’t take care of yourself. Now, go clean up. You’re bound to feel better.”
“I suppose.” Karen headed for her bedroom, taking carefully measured steps.
After a shower she changed into a pair of pajama bottoms and a loose t-shirt. She had to cinch the pants with a tighter knot. Everything she owned was too large for her now. She took her blood-spattered clothes and shoved them into a trash can. By the time she returned to the living room Alex was slumped on the sofa.
“Alex?” She spoke softly, thinking he might be asleep.
“I’m awake,” he said. “Just resting.”
Crossing to one of the armchairs near the fireplace, she smiled briefly when she noticed Kate curled up next to him, pressed against his left arm.
“Please sit next to me,” Alex said. “I promise to behave. I just need a little physical contact right now.”
“The cat isn’t quite enough?” Karen got up and resettled next to him.
Alex gently stroked Kate with his left hand. “Very nice but not exactly the same.” He stretched his other arm across the back of the sofa behind Karen’s head. “I was desperately worried when you dashed off.”
“I didn’t mean to alarm you.” Karen crossed her ankles and pressed her knees together to disguise the trembling in her legs. “Sometimes I have to follow my own instincts. You aren’t required to act as my guardian angel all the time.”
“Depends on who you ask.” He leaned against the sofa cushions. “I did get you into this whole mess, remember? You might’ve been better off never running into me.”
“Better off? Better never to have known you? Or never to learn the truth about so many things? Or to have never met Mark? I don’t think I’d really have been better off, all things considered.”
Alex looked over at her, and Karen noticed the fine web of lines around his eyes and mouth. But the beauty of his aquamarine eyes remained undimmed. “I have contemplated that quite often over the years. Whether it would’ve been better if I’d never convinced you to apply for the Morpheus Project job.”
“Oh, did you convince me?” Karen fought to keep her tone light.
He smiled. “Didn’t I? I thought I seduced you into it, or is that only my ego talking?”
“No, you did,” she conceded. “I wouldn’t have applied for the job if I hadn’t met you. But”—she laid her fingers gently on his knee—“I’ve never regretted it. I hope you know that.”
“Actually, it’s a relief to hear you say so. I’d hoped it was true but was never entirely sure.” Alex covered her hand with his fingers and looked across the room, his attention caught by something on the opposite wall. “That’s one of your paintings, isn’t it?
“Yes.” Karen decided not to mention it had been her first gift to Mark.
“Another reason the Oneiroi are fascinated by you. I don’t suppose they’ve talked to you about your art.”
“Actually, they have. At least in my dreams. They apparently have no art of their own.”
Alex glanced down at her. “Right. They don’t create art, although they do appreciate it. Rath
er like me,” he said, with a rueful smile. “They’ve nothing like that—music, theatre, literature, or any other art form. They admire our human creativity. Probably why they haven’t wiped us out by now.”
“Would they? Wipe us out, I mean?”
“No, I was exaggerating. They find us useful, I suppose, if only for their study and observation.”
“What are they, really? Can you tell me?” Karen laid her head back against his arm.
He sighed. “It’s difficult to explain. Not sure I have words to describe my experience of them. I didn’t see them, except through a virtual reality interface. I’ve had no more direct experience with the Oneiroi than you’ve had through dreams.”
“Did you like them at all, or is that a silly question?”
“Not silly, but I’m not sure like comes into it. I admire them, of course, for their knowledge. They have the capacity to understand the universe in a way I can only glimpse hazily and for a limited amount of time. How all things are built from the same essential matter. How everything, every being, is connected on levels of reality humans are only beginning to comprehend. But”—Alex shook his head—“they stumble over little things. Like touch.” He stroked her shoulder blade. “They don’t understand the power of touch at all.”
“They admire you, I think. Alice always speaks of you as if she cares, at least a little.”
“Alice is unique. She possesses unusual perception for one of the Oneiroi, as far as humans are concerned.”
“She said there were others like her. Others of her same mind.”
“Yes, a few.” Alex gently drew Karen a little closer to his side. “It’s difficult, you know, to explain things we have no words for, in any of our languages.”
“I know.” Karen considered the years Alex had spent alone, with only a few avatars of the Oneiroi for company, and did not pull away from him. “What do they think of us, anyway?”
“What do you think of your cat? Or some wild creature our scientists might wish to capture, tag, and monitor? Some affection, perhaps, in the case of our pets, or just curiosity in the case of wild things. Our interest in animals, what’s that for? Perhaps just a furthering of our scientific knowledge or a desire to learn enough to preserve a species. Or simply a need to master our environment and exploit all of its resources. We’re not so very different, in this matter at any rate.” Alex’s eyes narrowed. “The Oneiroi are not morally superior to humans. It would be a great mistake to think so.”
“Do you regret it?” Karen asked softly.
“Going to them?” He shifted his position slightly, until Karen found herself leaning against his chest.
“No. That you came home.”
“Not at all. I was weary of being alone. I didn’t realize how much until I saw you again.”
“But you’re still alone. I wish you weren’t. You really should try to make an effort to find someone for yourself.”
He glanced down at her with a smile. “For myself? I thought you didn’t believe in owning another person.”
Karen gave his knee a gentle slap. “You know what I mean.”
He looked away. “I’m fine. I’ve learned to compartmentalize my life quite effectively. In the last few months I’ve even discovered some very pleasant companions who are as disinterested in commitments as I am.”
“I see.” Karen was ashamed to feel a twinge of jealousy. “But that’s not love.”
“No, it isn’t. But I do have love, you know. Maybe not returned in quite the desired manner, but I’ve learned to make do. Mostly.” Alex brushed her hair away from her face, then frowned and pressed his palm lightly against her forehead. “You’re very warm. Are you ill?”
“I’m fine.” Karen turned her head until he was forced to drop his hand.
“Are you?”
There was a different tone to his voice. One Karen knew well. She shifted and slid out of his arms. “Yes, of course. Maybe I picked up a virus trapped in that holding tank with all those random people.”
Alex sat up, disturbing Kate, who jumped off the sofa and stalked away. “Don’t lie to me.”
She met his intent gaze without flinching. “What makes you think I’m lying?”
“I don’t think you are. I know you are. I should have put two and two together before this. Jasper noticed, back at the cabin, how thin you are. Not to mention you look paler every time I see you. And those bruises… But I guess I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to admit the truth. There is something wrong, isn’t there?”
Alex’s expression was one Karen had rarely seen on his face. Fear—an expression that only seemed to appear when her life was in danger. Karen took a deep breath. “Yes. The doctors discovered it when they checked me out after I was injured at Jasper’s cabin. They ran some routine blood tests. Then they called me back and ran more tests. A lot more tests. They told me recently. Just before I was abducted.” Karen took hold of his hands. “I have leukemia.”
Alex’s fingers grasped Karen’s hands so tight her eyes watered. “It’s treatable, though?”
“Yes. It isn’t a death sentence.” She flexed her fingers, and Alex loosened his grip.
“But there are different kinds of leukemia. Have they told you a five-year survival rate on your particular type?”
Karen refused to drop her eyes. “Forty percent.”
Alex’s face went blank as a mask. “No.”
“I’m afraid so. But I’m not focusing on the odds. I’m determined to beat this, whatever it takes. I really don’t want to check out quite so soon.” Karen attempted a laugh, but it emerged as a strangled squeak.
Alex released her hands and stroked the side of her face. “So, what’s the plan? Chemo, radiation, or what?”
“Both, I think. I was supposed to meet with the doctors this week, but Vance’s abduction messed that up. I’ll have to call tomorrow to make new appointments.”
“One more reason to punish Ian.” Alex studied her face. “How are you feeling, really?”
“Terrified.” Karen cursed the quaver in her voice. She didn’t want to give in to her emotions, not in front of Alex. “But Mark has been wonderful. Though …” She frowned. “I’m afraid he may be refusing to accept the truth. He won’t talk about what happens if the treatments don’t work.”
“They will work.” Alex sat back. “They have to.”
Karen sighed and patted his knee. “They don’t have to. You know that. There are no guarantees. Who knows?” she said, with a faint smile. “I may soon travel to a much farther frontier than you ever did.”
“Oh, God.” Alex pressed his forehead against the back of the sofa, hiding his face. His breathing was ragged.
Karen laid her hand on his back. “Please don’t. I need your strength.”
“My strength?” Alex lifted his head. “I’m weak as a kitten.” He turned to her with tears in his eyes. “I feel this is my punishment for what I did to you, to my family. I always assumed I’d have to pay, one day. But I thought I could handle it, whatever it was. That I had the will to suffer without complaint. But no, that wasn’t good enough. Fate had to dish out the one punishment I can’t bear. The one thing,” he said, his voice breaking, “that can utterly destroy me.”
“Somehow,” Karen said softly, “I don’t think this has anything to do with fate. These things just happen. No one knows why. I don’t believe you’re being punished, any more than I am.”
Alex took her into his arms and clutched her to him, as tightly as if he could merge his body with hers. “Whatever the reason,” he said, burying his face in her shoulder, “it’s more than I can bear.”
Karen stroked his back. Although he made no sound, his body shook with sobs. “You must bear it, my dear. As I do. And you must keep it to yourself. I don’t want everyone to be told, not yet. Mark knows, of course, and Ariel intuited the truth. But no one else, not even my parents, not even Thea. I want to understand the treatment options first, before I talk to my other family and friends.”
Alex sat back, staring into her eyes. “I won’t allow you to die. I won’t live in a world without you.”
“I don’t plan to die.” She brushed the dampness from his face with her fingers. “But if the worst were to happen, you must promise me you wouldn’t do anything foolish. The world needs you. According to Alice, even the Oneiroi need you. You and Mark and all of our friends. I’d hate to think our cause would fail because of me.”
Alex caught her fingers and entwined them with his own. “I promise nothing except to find a way to save you.”
“I’m afraid that’s out of your hands.” Karen watched his expression change from despair to something else. “What are you thinking? I’ve seen that look before. Don’t waste your energy chasing impossibilities. We have other needs for your talents.”
Alex shook his head. “You let me worry about what I can or can’t do. Now, it’s time for bed, kiddo. You’re beyond exhausted.” He rose to his feet and held out his hands. “Come, let’s get you to your room.”
“I can manage,” Karen said, although she wasn’t certain this was true. “But I appreciate the help.” She gripped one of his hands. “I suppose I should try to get some sleep, though I’m not sure how easy that will be.”
Alex gently pulled her to her feet. He put his arm around her shoulders and guided her to the bedroom. “Do you need anything else?” he asked as she climbed into bed.
“No, I’m fine.”
Alex raised his eyebrows and tightened his lips into a thin line.
“Oh, don’t make that face at me. I really am fine.” She pulled the covers to her chin and surveyed his face. “Speaking of exhausted, you need sleep too. You’re welcome to the bed in the guest room.”
“I think I’ll take the sofa.” Alex sat on the edge of her bed. “I may drift off, but if anyone other than Mark tries to enter the house I’ll be aware of it.”
“Good to know,” Karen said. He was staring at her with an expression she remembered all too well. “Good night, then. And thanks again for everything you did for us today. I’m sure Mark and Myron and the others are equally grateful.”
“I would have gone in by myself if necessary. You know that.”
