by Sammie Ward
* * *
Trinity turned on the amplifier and CD player. Within seconds, her living room was flooded with the sound of Boney James and his sax. She went to the bathroom and ran steaming water for a bubble bath. She grabbed a bottle of bubble bath and candles from the cabinet under the sink. She added a cup of liquid bath to the water, and then placed candles around the tub. After lighting them, she went to the kitchen got a bottle of champagne and her best crystal flute.
After settling into the welcoming warmth of the tub, surrounded by scented bubbles, she took a sip of champagne, and then leaned back. The tangy champagne, the mellow jazz, and soothing bath slowed the emotional roller coaster racing through her mind.
The doorbell buzzed, interrupting her moment. “Go away,” she muttered, taking another sip of champagne. She just wanted to be alone; she definitely wasn’t in the mood to socialize. But the visitor was persistent.
Reluctantly, Trinity exited the bathtub. She dried herself, then wrapped herself in a blue terry robe and blew out the candles.
“Who is it?” She called out, heading to the door. No response. The doorbell rang again. “All right. I’m coming.” She opened the door and came face-to-face with her ex-boyfriend, Darius Childress.
“Darius!” The shock left her breathless.
She hadn’t seen or heard from him in a year. She could have kicked herself for not glancing through the peephole. Darius was the last person she expected to see. “What are you doing here?”
A wide grin spread across his face. “I moved back to town from Chicago. I thought I’d stop by and see you.”
“I don’t think so.” Trinity’s voice dripped disdain. She tried to close the door in his face, but he was too quick, sticking his foot in the door.
“Come on, Trinity. I just want to talk.”
“Move your foot or lose it, Darius,” Trinity snapped. She continued to push the door shut but Darius, at a muscular five feet, eleven inches, was stronger. He opened the door wider.
She took a step back. It wasn’t that she was physically afraid of him; she just wanted no part of him since their relationship ended. Seeing Darius made her heart leap. Though it had been a year since they had last seen each other, it seemed like it was just yesterday.
“We have nothing to talk about,” she said, backing up another step. “If you don’t leave, I’m going to call the police.”
Darius closed the door and stopped in front of her. “You know I would never harm you.” He gently touched her chin.
“You did hurt me.” Looking at him, a renewed awareness coursed through her. Darius was more handsome than she remembered. The last time she saw him, he sported facial hair. He was now clean-shaven, making him look younger. He must have spent a lot of time in the gym, because the short-sleeved dress shirt and slacks clung tightly to his now-muscular physique. Her eyes couldn’t help but travel up and down his body. Her memory reminded her of the gorgeous body Darius had already possessed.
She inhaled deeply. She remembered his body being so taut, so firm, and so tight. Not an ounce of flab. Now his physique was improved. She swallowed a soft moan as she remembered his strong sexual prowess.
Trinity was beyond that stage in her life. As far as she was concerned, Darius was a part of her past.
He opened his arms wide. “That’s why I’m here. I want to apologize.”
Trinity raised a hand, halting his words. She shook her head in defense. “Save it, Darius.”
Darius closed the small gap between them. “I can’t.”
She turned her back to him. Her eyes misted.
Darius turned her back around to face him. He tilted her chin up to look at him. “Can we talk?”
She had loved this man, deeply, with all her heart and soul. When the relationship was over, her heart shattered into a million pieces. With both hands on her hips, she confronted him. “Now you want to talk?”
“I want to do more than talk.”
Trinity stared at him speechlessly.
Darius must have realized how he sounded because he quickly explained. “I want to talk about you and me. Us getting back together.”
Trinity looked away. It was the same old line he’d used before to string her along. She wasn’t going for that again.
“Darius, we’ve been through this. We have different views on what direction the relationship should go.”
“That’s what I want to discuss, Trinity. Taking the relationship in the right direction.”
Trinity frowned, not sure what Darius meant.
“I want to marry you, Trinity. If you will still have me.”
* * *
Tamara leaned across the table. “Garrett, say something.”
“I don’t know what to say.” Garrett felt like the air had been kicked out of him. The drink did nothing to calm him. “I mean, you really dropped a bombshell. How? When?”
“I thought I was gay in high school. But I wasn’t sure.”
“Now you’re sure?”
“Yes.”
Garrett interlocked his fingers, placing them under his chin. “Lord, I don’t believe this.” The hostess appeared to take their dinner order. “Would you give us a few minutes?” he said to the hostess with a charming smile. Once she left, his smile disappeared as he refocused on Tamara. “How can you be gay?” he asked in a low voice, for their ears only. “You’re married, and you have a son.”
“Come on, Garrett, wake up. Both of our parents preach against homosexuality. They’re not supposed to have a gay daughter. I’ve fought against my feelings for years, but I’ve come to realize that this is who I am. This is me.”
“So you’re just giving up? No fight?”
“Garrett, I need your support.” She said, near tears. “This is so hard.”
“It ought to be. It’s bad enough you’re having an affair.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Now you’re telling me it’s with a woman. Why didn’t you tell me everything the other day?”
“I wanted to. I just couldn’t.”
Garrett leaned back in his chair again. He didn’t approve of the lifestyle. Now his sister, someone he loved dearly, was sitting across from him and confessing to that lifestyle. “You didn’t tell me because it’s wrong. It’s not natural.”
“It’s not natural for whom? You? Mom? Dad?”
“It’s not natural before God,” Garrett answered defensively.
“Garrett, I’m happy for the first time in my life.”
“With another woman?” Garrett shot back.
“Yes. With another woman. Nina makes me feel—”
Garrett threw a hand up. “Please don’t. I don’t want to hear about it.”
“I know you don’t understand,” Tamara said, obviously hurt.
“You’re right. I don’t. I understand you need Jesus.”
“Garrett, please don’t preach to me. Not now.” A tight grin appeared at the corner of her mouth. “Now you understand why I haven’t said anything.”
“You can’t keep something like this in the dark forever.” He picked up the menu. “What about your husband? Your son? Right now your husband is at our house, torn up over you leaving him. I can’t imagine how he’s going to react when he finds out it was for another woman.”
“Would it have been better if it was for another man?”
Garrett peeped over the menu. “I can’t believe you asked that question. And no, it wouldn’t have been better.”
“I know it’s going to be difficult for everyone. Hell, it’s difficult for me. But I can’t continue living a lie. I want to come clean about who I am.” Her eyes were pleading for understanding. “Taj is going to be fine.”
“How can he be, raised in that environment?”
“It’s better than the environment he was in.”
Garrett looked off.
“I’m only living with Nina until my apartment is ready. We won’t be living together.”
“Glad to hear it,” Garrett said. “Taj is going throug
h enough.” He motioned for the waitress, ready to order dinner.
“I don’t even know if Nina is the one for me,” Tamara continued when it was safe to talk again.
“Are you sure you’re not just curious? You’re not just going through a phase in your life? I’ve heard women say they wanted to know what it was like to be with another woman. Maybe you’re bisexual.” He shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“It’s more than curiosity, Garrett. I love Nina. She loves me.”
Garrett didn’t respond.
“I know it’s not what you want to hear, but it’s true.” She gave a tight smile. “It’s like you say. She likes my rhythm,” Tamara joked, using his earlier words.
Garrett wasn’t laughing. “That’s not funny,” he said with no expression on his face.
“We have always been able to talk about anything and everything. I need for you to be in my corner.”
Garrett took a deep sigh. “Be in your corner. That’s like saying I approve.”
She reached out and closed a hand over his. “I want you to understand. You are more open-minded than Mom and Dad.”
Garrett tilted his head to one side, trying to follow where she was going.
“You know what’s it’s like to fight for your own identity against them. You did it when you chose to sing secular music. Look what happened: you’re successful.”
“A singing career and coming out of the closet aren’t the same.”
“Same principle.”
Garrett shook his head. What she was hoping for was wishful thinking. Their parents would never approve of her new lifestyle.
She leaned across the table. “Don’t say anything,” she pleaded.
“No need to worry about that.”
An hour later, Garrett felt like he was walking in a fog as he made his way to the parking lot. Finding his vehicle, he settled behind the wheel. He leaned his head against the headrest. He still couldn’t believe it. Tamara left her husband for a woman.
“Lord, give us strength,” he said into the night.
* * *
“Marry you?” Trinity repeated. “I haven’t seen you in a year. You show up on my doorstep and propose,” she snapped her finger, “just like that, and I’m supposed to say yes?”
Darius’s face was downcast. “I know I’m putting you on the spot,” he replied. “I know I have to earn your trust again, prove to you that I’m serious this time.”
She gave him a hostile stare. “What makes you think I’m going to give you another chance?”
A look of sadness passed over his face. He stared at her intensely. “Do you still love me?” His gaze traveled over her face and searched her eyes for the answer to the question.
She swallowed the lump in her throat, struggling to fight off the prospect of them being together again. “That’s not fair, Darius.”
“I still love you. I was wrong about us. I’m not ashamed to say it,” he admitted.
“You should be,” she snapped. She stomped off, plopping down on the sofa. She folded her legs underneath her.
“I tried to forget you,” Darius said, sitting down next to her. “I can’t. You’re my life, Trinity.”
Trinity didn’t dare look at Darius. He was always smooth with words. Always knew the right words to say at the right time. She didn’t like the fact that his presence was bringing back memories she wanted to forget.
He leaned forward, staring at her. “You haven’t answered my question. Do you still love me?”
Trinity opened her mouth to speak. Darius pointed at her. “Before you answer, remember I know you very well.” He flashed a seductive smile. “I know when you are lying.”
The man still had the power to send delicious shudders through her body, reminding her of the passionate nights they shared. Afterward, they would snuggle and talk about their plans for a future together.
“I care about you, Darius,” she lied. “I always will.” The truth was when she saw him standing there, she wanted to throw her arms around him and tell him how much she missed him.
Darius rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. “You care about me?”
“Yes, I care about you. But that’s not the issue.”
“Then what is the issue?”
“Why are you suddenly the marrying kind?”
“It’s not all of a sudden. I’ve been thinking about it a while,” he assured her. “When I moved to Chicago, I wanted to come back to ask you to move with me, but I didn’t think you would come with me because of the way things ended with us.”
Trinity nervously grabbed her robe top. She’d almost forgotten she was in her bathrobe. “Now you think I will?”
“Trinity?”
“I can’t deal with this right now.” First it was Garrett, now Darius. She didn’t know what she did to deserve so much attention, but she wished it would go away.
“No pressure, Trinity. We will talk about it some other time. I’ll let you think about it.”
Trinity walked Darius to the door.
“I’m staying at my brother Roger’s house. Maybe we can go out to dinner or something and discuss this some more.”
“Darius—” Trinity started to speak, and then stopped. There was no way she would allow Darius, or any man, to have emotional control over her. She’d work to hard to have her independence.
“I don’t mean to push. I just missed you.”
“I’m sorry, Darius, it’s just not a good idea,” she said as they stood in the doorway. She just wanted him to leave.
“This isn’t over, Trinity,” Darius said softly. “I’m back in town, so you may as well get used to seeing me.”
Out of the blue, he lowered his head and placed a soft kiss on her lips. His mouth curved into a warm smile. “See you around.” Without giving her time to respond, he turned on his heels and walked down the sidewalk.
* * *
Garrett found himself parked across the street from Trinity’s house. He knew he shouldn’t be here, but he needed someone to talk to. Though they were not on the best of terms, he considered her a good friend. Trinity was a good listener.
As the car door opened, he froze in mid-motion. He blinked, making sure his eyes were not deceiving him. Trinity and a man were standing in her doorway. Adjusting his vision, he remembered that Trinity introduced him as her fiancé, Darius. Were they together again? He watched Darius give her a hug and kiss her softly on the lips. Garrett couldn’t help but feel a stab of jealousy. Trinity should be in his arms. He took a deep breath. A heaviness settled in his chest. He got back behind the wheel and drove off.
Thirty minutes later, he turned off the car engine in front of Morse Lake. He always came here when he needed to clear his head. He always believed God’s presence was here, though he knew God was everywhere.
He got out of the vehicle and leaned against the hood of the car. Folding his arms across his chest, he crossed his legs at the ankle. He looked up at the twinkling stars as if searching for answers. Some vacation. He thought he was coming home to fun and relaxation. Between Imani’s pressure to be in a relationship, his sister leaving her husband for a woman, and Trinity’s rejection, it had been anything but that. She appeared to have moved on with her life. He’d have to do the same. The ringing of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts. Imani’s name and number appeared. It was her third call tonight. He ignored it again. At the moment, he didn’t feel up to talking to anyone.
Chapter 9
Imani redialed Garrett’s cell number and waited for him to answer. No response. She left another message, her third. It was unlike him not to return her calls. She wanted him to know that she’d arrived in Washington, D.C., and was staying at the Hotel Washington.
She received his message stating he needed to talk to her, and then saw the tabloid photo of him and another woman kissing. She wanted to discuss the matter with him in person, not over the telephone. She wasn’t worried about Garrett’s actions. She trusted him. He’d never given her any reason to be
lieve that he’d ever been unfaithful. Though the photo looked bad, she was sure there was an explanation. Women like her came with the territory. They were a dime a dozen.
Imani fell hard for Garrett after meeting him backstage at one of his concerts. At first she tried to tell herself that it wasn’t anything more than just infatuation. After all, she was feeling what many other women felt. The same night, Garrett asked her out. That was the beginning of their relationship. The more time she spent with him, the more she realized it was more than infatuation. It was love. Garrett made it clear that he cared about her, but he wasn’t sure about a commitment. However, she was sure that, with time, she could change his mind.
Good men like Garrett didn’t come along every day. He was raised in a good, Christian family, a family with good morals and values. He treated her like a lady. With him she felt safe and protected. She wanted to hold on to that. She loved the fact that he wasn’t insecure. He was confident with himself and not threatened by her accomplishment.
Driven by success, Imani had worked her way from a broken home in Lawton, Oklahoma, to a top runway model.
It was her looks that made Imani a household name; she knew it, and wasn’t going to apologize for it. Her mother taught her that you have to use what you have to get what you want out of this world. No one was going to give you anything.
After being in the modeling business for ten years, she knew her face would be replaced by fresh, youthful ladies coming into the business; therefore, she was preparing herself for life after modeling. Her cosmetic lines were lucrative. An Imani fragrance would soon be on the shelves. She was even hoping to launch a serious movie career. She enjoyed acting, and had managed to land small roles in movies, television sitcoms, and music videos.
She had even managed to avoid the negative trappings of fame that robbed her mother of her career.
Lele Washington was an up-and-coming model when alcohol, drug abuse, and an affair with a married man took its toll. She suffered a nervous breakdown and floated in and out of a psychiatrist’s care for years.
