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I shake my head when he offered me half and said: - I still do not eat apples? Really? ‘And he knows that, remember a year ago when, for a time, we face an apple a day in our middle school lunch, and I always gave mine or throwing them away. He cares, I know, and this makes my inner hum, beaming with happiness for something that is much more than desire, which, I admit, I also feel. We eat our sandwiches under the moonlight that filters in the kitchen, a simple peanut butter for me and one with apple and peanut butter for him, and then we kiss again, kissing how anyone in the world has Indeed, it never will do, because I do not think anyone knows the sweetness, virtue, to see Ryan put the dish in the sink, turning to me. From the way his slow smile she looks as if there where it should be, where you want to be. Of impatience waiting for her mouth with mine is and how we both stopped, pushing our mouths to breathe, fire to hold and then burning to ashes as he ends and I begin, and this is a problem because I do not care. I just want this to last forever. Finally we fall asleep when the sun starts to rise, his hand stroking my hair as pink across the sky and the stars fade. “I love you whispered as my eyes flutter closed and when opened, happy, very happy, I see him with a beaming smile. “I did not say this so soon, so I waited until you were asleep,” he says, smiling, and we both laughed, bathed in the dim light of sunrise. I sit up and touch their shoulder, feeling his skin under my hands and I see him watching, her hands touching my skin with soft, warm strokes, small circles up and down by my side making me arch toward him. “I love you” I say, and the words float out of me as if they had wings, rising in the air, and then when he bends over me, and says, “We have time-with a small question in voice, but not worried about asking, I nod.
I say: “A long time and not sleep now, not in my blood vibrating within me, and that’s the best part. We have time. That we will. We have it.
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But of course I fall asleep. I wake, I see the clock strikes ten and look at him, her dark hair falling across his forehead, the brightness of the sunlight on your skin, and I remember playing it. I move closer, pressing my skin against his, with the only thought to touch him again, causing me to touch, and he opens his eyes slowly, blinking. “Sleepy” I say, I worry, for a moment, my breath, close my body and my hair without brushing, and then it wiped away by your smile, by the way Sarah whispers, ? and looks at me as if I was the sun and stars. As if I would be all. Asked by their parents because just remember mine and her eyes widened. He sits up, looking for my phone, and calls. I listen as he says he’s fine, he feels not having called, as his hand gently squeezed mine. I can hear the voice of his father, raised, on the other side of the line, but I can not understand the words. “I really am not calling, OK? I did not want to wake you and mom. But I’m alive. And yes, I’m with a friend, “she smiles aside, and hold my breath. Oh, no … Well, well. I will. He sighs, hanging up the phone and says, “Punished. I have to make lunch every day. - You can cook? “I saw last night,” he says, and smile and he smiles back and then we slid together, his mouth on my neck, pushed him closer, whispering your name, and this is better than the best, is beyond that, more than anything. And then my door opens. Ryan and I move at a time, covering them with blankets, the blanket, pulling them around us as we joined, and what I tell my parents? They are understandable but it is not. How I can go from not even talking about any guy to have one at home in my room on my bed? - What the hell is happening? They are my parents. Is Brianna.
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TRANSLATED BY: Cowdiem CORRECTED BY: Sera
ue shit? He says again, his voice angry and Ryan’s hand reaches under my blankets, he says.
Brianna sees him and his eyes close, becoming colder every second. She looks after me, and then go into my room, slamming the door behind her, the bright sun did not feel so perfect now, nothing feels perfect now, I see the shock and anger on his face, I see the damage and say, “Brianna …
- Q
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She slaps me. “You … bitch,” he says, and I’m not sure it hurts more, your hand or hatred in his voice, raw venom that I have only heard directed at others and not me, never me. “I turn for two seconds and decide to fuck my boyfriend? -Brianna, no, we do not … - Do not you? Says, then laughs, but it’s a hollow sound, a sound of mockery. Of course not. Only you, Sarah, you could bring back a guy here with you and then have nothing happen. You’re so innocent, so stupid … “Hey,” says Ryan, his voice hard. Stop. - What? Brianna says, and change its look at him, his eyes narrowed, as narrowed. “Stop,” says Ryan again, and his voice is a bit softer now. Brianna, I want to be here. I love Sarah. And we end, remember? - Are we done? When will it end? Brianna says. Oh wait, I have it. I said I needed space and you go crazy and you went where my friend, who clearly is not my friend, and decided to try and get back to me. This is … well, this is a start. I can not believe I thought you were a nice guy, Ryan. I can not believe I thought you were special. “We do end up, but this, Sarah and I, not about you,” says Ryan. I like Sarah. I … Brianna, all the things you said last night they were true. We are not … we do not function. I’m not happy with you, and I think you’ve ever been happy with me. - What I’m not happy with you? Brianna says. Nearly eight weeks, Ryan. Nearly eight weeks and then you go and … “She looks at me angrily. Is this my birthday gift? At least you could have picked someone decent. Someone I do not believe you want and who you just used to make you feel better. I feel myself shrinking, I feel terrible, small and worthless. Brianna thinks I’m nothing, that nobody ever would turn to me, and she has always known she knows me like nobody else. And then I look at it. I see her staring at me, his mouth twisted, tears in his eyes, and I remember what she told me last night. “You need me. ?
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“I should have said some things before I say slowly, carefully. I … Brianna, Ryan and I … we … “There is a Ryan and you,” he says, his voice rising again. There is a Ryan and I, then you are. There is no Ryan and you, it’s just him being a jerk and you being pathetic, and what kind of friend are you, Sarah? What kind of friend fuck are you? “Brianna,” says Ryan, and she looks, then shakes his head and says, “You do not even want to know what I make right now. You are worse than trash, you … You’ll have to drag a lot before I even get to think back to you. “I’m where I want to be,” says Ryan. I should have said something before and am not doing so. I wish I did, but Sarah and I … - Sarah and I? Brianna says. Sarah and I? What if you two really have something? “Yes,” says Ryan, and Brianna’s eyes fill with tears again. His mouth begins to shake and squeeze the blanket around me stronger, and I say: Brianna … “desperate to hear it, not to ruin it all. You said it was over, I heard you speak, and I thought … “I know what you thought,” she says. You’ve been planning this, right? My skin feel hot, feel the flush cover me because I had wanted this, he had hoped, Ryan, and she lets out her breath in a hiss and says, “Puta” His voice bitterly cold. “Brianna,” says Ryan. Do not talk about Sarah … “I’m not talking to you,” she says, looking at him, then stares at me, his cold eyes. “I do not know,” she says, her voice expressionless, empty. You and I and our supposedly called friendship, that’s it. And when everything is destroyed for you, when Ryan wants me back, and do it because you are not me, I’ll never not be there. You’re nothing to me, and will not be anything for him either. “That will not happen,” says Ryan, his voice so soft now. It is hard, angry, and I know he feels me tremble against him. Brianna smiles and laughs, moving, moving toward us, raising his hand again, rises to it, and then back, trembling.
“Not worth it, Ry
an says. Neither is worth it.
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And then leaves. Out of bed, crawl savannah behind me, and look at the necklace she gave me lying on the floor, leaning out of my pocket. Last night I took it out and never really thought about it after that. After going with Ryan. Brianna could not have been the friend who thought it was, but I was not good. I had been worse. I run into the hallway, calling her name. She stops at the foot of the stairs, but do not look back. I hear your car go, grinding wheels while accelerating, and sit on the stairs and cry. Ryan comes out and sits next to me, putting his arms around me. He did not say that everything would be fine. Just hug me, and when I finish to mourn, when I go away a bit and look, he takes my chin in his hands. “I love you,” he said. And I feel what has happened. If I had known … “he stops. I can not lie, “he says after a moment, his voice calm. I would not change what happened between you and me. I lean against his shoulder “I know he whispered, and the thing is, I know. I believe in him in us. I feel the truth of who we are even now. But Brianna, for all he has done everything he has said and from what I’ve done well, I can not believe that our friendship is gone. I can not believe he really is nothing to her now. I know I screwed up in a way that redefines the word “fuck ?, but we’ve been friends for so long. She has been my world for so long. I know that everything will be solved. It has to, because I can not imagine my life without Brianna in her.
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TRANSLATED BY: Andrea CORRECTED BY: Sera
rianna do not forgive me. She did not even talk to me. Try to call but not answer the phone, and if your mother does, she calls Brianna, who never arrives. Sometimes I hear Brianna’s mother started screaming, asking if she believes is the only person in the world before the connection is cut and falls silent. Brianna rather listen to his mother than me.
B
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My parents know what happens, of course, or at least have guessed most of it. How could they not? Brianna and not come and Ryan … Well, not hide it. I do not want to. - Did you miss? “Mom tells me one night after Ryan is gone, he is drawing another series of images of hands, and is fascinated with Dad, and I nod. She is cooking again, but not as intensely as before. She still talks about cooking contests, but not both, and will only come in three next year instead of as many as possible. “Sometimes … sometimes you have to let people go,” he says. Brianna loves you, Sarah, but do not think she has always been a good friend for you. “I was not exactly a good friend to her,” I say, and Mom puts his arm around me. “Maybe not, but I think you would have forgiven him anything, she kisses my cheek. So you and Ryan … - Mom! “Just going to say you seem happy,” he says, and I hear my dad laughing in the other room. His hip has not improved, will never be better, but no worse. At least not yet. At school, Brianna looks right through me, do not turn around if I walk towards it but I only look like nothing, like I was not there. I’m sure it must be a million people waiting to be with Brianna, to be at his side, to be where I was, being her best friend, but that does not happen. Nobody seems to really hate me or Ryan to be together, but I notice that some girls hold the hands of their boyfriends, a little stronger when I walk near them. Most of them are nice, anyway, and I found myself talking to people I had not spoken before apart from a quick “Hello ? or - Did you hear what the task? ? Because Brianna had always had a . I found myself doing things like shopping and movies and laugh at school, and it’s great, but it is, is not as it was with Brianna, and I miss her too.
Brianna see other people, but they float in and out, do not stay by her side. Sometimes approach me and say things like - How could you bear it? ? Or “Well” I can ask you something? Does she
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always says things he thinks are friendly or helpful but totally not? ?-She did not refer to how it sounded, I always say. She just wants-it is a good friend, and they look at me blankly, like a puzzle that they do not understand. Sometimes you just say. That’s not what she said about you-those are the ones that were flying faster. She landed the lead role in the school play, and I’m not there when you discover. I can not hear what’s going to play Romeo as a girl, I can not hear how you feel about Henry being his Juliet. I can imagine, but not the same. I’m not there. Practices do not listen, about how they are learning the lines. I do not hear about the opening night. I do not know who was with her, if one of your parents finally went and saw it shine. I hear nothing about it. She begins dating Greg. He did not talk to me, kept his arm tightly around Brianna when they are together, not flirting with anyone else, and I hear people say they’re happy. Brianna says that Ryan is a loser and she is happy to be with a real boy, one who knows what he is doing. Ryan smiles when I tell him, then his smile fades. “Sarah says, wrapping his arms around me, and even now, even when both Brianna strange, there’s the thrill of being with him, knowing that I can watch it without guilt, that I can play it freely. We’re together. I do not care what she says, “he says. “But you, you care? “Not about you and me. But I … I miss her, “I say, and he looks at me with her deep eyes. Concentrates only on me. “Sorry,” he says, and I know he’s sorry. I know you want that things between them had ended in a way that I had not dragged me. I know he wants to have stayed and talked to me that first night, that summer night at the party. I know you wish that things had started in a different way to us, and I will do likewise. But do not feel being with him, and I wonder if Brianna knows that. If that is why she did not want to talk.
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One evening, nearly five months after the morning when Brianna leave my home without looking back, I tell Ryan that I have to do something after school. He kisses me, and for a second the world is perfect. I love that feeling. I love him. But I still miss Brianna. And so, after school, I see it.
TRANSLATED BY: dani.shawn CORRECTED BY: cYeLy DiviNNa
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hen I get home, Brianna does not answer the door.
I know you’re at home, because I saw his car in the driveway and I caught a glimpse of her hair as she walked by the window. Long and bright as ever, dark and shed around him. I look at the doorbell and I play it again, think about how Brianna came after Sam and dance disaster. I had told my parents I was fine, waving as they went shopping for some new shelves, and then I had dropped his eyes closed on the couch, ignoring everything, even when Brianna came home and knocked on the door, calling my name. I finally opened the door after she touched the bell, making it sound that I often dream about the stupid chirps per day. “I knew that would work,” she said when I opened the door. You know, I think that whoever invented the doorbell was very angry with the world. I had laughed. Weak, but after all, was still a laugh, and Brianna had come, taking my place on the couch, not close enough to the mopey. She was buried in pillows and throws, bringing me dropping food on the floor in front of me with a crumb tray on his head, laughing as he slid down, and for a moment forgot everything that happened. I know I can not do that for her now, Ryan is not going anywhere, and I do not want to do, I will not pass and do not intend to pretend that I can, but I can be with Brianna. I can try to make things right. I can say “I’m sorry for what I said. ? My fingers are numb after a while and change hands, ringing the bell with the rest of my fingers. - Enough! -Brianna shout through the door, and smiled like an idiot, happy to hear his voice. But I know, and I keep ringing the doorbell, waited until she opened the door. I hear your breathing, then a curse, and the door opens with Brianna standing in front of me, his arms crossed over his chest and an angry look on his face.<
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SCOTT ELIZABETH THE UNWRITTEN RULE
The Unwritten Rule Page 13
