by K. A. Linde
She looked around, taking a few hesitant steps into the room. When she heard the door close behind her, she jumped and glanced over her shoulder. Her exit had been sealed off, and as far as she could tell, there wasn’t another exit.
“Mason?” she whispered, the words lodging in her throat. Her heart hammered in her chest as tears welled in her eyes.
How do I get out of this? she thought.
She felt eyes on her again, and she turned around to meet her pursuer. Before she had a chance to scream, the person grabbed her arm, wrenched it painfully behind her back, and planted her face-first into the mattress.
DEVON AWOKE WITH a scream erupting out of her throat, the one she hadn’t been able to let loose in her dream. She sat straight-up on the couch, her breathing heavy and her skin clammy. Pushing her hands up into her hair, she let the tears fall freely. She cried there helplessly until she had no more tears left, until her eyes were red and puffy, and until her throat was sore.
She moved the covers off her body and pushed herself off the couch, standing up on shaky legs. The door to Brennan’s bedroom remained closed. She wondered if he had heard her screams or if he had slept through them. Either way, he hadn’t opened the door, making his position very clear.
Stumbling forward into the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of water and downed it. Her clothes were wrinkled, and she didn’t even want to think about how rumpled her hair was. Knocking on the bathroom door, she waited for an answer, and when she didn’t hear one, she entered.
Her reflection stared back at her from the mirror over the sink, and she tried not to cringe away. She looked like a wreck—pale and gaunt with dark circles under her eyes. At least Brennan hadn’t seen her like this. It wouldn’t have mattered after what had happened last night, but still, it was better this way.
She scrubbed her face and tied her hair back into a ponytail, trying to make herself look presentable. It wasn’t much use, not after crying so hard. She was an ugly crier; she always had been. Now that the blood was rushing back to her face, she was all red and splotchy. At least it would go away eventually.
Bending forward at the waist, she cradled her body against herself and begged and pleaded to whoever would listen for the nightmares to stop. This was the first time she had dreamed of home. It had felt so nice to be back in the Tennessee woods, and then the same thing had happened all over again. How many more times could she be chased? How many more times could she get caught? How many more times before she didn’t wake up in time?
Her heart ached for home, and she pulled out her phone. She really wanted to call her mom, but in her condition, her mom would know how messed up she was. Instead, she tried calling Dustin’s phone. He had just finished his third year of pharmacy school at the University of Michigan, and he was sticking around Ann Arbor to be close to his girlfriend, Kelly. They were in the same program and had only been dating for one semester.
“Hey, Dev,” Dustin said, answering the phone.
“Hey,” she said. “How have you been?”
“Better than you, it sounds,” he said, knowing as quickly as her mom would that something was wrong.
“Well, I’ve been better,” she admitted honestly.
She had a hard time lying to Dustin. Growing up, he had been her rock. They’d had their differences, but he was her big brother, and he had always been there for her.
“What kind of trouble are you getting in? Does this have anything to do with Mom badgering you about New York?” he asked.
“Has she been doing that to you as well?” Devon asked, thinking about how she had avoided her mom’s calls the past week. She would rather talk about New York than her real issues.
“Hounding me like a dog, but she doesn’t want me to bring Kelly. Said she wanted it to be a family thing.” He sounded irritated.
“She said the same thing to me.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it, Dev. I don’t think I’m going to go, but if you have a better suggestion for your birthday, let me know. I’d rather get wasted in St. Louis with you than spend quality time with the fam.”
“Seems a bit unfair to Dani,” Devon said.
“Oh no, it doesn’t. Mom wants her to bring her boyfriend. Personally, I don’t think Mom trusts Dani enough not to sleep with every guy she meets there. But who knows Mom’s reasoning?” Dustin told her.
Devon laughed lightly. It felt good to laugh after everything else that had happened. She didn’t feel healed, but Dustin certainly had a calming effect upon her.
“I never know her reasoning.”
“So, you going to tell me what’s wrong?” Dustin asked, changing the topic.
She sighed, wishing she knew how to tell Dustin. The more removed she got from what had happened, the more she wondered if it had happened at all. Maybe she had just blown it out of proportion. Maybe she had simply overreacted, and there was no need for her to run away. Maybe a conversation could have changed it all, and then she wouldn’t have had to leave. Maybe she just hadn’t tried hard enough.
What if she told him and it all became a reality? Then, she couldn’t take it back. It would be out in the open.
“Do you remember when we used to go through that shortcut in the woods off the road that led to the abandoned house?” she asked tentatively.
“Yeah, we used to go there all the time,” he said.
“I had a dream about that place, and it really freaked me out,” she told him lamely.
“A dream about the old abandoned house? That’s random, Dev.”
“Yeah,” she said softly, “really random. Someone seemed to be chasing me. Seriously, Dustin, it was really scary.”
Dustin laughed in a mocking way that Devon had become so accustomed to. “It was just a dream, Dev. I have dreams about zombie attacks and getting chased up trees by a Tyrannosaurus rex. They’re pretty scary, too. I wouldn’t let these dreams mess you up too badly.”
“True,” she said disbelievingly.
“Oh, hey, Kelly just woke up. I’ve gotta run. I’ll talk to you later. Let me know about your birthday.”
After Dustin hung up, Devon dropped her head in front of the sink. He hadn’t given her the opportunity to say anything more. It was reason enough for her to stay silent for a bit longer. She needed to figure out what she was doing and where she was going. She couldn’t stay in Chicago because she didn’t have the funds to remain, but she couldn’t go back. Her life was in limbo as she teetered between staying and leaving. She had a decision to make, and it had to be made today.
Straightening, Devon exited the bathroom, smoothing out her clothes along the way. She didn’t know if she should knock on Brennan’s bedroom door and say good-bye or not. She nearly did three times, and then she decided against it.
When she reached the front door, she saw a note taped to it.
Went to the gym. Food in the fridge if you’re hungry. Just lock the door on your way out. —Brennan
Ugh! How could he even want to go to the gym after the amount of alcohol he had consumed last night? Or was that just a cover so he could leave the house and avoid her?
She shook her head, lost in her own frustration. She grabbed her things, left the apartment, and walked to the nearest train station. She took the train back to Marina City. She wanted the embarrassment of what had happened with Brennan to be as far from her mind as possible.
Instead, Devon focused on something else she couldn’t control. She needed to talk to Hadley before she packed up and left. Last night had ended poorly, and Devon didn’t want to leave on these terms. Hadley was her best friend. Devon was pissed at her, no doubt, but she didn’t want to see Hadley devolve any more. Devon couldn’t leave and wonder if her friend was on a further downward spiral than she, herself was.
Lunch? We need to talk, Devon texted Hadley.
Devon received her response as she took the elevator up to the apartment. Fine. Jenn’s? Hadley responded
I’ll just meet you at that place across from yo
ur work. This is going to be quick.
I’m off at noon.
Devon changed into fresh clothes and brushed her teeth. She was glad Garrett wasn’t there. She didn’t want to face him this morning. He was always so bright and cheerful, and while he did tend to make her feel like a better person, she wasn’t ready for that right now. Plus, he might know how pissed she was at Hadley. He might somehow see it, and she wasn’t going to be the one to tell him that his girlfriend was a coke addict, at least not until Devon knew if it was necessary.
DEVON HOPPED ON another train to Hadley’s building. Arriving at the restaurant across the street, she took over a booth in the back. It appeared to be nicer than Jenn’s with fancy tablecloths, classical music playing in the background, and expensive artwork hanging on the walls. Devon wasn’t a big fan, but it would be better to meet here than somewhere comfortable…somewhere near Brennan.
Hadley walked in, looking worse than Devon had expected. Had she been looking like this all week and Devon just hadn’t noticed? Had Devon been so lost in herself that she hadn’t seen her own friend’s problems? She hadn’t seen a lot of Hadley this week because of her job, but Devon didn’t think Hadley had seemed that different.
“Hey.” Hadley took a seat across from her and opened the menu, not making eye contact.
“Hey,” Devon responded.
Hadley clearly wasn’t going to throw her a line or anything. She stared stock-still at her menu. Devon was sure Hadley wasn’t reading it.
“Hadley, come on,” Devon pleaded.
“Don’t act like you’ve been forthright the whole time you’ve been here,” Hadley snapped, still not looking at her.
“Fair,” Devon said, trying to bite back her retort. “I’ll give you that, but I also wasn’t flaunting my problems in everyone’s faces in a public place.”
Hadley dropped her menu down on the table. “I wasn’t flaunting anything, Devon!”
Devon sighed, seeing how this was all going to go. “Fine. You weren’t doing that either. I just happened to see it. But how long has this been going on? And how long are you going to keep it up?”
Hadley bit on her lip, her anger slipping slightly. She looked really young in that moment, less than her twenty-two years. “It hasn’t been that long.”
“How long?” Devon prompted.
“Only a month or two.”
Devon’s eyebrows rose.
“Okay, two.”
“And you’re stopping…when?” Devon asked.
Hadley looked away, her blonde hair framing her face. “It’s not as often as you think,” she said, her wall slamming back up.
Devon swallowed, wanting to take her friend by the shoulders and shake her. It was sad, considering everything she was hiding from Hadley. As much as this mirrored her problems, it was so very different.
“I just want you to take care of yourself.”
“I can take care of myself just fine,” Hadley snapped.
“I’ve no doubt,” Devon drawled, her Southern accent coming out in full force.
“Don’t use that tone with me,” Hadley muttered.
“Does Garrett know?” Devon asked. She already knew the answer since Brennan had told her last night, but she wanted to hear Hadley’s response. She needed to hear what Hadley would say face-to-face, no hiding.
“Of course, he knows,” Hadley said, not meeting her eyes. “Do you think I would be living with him if he didn’t know everything about me?”
Devon sat back hard in the booth, staring at her friend. Had Hadley ever purposely lied to her? Had Hadley ever been openly dishonest in any way? Hadley was many things, but a liar? No, she had never been a liar.
And then Devon knew what she had to do…
“I want to stay in Chicago for the summer,” Devon told her.
Hadley’s eyes shot to Devon’s face as she looked at her incredulously. “Well, have a great time,” she said sarcastically.
“I’m staying with you and Garrett,” Devon told her matter-of-factly.
“What? It’s Garrett’s apartment. There is no way he is going to let you stay for three more months. Why do you want to stay anyway? Don’t you miss your boy toy?”
“Doesn’t really matter why I want to stay,” Devon said. “I’m staying, and you’re going to call and convince Garrett to let me live at the apartment.”
“What?” Hadley asked, eyeing Devon like she was insane.
“Otherwise, I’m going to tell him that you’re doing coke.”
“But he already knows,” she spat back as if Devon would believe her.
“Fine,” Devon said, pulling out her phone. “Then, I’ll just call and talk to him about it.”
Hadley openly glared at her. She was clearly waiting for Devon to bluff.
Hadley thought there was no way Devon was going to dial through to his line, no way Devon would actually do it.
Devon’s finger was poised over Garrett’s number. She was about to push call.
Then, Hadley cried, “Wait! Jesus, Dev. You can stay with us. Of course, you can stay with us. I’ll call him right now.”
GARRETT’S ONLY CONDITION for the summer was that Devon would contribute to the house by paying rent. That left Devon in an awkward position since she didn’t have any savings to draw from that her parents didn’t actively control. It would look suspicious if she suddenly laid out a grand without telling them. They would wonder if she was the one on drugs.
Devon wouldn’t dare ask Hadley to help her with the money situation. Devon didn’t want to know how much cash Hadley was shoveling into her new extracurricular activities. Plus, Devon couldn’t afford to ask Hadley for more help.
Devon felt bad enough as it was for manipulating Hadley into letting her stay for the summer. She should have just been up-front about it all. If Hadley knew what Devon was going through, then she probably would have been more understanding. Hadley also might have hopped on a train to St. Louis to burn the place down. Devon wasn’t really in the right mind-set yet to bare all her secrets, so she had acted impulsively and used Hadley’s weaknesses against her. It was low, even with the position Devon was in, but she hadn’t seen an alternative. And it had worked.
Now, Devon needed to find a way to pay rent. She knew Marina City wasn’t exactly cheap either, and she didn’t know how much Garrett was expecting her to pay. It was likely a third, but he hadn’t said. He didn’t really need the extra money, but Devon was sure he saw it as a compromise for her using the extra space, adding to the utility costs, taking away some of his privacy, and so on.
So, Devon had to immediately start looking for a job. Unless she wanted to sell her body for money, she didn’t see an alternative to working during the summer. She couldn’t exactly call her parents and ask them to clear the cash.
Her first instinct was to apply at Jenn’s Restaurant, but after her last encounter with Brennan, she just couldn’t bring herself to go there. Devon hadn’t talked to him since she had left his apartment. He had thought she was leaving the city anyway. If she didn’t alert him of her presence, then he would never have to know that she was staying. Her life was too complicated as it was without adding a romantic element to her time in the city.
Brennan was dangerous and attractive and caring…and she would have none of it. She had to shut down her brain when her thoughts began to venture in that direction. It would only do more harm than good. Eventually, she would have to return to St. Louis, and she didn’t want guilty feelings on her conscience as well.
Without further ado, Devon began walking around the city, filling out applications wherever she could. Not many places were hiring at the moment. So many of them had already filled up their staff for the summer tourist season. The places that had signs up in the windows were looking for more experience or offering low wages or not hiring immediately. Anything that could possibly get in the way did.
Devon returned home empty handed and plopped down on the couch in the living room, propping up her feet on t
he coffee table. She was exhausted from another day of searching for jobs. It seemed like a futile mission. She was convinced she would never find anything in time to pay rent at the end of the month. She had already been scouting for two weeks, and the month was dwindling away. After three unsuccessful interviews out of at least a hundred applications, Devon was spent. She didn’t know what else to do. If she couldn’t get a job, she couldn’t stay, which meant she had bullied her best friend at a time when she needed her the most for nothing.
She pulled up Netflix on the PlayStation and started flipping through the catalog of TV shows. She had never been a big TV fan before, but this was also one of the first times in her life she didn’t have anything to do. Hadley was always at work, and when Garrett was here during the day, he would usually be locked away in his bedroom.
Deciding on the first season of Heroes, Devon kept her phone close by just in case someone decided they wanted to give her a job, and then she vegged out. After she made it all the way through episode two, Garrett made an appearance outside of his bedroom.
“What’s up, Dev?” He pulled out a snack from the fridge and then took a seat next to her.
“Just praying that someone calls me for a job,” she said, turning on episode three. Then, thinking better of it, she offered Garrett the remote. “Do you want to watch something?”
“No, Heroes is fine. Just so you know, the first season is addictive, but the other ones suck. You should probably stop now,” he said.
Devon just shrugged, not having anything better to do. “I think I’ll let myself get sucked in.”
She swallowed hard, hearing herself say that out loud. Wasn’t that always her problem? She always let herself just get sucked in to things, and then she couldn’t or wouldn’t want to find a way out. Even now that she was out of it, she couldn’t believe it had all happened the way it had. She sometimes wondered if Chicago was the dream, and her dreams were reality.
