by Ashley Meira
“It feels like I’m going to lose everyone,” I croaked out.
He pulled me against him. He was still shirtless, but I was too upset to enjoy it. I hugged him back, mentally kicking myself for being so weak. I wasn’t weak. I was a survivor.
A survivor trying not to cry against the guy she was afraid to like.
I sniffed. “Not going to ask?”
“Again?”
“Used to it, huh?”
“Yeah,” he said softly. His voice carried a soft bitterness. He was as tired of my secrets as I was. “I could ask if you want. Or we could just stay like this.”
Inhaling his evergreen magic and the strong, masculine scent that was wholly Adam took me to a better place. “Forever?”
“You mean that?” he asked, his words too soft for me to read an inflection.
I did. I didn’t want anything else to change. Enough stuff had been flipped over last month, when I revealed part of my past to him. That was enough. No more change. I didn’t ask for any of this crap. What did I do to deserve any of this? What kind of monster had I been eight years ago?
“Fuck,” I hissed, squeezing him tighter. A tear slid down my cheek, dropping just above his bellybutton.
His lips grazed my forehead. “Sometimes I forget you’re not made of steel.”
My nose wrinkled, and I pinched his back lightly. “I’m plenty tough.”
“Definitely. And plenty vulnerable.” One of his hands drifted to my thigh, his fingers tracing along the branded skin. He covered the entirety of the phoenix — and the dragon encircling it. “I can’t imagine what you must’ve gone through. Every time I think of it…. Fuck, Sophia.” His arms tightened around me. “I want to kill whoever did this to you.”
I did too, but blank memories of my past were the last thing I needed on my plate right now. “I didn’t tell you that stuff so you could use it against me.”
Adam tilted my head back and pressed his forehead against mine. “I would never do that to you. I’d never hurt you like that.”
“Like that?” I mouthed.
“I might unintentionally hurt you,” he said, dodging my gaze. “I’ve been trying very hard to avoid that, but I’m not perfect. However, believe me when I say the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you.”
Tears fell from my eyes like their lives depended on it. “Stop being so sweet. Makes me feel like shit.”
His brows knitted together. “If it makes you feel like shit, it’s probably not sweet.”
“I don’t deserve someone like you.”
It was true. He was rich, handsome, powerful, smart, unbelievably kind…. The perfect package, no matter what he said. I was a parentless abomination with a dark past who barely passed as presentable on her best day.
White teeth peeked out as he growled, his mouth curling into a grimace. A hand wove into my hair and soft lips crashed against mine. The anger in his actions surprised me, but I soon got lost in the pleasure that was Adam. His body, both soft and hard; the way his strong, calloused hands gripped me tight; the ferocity of his movements, so at odds with the delicate touch of his magic.
When he pulled back, he looked angry. “Fuck that.”
“What?” I breathed. After a kiss like that, I couldn’t even remember my own name.
“You don’t deserve someone like me?” The anger in his voice sobered me up, but not as much as the hurt. “Why do you hate yourself so much?”
My temper flared. “I don’t hate myself. I just—”
Just what? I didn’t hate myself. Being Fireborn certainly wasn’t a jackpot, but it had its perks. There were times when I wished I’d never had magic to begin with, when I wanted to lock away all my power, but I didn’t hate myself. Did I? Frowning, I thought it over. Didn’t everybody hate themselves sometimes? Just a little?
“You’re still holding something back,” he accused, his hands tender against my arms. “Something more than being kidnapped.”
That was it, I realized. I hated all the lying. Usually, it wasn’t a problem. It used to be easy. I never used my magic, so claiming I didn’t have any felt like the truth. Now that I was using my magic, I noticed every single time I lied to a friend’s face. Repeating it was for their own good had lost its effect, if not its accuracy.
“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” I said without any fight. “Actually, I already showed you something, so….”
“More than something.” He raked his eyes over my body. Heat rushed to my cheeks. I hadn’t bothered to cover up, and my thin camisole left nothing to the imagination. “But you have a point. How about we talk it all out when this is over?”
“Now who’s holding back?” As defenses went, it was a daffodil in a hurricane, but I couldn’t think of anything else.
He snorted softly. “Sorry. Honestly, it’s a little difficult to think with all my blood flow… elsewhere.”
I gulped, forcing my gaze to remain above his waist.
“Good to know I’m not the only one affected, though. I can feel your magic going haywire.” His magic twined around mine, and he darted his tongue out for a taste. “Never thought I’d like chocolate this much.”
My hands brushed against his, and I balled them into fists. “I should go. Before I do something I regret. Maybe.” Damn it. Why couldn’t I commit one way or another?
“You’re not moving.” His index finger ran against my knuckles. “Do you want me to leave instead?”
“Do you want to leave?”
He tilted my chin up, forcing me to meet his eyes. “No.”
Our bodies were pressed against each other. I could feel every dip of his muscles against my stomach. His body heat was as overwhelming as the intensity in his molten gray eyes. My Fire purred, content with the course this was taking. Even my heart, despite its butterfly fluttering, felt at peace. I wanted this. Wanted to be here. With him. I’d known that, but it hadn’t felt so real before this moment.
This was really happening, I realized. But I wasn’t ready. Not just about revealing that I was Fireborn, but also to go all the way with him. My secret, my lies, hung over us. Doing anything now would be a betrayal I couldn’t forgive myself for inflicting upon him.
My Fire rolled around, no longer content. It had never been a problem with other guys. But I hadn’t cared about those other guys, not like I cared about Adam.
“I’m not ready.” It was embarrassing to admit, but it shouldn’t have been.
He kissed my forehead, his arms wrapping around me. “I know, and I have no intentions of forcing you into anything. I just don’t want to let go yet.”
“Never,” I whispered, clinging to him.
Our magic played tag around us, the streams glancing against each other before pulling away. I always kept a thin film of magic around myself whenever we did this. Otherwise, I’d absorb his magic the moment it touched my skin. But it made me wonder: what would it be like to feel his magic against my skin? To feel it caress me without any barriers between us?
A pained grunt snapped me back to reality. Adam’s perfect teeth were digging into his lip as he squeezed me tighter, burying his face into my hair. I took deep breaths and tried to figure out what was wrong. Was he having a heart attack? No, he was too young for that. What— He shifted, and my eyes widened as the answer to my question brushed against my thigh.
“You’re not in pain, are you?” I squeaked, truly scared the heat in my cheeks would melt my face.
“I am.” He groaned, the sound sexy enough to bring me to my knees. I definitely wanted to hear that again. “And you say I molest you with my magic.”
I gasped, snapping my magic back to me. I must’ve been doing it without noticing. He was right: I needed to control my magic better. Then again, if it drew those sounds from him, maybe I didn’t.
“Now you know how it feels,” I said. “And sorry.”
“Mhm,” he forced out. His hands gripped my hips, and he moved them away.
I kissed his shoulder. “Dou
ble sorry.”
Not one to be outdone, Adam took my lower lip between his teeth and tugged softly. “Any chance you’re ready now? No. Sorry. I’m not pressuring you. Ignore me.”
“There’s no way I can ignore that.” Keeping my eyes above waist level was getting harder and harder.
He laughed. First softly, then louder, until I was worried he’d wake Fiona. The joy in his voice filled me with warmth, and I couldn’t fight the smile overtaking my face.
“Fiona is a light sleeper,” I finally said, still smiling. “And beyond wrathful when you wake her.”
He took my hands and said, “We should both follow her example and get some sleep.”
“I’m exhausted,” I admitted. “But also wound up, thanks to someone.”
“Someone?”
“Me.” And my overthinking brain.
“How about a movie to wind down?” he asked. “I have Harry Potter on blu-ray. The entire collection.”
My lips parted. “Say more things like that.”
He grinned and scooped me into his arms. I clamped a hand over my mouth to muffle my pleased squeak. Something about Adam sweeping me off my feet…. Who knew I was such a girl?
“I got it after learning it was your favorite,” he said while carrying me downstairs. “Figured I could bribe you into visiting. If I’d known all I needed was a bunch of assassins….”
“Remember: I bite.”
“Do I get to choose where?”
He took a left at the base of the stairs and made his way to a door at the end of the hallway. At his raised brow, I opened the double doors and let out a low whistle.
Adam’s home theater outshone any public venue. Big fluffy white couches littered the room alongside giant recliners. Sleek black coffee tables sat before them, just waiting to be covered with junk food. The screen took up the entire wall before me like a sexy mural. He reached over and dimmed the small circular lights above us before depositing me on a couch in the front row.
I wasn’t happy to be out of his arms, but the way he bent over to search for and insert the DVD made up for things. He definitely didn’t skip leg day.
Adam came to sit beside me, remote in hand, and held his free arm out. I scrambled into his embrace with more enthusiasm than I’d ever admit, nuzzling into his shoulder.
“Maybe I should’ve made you put on a sweater first,” he mumbled against my hair.
“I could get one,” I said. “The way my mind is running, I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep for a while.”
He shook his head, his eyes roaming across my body. “I think we’re good.”
Snorting, I crossed my arms and turned to the screen. “Just watch the amazingness about to unfold.”
His breath scattered my hair as he chuckled. Silence overtook us as the Harry Potter theme began playing, the soft tinkling of the celesta taking me to a happier place. Adam placed the remote next to us and wrapped his hand around my calf, the heat making me melt further against him. For all my tough talk, Harry hadn’t even received his acceptance letter before my eyes drifted shut, Adam’s heartbeat lulling me to sleep.
Chapter Nine
The blackened stone walls matched the cold floor beneath my feet. This was the room from my previous dream. Abandoned asylum, medieval dungeon…. Whatever this place was, it held nothing but memories of pain and misery.
The sterile white lights that made me sick to my stomach were barely visible through the flurry of magic flowing my way. Was Snow attacking me? No, she wasn’t here.
The flames scared me, but not because they would hurt me. They couldn’t. Yet pain was what made me fear the magic. As the flames reached me, a pale blue light appeared, almost grazing my nose. Orange claws slid against the barrier before dying out.
The mage attacking me was a stranger, but who wasn’t in this place? They may have been familiar at one point, friends even, but now they were blank faces in a dark hole.
Before I could try to assign a name to the bearded man hunched in the corner opposite mine, a sharp pain snapped at my back. It was like being sliced into with a hot knife but a million times more painful. The crack of a whip was my only warning before another sharp snap shredded my back.
My skin tore, almost popping open at the impact. Blood streamed from my wounds, burning the other cuts it slid over. My knees shook, and I wanted nothing more than to collapse against the scorched floor. Instead, I stayed upright. Whipping may have been the punishment for failing, but the punishment for weakness was even worse.
“Your memory worries me,” a cold voice said from behind me.
Him. The man who trained me, who left me beaten and hanging in a prison cell. He wasn’t speaking through communication earrings this time. I felt his deathly presence at my back as surely as the wounds he inflicted on me.
But I couldn’t see his face, and past me had no intention of turning around.
“What did I say, little one?” The lilt in his voice almost made him sound human.
Little one? How old was I here? Twelve, maybe thirteen. I couldn’t tell. “Break the magic.”
“Hm? Say that again.”
I licked my chapped lips and tried to keep my voice steady. “Break the magic.”
“And what did I say not to do?”
“Absorb—” I swallowed thickly, tears prickling my eyes. My back burned. It hurt so much. “Absorb the magic.”
“And what have you been doing?”
“I’m trying—” I cut off with a sharp scream as the whip bit into my back again.
“Don’t try,” he hissed. “Do.”
“Yes, master,” I said. My voice trembled like a leaf.
Looking at the mage before me provided no solace. His eyes were hollow, dead. A prisoner, my memory supplied. Food, it added darkly. Food for whom? Me? My kidnapper? Were there creatures here? A shudder ran up my spine as I imagined what monstrosities my kidnapper was capable of raising.
Hollow Man glanced over my shoulder, electricity crackling around his tensed fist. On my kidnapper’s orders, he attacked me again. This was my chance. I had to break the magic now.
Eyes clenched shut, I focused hard. Break the magic. Make it go away. It had to vanish. If I failed, he would hurt me again. If I failed too much….
A bright light flew at me, blocked once more by a barrier. My kidnapper’s? I didn’t sense his magic flare, but who knew what kind of control he had over it. I kept my eyes shut in anticipation. Even prepared, the pain made me shriek. The whip had no barbs, for which I was grateful. He hadn’t been so kind last time.
“Please—”
More pain, turning my vision white. Blood spewed from my mouth, splattering across the floor. My toes dipped in it, turning the dirt-covered skin a sickly maroon.
“How disappointing, Sophia.” Footsteps echoed behind me, slow and deliberate, as if I needed another reminder of whose time I was on. Skeletal fingers ran through my hair, almost tender, before wrenching my head back. “You’re such a special girl. It would be a shame to cast you aside.” Tears streamed down my cheeks. I knew what “cast aside” meant. “A shame. Not impossible.”
He shoved me forward again, his strength surprising for his build. Past me remembered what that build was, remembered the coldness of his eyes. Sadly, she didn’t feel like sharing that knowledge with me.
He stepped back, his shadow ever present over mine. The mage prepared for another attack, the soft crackle of ice coming from his fingertips. I was so high-strung it felt like I could hear his heartbeat. Maybe it was mine.
“In case a reminder is needed….” The words came out like acid, and I heard the leather hilt of the whip crack under his grip. I tensed, waiting to be punished for my stupidity. “Everyone’s magic has its own rhythm, a movement they may or may not be able to control. Usually not — and we won’t practice with anything more advanced until you get the basics down. If you get the basics down. To break their magic, simply disrupt that rhythm. Shatter the movements with your power, leav
ing your enemy helpless for a time. Understand? Good,” he said without waiting for an answer. He had no use for those who didn’t understand.
My breaths were deafening, and my stomach was clawing itself to pieces. I focused on the mage’s hands, on the thin streams of frost laced around his fingers. His magic smelled odd, like paper, and moved in dull, muted waves. How was I supposed to stop it?
The glow around his hands grew brighter as he released the spell. My heart raced as I watched his magic fly toward me. I had to stop it, to pull the strings apart.
‘Shatter it with your power.’
My chest tightened as my magic surged, the impact forcing me to the ground. My knobby knees tore against the aged floor, but my focus was on the mage across from me. He’d stumbled back, his head banging against the wall behind him. Chest heaving, he slumped down, head hung low. I couldn’t sense his magic anymore.
A gloved hand came into view, wrapping around my ankle. It pulled my legs straight before hovering over my skinned knees. I held back a whine as my skin knit back together under my kidnapper’s healing touch.
He was right there. All I had to do was look up. But past me refused to do so. She kept her young eyes trained on the newly healed skin of her knees. Was he going to heal my back too?
No. Past me knew he wouldn’t. The whipping marks were a punishment I had merited, but the scrapes on my knees were caused by success. That, he would pardon.
The hand of death patted my head, making me want to cry more. “Such a good girl. Let’s get you some food before we begin again.”
Chapter Ten
I woke with a scream.
The softer-than-sin blanket gliding over my legs calmed me for a moment before strange surroundings kicked me back into panic mode. Familiarity was found in the sheets. I glided my fingers across them, trying to place where they were from.
Adam.
