He paused deliberately.
When he next spoke, his voice sharpened to an open warning.
“But I do not think that is all this is, Dehgoies. I think you are lying to me right now. Further, you are attempting to deflect from the heart of my question, and the meaning behind it, by playing emotional games. This is the height of intellectual dishonesty… a trait I do not normally associate with you, nor with our talks. Nor with our relationship.”
Pausing briefly, he added,
“You are further trying to discourage me from asking you anything more about this, by talking to me in such a way, and by making our discussion about your attitude, instead of the female I asked you about. This tells me you feel for this female seer in a way you are side-stepping… either deliberately, in an attempt to hide it from me… or unconsciously, because you do not wish to admit those feelings to yourself.”
He paused, again with a deliberate weight.
“This is cowardice, Revik,” he added coldly. “And you may be many things, my friend… but you are not a coward.”
Another silence fell.
Dehgoies felt his jaw harden as it stretched.
Not for the first time today, he felt younger than he had in years.
“Look, sir.” Revik found himself glaring through the window at Raven, wishing he’d brought the bottle with him to the balcony. “Raven is jealous. Whatever she told you––”
“It was Terian who contacted me,” Galaith cut in. “Not Raven, Dehgoies.”
Dehgoies found this stumped him.
It also silenced him.
Long enough that he swallowed.
“Really.” He let his eyes shift to the other male, who smiled that odd smile again, giving him a semi-apologetic shrug.
“…And just what did my good buddy, Terry, say to you, sir?” Dehgoies said.
Terian’s smile crept wider. He didn’t look away.
“He was concerned,” Galaith said, his voice still holding that edge. “He had begun to notice anomalies in your light. Things he did not recall seeing in you before. Things that struck him as decidedly unstable. He thought those same things might have contributed to you shooting that Sark trader in Bảo Lộc––”
Dehgoies opened his mouth to argue, but Galaith didn’t give him the chance.
“––I have seen these anomalies, too, my most respected cousin. I looked at your light after Terian made me aware of their existence. I confess, I was very concerned by what I saw. I remain concerned, Revik––”
“Concerned?” Revik let out an angry grunt.
Looking through the glass windows, he gave Terian another hard look.
Revik found his mind turning over Galaith’s words though, even as that sick feeling in his gut and head worsened. The other male wasn’t wrong. His light did feel different. Hell, he felt different. He felt so different he could barely force himself to think in straight lines.
Wiping his forehead with a hand, he realized he was sweating too much still, even sitting outdoors.
“…Concerned about what, exactly, sir?” he finished.
For a long moment, Galaith didn’t answer.
Then he sighed, clicking softly under his breath.
Dehgoies found he could almost see him, the face more than his body, although he had that in his mind, too. Dehgoies had more than once envied Galaith that face, but not as much as he’d envied his ability to hold the attention and admiration of others, and effortlessly, it seemed, no matter what kind of audience.
Galaith had a kind of regality to him that Dehgoies only vaguely understood, even as he witnessed its effects on others, both seer and human.
The human… or seer… or whatever Galaith truly was… was handsome, but that wasn’t all of it, Dehgoies knew. That wasn’t even the important part, nor were the structures in his light that Dehgoies had also studied as closely as his own.
Galaith had some other quality that was harder to define.
Whatever it was, it was difficult to pinpoint as a specific skill, even when Dehgoies looked at him from the Barrier, using the vision of the network, of Galaith himself. Without knowing what it was, Revik had no way to learn it, or even emulate it.
Before he met Galaith, Dehgoies never would’ve thought, in a million years, that he would follow another person’s commands. He never would’ve thought he would ever follow another person at all, not like he did Galaith.
He’d thought those days were over for him.
Even so, he rarely questioned anymore, the fact that he now did.
Part of that was logic, Dehgoies knew.
That logic was relatively simple.
He followed Galaith because he believed in him.
He believed in what Galaith wanted to do for the world. More importantly, he believed in what Galaith wanted to do for Dehgoies’ own people. He believed in the order Galaith had rendered to the human world, inserting structure and a semblance of rationality into what had been chaos and madness during the historical period prior to the end of World War II.
Galaith had single-handedly stopped the wholesale slaughter of seers in Asia.
He was not, nor would he ever be, credited by history with that accomplishment, by his own choice as well as the necessities of secrecy––but Dehgoies knew the truth. He had seen this thing unfold. He had firsthand experience that it was true.
He had even participated, in his own, small way.
In the years after that, Revik had done nothing but fight for that one, shining goal.
Peace. Peace and freedom for his people.
In doing so, he had known, without a single doubt in his mind, that he, himself, was a force for good in the world. He may have screwed up in his personal life, in his own decisions and missteps, in his crappy relationships and drug issues and whatever else… but as long as he followed this man, as long as he worked for his people, the scales would always tip to his side.
As long as Revik remained loyal to the Org, he had no doubts as to his purpose.
He had no doubts as to the very meaning of his life.
Now, looking through the French doors at the alcohol-soaked floors of the two-bedroom suite, Dehgoies found himself doubting that purpose.
He doubted it, maybe for the first time since Galaith first fished him out of that Nazi jail in Berlin, three days before he would have been beheaded by the S.S.
He felt that doubt as a tangible, physical thing.
He felt himself choking on it.
“Dehgoies.” Galaith’s voice, his light, his whole presence altered. His words grew gentle, almost soft. “My friend. My dearest friend… you are distressing yourself.”
“I am sorry, Father.” Blinking back tears, he wiped his face angrily with the heel of his hand. He’d used the honorific without thinking, without even hearing the change in tone of his own voice. “…I am sorry.”
“Do not be sorry, my friend,” Galaith said firmly. “Do not. I beg you not to blame yourself for this. This is not your fault.”
Dehgoies gave a kind of strangled laugh. “Really? Whose fault is it, then?”
There was a denser silence.
Then anger touched the other man’s voice, real anger, for the first time in their conversation.
“I believe you are being toyed with, my friend,” Galaith said coldly. “I believe you are being deliberately toyed with. Further, I believe it is more than simply a sadistic game this time. I believe this may be an actual attempt at recruitment.”
Dehgoies stared out at the river, feeling something in his chest constrict.
He remembered what the woman had said, about how he had to leave the Org.
She’d been adamant that he couldn’t stay with them, not if he was to live the life he was meant to live. Not if he was to have the relationship he was meant to have with her daughter.
She claimed her daughter would be the Bridge.
The fucking Bridge.
She must have known what that name would mean to him.
She’d claimed he would know her… the Bridge.
She’d claimed he already knew her.
What seer wouldn’t hear that as the granting of some obscene wish-fulfillment fantasy? What seer wouldn’t want to believe such a thing about themselves? That they had been chosen? That they had some mystical connection to the Bridge of the Gods, herself?
Gaos, she’d practically said they would be mates.
Replaying Galaith’s words in a slow circle in his head, Revik found himself hearing the green-eyed seer’s words differently now, along with that gentle reminder she’d given him at the end of their last conversation.
You know where to go, Revik.
She’d whispered it, using his given name.
She said it with a familiarity he’d felt all through his light.
“They sent her on purpose, my friend,” Galaith said, still sounding angry. “They are deliberately using her to confuse you. They are trying to destabilize your light––”
“Why?” Revik said, throwing up a hand. “Why would they do that?”
Galaith smiled.
Revik could hear it through the transmitter.
“Do you mean, why would they target you, Dehgoies Revik? Is that what you mean?” Galaith sighed softly. “You are a powerful man, Revik. More powerful than you seem to realize, even now. I knew that if they came after me, they would eventually come after you, too.”
Revik shook his head, feeling that sickness in his chest worsen.
The confusion was back, too.
It swirled around him, so strongly he could scarcely think past it.
“You will be all right, my friend,” Galaith assured him, a note of steel in his voice. “I promise you, you will be all right. You have done nothing wrong to me. You never have to apologize to me, Dehgoies.”
His voice deepened, growing infused with light.
“You are my favorite son. You must realize that. You must further realize that your integrity, the very thing they seek to attack, is the thing that makes you so strong. They cannot take that away from you, Revik. They cannot.”
Revik shook his head, but at what, he couldn’t be certain. Clearing his throat, he wiped his eyes self-consciously before he spoke in a thicker voice.
“What do you want me to do?” he said simply.
Galaith sighed again at that.
Revik felt grief in his mentor’s light that time, enough of it that Revik felt almost guilty for having caused it. The grief felt real, and intense enough that he flinched, his fingers spasming where his hand rested on his thigh.
“It will not be easy, what I ask of you, Revik,” Galaith said then, his voice heavier. “But I believe it is necessary. I am asking you to trust me that it is necessary. Can you do that for me, my very dearest of friends?”
Revik nodded towards the river, clearing his throat.
“I can,” he said, blunt.
Galaith sighed again. That time, before he even spoke, Revik found he knew what the other man was going to tell him.
Even so, the words shocked him.
They shocked his light.
“I want you to kill her, Dehgoies,” Galaith said. His voice grew heavy, dense with the weight of that sadness. “I want you to do whatever you need to do to get her out of your system, and then I want you to kill her, my friend.”
Revik stared out over the river.
He felt his heart jerk in his chest.
Then he felt it just… stop.
Galaith continued to speak, but Revik barely heard him.
“Raven and Terian have agreed to help you with this,” the older male said. “Raven tells me she has already acquired the female for you. They have her there, waiting for you, in your suite. She is likely only a few feet from you now.”
Revik felt his hands go cold.
Still, he did not speak.
That splash of blood on Raven’s collar swam to the forefront of his mind.
He didn’t look away from the river as his throat tightened. He didn’t look over at the other two seers, not trusting whatever expression might be on his face.
“I know you hate to do it,” Galaith said carefully, his voice sympathetic. “I know this, Dehgoies, but it’s necessary. You need to trust me that it is necessary… and that it is not your fault. Whoever sent her is to blame. Not you. Do you understand this?”
Revik stared at the slow-moving currents of the brown river, unable to think.
She was here. They had her here, behind that locked door.
The more he thought about it, the more his head pounded, the harder it was to think.
He wanted this to be over.
He just wanted it finished.
Before he knew he intended to say it, Revik found he had already agreed.
“All right,” he said, feeling that pain in his chest worsen. “All right. I’ll do it.”
“Good boy,” Galaith said.
His voice grew openly relieved, even as it continued to hold a shadow of that denser grief, and a sympathy Revik could feel wrapping into his light.
“Thank you, Revik,” he said warmly. “And when you are finished with that, my son, I want you to leave Vietnam. Forget what we just spoke about, regarding that vile piece of excrement in Bảo Lộc. Terian and Elan can find a new trader for Asia… you are not needed for such things. That work is beneath you now.”
Galaith’s voice grew even warmer, holding an overt meaning, along with an affection Revik couldn’t fail to feel, despite the distance that lay between them.
“I want you with me, Revik,” he said simply. “I want you by my side. I won’t ever leave you in such a vulnerable position again, my dearest friend… I promise you that. You are far too valuable to me. You are far too valuable to our cause. It is why they targeted you like this.”
Galaith’s voice held another tinge of anger when he added,
“…In fact, if you still wish to blame someone for this mess, Revik, then blame me. Not yourself––me. Blame me for underestimating my enemies. For not imagining in a thousand years that they would play such a sick, devious trick against you. For not expecting them to hit at my own heart in such a way, where I, myself, am most vulnerable.”
Revik didn’t speak.
He didn’t look away from the slow-moving river.
“This change in venue for you is long overdue,” Galaith added, his voice shifting back to that open affection. “I have important work for you here, Dehgoies. More than that, it is time you took your rightful place.”
Galaith paused, as if listening to him, somewhere in the reaches above Revik’s own light. When the silence stretched, the other man added more carefully,
“You understand that this is not a punishment, my friend? That I am trying to help you?”
Revik nodded, still unable to speak.
He nodded, fighting to breathe past that pain in his chest.
He nodded, but at that particular moment, he had no idea what he was nodding to.
Thirteen
A Lousy Lay
HE DIDN’T LOOK at Terian or Raven after the transmission discontinued.
He sat there, instead, his throat burning, his body feeling like lead, despite the pain in his head and chest.
Looking through the French doors, he glanced at the drugs, first.
He considered starting there.
Clear his head.
That would be the first few lines.
Then he’d get high as fuck, preferably before he had to see what they’d left for him behind that door.
He knew Raven wouldn’t be satisfied just with killing her.
Rubbing his eyes, he shut off the transmitter’s signal where it lay on the wrought
iron table, fighting to think––to breathe.
The world seemed to grow entirely silent as the static died from the organic’s line.
He couldn’t get high for this. He wouldn’t.
Even he couldn’t be that big of a fucking coward.
Standing up in a single, fluid movement, he walked to the French doors.
Pushing them open with both hands, he re-entered the suite, then turned and closed the doors behind him. It wasn’t until he’d shut those doors with a hard click, and turned around, taking in the filth of the mold- and sweat-smelling room, that he finally looked at the other two.
From the expressions on their faces, they looked almost to be holding their breaths, as if waiting to see what he would do.
Dehgoies didn’t help them out with a facial expression.
He just gestured with two fingers towards the door to Terian’s bedroom.
“In there?” he said, cold.
Terian nodded.
His amber eyes held a flicker of sympathy now, even as he stepped forward, stubbing out the hash-laced hiri he’d been smoking in a heavy, glass ashtray.
“Revi’,” he said. “Can I pour you a drink, my friend?”
“No.” Revik made a hard negative sign with his hand. “No. Let’s just do this.”
Before he could make his way to the door, Raven’s voice burst out.
From the violence in her words, it was as if she’d been restraining herself with every ounce of her being until the exact instant she broke the silence.
“You’re not just going to kill her, Dags!” Raven hissed. “You heard what Galaith said! You’re not just going to snap her fucking neck and walk away from this!”
Revik gave her a hard look.
“Are you ordering me to rape her, first, Elan?” he said.
Raven’s eyes glinted with fury.
“You know that’s what he meant!” she snapped. “He wants you to get past this, Dehgoies! Not whine about it like an adolescent girl for months on end. What good does any of this do you, if you just spend the next few years brooding? If you spend your nights looking for other seers to blow you who happen to look like her?”
“And raping her will ‘fix’ me. Is that it, Ray?”
Revik Page 17
