But I am naïve. I know this. I have lived a life so sheltered that I have no fucking idea just how selfish people can be. I am seeing it now. I am obsessed with Dean. Every many I see I compare to him. Their size, if they are better looking than he is. I close my eyes and his face is all I see. I rub my hand along my flat belly and think of the small life growing within and I think that this life is half of Dean. Half of a love I thought we shared. And I realize that while he is my every breath, my every thought, I am nothing more to him than a chip in a game called vendetta.
Chapter 13
I don’t ask for Adam when other men come into the room. He told me he would be the only one entering. At this point I think I have about had it with taking people at their word.
Food is brought in. Food is taken away. The lady with the hard face comes in and takes my laundry. A few hours later she brings it back. She never makes eye contact. She never smiles. After a while I stop trying to make eye contact. I stop trying to smile.
3 weeks. 4 weeks. I don’t know how much time has passed. I stopped keeping track. Adam comes back one day. It’s raining. It was storming all night. Loud crashes of thunder and bright bolts of lightning kept me awake all night. I blame the storm, but I know that wasn’t it.
“Everyone is out.” He says
It’s like his only greeting.
“Great.” I sarcastically reply
“Today is the day Red is brought in.”
“That’s awesome.” I reply. Less sarcastically
“I talked to Dean again.” He’s trying to get me to talk to him
“Good for you.” I reply once more
I start to unfold and refold the laundry that Hard Face brought in
“He asked if you were okay.”
“That’s nice of him. Is he coming to get me?”
“It’s more complicated than that Olivia.”
I start to laugh. Hysterically.” It’s really funny you know. I spent my entire childhood hiding away from my parents. I didn’t want to sit there and listen to their ‘Praise the Lord’ talk anymore. I had everything I ever needed there though. Who cares if I wasn’t happy, I was taken care of. I moved in with Jaxon to help him, because he and he alone made the choice to step up and keep his child. I fell head over heels in love with that baby. You should see her, she’s really just the most amazing little person you will ever meet.”
“And then I felt like I needed to grow up. I felt like Jaxon needed his own space, that I needed to do something, spread my wings feel what it felt like to be a grown up. So I started my own business and I moved out on my own. Not even a full day of my new found adult freedom I fall head over heels in love with a hit man. The most beautiful fucking man I have ever laid eyes on. I find out he’s married, I find out he has a fucking wife and then I find out that I am pregnant, only after finding out he wants to kill me and that the mother of the one human being I probably love more than any other in this world paid him to do it. I gave my heart to someone who wanted to make it stop beating. And now here I sit Captive. In love with a man who won’t sacrifice shit to save me? I gave up my life for everyone else and no one is even blinking an eye to save mine. I think it’s just hilarious. Don’t you?”
Adam looks sad for me. Pity is about the last emotion I want to see on the face of someone like him.
“Do me a favor, next time you talk to him. Tell him to forget it. I don’t want him to save me. I don’t want him to ask how I am doing. I don’t understand what in his life could be more important than saving his pregnant fuck buddy, but whatever it is, it wins. I am done. I don’t care anymore. I really just… Don’t care.”
And there you have it. The moment that I gave the fuck up. Because seriously, what else was there to do?
Chapter 14
Red gets the money. I don’t know how he gets the money. Adam talked to Dean and told him what I asked of him. Adam tried to give me a message from Dean, but I told Adam it didn’t matter.
I might be considered immature to some. I might be considered a bitch by others.
But at this point. Given everything, don’t you think I have earned a bit of that? I sure as hell think I have.
Adam tells me I have to get through the night. He doesn’t tell me what is going to happen the next day. He doesn’t tell me if and when I will be released.
I go to bed knowing that there is a man downstairs that wants me dead who was paid the money he felt I owed him. I don’t know who gave it up. I don’t really care. All I know now is that I should feel relief, and that is the furthest emotion from my mind.
Chapter 15
*Bang*
*Bang*
*Bang*
I wake up to the sound similar to gunfire. I hear screaming. Yelling. I smell smoke.
I look out the window.
There are clouds of smoke rising up from the down stairs windows. The house is on fire.
I run to the door. I try the door knob. I know without the code it is useless. I smash the door knob down with a shoe. Trying to break it off. Nothing happens.
I try and enter a bunch of numbers nothing works. Nothing.
I bang on the door, I scream trying to catch the attention of anyone who might be nearby.
But I am at the end of the hall. No one else is this far down. I am too far from the down stairs. No one is ever going to hear me.
I start to cry. I don’t want to die this way.
*Bang*
*Bang*
*Bang*
This time I know that is the sound of gun shots.
*Bang Bang*
They are faster, coming closer.
I quickly grab something to try and smash out the window.
I realize quickly it is plastic. Everything just bounces off between the bars.
“I’m going to fucking die.”
The tears are pouring down my face. I try to think of things I learned in a first aid course when I was a kid.
Nothing that could be used right now. I can only Stop Drop and Roll if I am on fire. There is nothing about being kidnapped and locked in a burning building. Nothing.
Then I remember hearing the story of a man who was in a hotel when there was a fire. He couldn’t escape through the window. He filled the bathtub with fire…
That wouldn’t work. The fire would start coming up through the floor soon. The amount of smoke outside was too great for this to be a small grease fire in the kitchen.
What am I going to do?
I run and grab a white tank top out of my top drawer, I drench it in water and gently rang it out of excess water. I hold the wet garment in my hand. If the smoke comes in, I can cover my face for as long as I am able.
*Bang *
It’s right outside now. The person with the gun. At this moment I don’t know if I am more afraid of being shot to death, or burning.
I decide that burning might be the more painful way to go.
I open my mouth and let out a blood curdling scream.
Someone might hear me. If anyone is still here.
Suddenly the door flies open.
I jump to the side of the bed worried that whoever is out there is the one who was shooting earlier, might come in guns blazing.
I look up and I am met with a familiar pair of clear blue eyes.
Eyes like the ocean.
Eyes that haunt my every waking moment.
“We have to get out of here, let’s go… NOW”
He races toward me and grabs my arm.
He yanks me through the hall way and down the front stairs. I don’t have shoes on. He notices this, and grabs me throwing me over his shoulder, never taking his hand off his weapon.
When we get outside I notice Adam is standing there. He has several other FBI agents behind him, all with guns drawn.
None of them say anything to Dean. He walks with me over to a truck. Not the same truck he had when I was with him. This one is red, it’s older.
He opens the door and pushes me up on the seat. Slamm
ing the door.
Adam comes around the side and opens my door.
“I am going to talk to you later, don’t take off from him okay?”
I nod
Dean is in the driver’s seat, key in the ignition. He doesn’t say anything to me. He’s covered in blood. He pulls away. Driving down the long road.
I am watching out the passenger window. I’m not really sure I can say anything to him.
I open my mouth to say thank you. He turns the radio on too loudly for me to speak.
We drive for what feels like an hour. I start to fall asleep, just as we pull into a hotel parking lot.
Dean shuts off the car, grabs a T shirt from the back and throws it on. Grabbing a duffle bag out of the back before he opens the truck door and locks it, slamming it shut when he’s done.
He comes around to my side, opens my door, takes me by the arm and with the other hand locks my door.
We walk into the hotel. His hand never releasing my arm.
He is already checked in. we don’t stop by the service desk. Instead, we walk straight to the elevators. Dean produces a card and places it into the slot near the elevator pad
He doesn’t enter a floor number. Instead the elevator begins to move on its own.
When it finishes, Dean grabs my arm again and drags me through the doors.
We aren’t on a floor with multiple rooms, instead we are in a suite near the top of the building.
The far wall is made of clear window glass. Overlooking the nearby city.
Everything inside is perfect. There is a kitchen table, a couch, a big screen TV. It’s the largest hotel room I have ever seen.
Dean kicks his shoes off, and releases my arm.
He slowly takes all his clothing off, until he is wearing nothing but his boxer briefs.
He still isn’t looking at me.
He walks to the bathroom. Turns on the shower and slams the door behind him. I hear the door click and lock.
Like I was going to walk in there?
His behavior is hurting me. He’s angry. I didn’t ask him to come and save me.
I sit down on the floor right by the door. I don’t want to walk into the room. I don’t know what else to do. Being near a door I can actually open feels safest.
I want to cry. I feel like I need it. I have to release the emotions of everything that has just happened. An hour ago I was on death’s door step. I could have died in that fire. When Dean walked down those stairs I saw the flames. They were everywhere. If we had been a single minute later getting out of that room, the stairs would have been engulfed, there would have been no escaping.
I feel tired. I feel so heavy and tired. An exhaustion I have never truly in my life experienced. I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. Even for just a few moments.
Chapter 16
I have been sleeping for a long time. My muscles feel sore for some reason. Like I have been lying the same position for too long.
I open my eyes and notice that I am no longer on the floor against the door but rather in a bed. I jerk up suddenly, remembering the fire. Several moments later I remember Dean saving me.
I look up, he is standing at the door, and he isn’t wearing a shirt, just a pair of athletic shorts. Like he always use to when we were together.
I roll back over, curling into a ball as I do. I pull the blanket and sheet over my head.
Seeing him is hard. It’s harder than I thought it would be. When Red kidnapped me I thought that the moment I saw Dean’s face again would be the moment everything would be right. But then I remember, he stalled on getting me away from Red. He had information he wanted from Red, more than he wanted me. I should be happy he came for me.
It doesn’t feel right though. He seems angry with me. I feel resentment rolling off him. It hurts.
“You have clothes and soap in the bathroom if you want to take a shower. I also grabbed your IPod. It’s in the living room.”
I look at him. I have so many damn things I want to say. But I can’t form a single one. I can’t ask him what took him so long. I can’t ask him to let me go, I can’t ask him to tell me he loves me. I need so much from him and yet part of me wants nothing at all. Part of me wants to wash my hands of all of this and never see his face again.
I nod in understanding. I stand up, cross the room and breeze past him. Careful not to make any physical contact. I don’t know that I could handle him touching me.
I walk to the bathroom door, glancing back at him as I do. He’s still looking in the direction where I was lying just a few moments before. He doesn’t turn to watch me walk into the bathroom.
Like he did last night I close the door, and lock it.
Not that he would try and come in.
I notice there are two types of body wash in the bathroom. There is the coconut one, which matches my bubble bath. The scent that Dean loved so much and there is another bottle, this one smells like roses.
Dean and I had a conversation once, he made fun of me being picky about which scents I choose to wash with. I told him washing with floral soap made me feel like an old lady. I refused to buy anything that wasn’t coconut or vanilla. Part of me wanted to flatter myself in his choice of scents, one he knew I would use one that he loved, and one that he knew I would never touch because I didn’t love it myself.
I select the floral scented soap, placing it in the shower along with my razor, shaving cream and shampoo. I haven’t shaved in weeks. Adam said he couldn’t convince Red to allow me to have anything sharp.
I turn around and look at the coconut soap once more. It makes me sad. Which is pathetic. I am so damn pathetic. I pick it up and slam it in the garbage can.
When I finish my extra-long shower I feel a little better.
I brush my hair, I put on some lotion and before I walk out the door. I put in my headphones. I have never missed music so much in my whole life.
I place my dirty towel in a laundry basket that Dean has by the front door. Then I take a seat by the door the way that I had yesterday. I don’t look to see where he is. I don’t look to see if he wants me to do something.
I close my eyes.
I listen to Adam Levine sing She will be Loved. One of my most favorite songs. But I skip it.
Suddenly a song I have never heard before comes on. I click the screen to my IPod on as I listen to the words. It’s called The Last Song Ever by Secondhand Serenade.
I have heard this band before, not this song. This song is raw, and emotional. I listen to the lyrics, but I only get through the first 2 minutes before I realize just why it was added. It’s a song about loving someone, asking for forgiveness, but still having to say goodbye. I rip the ear buds out of my ear and throw the entire thing several feet away from me.
I don’t want to hear anymore. I don’t want to hear his words.
“Will you please get up off the floor?” Dean says, he hasn’t spoken since I got out of the shower. I have been sitting here for more than an hour.
I look at him, but shake my head no.
I don’t know why I feel more comfort by the door. Maybe it’s because I feel like if I need to escape I can do so quickly.
“Do you want something to eat? You need to eat, we can order something.”
I nod. I should eat, if not for me than for the baby
He grabs a menu off the desk and sits on the sofa. Motioning for me to come and sit beside him.
I don’t. I opt to sit in a chair beside the sofa instead.
He doesn’t like that.
He hands me the menu. I look it over. I choose a cheesy omelet, toast and fruit. I point to my selection. Never saying a word.
He doesn’t like this either. But he says nothing. He stands up, goes to the hotel phone and places my order. He also orders my apple juice and decaf coffee.
So he does remember I am pregnant. Good to know.
He sits down and turns on the TV, it’s the news. It feels sad but I get really excited to see what the upside world h
as been up to since I have been kept away from it all.
The fire at Red’s is on. A large farm house burned to the ground, several people died before they could escape. That’s all they reported.
I look at Dean who is watching me. He changes the channel without taking his eyes off me. It goes to one of those cooking shows. He knows I like them. I use to watch them all day on my days off.
I fold my knees up to my chest while I watch. I can feel him watching me.
There’s a knock at the door. Dean grabs his gun and walks to the peephole when he notices that it is room service, he puts the gun into the back of his waistband and pulls his shirt over to cover it.
He wheels the table in, and hands the person a tip.
He carries my food to me, setting it down on the small end table on the other side of the sofa.
He walks to me, grabs my hand. He isn’t rough in his motion, but I don’t want him touching me. He leads me to the sofa where he was sitting and makes me sit beside him.
I try my best to ignore him. I watch the show and eat the food but he’s too close. There are three separate cushions and he is pretty much sitting on mine with me.
When I finish eating I stand to take care of my dishes, but Dean jumps up and takes them from me, telling me to sit back down and relax. I do.
I watch about an hour of cooking shows before I feel really tired and lay my head on the arm of the sofa. Dean goes into the other room and grabs a fleece blanket. Covering me up but sitting right back to where he was before.
He pulls my legs onto his lap. I try and pull them away, but he doesn’t let me.
I can’t sleep this way. Not with him touching me.
“I need to hear your voice Liv.” His voice is tight.
I look at him. He seems sad “you were a complete dick after you saved me. You didn’t say two words to me. What do you really think I am going to say? After everything. You were not coming to save me. You let me stay in that place for a month. What do you really want me to say?”
Sweetest Torture (Sweetest Kill Book 2) Page 5
