Blames … me? I felt as if all the air was being sucked out of me.
Mrs. Brisbane was as surprised as I was. “Humphrey! Why on earth would she think that?”
“Well, he spent the weekend at their house and now they’re all sick.”
“So are Art and Heidi … and the weather has been horrible. Goodness, I think I’ve had fewer absences this winter than usual.”
“I believe you, but she’s pretty angry. She doesn’t think the kids should have to clean his dirty cage. She’s called some of the other parents. She even threatened to start a petition to get all classroom pets banned!”
Banned! My whiskers drooped and my heart was heavy.
“BOING!” Og burst out. I guess he realized he was a classroom pet, too.
“That’s ridiculous. Just because her children have colds …”
“Mrs. Payne says her children are never sick. She said she’s going to the school board and expects all their medical costs to be paid.”
Now Mrs. Brisbane was getting angry. “Paid by whom … Humphrey? You’ve had him in your house. I’ve had him in my house. We didn’t get sick.”
“I’m on your side, but I have to respond to her. I’ll compare the attendance records from last year to this year to see if there’s any difference. You could check to see if any of the other students have gotten sick after Humphrey’s been at their houses. And I’ll talk to the other teachers who have classroom pets.”
“Yes, those guinea pigs in Room Fourteen,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “And the frog in Angie Loomis’s class. And there are rabbits in Mr. Olinsky’s class. Oh, but the children love to have Humphrey come home with them! The parents love him, too.”
“Except for the Paynes.”
Mrs. Brisbane got very quiet. She was thinking of something. And I don’t think it was something good.
“Art Patel is absent today and he had Humphrey at his house last weekend. I’ll call his mother and see what’s wrong with him.”
“Good idea. And for now …” Principal Morales stopped and glanced over at Og and me. “Maybe you’d better keep Humphrey at your house. Og, too. Mrs. Payne was pretty upset. She even said she might call a lawyer.”
A lawyer! Was I going to end up in court? Or in jail?
This wasn’t just Trouble with a capital T.
This was TOTAL DISASTER with a capital everything!
For the rest of the day, I stared through the bars of my cage and imagined myself looking through another set of bars: the bars on a jail cell. Would Og end up in there with me, too? After all, he was a classroom pet, although he didn’t go home with students on the weekend.
At the end of the day, Principal Morales helped Mrs. Brisbane cover my cage and carry Og and me out to the car. Thank goodness the rain had stopped. They brought along our food, including Og’s icky, yucky crickets. Luckily it was cold, so they were quiet in the car.
“I’m really sorry about this, Sue,” the principal told Mrs. Brisbane through the car window.
“My husband will be thrilled to have these two home with him. But I’m afraid my students will be very disappointed.”
VERY-VERY-VERY, I thought.
“I’ll try to get this resolved as soon as possible,” Mr. Morales promised.
Mrs. Brisbane thanked him and rolled up the window. Soon, we were on our way to her house—but for how long?
Just as she’d said, Mr. Brisbane was really glad to see us. Mrs. Brisbane honked the horn and he came out to the driveway in his wheelchair to meet her, even though it was extremely cold.
“Put Humphrey’s cage right here across the armrests,” he told his wife. “I’ll come back and get Og.”
“Okay. I’ll bring in the food.”
Soon, Og and I were side by side on the Brisbanes’ wide coffee table. It was warm and cozy in their house, and before long, Mr. Brisbane had everything in my cage and Og’s house in tip-top shape. Mrs. Brisbane came in with steaming cups of tea and the two of them sat and watched us as they drank it.
“This Payne family sounds like a nuisance,” said Mr. Brisbane.
“I don’t know much about them. Mandy complains a lot, but she’s a nice girl. I think it’s a habit she’s picked up.”
“Maybe she has a lot to complain about,” Mr. Brisbane said.
“YES-YES-YES!” I said, hopping on my wheel and spinning to get their attention.
“Whatever their problems are, they don’t have to take them out on Humphrey, do they, buddy?” Mr. Brisbane wiggled a finger through the bars of my cage.
Mrs. Brisbane picked up the phone and called Art’s mother.
“I’m checking to see how Art is doing,” I heard her say. “We missed him in school.”
I would have loved to hear what Mrs. Patel was saying. Mrs. Brisbane said, “Oh,” and “I’m sorry,” and “What did the doctor say?” She listened and then said, “Did Art show any signs of illness right after Humphrey was there?”
I held my breath while she waited for Mrs. Patel to answer.
“This is private, but since you’re a room mother, I’ll tell you that a parent has complained that having Humphrey at her house made her whole family sick. He and Og are temporarily banned from the classroom.”
Art’s mom answered so loudly, even I could hear her say, “That’s ridiculous!”
“I know, Mrs. Patel, but we have to check this out. No, I can’t tell you who it is. A number of students were absent today. I’ll let you know. And I think you should keep Art home another day.”
After a polite good-bye, Mrs. Brisbane hung up and turned to her husband.
“He has a bad cold. Her husband got it first. Everyone in his office has had it.”
“Well, they didn’t catch it from Humphrey,” Mr. Brisbane said, setting his cup down hard.
“No. She was terribly upset. You can imagine how the children will feel. I’ll call the Hoppers.”
After a short talk with Heidi’s mother, Mrs. Brisbane told her husband that Heidi also had a bad cold, but that she had gotten soaked in the rain two days before.
“Humphrey had nothing to do with that. He hasn’t even been to her house,” Mr. Brisbane insisted.
“You know, I think I’ll make another call … to the Paynes.”
“The Paynes! I wouldn’t talk to that pack of troublemakers.”
“Now, Bert. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, you know.”
Sometimes humans say the strangest things. Why was she calling the Paynes about catching flies? Og might be interested, but not me!
“That is a silly expression, if you don’t mind me saying so, dear,” said Mr. Brisbane.
Mrs. Brisbane laughed. “You’re right. I’ve never understood why anyone would want to catch flies.”
“Except a baseball outfielder.” Bert laughed at this joke and so did his wife, although I didn’t understand it at all. Of course, I’d never been to a baseball game.
Before I could figure it out, Mrs. Brisbane decided to call the Paynes. I held my breath again while she waited for someone to pick up. “Hello, is this Mr. Payne? This is Mrs. Brisbane, Mandy’s teacher. How is Mandy feeling?”
She and Mr. Payne had a long exchange about Mandy’s health and the health of Tammy, Pammy and Brian. Then she said, “Well, I certainly hope Mandy will be back in the classroom soon. We all miss her.”
She paused to listen for a while longer. “The animals are home with me and we’re looking into it. Please give Mandy my best. By the way, is Mrs. Payne there? I’d like to talk to her.”
Mr. Payne gave a short answer this time. “I see. Well, please tell her I called. Thank you. Good-bye.”
Mrs. Brisbane hung up the phone and took a long sip of tea.
“What did he say?” Mr. Brisbane was not a patient man. At that moment, I was not a very patient hamster.
“It sounds as if they all have colds, like Art. When I asked about Mrs. Payne, I learned something new. Mrs. Payne works at night.”
�
�That could be hard on the family,” said Mr. Brisbane.
I had to squeak up. “It IS-IS-IS! Especially since Mr. Payne lost his job.”
Mr. and Mrs. Brisbane burst out laughing. “I think Humphrey is trying to tell us something.”
Mrs. Brisbane became more serious. “I wish we could understand him. After all, he spent a whole weekend there. I’ll bet he could tell us a lot.”
Boy, was she right. I could write a book about the Paynes! (If I only had room left in my notebook.)
It was pleasant at the Brisbanes’ house. They took me out of my cage and made a maze for me to run on the floor, but my heart wasn’t in it. About the second time around, the phone rang and Mrs. Brisbane answered. “Aldo! Is everything all right?”
She listened for a few seconds, then replied, “Sorry. I should have left a note for you. Of course you’d be worried. No, I have Humphrey and Og here for a while. Frankly, there was a complaint about Humphrey making one of the students sick, but please don’t tell anyone, not even Richie’s family. I don’t know how long they’ll be here.” She laughed. “I will definitely give them your regards.”
Once she hung up, Mrs. Brisbane told Og and me that Aldo missed us.
“How did he happen to have our number?” Mr. Brisbane asked.
“I gave it to him when he was trying to decide to go back to school, in case he had any questions. He’s going to make a great teacher.”
Yes, Aldo would make a great teacher unless he fell asleep on the job. And now I wasn’t there to wake him up if he was tired. I hoped he had a lot of coffee with him.
When she was ready to go to bed, Mrs. Brisbane brought me a slice of apple, but it didn’t appeal to me.
“I’m not hungry, are you, Og?” I asked my friend a little later.
“BOING!” he answered.
For the rest of the night he was quiet. The crickets were quiet. I was quiet, too. My brain wasn’t quiet, though, as I thought about the next day, when I would be absent from class for the very first time.
It felt so strange to see Mrs. Brisbane head off for school. I couldn’t imagine Room 26 without me. I could imagine it without Og, since I was there before he was. But I’d never seen Room 26 without me in it. How could I?
As the day went on, I tried to picture my classmates having math class, doing their school jobs, working on Humphreyville—named for me!
Mr. Brisbane tried to keep my mind off school by giving my cage a terrifically good clean, though he did uncover a secret.
“Humphrey … I don’t think you’ve been eating your food. You’ve just been hiding it!”
I hung my head because it was true. Ever since Miranda got in trouble, I hadn’t been hungry. My yummy treats didn’t taste yummy anymore.
“If you don’t eat, you’ll get sick,” said Mr. Brisbane. “Now, I’m going to give you some yogurt drops right now and you’re going to eat them.”
“Yes, sir,” I squeaked weakly.
Mr. Brisbane headed his wheelchair for the kitchen, then abruptly stopped. “Wait a second. Maybe you are sick! Why didn’t I think of this sooner? You need to see a veterinarian!”
I was puzzled, trying to figure out why a veterinarian could help. I’m practically a veterinarian myself because I only eat fruits and nuts and vegetables. (I have heard of hamsters who like a bit of meat on occasion!)
Soon, Mr. Brisbane whizzed back into the room with some crunchy, munchy yogurt drops. “Eat up, my boy. You have to keep your strength up. You can’t give in to troubles. You have to fight back!”
Was that really what I was doing? Giving in to troubles like Mr. Brisbane had done the first time I met him?
I reached down and took a yogurt drop and ate it. It tasted good. I realized I was hungry, so I took another one.
“That’s a good fellow. You’ve got plenty of fight left in you, haven’t you?”
A few more yogurt drops and I felt a little fight coming back.
“I’ll call the neighbors to get the name of their vet and I’ll make you an appointment. You’ll be back in the classroom before you know it.”
Mr. Brisbane seemed determined, but Mrs. Payne was determined, too.
Once Mr. Brisbane went off to make his calls, I asked Og, “Don’t you miss school, old pal?”
The frog who usually sat like a large green lump began to jump up and down, twanging loudly. “BOINGBOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!”
I took that to be a yes.
HUMPHREY AND OG MISSING
FROM ROOM 26
Mrs. Brisbane says they are safe at her house;
no explanation for their absence is given.
The Humphreyville Herald
The Difficulty with Dr. Drew
It turns out I was confused.
A vegetarian eats only vegetables.
A veterinarian is an animal doctor. Not a doctor who is an animal, but a human doctor who takes care of animals, like dogs, cats, horses and hamsters. Sick hamsters.
Mr. Brisbane was right. I hadn’t been eating much lately, but it wasn’t because I was sick. It was because I felt so guilty about Miranda. Could a veterinarian (Mr. Brisbane called it a “vet”) figure that out? I didn’t think so.
It was quiet in the Brisbanes’ house for most of the day. Mr. Brisbane spent a lot of time in his workshop making things out of wood, like birdhouses and picture frames. Og was unusually quiet, even for him. There were no giggling students or recess bells or spelling tests to keep me awake. I finally crawled into my sleeping hut, but I didn’t actually fall asleep. I kept picturing my friends hard at work on Humphreyville. Or since I was in so much trouble, maybe they’d changed the name. Somehow, “Ogburg” didn’t sound very good to me.
Time dragged on until Mrs. Brisbane finally came home.
“How are the guys?” she asked her husband.
“Fine, fine, although Humphrey is quieter than usual. Did you get my message about the vet?”
“Yes. I telephoned Mrs. Payne to tell her we’re getting Humphrey examined this afternoon. In fact, I invited her to come along.”
Gulp. I was going to the vet’s office that same afternoon? With Mrs. Payne?
“What did she say?”
“She goes to work at four o’clock.” Mrs. Brisbane checked her watch. “Which reminds me, we’d better get going if we’re going to make it there by four-thirty.”
Four-thirty? It was close to four-thirty already. I only had time to squeak, “Wish me luck,” to Og before my cage was covered and I was whisked out the door with the Brisbanes.
As long as I’d been in Room 26, I’d worried about the problems of my classmates.
Now I was in Big Trouble myself … and my friends didn’t even know about it!
I was glad my cage was covered because the air was freezing cold. But traveling that way is like being blindfolded. By the time I could see what was going on around me, I was in the waiting room of the veterinarian’s office.
“Dr. Drew will see Humphrey in a few minutes,” a man behind a desk told us.
I had a few minutes to look around and I was SHOCKED-SHOCKED-SHOCKED!
To the right of me was a large white dog with brown freckles and huge teeth, like Miranda’s unfriendly dog, Clem. He licked his chops. That meant he was hungry!
I quickly turned my head. To the left of me was a cage with a cat in it. The cat had black fur and white paws. Its dark green eyes were staring right at me, a little too hard for my own comfort.
I decided to look straight ahead, where there was a huge tank with fish of every color. Some had stripes and even polka dots, and they swam round and round a pink castle. I wished I could be behind glass instead of sitting so close to those two dangerous creatures. Those “few minutes” the man at the desk had mentioned seemed like a few hours to me.
Then something shocking happened. The door swung open and in walked Mr. Payne, followed by Mandy, Pammy, Tammy and Bwian. I mean Brian.
Mrs. Brisbane was as stunned as I was. “Mandy! What are you do
ing here?”
Mandy looked as if she wanted to be anywhere but in that office. Mrs. Brisbane gained control of herself and put her hand out to Mr. Payne. “Hello, Mr. Payne. This is a surprise.” She introduced the Paynes to Mr. Brisbane and everyone said hello. I must say, Mr. Payne didn’t seem very happy to be there. Mandy acted even unhappier. (I didn’t know if that was because of me or because of her red nose.) Pammy and Tammy were too busy kicking each other to notice where they were, while Brian tore pages out of a magazine.
“The wife said I should come and see what the doc says.” Mr. Payne was extremely glum. “If that’s okay with you.”
Mrs. Brisbane politely said it was fine with her, but it didn’t seem fine to me. Mandy’s mom didn’t trust Mrs. Brisbane to tell her honestly what the doctor said? That ruffled my fur a bit.
“Now see here, Mr. Payne,” I squeaked, which wasn’t such a good idea. When they heard me, the dog and the cat got excited, barking and snarling and growling and meowing in a very unnecessary way! I only hoped they wouldn’t discover that my cage had a lock-that-doesn’t-lock.
Just as I was about to escape into my sleeping hut for safety, a woman dressed all in pale green entered. She had dark skin, dark hair and big, dark eyes, like Ms. Mac, my first teacher.
“Hi, I’m Dr. Melissa Drew. Is Humphrey all set?”
I was all set to get out of that waiting room, I can tell you that!
Mrs. Brisbane stepped forward and introduced everyone to the vet. It was decided that Mandy and her sisters and brother would stay in the waiting room while the adults came into the examination room with me.
It was nice and warm inside, so why was I quivering and shivering?
Dr. Drew put my cage on a padded table and smiled at me. “Now, Humphrey, is this your first exam?”
“YES-YES-YES!” I squeaked loudly, which made Dr. Drew smile even more.
“He certainly sounds healthy,” she said as she opened my cage, reached in and took me out. “Don’t worry, Humphrey. This won’t hurt a bit.”
Dr. Drew spoke to the humans. “This isn’t any different than the kind of examinations you get. Now, has Humphrey had any problems lately?”
Trouble According to Humphrey Page 9
