“Um, okay,” I agree, following Seamus. Cassie falls into step behind me, and casually takes my hand, interlacing our fingers.
I’m not terribly comfortable with touch. Living with Darron—who gives impromptu backrubs—has taken some adjustment. And while I like Cassie, I don’t know that I’m at the hand-holding stage yet. But she’s practically skipping as we move down the path toward a small cabin, and I don’t feel like popping her happy bubble.
“Ladies,” Seamus says, motioning us through the front door. Inside the cabin there’s a circle of overstuffed pillows around a short wide table. Incense burns and the room smells of patchouli. A good-looking woman lounges on a pillow, but rises when we enter.
“Paige! Cassie! Welcome,” she says, opening her arms.
“How do you know our names?” I ask.
“She’s a witch,” Cassie tells me.
“My name is Adorra.” She reaches her hand toward me. A little bit of sparkle flickers at the tips of her fingers, and I recognize that she’s sending out a minor charm spell.
I’d seen Hepa toss a charm at one of Nico’s clients…well, actually the client’s husband. He’d burst into the office, suspicious that his wife was banging the P.I. she’d hired to figure out who he was banging. He walked in ready to commit murder, and left with a standing poker night date with Nico at Charms. All because Hepa had flicked some feel-good glitter at him. I asked Hepa why she helped Nico out since usually she doesn’t go out of her way for him...or anyone really. “Couldn’t stand that much testosterone in the room,” she replied.
I step back from the woman, suspicious, but Cassie squeezes my hand.
“It’s okay,” Cassie says, studying the colors snapping at the ends of the woman’s fingers. “That’s a welcoming spell. She’s not trying to influence you, just make you feel warm and invited.”
“Okay,” I say, choosing a spot to flop down on the pillows. But I still have my guard up. Shit cuddles up next to me. It’s at that moment it occurs to me that when I left my broom up in that tree stand with Mac, he didn’t say when and where I could get it back. I honestly don’t even remember letting it go...it must’ve been when I was resisting the urge to lick him from top to bottom like a sexy demon lollipop. Hopefully Cassie is right and he’s a good guy who will get it back to me.
Andorra’s attention is on Shit. “What a beautiful Dalmanther,” she coos, and Shit cocks his head at her. “Welcome ultimate being…” She pauses and looks at me. Oh no, not this shit again.
“What is his name?” she asks, because of course she does.
“Um… Shit,” I tell her. Not for the first time, I have some shame about this fact. But it’s worse here. Everyone adores Dalmanthers at Together We Come. They probably expect his name to be Caesar Augustus or Fancy SnackerPants.
“Shit,” she repeats, still smiling. “Welcome ultimate being, Shit. Welcome all of you to Together We Come.”
“Thank you,” Cassie and I say in unison. She’s right, there is a warm feeling in here, like we could all sit on the floor and eat cookies and it would feel like a sleepover with my best friends.
“My purpose here,” Adorra continues, “is to ask you some questions about your preferences. We want everyone at Together We Come to be perfectly comfortable. Usually we would do this one-on-one but I sense that you are both a bit uncomfortable and are clinging to each other, metaphorically. Are you old friends?”
“We met on the bus,” Cassie says.
I laugh nervously. “Do what?” I ask.
“Please relax, Paige. You will not be asked to do anything that you don’t want to do. Unwanted advances will not be tolerated, is that clear?”
“Yes,” I say, a feeling of relief blooming in my stomach. I mean, I don’t have anything against using my undercover operation to get laid, but it’s going to be on my terms, not because someone slipped a spell into the air and pulled my pants off.
“With that in mind,” Adorra says. “I will place a spell on you to let others know of your preferences. It just makes everything go more smoothly.” She picks something off the ground beside her which for a minute I mistake as a magic wand, but then I see the tablet in her lap and realize it’s just a stylus.
“I thought electronics were banned,” I say.
“They are. If you’d have had your phone they would have set off a magical alarm before you were put on the zipline. You would have been turned away.”
“But you…”
She raises her eyebrows not unkindly, “Paige, we’re not against electronic devices, per se. I mean, we have our podcast to spread our good word. And we even sell our homemade goods online. It keeps our commune going. But you must see why every potential acolyte wouldn’t be allowed to have recording equipment here. Not everyone’s intentions are pure and we’d rather not chance any videos leaking. Out of context it might give the world the wrong impression. If you’re missing your phone…”
“Yes,” I lean forward eagerly.
“There’s a landline in the main building. You’ll have to wait in line though. And if you’re missing porn files from your phone we have an extensive collection in the library and you can use one of our wank tents.”
“No, I don’t need my phone for porn,” I assure her, sitting back. “I was just curious. Continue, please.”
Clearly reading off a checklist on the screen in front of her, Adorra asks, “Paige, can I assume by your current state that you are interested in urine play?”
“Um, no,” I say, twisting at the knot in my skirt.
“My mistake,” she says cooly. “I thought I picked up the distinct scent of—”
“That’s Shit’s piss.” I say.
“And you prefer not to smell like that?” Adorra questions me further.
“Vastly prefer,” I tell her. She flips her hand in the air and my skirt feels suddenly dry. There are times when the supe lifestyle is highly alluring.
“Alright,” Adorra continues, referring to her screen. “Paige, what is the maximum number of people you are willing to be intimate with at a time?”
“Uh…” I draw a blank. I’ve got sexual fantasies with quite a range that starts at comfortable and goes all the way to downright dirty. But in real life I don’t know how many of them I’d actually want to participate in.
“You can always change your preferences,” Adorra assures me. “Many members find their inhibitions melting away after some time here.”
“Let’s just stick with one for now,” I say. “I’m not sure I’d even know what to do with more than that.”
“You figure it out,” Adorra says casually, as she glances at her tablet.
Cassie pipes up, “Where does the second one go?” she asks, confused. Then her eyes widen in realization.
I try not to laugh and end up snorting, the incense making me cough. “I’m okay,” I assure everyone.
“Cassie, are you also only interested in a single partner sexual situation?” Adorra asks.
“No, I mean, like, I’ll take two,” she says, then blushes as she slips me a glance. “I’m curious,” she says, almost apologetically.
“I’m not here to judge,” I assure her. “I don’t think anyone here will judge you.” I give Shit a scratch under his chin. He’s super mellow from the smoke.
“Alright then,” Adorra makes a note. “Paige, how would you categorize your sexuality? Are you straight?”
“Yeah,” I say quickly. “Well, except for that one time in college.”
“That’s college,” Adorra says. “I’ll mark you as hetero for now. As I said, things often become more fluid the longer people are here.”
Adorra guides us through just about every imaginable situation—number of partners, supes vs. humans, lights on or off, bondage, voyeurism, and some things I have to ask for the definition of before I can confidently answer.
By the end, I’m feeling extremely chill. I know it’s Adorra and maybe something in the incense, but I don’t care. It’s nice to be lig
ht for a little while. Adorra begins to rub her hands together. A fine mist appears around them.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“This is how I create the spell that will surround you. It’s invisible, but it will communicate your wants and desires—as well as your dislikes and limits—to anyone you come in contact with. And by that, I mean true contact. Once you touch, you will each automatically know the other’s boundaries.”
“Cool,” I say. I’ve never been the biggest fan of magic, but that sounds like it could take the place of a lot of awkward conversations.
“It will also protect you,” Adorra adds. “No one can force or coerce you into anything that you haven’t agreed to with me today in this room.”
“Please market this in the real world,” I say, not kidding at all.
But Adorra shakes her head. “I’m sorry, boundaries will only work within the grounds of Together We Come.” With a flick of her fingers, Adorra sends the magic my way; it swirls around me a warm white mist, like I’ve just walked into a steam room. Despite myself, I relax into it, breathing in the barely detectable scent of citrus and clove.
“Nice,” I murmur.
“Yes,” Adorra agrees with a smile. “That’s why we’ve never had anyone come here who wanted to leave.”
A one hundred percent retention rate? That’s the type of statement that should be putting me on high alert. Instead, I find myself nodding, because yeah, I understand why everyone wants to stay.
14
Adorra gives us each a series of other spells, one to prevent STDs and one that makes us very fertile. I balk at that one and she offers us an anti-pregnancy spell instead.
“Aren’t you—we—all about mixing the species?” I ask.
“We are, but we are also about a free expression of love. Though a lot of the women who come here want to birth supe babies, we recognize that not all acolytes are ready to make that commitment.”
I’m really starting to think this place is on the up and up. Very woke. That being said, I’m gonna keep taking my birth control while I’m here. The whole free love thing could just be a way for them to trick people into dropping their defenses. By the time you’re knocked up with some half-breed baby, all they gotta say is ‘whoopsie guess the spell didn’t take.”
It’s possible all these spells Adorra is promising us could be bogus. The equivalent of a sugar pill instead of real medicine. What I need is a way to test one and find out if there’s really any juice behind all these magical promises. And I’ve got the perfect test.
“Would it be possible to get a charm that wards against incubus magic?” I ask. “You know, because the free expression of love thing is difficult when someone can turn me on just by breathing.”
Adorra tilts her head at this. “Actually, an incubus doesn’t have to be breathing for their magic to manifest. It’s why their bodies are burned when they die, otherwise there’s a very high chance of—”
“No need to explain,” I interrupt. “I totally understand.”
“Well then I hope you also understand, a charm against incubus magic is not something I can provide for you. There are only a small number of incubi that have become part of Together We Come and they are all very careful to control their powers. While giving you such a charm might provide peace of mind to you, it’s unnecessary and would be seen as an act of hostility against our incubi members.”
Cassie touches my arm, her eyes wide and beseeching. “It would totally hurt Mac’s feelings,” she tells me. “I know he seems this untouchable sex god, all virile and masculine and rock hard at a moment’s notice…” Trailing off, Cassie frowns. “What was I saying?”
“Mac’s feelings?” I supply.
“Right!” Cassie fans her face. “Sorry, I got a little off track there, but the point is, Mac is a real softie underneath all the—”
“Hot oozing sex,” I fill in for her, not wanting to use up all her adjectives describing Mac again.
“Yes,” Cassie confirms. Turning to Adorra she adds, “I definitely positively absolutely do not want any anti-incubus spells.”
“I”m glad to hear it,” Adorra says with a slight smile. She raises her eyebrows in my direction, clearly wanting a similar vow from me. I consider telling them about the time I accidentally drank something spiked with incubus sperm and it made me have an orgasm every time I touched another living creature. Thank goodness I didn’t have Shit yet; all his innocent puppy snuggles and licks might’ve killed me.
I decide to keep that story for now. Maybe if there’s a campfire later. In the meantime, I’ll just keep my guard up around Mac.
“It’s fine,” I say, and then realizing that sounds a little sour, I go for a more conciliatory tone. “Sorry, I think I’m just a little overwhelmed right now.”
Adorra smiles. “Of course, that’s perfectly natural.”
I sigh with relief, happy that for now I’ve smoothed things over, even if I am still at the mercy of the incubus’s charms. Asking for the birth control spell probably already singled me out a little. Insisting on an anti-incubus spell might bring more attention than an undercover cult guest needs.
Adorra takes us on a little tour of the compound—er, um, commune. I make a mental note to see how others refer to this particular living situation, and do as they do. When in Rome, and all that. And—if some of the things I’ve heard about Ancient Rome are true—that comparison might be dead-on.
I have my own yurt, just a small thing with a cot, meant for sleeping. Adorra assures me that as I become more comfortable with the group lifestyle, I’ll require less and less privacy. My suitcase and broom are already in the tent, and I see that there is a small mat for Shit as well as water and food bowls. He wanders over to, sniffing at the contents, then looks at me for permission. I nod, and he eats ravenously. I’m half-worried that Adorra will think I don’t feed him, but she only smiles.
“We have a special concoction that the kitchen whips up fresh every morning for the Dalmanther pack,” she says, as Shit sniffs his bowl for more, then lets out a high, piercing whine. That must be some special stuff, for sure, because I’ve never heard that particular sound before. Slightly miffed that my dog prefers sex-cult fare to my table scraps, I call him to my side. We continue our tour, and I’m glad to find out that Cassie has been assigned the yurt next to mine.
Adorra then shows us a few of the bigger tents, complete with king-size beds, silk sheets, and plenty of sex toys laying around.
“These are usually full,” Adorra explains, “but we do realize that some initiates need an adjustment period, so we try to ease you into the lifestyle here with the first tour.”
I give the beds a professional once-over, but they seem okay. “Is everything, um… cleaned regularly?”
“Yes, of course,” Adorra immediately puts my mind at ease. “We aren’t heathens,” she says, wrinkling her nose. “Moving forward, just be aware that even if the mattresses are all occupied, most couples will allow you to watch. If you want to join in let them know verbally, and then wait for an indication that you are cleared to enter.”
Cassie giggles like a high school girl, and I wonder if she’s at all ready for this. For that matter, am I?
“Can I make a phone call?” I ask, testing the waters.
“Of course,” Adorra assures me. We walk across a large clearing where a long line of people are waiting at the doors of a giant Victorian mansion. It looks like a grander version of my own house…minus any dead body deliveries from VSK on the porch. It’s in great shape, from the gables and turrets right down to the decorative woodwork. This is an old house, but somebody has put a lot of money into the upkeep.
Shit suddenly stops dead, his ears pricked forward, one paw up, pointing as he spots a Dalmanther in the distance. There are several, actually. This must be the pack Adorra referred to before. They are playing together, the younger pups rolling around in the grass. I can’t help but notice that the older ones have picked a more mature sport,
one that Together We Come must surely be proud of.
Shit whines again and looks up at me with his puppy dog eyes.
“Shit, I don’t know…” I start.
I’m a little worried about how things will go down, and if Shit will be able to find a place in the pack. He’s a monster in my house; a TV, most of my bras, a couch, and all of Darron’s shoes have fallen victim to his bad habits. Just about the only thing that has survived his appetites is my vibrator. But Shit is still a young Dalmanther, and a couple of the adults in the pack look like they could tear him in half if they decided to.
When they hear him whine, they bound over. A sudden motherly instinct makes me step in front of him, arms raised as if I can fend off an entire pack. They come to a halt, eyeing me before bowing to Shit politely. Shit bows back—not sure that I'll ever get used to that—and then it’s a butt-sniffing party. Shit gets especially curious about one big boy’s meaty danglers, causing Adorra to smile.
“I think he’s found his mentor,” she says.
I don’t know how I feel about Shit having a mentor that isn’t me. Suddenly there are tears pricking my eyes and I feel like a young mother putting her kindergartner on the bus for the first day of school.
What is even with my emotions right now? I’m crying during the introductory tour of a sex cult.
“It’s completely safe,” Adorra assures me, touching my arm. “No one will harm him. If anything he will come back to you happy and tired and probably full of treats.”
When his chosen mentor Dalmanther leads Shit over to a female and she immediately shows them both her belly, I’m a little worried that Shit might come back to me a proud father. But I guess they have to grow up sometime.
“Go on, Shit,” I tell him. “Behave!” I shout at his retreating back, as the pack takes off. I give the female Shit had been interested in a particularly harsh mama side-eye, like a warning to keep her butt away from my boy.
Adorra leads us inside the mansion, bypassing the line. “Um, are we like… cutting?” Cassie asks, twisting some of her hair in her fingers.
The Lying, the Witch, and the Werewolf (Down & Dirty Supernatural Cleaning Services Book 4) Page 9
