“What?”
He pulled away angrily, shoving him back. “Why are you still here? Your job is over. You have no reason to stay. You’ve had your fun, now get the fuck out of my life!” Adrian hissed, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.
Adrian struggled against him when Xavier sat back on the carpeted floor and pulled him into his arms. When the tears welling up finally fell, the man did, as well—his mask finally shattered. Adrian’s struggles became more frantic. His cries turned into hopeless sobbing. His sobbing quickly became wails of heartbreak and pain. All the emotions Adrian had been hiding crashed into him at once; the lock was no longer strong enough to hold.
“Let me go! Just leave! I don’t need you!” he wailed. The words were repeated over and over.
Xavier felt helpless as he rocked Adrian, his heart breaking at his pain. All he could do was murmur that he wouldn’t leave, that it was going to be okay—words that were incomprehensible and useless to the man in his arms. Useless to a man crying and raging at a world that had continued to prove its cruelty.
As time passed, Adrian’s struggles became weaker and eventually stopped completely. His wails of pain dwindled to sobs. And his sobs died away to soft weeping.
Eventually, even the weeping faded to silence. The only sound Adrian made was an occasional sniffle. Xavier continued to hold him close—he remained silent, as he couldn’t find the courage to speak.
After another sniffle, Adrian murmured hoarsely, “I don’t understand why you’re still here.”
He peered down—the man was staring up at him. Adrian’s eyes were bloodshot and his pert little nose red from crying. Due to his struggles, the man’s long black hair was also sticking up everywhere, as if even it refused to remain perfect when the rest of him was falling apart. Adrian was a complete mess—a mess Xavier found utterly adorable. As he gazed into his lover’s sad, lonely eyes, there really was only one thing Xavier could say. “I’m still here because I love you, Adrian.”
Adrian stiffened in his arms. “You can’t love me…” His voice was filled with certainty.
He had already anticipated Adrian’s denial—a man who avoided forming romantic attachments for a few millennia would not believe words of love easily. Nor would a man who’d continually been abandoned. As both described Adrian’s love life, it would take time for him to believe Xavier.
Cupping Adrian’s face, he kissed him on his little red nose. “But I do.”
“You don’t!” Irritation quickly replaced his sadness.
Xavier laughed at Adrian’s denial—the man’s feisty spirit was making a quick return. “Oh, but I do.”
The man growled; Adrian fully planned to argue with him. “You do not!” Adrian snarled.
“I do, baby. I love you with all my heart, and I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you behind like the rest.”
“I never knew Baylin had issues keeping his big fat mouth shut!” Adrian said with disgust. “And you will leave, it’s only a matter of time.”
“I won’t. But I know it’ll take time for your fears to go away. I also know you’re afraid to love me. You have put your heart in the hands of others before, only to have it crushed. However, unlike them, I know who you are, Adrian. I’m not going to suddenly wake up and realize you’re not who I want. As I told Baylin, I’m quite aware that you can be frustrating as hell and completely irrational. Not to mention you’re a bit odd, and your personal priorities are very questionable.” He grinned. “However, I still love you.”
Crossing his arms, Adrian glared at him and grumbled, “I’m glad to know what you really think of me.”
Xavier started to laugh. “Oh, baby, you’re a pain in the ass, but you’re my little pain in the ass.” He laughed harder when Adrian’s glare turned into a fierce pout.
With Adrian still in his arms, he stood up and started walking toward the bedroom. “Come on, baby, let’s take a nap. You look exhausted.”
“Fine, but stop calling me baby! I’m almost ten thousand years old, for fuck’s sake.”
“Sure, sure,” Xavier soothed.
Chapter Fourteen
Adrian’s eyes were dry when he opened them—likely from how much he’d cried last night. Judging by the position of the sunlight shining through his windows, he had slept for hours. The nap Xavier suggested had apparently lasted a lot longer than they had planned. He was still tired though.
Shifting away from Xavier, he sat up beside the sleeping man. Curling up, he clasped his hands on his bent knees, resting his head on them as he stared down at Xavier. Adrian was grateful the man was still asleep. His mind was in chaos, and he needed time to organize his thoughts—something he’d rather do without being under the man’s watchful gaze.
Adrian was slightly embarrassed about his meltdown last night. He supposed he should be happy that he hadn’t completely lost it and used his telekinesis on the poor man. He doubted Xavier would have enjoyed being tossed into a wall—as it was, there were a few bruises on the man’s chest.
Surprisingly, he felt a bit better, lighter. No longer was he being crushed by the weight of his own emotions, but they were still there, of course.
His anger and guilt for Kellin getting hurt remained—that guilt, however, was beginning to dissipate as it looked as if Kellin’s child would survive. He of course still mourned for Kaiden’s loss. His anger that a young life had been snuffed out for such a petty reason still boiled inside, and the helplessness he felt toward the situation remained.
However, now he had another problem. Not necessarily a problem exactly, but something he couldn’t help but find distressing. Xavier had told him he loved him, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. He felt as if he was going to have a panic attack. He didn’t know if he should believe the man—he didn’t even know if he wanted it to be true…
Adrian winced. God, Xavier was right. He was hiding from himself. At some point, Adrian had stopped trusting himself. He had stopped believing that he could handle all the emotions that ran through him.
He had never thought himself a coward, but that’s what he had become. He had run away, hiding in fear. Well, no longer would he do so. He would not allow fear to rule his actions.
He knew what he wanted—he wanted the love Xavier claimed to feel toward him. He didn’t want to be alone anymore. In fact, he couldn’t handle being alone anymore. Adrian was fucking tired of being alone—he hated it! He despised waking up alone and jumping from one bed to the next.
Adrian had convinced himself that he hadn’t needed more, that he would never find more than that. But he did need more…he wanted to love, and to be loved. And he was absolutely terrified because he had been lying to himself—deep down…
Deep down he wanted to trust that Xavier loved him, because he already loved the man back. He also didn’t know if he would survive the man walking away from him.
However, he refused to continue being a coward. Which was why Xavier needed to wake the fuck up, so he could tell him he loved him—preferably before he lost his nerve.
After uncurling, he got on his knees and began to shake Xavier. “Wake up!” He huffed and was just about to smack him when both of his wrists were grabbed.
Xavier pulled him onto his lap and laughed groggily. “Feeling violent this morning, sweetheart?”
“I love you!” Adrian snapped. He winced and closed his eyes—that hadn’t been the best delivery. Or the most loving…it had sounded more like an accusation.
When Xavier started to laugh, he sagged on his lap. Adrian allowed his hair to fall and hide his face. Ugh, it seemed he was doomed to embarrass himself in front of the man.
Big hands cupped his face, then tilted it up. Adrian gazed into Xavier’s eyes. They seemed to be twinkling with humor and what he hoped was love. “Thank you, Adrian, thank you.” The man smiled and drew him into a kiss.
Adrian sank into the kiss and parted his lips, allowing Xavier to explore his mouth. He was panting slightly when Xavier pulled back and kiss
ed him on the nose. He laughed at the kiss. “If you keep doing that, it’s going to become a habit.”
Xavier hummed. “Mmm, would you mind if it did?”
Smiling, Adrian said, “Constantly being kissed on the nose most assuredly is not dignified. I’m sure Baylin has a lecture stored just for the occasion.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” the man responded with a laugh. “But how does King Adrian feel about me kissing him on his cute little nose?”
He bent forward and nipped at Xavier’s chin. “It’s growing on him.”
He barked out a laugh when Xavier rolled, pinned Adrian beneath him, and kissed him on the nose yet again. “I love you,” Xavier whispered as he pressed his lips to Adrian’s.
Unlike the first time, when Adrian tried to pull off Xavier’s shirt, the man stopped and threw it off himself. “No games this time?” Adrian asked.
Xavier grinned wickedly. “Maybe later…”
Adrian ran his hands up and down the muscles of Xavier’s back as the man began to explore his body. When Xavier glided his tongue up his neck, he grabbed the man’s hair and drew him back into a kiss. “I don’t think I can wait very long today.” He gently bit at Xavier’s bottom lip with one of his fangs. “I need to feel you.”
At his words, Xavier slid off him, and the bed, so he could remove the rest of his clothes. Adrian lay frozen, completely transfixed as he watched the man slide his pants off. He decided he would always be grateful for Xavier’s habit of going commando. When Xavier crawled back onto the bed, he hurried to remove his own clothes.
His mouth watered at the view in front of him. Xavier was already hard and dripping beads of precum. His eyes followed a drop as it slid from the crown all the way down the man’s shaft. Xavier settled back against the pillows. With a lecherous grin, he gripped his cock. “Want a taste, baby?”
God, did he want a taste. He crawled between Xavier’s legs, moved the man’s hands aside, and licked away a bead of precum. “Mmm, salty,” Adrian said with a hum.
Wrapping his hand around the base of Xavier’s prick, Adrian took the rest into his mouth. At his actions, Xavier let out a grunt of pleasure. He gulped a few times around him, grinning when the man began to groan louder.
“Baby, swing yourself around. Let me open you up.” Xavier gasped the words out between moans. Adrian pulled off and quickly did as Xavier asked, then continued what he had been doing. He traced his tongue up one of the thick veins on Xavier’s swollen shaft before sucking on the dark red tip. He would have to talk to Xavier later about whether he was allowed to bite him there or not—men tended to not like sharp things near their parts.
It soon became difficult to focus on his task as Xavier continued to open him up. He completely abandoned it by the third finger when the man began to rub the small gland inside him. “Oh God, Xavier, please.” He moaned, his body trembling.
In a breathy voice, Xavier ordered, “Ride me, baby.”
Moaning at the command, Adrian flipped around. He lined the man’s prick up with his stretched muscle and slid all the way down. Adrian gasped and panted. “So deep.” He should have done that slowly, he thought—as it was, Adrian was forced to remain still to allow himself to adjust. He felt a slight chill as drops of sweat trickled down his overly heated body. Xavier, sweating, as well, remained frozen beneath him, the strain of holding still clear on his face.
Taking a few deep breaths, Adrian moved. They both moaned as he glided up and down. His cries of pleasure became louder as Xavier began to thrust up into him.
Adrian whimpered. “More!” More, he needed more—his release was so close. As he reached down to rub himself, Xavier slapped his hand away. His cry of protest was cut short when Xavier gripped his erection and began to jerk him off. He rode the man faster, the speed of Xavier’s thrusts increasing, and with a rhythm set, they raced toward completion.
When Xavier howled, his release filling him, Adrian went over the edge. He cried out, shooting all over Xavier’s chest as his orgasm surged through him. Black spots began to fill his vision as he collapsed bonelessly on top of Xavier. He had to force himself to remain awake—there was no way in hell he was letting himself pass out again.
Ugh, though he would rather he hadn’t collapsed on Xavier’s cum-covered chest. He should have rolled sideways. Panting still, he peered up at Xavier. The man grinned down at him, scooped up a bit of cum that had splattered on his neck, and sucked it into his mouth.
“Keep that up, and round two will start now,” Adrian rumbled.
“Baby, I’m up for anything. However, dried cum tends to itch.”
He pouted. “I should have just let myself pass out. I could have gotten out of clean-up.”
Xavier’s chest vibrated with laughter. “You could have.”
Adrian bit his lip and laid his head on his hands, staring up at Xavier. “I love you…and I’m scared. I’m scared you’ll leave…”
Xavier smiled down at him, cupping his face. “I know, baby, I know.”
“And I’m angry, so angry that I couldn’t stop it, that I couldn’t save the precious little boy that used to run around my halls. I ache…” He took a shaky breath—tears began to trickle down his face. “Because no matter how much pain I feel, I know what Kaiden is feeling right now is worse than any pain I have ever known.”
Xavier began catching each tear. “I know…I know…but we’ll help him survive this.”
He sobbed softly as Xavier continued to hold him.
“I love you, Adrian. I love you…”
Chapter Fifteen
Three weeks later
Adrian had found Dorian’s funeral hard to bear, but he had managed to get through it.
It had been two weeks since he had seen Kaiden—which was one of the reasons he now stood examining the front door of Kaiden’s two-story mansion.
Adrian was glad Xavier had convinced him to wait a bit before he went to see Kaiden. He had, of course, ordered the man’s butler to inform him immediately if Kaiden tried anything. The man had deserved a little space, probably more than two weeks, but Adrian couldn’t force himself to wait any longer.
He took a deep breath and, instead of knocking, opened the door and walked in—at his request, the butler had emptied the house, leaving Kaiden as the only occupant. As he had been informed, the man was not in any state to answer the door. Knocking would have been pointless.
At first, Kaiden’s home looked much like the last time he visited, until he got farther in. There was broken furniture and empty bottles of alcohol strewn about. It got worse the farther he ventured. It did, however, lead him to the man he was searching for.
Kaiden was curled up passed out against a wall in his son’s bedroom, a teddy bear clutched in the man’s arms. Dirty and disheveled, Kaiden’s long white-pink hair was greasy and sticking up everywhere, and there were deep purple bags under his eyes. If Adrian wasn’t mistaken, he was still wearing the clothes he had on at the funeral.
After walking over, he crouched down and gently shook the man. Kaiden woke with a jolt. His eyes were wide and filled with confusion when he saw him. “Adrian,” Kaiden managed to croak out.
He smiled gently at him and cupped one side of his face. “It’s time, Kaiden.”
Kaiden stared blankly at him, his sapphire eyes dazed, still heavily under the influence of the alcohol he had consumed. “Time…for what?”
“For you to leave here.”
At his words, the man looked even more confused than before. Kaiden uncurled and held up the bear he had been hugging. “I found this…do you remember?”
Adrian was filled with sadness at the sight of the slightly battered little bear. “Of course I do.”
“He used to drag it around behind him everywhere we went…the only time…the only time it didn’t get dirty was when he was in the castle.” Kaiden laughed with a sob. “Your floors…they were always so clean.”
Adrian’s tears fell at the words. “Yes, I remember, Kaiden.” He wra
pped his arms around the man as Kaiden began to sob harder.
After a few minutes, he helped Kaiden struggle to his feet and walked him toward the front door. The stairs were a bit difficult, but they somehow managed to get down without falling.
Kaiden had followed quietly until they got to the door, where he froze up, seemingly unwilling to walk outside. “Where are we going?”
“Home.”
“But…I am home…”
“Not anymore.”
Kaiden stared at him with blurry eyes. “I’m not?”
“No, but you will be,” he affirmed. After guiding him over the threshold, he directed him toward the car.
* * * *
Walking into the sitting room, Xavier glanced down at Adrian. The man was lounging on one of the couches with his eyes closed.
He looked around the sitting room—it was a bit different from before. The bed was now gone, and all his stuff had been moved into the bedroom that he and Adrian now shared. He still wondered why Adrian had agreed to stay in the room. Xavier had been the one who suggested it, as the room was quite a bit bigger than Adrian’s old one. It had, of course, turned into an argument—but when Adrian had admitted that the reason it was bigger was because it had been his father’s, he had given up. However, when he had begun to pack his stuff, Adrian changed his mind.
The only explanation he received was that Adrian wanted to chase the darkness from the castle, and that this was the only place he hadn’t managed to do so. Xavier could only guess that the ‘darkness’ was Adrian’s father.
He walked over to the couch Adrian was lying on. “Sit up, baby.” Once the man moved up, Xavier sat down and let Adrian lay his head on his lap.
He ran his hands through Adrian’s silky-soft hair—it had become a habit. Xavier found he loved feeling the long strands slide through his fingers. “Did you bring him home?”
Adrian opened his eyes and peered up at him. “Yes, he’s resting right now.”
Adrian's Bodyguard [Vampires of Vadin 1] (Siren Publishing Classic ManLove) Page 12
