Colton

by Melissa Belle

  I frown.

  “Look, you even ran full tilt into the goddamn Pacific Ocean to get Maxwell White’s attention,” Ted says with a grin.

  “I did not want that guy’s attention.”

  “Of course you weren’t looking to score with that arrogant ass,” he says. “I’m saying you wouldn’t stop running—it’s like life is a series of hundred yard dashes to you. Even when those waves knocked you on your ass, you stood up and charged forward. Until you ran into Colton, and finally stopped.”

  “You’re saying Colton stops me?”

  “I’m saying you want him to stop you.” Ted picks up a pen off my desk and starts doodling on his notepad. “You don’t want to keep running forever, Sky. Why would you? It’s exhausting.”

  By the shadow that crosses his face, he seems to be speaking from personal experience.

  “When did you stop?” I ask him quietly.

  “When I landed in L.A., looked around, and realized I finally didn’t have a target on my back all the time.” His sharp features sharpen more, even as his eyes soften with pain.

  Ted’s told me before how he grew up in small-town Middle America, where being different wasn’t okay. His parents didn’t know what to do with a highly-creative, incredibly talented kid who also figured out at the age of seven that he liked boys instead of girls.

  “I’m so sorry you suffered like that,” I say to him. “My pain is different than yours. But I also had to worry about being a target. My childhood…” I trail off.

  Ted narrows his eyes on me. “Colton gets you,” he says earnestly. “And you know it. You’re just being stubborn. Not because you’re bitchy, but because you’re scared.”

  “I know,” I say.

  When you’re trained out of following your gut instincts, you can become detached from yourself.

  Every single time my father hit me, or threatened to hit me, my instinct was to run like hell. But I didn’t think I could leave. I was a kid, and I would never leave my mother.

  And for years, she wouldn’t leave him.

  But then one day she finally did. We all got away from the monster in the house. We were free. Because we ran.

  “I guess a quick getaway feels like power to me,” I say. “Because sometimes it is.”

  “Sometimes,” Ted agrees. “But in other cases, the harder thing to do is think you’re worthy of staying. Because there’s beauty in being able to open your heart to love, Sky.”

  Shit, I know he’s right. I’ve known from the moment I took a chance on the beach and agreed to go back to Colton’s house with him. But my heart closed down a long time ago, and I still don’t trust that it won’t be demolished if I truly open it again.

  * * *

  The rest of the afternoon drags. When my boss stops by my office, I look up at him in relief.

  “Come on in, Glenn,” I say. “Do you have a few minutes? I’d love to run my ideas by you for part two of the Maxwell White interview. I was thinking I could delve even more into his art this time, and why he chooses to stay so private. He agreed to meet Ted and me at one of his murals in the city, so we could do half the interview there, before we go to the beach so he can make sure he’s on camera surfing. You know how gifted he is…”

  “Skylar.” Glenn holds up a large hand to stop my enthusiastic rambling. “I love the idea. I love this whole interview series you’ve got going on with Maxwell White. It’s the break you deserve. And that’s why I have something specific in mind for you next week, starting Monday.”

  “Great.” I’ll take anything to keep my mind off of what’s going on with my father, not to mention my intense crush on Colton Wild. “What is it?”

  “A vacation.” His warm brown eyes twinkle as I stare at him in shock. “You haven’t taken one since you started working here almost five years ago.”

  “But…” I take a deep breath, and let it out. “I’m busy. I’ve got this interview to prepare for!”

  “Maxwell told us he’s not available until next month.” Glenn stays standing, which throws me more off-guard. “This is the perfect time for you to take a short break. You worked for years to get to this point, so take some time to enjoy what you got. Everything will be here waiting for you when you return.”

  “Why?” I burst out, sounding like an adolescent, but too panicked to care. “Why would you make me take a vacation? I’ve never heard of that.”

  “That’s because you’ve never worked for someone like me.” Glenn’s silver hair twinkles under the bright lights of my office. “I know what it’s like to burn out, Skylar. I don’t want to see it happen to someone as young and as talented as you.”

  “But I’m taking the weekend and doing something just for me,” I say. “Non work-related.”

  “Great. So extend that into next week. You’re not allowed into the WACR building until the following Monday.”

  “What? Isn’t that illegal?”

  Glenn shrugs, looking fully unconcerned. “I’m the boss. I say you’re taking next week off.”

  “But…” I fumble for an excuse. “It’s too late to book a trip somewhere.”

  “So sit in your apartment for the week. Or find a last-minute flight to a tropical island. I don’t care, as long as you’re not working. You try to come into this building on Monday morning, and I’ll have you escorted out.”

  I drop my jaw. “God, you really are serious.”

  Glenn winks at me and turns to leave. “Have a good week. Relax. Smell the roses. See you soon.”

  I rest my head in my hands. What the hell am I going to do with myself next week?

  Thoughts of Colton flash through my mind. Dirty, dirty thoughts, of us in the shower together. Of us in my bed together. In his bed together. I squeeze my thighs tight, trying to calm my racing pulse. The man has me this turned on when I’m alone in my office. What is he going to do to me when I’m at his house later? Knowing Colton, and the kind of sparks we’ve always had between us, it doesn’t take much imagining to envision. I shiver, and try to return to my work.

  * * *

  On my drive home from the office, I’m still seething about Glenn and his mandated time off. Needing a sympathetic ear, I call my favorite woman in the world.

  “Hi, honey. How are you doing?” Mom answers on the first ring, a habit she never fails to break.

  How she manages to always answer the phone so quickly is beyond me.

  “Hi, Mom. I’m great. How are you?”

  “Doing fine. And I know we’ve been caught up in other, less pleasant matters, but your interviews are always wonderful. You look and sound so professional. I’m so proud of you, honey.”

  Her words mean everything to me. All I’ve ever wanted was to make her happy, something she never seemed to be when I was a kid.

  “Thanks, Mom.” I take a breath. “So. Still no news?”

  “Not yet. I promise to let you know as soon as I do. But I’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much.”

  “Mom, of course I worry about you.”

  “Your father is nowhere near me or my home. And it will stay that way. I’ve got the best security system in the world, thanks to you and your overprotective big brothers. Plus, with this latest situation, they’ve got an around-the-clock guard stationed outside. Nobody is going to get to me. Never again.”

  Her words give me chills. “We’re just looking out for you, Mom. We love you.”

  “I love you, too, honey. So, other than getting ready for the second interview with Maxwell White, what else is going on in your life?”

  Not even remotely prepared to fill her in on Colton, I keep my focus on work. By the time I’ve finished telling Mom about Glenn’s forced vacation time, she’s laughing.

  “Sky, you deserve some time off.”

  “I don’t like time off,” I say, sounding like a spoiled brat, but knowing my mother will understand what I’m really saying.

  “Sky, listen: you’ve been tethered to a ghost for too long.”

  I go sil
ent.

  “When have you last been to see Dr. Bradley?”

  “Mo-om.” I drag out her name as I groan. “I’ve been busy. So busy. With work, and…well, work, and…”

  “How long, Skylar?”

  I rub the heel of my hand over my right eye, keeping my left eye trained on the road. “It’s been a while,” I finally answer her.

  “Make an appointment.”

  “I will. In a couple of months maybe…”

  “See if she has any openings next week.”

  I sigh. “You’re suggesting I spend my week off in my therapist’s office? That’s going to make me feel super normal.”

  “You’ve never been normal, Sky.” Mom’s tone is affectionate. “None of us are. Not after what we went through as a family. I kick myself every day that I didn’t get you all out of there sooner, that I didn’t value my worth enough to run earlier.”

  “Mom, please don’t blame yourself. It never helps anyone.”

  “I know. And that’s exactly what I’m saying to you, honey. Shutting off your heart, because of past pain, doesn’t help you to heal. Opening up is what will heal you. I know work is your boyfriend right now, and it has been forever…”

  I snort. “Mama, come on.”

  “You need to make room in your life for more than your career. You’re lonely, Sky. I can hear it in your voice.”

  I hate hearing her fret over me, and I almost tell her about my weekend plans. But it’s far too much pressure to let anyone else in on whatever Colton and I are. I need to figure my own shit out first.

  “I’ll call her now.” I promise as we end the call.

  I click off and, before I can talk myself out of it, I pull into the nearby parking lot and bring up Dr. Bradley’s phone number. Reception answers.

  “Hello, this is Skylar Rosewood. I wanted to make an appointment with Dr. Bradley. I know she’s very busy…”

  “Actually, a patient just cancelled for this Sunday afternoon at one. She doesn’t normally work weekends, but she had scheduled the time weeks ago for this particular client. Would you like to take the slot?”

  A million thoughts race through my head. Colton; being at his house for the weekend; how soon on Sunday will we part? Deciding that leaving his house by noon on Sunday is appropriate, I make my decision.

  “Um, yes. I would.”

  I thank her and hang up, then pull back onto the street. Spending time with Colton is now right in front of me, with no more delays, and I’m as nervous as I am excited.

  By the time I step inside my apartment, I’m already practicing calming yoga breaths.

  Karma’s furry white body wriggles with excitement, like she knows we’re about to do something different than our usual hanging out in my apartment and going for walks.

  I pick her up and snuggle her close to me. “You’re so smart, Karma,” I say as she nibbles my hair. “We’re going to spend a couple of days—and nights—at a friend’s house. You, me, and River.”

  I call out hello to my kitty cat, even though I can’t see her yet. She and Karma sometimes sleep together, but often River finds a secret spot all to herself.

  The three of us make a good team. And now we’re going to go invade Colton’s space. I feel a touch of relief that I won’t be going to see him alone, which makes me either a coward, a weirdo, or some of both. But Karma, River, and I are a package deal, so if Colton wants me there, he’ll have to accept them as well.

  I go find River, who’s sleeping on my closet shelf. I pat her black shiny fur, and she purrs as she gets up and jumps down to greet me. I feed her and Karma their dinner, and clean the litter box. Then I shower and shave, making sure to put on my favorite jeans and pink top. Once I’m dressed, I pack slowly. I glance over at my dresser, at the smooth stone that sits next to my jewelry box. I think about taking the stone with me and showing it to Colton, wondering if he’d remember giving it to me all those years ago.

  That’s a dumb idea, Sky. Focus on the present, not on the past. Colton’s probably had lots of girlfriends since then, and given them gifts as well. Even though he clearly feels strongly about our time together when we were young, it can’t possibly be the same for him as it was for me. I held onto that night with Colton like it was some kind of security blanket or something. Telling him I held onto the rock sounds like something a child would do.

  I sigh as I pull on my ankle boots. I don’t know why I’m so freaking nervous. I trust Colton. But what I’m doing—staying with him like this—is unheard of for me. Sure, I’ve gone on dates, and had sex, but I’ve never cared about any of the men enough to want to spend the night together. With my night issues, having a sleepover always seemed like a really bad idea. And now I’m going to be spending two nights in a row with Colton. Even if I decide to stay in his guest room, it still feels like a big step to wake up in the morning and eat breakfast with somebody else.

  I zip up my overnight bag and then wrestle River into her cat carrier. Karma jumps into her carrier happily as usual, and I turn off the light in my bedroom. It’s a short walk from here to my combination living room and kitchen, but I stop and put down both carriers in the bathroom so I can take one last look at myself. My hair’s not behaving, but that’s nothing new. I give up on wearing it loose and pull it onto the top of my head in a knot. Then I apply a touch more lipstick and eyeliner, staring into the mirror at my wide green eyes. I can read the fear in them, the absolute terror at opening up to somebody else. I stick out my tongue at myself and give a low curse, before I pick up both carriers again and finally make my way to the living room.

  My entire apartment could fit inside Colton’s kitchen. I know he doesn’t think about those things, because he was always wealthy. But my brothers and I grew up noticing the rich kids. They were the opposite of us. And old habits die hard, I guess. I’m not self-conscious about my life, or my salary, or any of my choices. I’m proud of where I am, and where I’m headed. But Colton knocks me off-balance enough as it is, and feeling like we were on equal footing in some area of life would help. But that’s probably just another way for me to rationalize my terror of intimacy. I’m sure Dr. Bradley would tell me that.

  I sigh as I open my front door, armed with the first round of stuff I have to bring to the car. Time to be brave.

  * * *

  I almost cancel a hundred times on the drive over. River cries incessantly, like she’s warning me to turn the fuck around and take her back home to familiar ground. But the tiny, curious, courageous part of me, the piece of my heart that never gave up completely on love, won’t let me change direction. I don’t want to go home and hide, and then spend the entire weekend sitting around and wondering “what if?” So I keep driving.

  And now here I am, parking my car in Colton Wild’s driveway. He buzzed me in, the gate opened, and I drove right up, trying to ignore my shaking hands. My little sedan looks the way an ant on a football field would appear. Colton’s wraparound driveway is so large it could fit twenty vehicles. And he has at least five parked in full view. At quick glance, I spot an SUV, a truck, and the sports car he picked me up in for the amusement park.

  I step out of the car nervously, but before I can even consider diving back inside, he opens his front door and waves. He’s wearing black jeans with a blue Henley shirt that shows off his well-built shoulders and chest. His feet are bare and his blond hair messy with the trademark lock falling over his forehead. The way the sunlight frames his face, he looks like an angel. Maybe he could be my angel. Shit, that thought is crazy.

  I wave back and then open my back door. I stick my head inside and lift out the two carriers, one of an enthusiastic, panting dog, and the other a pissed-off, meowing cat. Placing them on the ground next to me, I reach back into the car so I can toss my travel bag over my shoulder, and grab the bags of pet food and the litter box. By the time I’ve shut the car door, Colton’s heading toward me. He jogs lightly down the stairs until he reaches me. Sensing a man is about, River’s meows stop imme
diately and she goes completely quiet, like she hopes he won’t notice she’s here.

  Colton leans over and kisses my cheek. “I wasn’t sure you’d show up.”

  I raise my head to meet his open gaze. His blue eyes seer into me, like he knows exactly how big of a step this is for me.

  I shrug, trying to appear casual. “I said I’d be here. I don’t go back on my word.”

  “I’m glad.” His eyes keep searching mine.

  “I’ve got a bunch of stuff,” I say with a gesture at the baggage by my feet.

  Colton appraises the pile of pet carriers, bags, and litter box on the driveway.

  “I can take whatever you want to give me.” He picks up both bags and puts them over his shoulder, and then reaches for the litter box.

  “Thanks. I’ve got these.” I pick up the carriers, one in each hand.

  Colton glances into the carriers with a smile. “Hey, guys.”

  “You wouldn’t know it now, but River howled the entire way here. When she’s unhappy, she’s louder than any dog I know.”

  “I barely got a look at River when I was at your apartment,” Colton says. “She slunk past me in about two seconds flat.”

  “Well, she and Karma look nothing alike.”

  I cringe at my bad joke, but Colton throws his head back and laughs. “They’re both more than welcome here.”

  We’ve reached the front door. Colton ushers me in ahead of him, and then he closes the door behind us. There’s a finality to his movement, as if I’m here for real this time. I spin around almost in a panic, but his warm hand touches the small of my back, urging me into the hallway.

  He puts the litter box in the laundry room, and then continues into the living room.

  I put the carriers down at my feet as I glance up at him. “Is it okay to let Karma and River roam free, or do you want me to keep them in one room?”

  “Free, of course,” he says as he sets down the bags in his arms. “I want to see them.”

  As soon as I open their carriers, Karma runs out and throws her little body against Colton’s leg. He obliges her desperate need to be patted by squatting down and taking her into his arms. She whines and licks his hand and presses her body as close to him as possible.