by Jewel, Bella
“Not to me you weren’t.”
His words hit me hard, and I struggle for a moment, to breathe. Not to me you weren’t. God, what is that supposed to mean? Before I can answer, Joe walks over, tapping me on the shoulder.
“You can go love, it’s settled down in here.”
I turn, struggling to gather my emotions. “Thanks Joe, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
With shaky hands, I turn to Spike. “You want to stay here?”
He shakes his head. “Nah, you wanna go for a drive?”
Oh god, yes, yes.
“I’ll get my things.”
I turn and rush out the back, changing out of my work uniform into a light, summer dress. I let my hair out, running my fingers through it, then I grip my purse and keys before heading back out. Spike is just purchasing a pack of beer for us, and when he turns, our eyes meet and electric bolts spread through my body. For the first time in a long time, I wonder if Spike and I might actually have a decent conversation.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Yeah, ready.”
We head out the front doors and over to my little car. Spike jumps in the front seat and I get into the driver’s side. I start the car, turn on the cooling, and then I pull out onto the road.
My heart is thudding, and my head is spinning. Spike is in my car, with me, willingly. I don’t want to stuff this up. I want a chance to talk to him, to move on from this tension that’s constantly between us. This is my chance; this is the only one I might have.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry about the other night. The way I spoke to you wasn’t fair. I just want us to be friends, even for a night. Can we do that? Can we go somewhere tonight and just be Ciara and Danny again. For one night, can we just get along?”
Spike turns to me, and I can see him watching me from the corner of his eye. “Yeah, Tom Cat, that would be good.”
“Anywhere you want to go?” I ask, my voice shaky.
“Yeah, to the local lake.”
My heart thuds. When we were younger, we used to spend a lot of time at the lakes. We didn’t live here when we were growing up, but the fact that he wants to take me to a lake, means the world to me.
“Sounds good.”
We drive down to the lake, and it’s quiet. No one is around, and the only light is the full moon shining down over the water. Spike and I get out of the car and find a spot under a large oak tree. We sit against the massive trunk, and Spike pulls out the beers, handing me one. We stare out at the water for a long, long moment before he finally speaks.
“Remember when you threw yourself down that hill when you saw a snake?”
I huff and laugh softly. “Yeah, that hurt like hell.”
“Fuckin’ funniest day of my life.”
“Yeah, well, it was funny after...”
He grins and turns to me. Oh that grin, that devastating grin. I smile back, unable to stop the curl from transforming my face.
“Tell me about your life, Tom Cat. Tell me what happened while I wasn’t in it.”
I sigh deeply, and take a long pull of the bitter beer.
“Not much to tell. I lived with Mom and Dad for a long while. Things were bad, so I moved up here. Cade and Jackson helped me out, and I started working. I stayed with them until I could afford my own place and since then I have just been working to get enough money for school.”
“No man then?”
“There was one.”
“What happened?” he asks, pulling out a cigarette and offering me one.
“No thanks,” I say.
He lights the cigarette, and then leans against the trunk again. “Well?”
“He just wasn’t...for me. We were together a little while, things were okay, but it was just never there you know? That spark.”
“Yeah, I’m hearin’ ya.”
“After that, I just kept to myself.”
“Tom Cat’s been dry?” he jokes lightly.
“Something like that.” I laugh.
“You know, for what it’s worth, I am sorry you came back to find me married.”
I flinch and he stares at me, our eyes just holding each other’s for what seems like minutes.
“I know you are.”
He looks away, and his shoulders straighten. “It was better that way.”
“For who?”
“For you.”
“How do you suppose that is?”
He turns back to me. “I was never good enough for you, Tom Cat. Cheyenne, she was easy, she was flirty and outgoing. You were different, you were beautiful, quiet, and fuckin’ fragile. I would have broken you.”
“That was my problem,” I say in a soft, small voice. “I was never enough to compare.”
He spins to me, gripping my arm. “You were more than enough, that was the fuckin’ problem. You more than compared. You were very different to her, but it wasn’t in a way that made you any less beautiful.”
I swallow, and my body winds up tightly with tension.
“Cade told me...he told me you had feelings for me.”
Spike flinches. “Long time ago, Tom Cat.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
He narrows his eyes. “You didn’t tell me either.”
“No, I guess I didn’t. I wanted to, but then Cheyenne came in and you took a liking to her, so I didn’t bother.”
“I went to her, and I fell in love with her, but she wasn’t what I wanted for myself, Tom Cat. I wanted you, but you wouldn’t give me a god damned inch.”
“You didn’t think of telling me?” I snap, crossing my arms. “You didn’t think that maybe you should have said something before you just ran off with Cheyenne?”
“What was the fuckin’ point? You couldn’t fuckin’ see it. I tried, fuck knows I tried, and yet you didn’t see me. I was sick of tryin’. Cheyenne threw herself on me, and I thought what the fuckin’ heck?”
I feel my body begin to shake. “I didn’t see it, Spike. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to, it was because I was so scared I would ruin everything if you knew how I felt.”
“Fuck, Ciara, I was constantly with you. I picked you up every motherfuckin’ day, I spent every motherfuckin’ weekend with you, I was there all the time.”
“I know that!” I cry. “God, Spike, I know you were, okay? I didn’t see it. I was young and I didn’t fucking see it. Then she came along and I stopped believing there was a chance. It wasn’t just on me, or you, it was on us both. We both walked away without telling each other there was so much more to it. I know what I gave up, I know I passed you over to her and I regret it every day.”
“I don’t regret it, Tom Cat. I loved Cheyenne, and I don’t regret marrying her...bu—”
I get to my feet, hurt. His words are something I already know, but it’s the way he says them. He grips my arm before I can spin away, and yanks me back down. I land harshly, and attempt to slap his hand away, but his grip is too strong.
“One fucking moment,” I spit. “One fucking moment can’t go by without her being better. One fucking moment, I’d like to mean a tiny bit more than her. You can’t fucking see it, can you? You walk around with those stupid fucking rose-colored glasses on, unable to see anything she did. I never doubted you loved her Spike, I knew you did. I saw it. I lived it. But for one fucking moment I wish it was me.”
I jerk my hand out of his grip, and spin, turning to walk off.
“It was you,” he yells, stopping me in my tracks. “I don’t regret her, Ciara. Not for a fuckin’ second. I don’t regret lovin’ her, I don’t regret marryin’ her. Cheyenne changed my life, she changed a part of me, but you, Ciara, were the one who opened my heart. You were the first one to claim it and you were the one who fuckin’ tore it out of my chest the day you ran off. You never gave me a motherfuckin’ chance to explain myself to you. I woke up after we slept together and you were gone. Couldn’t fuckin’ find you. It was you who took my heart, and you who fuckin’ broke it. She picked the pieces up when I couldn’t f
ind you, and so I stopped fighting. Cheyenne might have had me in the end, Tom Cat, but my heart was always yours first.”
Hot tears spill out of my eyes, and my knees wobble. Slowly, I lower myself to the ground. Spike puts his beer down, and crawls over to me. He stops in front of me, reaching up to grip my face. He tilts it up towards me, and gently, his thumb swipes away my tears.
“Fuck, Ciara, you just can’t see that you meant the motherfuckin’ world to me.”
“Then why do you hate me so much now?”
“Don’t fuckin’ hate you,” he growls, his voice low and raspy. “I’m tryin’ to protect you, and all it’s doin’ is makin’ me need you more. Walk away from me, Tom Cat. Do yourself a favor, and run. I ain’t ever gonna be what you need. Ain’t ever gonna be what anyone needs. Why can’t you just see that?”
“Running is for people who don’t have the balls to fight,” I whisper, leaning in close to him, breathing in his scent. Tonight it’s a mix; I can smell beer as well as that musky scent that is his alone.
“When are you gonna see there’s no point in fightin’ for something that don’t wanna be fought for?”
“I won’t, because everyone deserves to be fought for Spike. Even you.”
“Fuck,” he growls. “Just fuckin’ stop makin’ me want you. I am not what you need, can’t you see that?”
“No,” I rasp, leaning in closer.
“Tom Cat, this is playin’ with fuckin’ fire. You’ll get burned.”
“I’ll risk it.”
I grip his shirt and pull him forward, and without protest he comes. His lips crash down over mine and everything inside me comes to life. I don’t give a fuck about the past, the future or what’s going to happen tomorrow. All I care about is right now, this moment, with him. He growls, reaching up and tangling his fingers into my hair. He jerks my head, bending it back so he can deepen the kiss. He sweeps his tongue through my mouth, tangling it with mine and causing ripples to run through my body. I want Spike; I want him inside me, deep and hard. It’s where he should have always been. It’s where I want him to remain.
I wrench my mouth away from his, and tangle my fingers in his shirt. “Fuck me, Spike. I want you to fuck me.”
“Tom Cat,” he growls, letting his eyes slide over me. “That ain’t a fuckin’ good idea.”
“Fuck what it ain’t, I want it, and I want it now.”
“Shit.”
I don’t let him go on; I pull him back, connecting his lips with mine again. From that moment, things suddenly become frantic. My body is pushed down onto the grass, and Spike is looming over me, his big, hard body, flush against mine. I can feel every inch of him, every delicious, firm inch. His cock pulses against my belly and his lips are all over me, running down my neck, over my jaw and occasionally stopping to engage in a deep, intense kiss that has my head spinning.
His fingers slide up my belly slowly. He slips them under my shirt and up until he finds my bra. He grips it, lifting it up to expose my breasts. He takes hold of my nipples in his thumb and forefinger and I arch, rasping out his name as he begins to roll them. He growls against my neck, and leans his head down, replacing his finger with his mouth. The warmth of his lips as he encloses them around my nipple is enough to take my breath away. I cry out, thrusting my hips up and grinding against his cock, desperate for him, desperate for release.
“Fuckin’ sweet tits babe, fuckin’ sweetest tits I ever fuckin’ put my lips on.”
I groan, thrashing my head from side to side. His free hand slips up and under my skirt, skimming his fingertips over my damp panties.
“So fuckin’ wet for me baby, so fuckin’ sweet.”
He runs his fingers up and down the silk, teasing me, taunting me. I whimper, gripping his back and taking hold of his jacket, sliding his colors off. He moves, taking his fingers from my panties to toss the jacket to the side. I grip his shirt, bringing him back down and sliding my fingers up underneath it, feeling the warmth of his firm, taut back. His skin quivers as I slide my fingers up and down, gently grazing him with my nails.
His fingers are back at my panties, and he slides them aside, sliding two fingers inside to find my damp, throbbing sex. Growling, he rubs his fingertips over my clit, causing me to jerk and cry out. God I need him. Now. Hard and fast.
“Don’t wanna wait,” I whimper. “Spike, I want to fuck you.”
“Babe, I know, hush.”
He slips one finger down, and into my pussy. I arch, stretching around him, clenching as he slides his finger out, and plunges it back in.
“So fuckin’ tight, baby, you’re so fuckin’ ready for my cock.”
“Yes,” I cry out, tilting my hips up, taking more of him.
He gently drives his fingers in and out, in and out, until I’m on the edge, until my body wants to come so badly I’m shaking.
“Look at me, Tom Cat. Watch me with those fuckin’ beautiful eyes when you come around my finger. Fuckin’ watch me.”
I stare up at him, and my vision begins to cloud as my orgasm begins, ripping through my body like wildfire. I open my mouth, and cry out hoarsely. Spike growls, never moving his eyes from mine as he gently slows his fingers, wringing out every, last shudder from my body. The moment I stop shuddering, he slips his fingers from me, and lifts them to my mouth.
“Suck them baby, show me how much you fuckin’ love the way I make you come.”
I open my mouth, and he slips his fingers inside. I wrap my lips around them, and I suck gently, swirling my tongue, tasting my own release. Spike’s eyes cloud over and he gives me a hooded expression.
“Fuck, yes...”
He slides his fingers from my mouth, and then lifts himself to his knees. He grips his jeans, unbuttoning them and lowering them. His large cock strains against his boxers, and I swallow, my heart beginning to thump as anticipation gets the better of me. So long I’ve dreamt of feeling Spike inside me again.
He grips the top of his boxers and pulls them down, and there it is...God, that cock. It’s large, throbbing and shiny. The piercings in his cock run up the entire length so when it stands on end, it looks like a lineup of bowties. Each barbell has a spike on the end, and they meet one large piercing straight through the eye of his dick. The spikes on that piecing are the biggest.
Spike runs his hands up and down his cock, and it takes me a moment to realize what he’s doing. He’s pulling off the spikes. I’ve always been curious as to how he works the piercings, but when I see him removing just the ends, I realize the spikes are just clip-ons. He runs his fingers up and down, sexily removing each spike, until all that’s left are round barbells in their place. The piercings glisten under the moonlight, and I swallow. Fuck, now I know why they would be so erotic to remove. I lick my lips thinking about being on my knees in front of him, nipping off each spike, sucking his hard length as I went. Jesus, it’s not a wonder women love it.
Spike drops the pointy tips into his pocket, and then he pulls out a condom, rolling it over his length as he watches me, his eyes hooded and lusty. When he’s sheathed, he shifts out of his jeans and drops down over the top of me. His mouth finds mine, hot and desperate, and my fingers go up to grip his hair. I tug the thick locks, bringing his mouth down over mine so hard my lips burn. He slides a hand down my leg, gripping my thigh and lifting it over his hip. His fingers reach down and slip my panties aside, and something about that has my body coming to life. It’s so dirty, and quick, and fucking erotic. Then he’s pressing against me, his hard cock probing my entrance. I groan and wrap my other leg around him, encouraging him down. I want him now. Inside me. All over me. Everywhere.
He gently pushes the head in, and the sensational feeling of burning and pleasure that shoots through my body is what I’ve been waiting for all these years. I close my eyes and drop my head back onto the grass. His lips find my throat as he pushes in, stretching and filling me until he’s in so deep, his balls rub gently against my ass. We both growl, raw and primal. He jerks his hips,
sliding his length out and slamming it back in. I can feel every one of those piercings, rubbing against me, stirring those sensitive nerves inside my body. My nails scrape against his scalp as I tighten my grip in his hair, arching my back to offer him my exposed nipple.
“So fuckin’ dirty baby, you’re fuckin’ beautiful.”
He closes his lips over my nipple and picks up his pace, thrusting deep and hard, slapping against me and driving into me desperately. My legs are around his waist, my hands in his hair, my mouth on his neck, licking the salty slickness off as he picks up the pace, bringing me to the edge. No man, god, not one, has ever brought me this close to the edge so quickly. Spike’s cock works me, his body works mine, his lips cause me to drown, to forget, to just feel. I feel him. All of him. Every god damned beautiful inch. I teeter on the edge of orgasm, my body shaking violently as I inch closer and closer with each, hard thrust.
“Come for me Tom Cat, fuckin’ come around my cock.”
“God, Spike, yes.”
“Say my name baby, fuckin’ say it.”
“Spike,” I rasp.
“No, the other one. Say my real name,” he growls, thrusting harder.
“Danny,” I scream, my orgasm tearing through me like liquid fire. “God, Danny.”
“Yes, fuck, yes,” he roars, thrusting harder and harder until he’s joining me in release.
His body jerks, and he throws his head back, growling loudly as his cock begins to pulse inside me. I clench and squeeze, shuddering and crying out as we both wring each other dry.
His body slumps down on mine, and his damp forehead rests on my chest. We’re both breathing heavily, our bodies still trembling. I take his head, wrapping my fingers around it and holding him close for a few moments. When we’re both able to move, he rolls over and lands on the grass, taking me into his arms. I stare up at the stars, for the moment, completely content.
“Fuck, Tom Cat. You changed.”
“You said that already,” I whisper.
“Yeah, but fuck...didn’t realize how much it was goin’ to change this...”
“What’s this?” I say, swallowing.
“Don’t fuckin’ know, kid.”
