by Dee, Bonnie
“What do you wish you could do?” Joe’s gaze was so intent, he looked right into her soul.
“I would like to go to the library and pick out a dozen books on any subject that interests me and read them all. I would go to Chicago and see what really tall buildings look like. I wish I could listen to music on the radio and dance. I’d like to wear a pink dress with a lace collar. Sleep in late and let someone else tend the cows and chickens. Go see that moving picture show about the rebel without a cause.” The words tumbled from her mouth as if a dam had burst. There was no stopping them. She risked a glance at Joe.
He smiled. “You want to go to the movies? I’ll take you.”
“I can’t. It’s against...”
“The Ordnung, I know. Daniel explained your rules to me, but he also told me a lot of the kids break them before they officially join the church. At least you’re not Catholic and don’t have to worry about going to hell with every wrong move you make.” He laughed.
Rachael glanced at the sun and guessed the time. “I should go. My father will be waiting for me.” She stood up and brushed dirt and grass from the back of her skirt.
Joe scrambled to his feet. “I’m serious. I’ll take you to the movies. We can come late and sit in the balcony in the back.”
“I have to go.” Rachael walked toward the street.
He walked backward in front of her. “I’ll take you to the drive-in theater in Broadbow on Friday. You can say you’re going to a friend’s house or something. We’ll be in my pickup. No one will even see you.”
She shook her head and dropped her gaze to the path before her. “It’s not that easy to get away.”
“At least think about it.” He ducked his head trying to catch her eye. “I’ll stop by your house later in the week and you can give me your answer.”
“No!” She stopped walking and looked up. “No. You can’t!”
“I’ll sneak. Nobody will see me.” He grinned and his eyes crinkled at the corners.
She hurried past him and along the side of the pharmacy. “No. That’s impossible.”
“Why not? Are you afraid?” He walked beside her as they reached the sidewalk on Main Street. “Things worth having are worth taking a risk for.”
His arm brushed against hers, the warmth made the hairs rise on her bare arm.
“Please. You must go away before my father sees me talking to you.” She looked up the street.
It was too late. A block away, Datt stood staring at them. He strode purposefully toward them and stopped in front of them, pinning his fierce gaze on both of them. His beard twitched as his jaw tensed. “Rachael?”
“Sir, I was asking about Daniel’s wedding,” Joe said. “As a neighbor and friend, I hoped I might be invited. Daniel and I talked sometimes while we worked in the fields and I’m anxious to congratulate him.”
Rachael held her breath, praying there were no traces of ice cream on her face.
Her father stared intently at Joe for a moment then relaxed slightly. “You might stop by the wedding dinner.”
Joe nodded. “Great. Give Daniel my congratulations. Also, Dad and I’ll be haying soon. I wondered if you wanted to work together as usual?”
“Thank you. It would be much appreciated.”
They discussed how many bales the Langdons would take for use of their baler then Joe said goodbye and walked away in the opposite direction.
Datt watched him go then turned toward her. “You were speaking with that young man? You know it is verboten.”
“He asked me a question. I could hardly refuse to answer.” She headed quickly toward where the buggy was hitched. “We should hurry home. Mamm will be waiting for her needles and thread.”
Chapter Three
Lying in bed that night beside her little sister Mattie, Rachael stared at the ceiling and thought about Joe Langdon. He was probably in his bed staring up at his ceiling too, unless he was out drag racing with Harley.
Mattie gave a quiet whimper and rolled onto her side away from Rachael. She was such a sweet little girl with her long, brown curls and round baby cheeks. Rachael felt a rush of love. It was easy to love Matttie when she was asleep. The rest of the time the eight-year-old drove her crazy with her endless questions and whining.
Rachael closed her eyes and pictured Joe’s expressive face; angry when he confronted Harley, smiling as he teased Rachael, and earnest when he told her his hopes and dreams. She recalled every detail from his bright green eyes to his messy brown hair, the chiseled lines of his face, his wide chest and broad shoulders, and the way his long legs filled his blue jeans. His big hands moved to illustrate his words and now she dreamed of those hands touching her body.
Warmth trickled through her to settle between her legs. She squeezed her thighs tight and trapped her hands under her arms as she hugged her body. Wrong thoughts. Ungodly thoughts. But oh, her desire to know what it would be like if he kissed her was so strong she could dream of nothing else.
She breathed deeply and willed herself to sleep. Five o’clock and a new day of work would come all too soon. She needed to rest. But it was a long time before she could dispel Joe’s voice from her mind.
You want to go to the movies? I’ll take you.
*
“Rachael, where is your mind these days? I asked you to pick the potato bugs off the vines and they’re still teaming with them. After dinner you must get out there and do it. But right now gather some eggs for this cake. Then you can pick snap beans for dinner.”
Mamm pulled a mixing bowl from a shelf and opened the flour drawer as she listed Rachael’s chores.
Rachael wiped her sweating forehead on her sleeve and pulled the plug to drain the dishwater. “What about Mattie? She should help in the garden more. When I was her age, I was already—”
“Hurry, now. And don’t forget to bring in the rugs from airing sometime before evening.”
Where was her mind these days? Certainly not revolving around potato bugs and snap beans or bringing in the rugs. Most of the time she could concentrate only on what Joe might be doing just a few acres away from her. The rest of the time she planned dozens of ways to escape for one evening to go to the drive-in movie.
Swallowing her impatience and frustration, Rachael let the screen door slam behind her and crossed the yard to the chicken coop. It was pointless to get upset. Nothing in her life would change until she married and had a home of her own. Even then there would be eggs to gather, beans to pick and rugs to beat and air on the front porch railing.
She sighed.
The coop was a smelly sweatbox on this hot day. A couple of windows on either side of the building were propped open but little air flowed through them. Most of the chickens were in yard pecking at corn, but a few roosted on their nests. Rachael took the basket from the wall and reached under the clucking hens for the eggs.
A sharp rap on one of the window frames made her nearly drop the two eggs in her hand before they reached the basket.
Joe peered in one of the open windows on the side of the building away from the house. “Hi.”
Her legs turned to jelly as she set down her basket and hurried over to him. “What are you doing here?”
“I was waiting beside the barn. I knew you’d have to come out eventually. Told you I’d come by and see if you wanted to go to that movie.” He grinned and his eyes twinkled at her. “I’ll park down the road a ways and meet you behind the grain silo at about nine-thirty.”
“I share a room with my sister. I don’t see how I can get away.” Rachael stared at him through the open window, his flushed face and the damp T-shirt molded to his chest which sent a wave of desire rolling through her. She didn’t even consider the question of whether she should go. It was only the how that concerned her.
“You have to leave before someone sees you.”
He glanced around. “Don’t worry about your dad and Daniel. They’re way out in the fields. I cut through the woods and along the ditch. Nobody saw m
e. I don’t want to get you in trouble. I just want to take you out.” He looked up at her earnestly and her chest ached with longing.
“Make up something. Say you’re going to a friend’s house,” he suggested.
“I can’t say I’m going to a friend’s house. I’ll get caught.” She leaned her face closer toward the window, anxious for Joe to understand her fears and go away and at the same time eager to be near him for the few moments she could.
He frowned. “Do you want to go?”
She didn’t answer as she clutched the splintered, gray wood of the windowsill.
“If you do, you’ll figure out a way. Look, I’ll wait for an hour and if you don’t come by then I’ll know you’re not coming. I’ve gotta go. I’m supposed to be laying irrigation pipe.” His intense eyes stared into hers. “I hope I’ll see you tonight.”
As he darted away, running for the shadow of another outbuilding, Rachael whispered softly, “I’ll try.”
*
Dinner dishes had never seemed to take so long. Rachael scoured the casserole dish, chipping at bits of baked-on noodles, and glanced at the kitchen clock again. Two more hours before her meeting with Joe and she still didn’t know if she was going to go. She felt as jumpy as a chicken facing a stewpot.
“Hurry up.” Mattie flicked her drying towel back and forth. “I want to go outside and play. Let’s get done.”
“Are you two still puttering around?” Their mother bustled into the kitchen, tying on a fresh apron. She took the yeast sponge from the back of the stove and began stirring more flour into the mixture. “Mattie, go on outside and feed the dogs now.”
Mattie tossed down her towel and was out the screen door in a flash. It closed behind her with a bang.
Rachael gave her mother a wary glance. She wouldn’t send Mattie away without good reason. She had something she wanted to discuss, which usually meant she lectured and Rachael listened.
Mother set aside her mixing bowl and picked up the dishtowel. She took a platter from the rack and began to dry it. “Your father told me you were with Joe Langdon in town the other day.”
“He asked about Daniel’s wedding. I told him when it was.”
“That’s fine. Maybe we should invite all the Langdons. But you know you shouldn’t be talking with a boy like that.”
Rachael thought of the ice cream and Joe’s green eyes with a pang of guilt. “We were only chatting.”
“You’re nineteen, Rachael. I was married at your age. You haven’t yet been baptized. Don’t you think it’s time you made that commitment and became a full member of our community?”
“I’m not ready.” She scrubbed at the pan in the sink though it was long since scoured clean.
“It’s time for you to consider your future. Several young men who would make fine husbands have expressed interest. You could begin your wedded life, start your own home and family, but first you must commit to your faith.”
Rachael’s chest tightened until she could hardly breathe.
“Will you pray on this?” Mamm demanded.
“I already do every day. This decision is not easy for me.”
“Why not?” She set down the platter and tossed the cloth to the counter. “Rachael, what are you waiting for? What are you hoping for? What is it you want?”
The knot in her throat grew tighter and her eyes stung. She did not want to cry like a child but emotions churned inside her.
“I don’t know,” she finally choked out. I don’t know what else there is? All I know is this!
Her mother rubbed her back. “I don’t mean to upset you, but liebling, it’s time for you to take the next step into adulthood.”
Rachael sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve before meeting her mother’s searching gaze. “I will think about it and pray about it, all right?”
Her mother looked relieved as she picked up the drying cloth again.
Rachael let out the wash water and rinsed the last pot. “By the way, Mattie and I are going to sleep out on the side porch tonight. Our room is too stuffy. Is that all right?”
“Of course.”
Chapter Four
Mattie was sound asleep, snoring softly. She wouldn’t stir for hours.
Rachael got up and tiptoed across the porch, closing the screen door carefully so the hinges wouldn’t creak. She raced for the barn where she’d hidden her clothes earlier. It was pitch black in the barn and she dare not light a lantern. She dressed in the dark, wishing the sleeves of her dress were puffy and short. She left off her apron and held her bonnet for a full minute before rejecting it.
Then, in a flurry of rebellion, she unbraided her chestnut hair and combed it with her fingers so it flowed down her back. She wished she could check her appearance in a mirror, but there was nothing reflective in the barn and it was too dark anyway.
Rachael exited the rear door of the barn and ran behind it across the yard and a portion of the field toward the road. The shrill song of crickets and tree frogs went dead silent as she passed. She didn’t stop running until she’d reached the Langdon’s grain silo. Gasping for breath, she walked around the curve of the tall building that would soon be filled with the fall crop of corn.
On the far side, Joe’s gray shape in the deep shadows leaned against the silo. The glowing red tip of his cigarette sent a plume of smoke into the air. He cast it down and walked toward her. “You came!”
For a moment she thought he was going to hug her. Instead, he took her hand and led her toward the road. “I’m parked right up here.”
Rachael had never hands with a boy. It felt strange to let him touch her even so innocently. Her hand tingled and sweated a little. Nightfall had done little to decrease the heat.
Reaching the pickup, Joe opened the passenger door and held her elbow as she climbed in. Then he ran around to the driver’s side, hopped in and turned on the engine. The radio blared, Oh yes, I’m the Great Pretender. Pretending that I’m doing well.
Joe turned down the volume and grinned at her, teeth shining in the dashboard lights. “How’d you manage to get out?”
“I asked to sleep on the porch because of the heat. Mattie always sleeps straight through ’til morning, so unless Mama comes out to check on us, it should be okay.” Rachael’s pulse beat fast from her run and from the very idea of her mother finding her missing. She’d stuffed the blanket to make it appear filled, but the form beneath didn’t look very human.
“I’m glad you could come.” Joe put the truck in gear and drove up the dirt road. “I hope you like the movie. It’s Creature from the Black Lagoon this week. I saw it at the indoor theater a while ago. It was okay.”
Rachael slid back on the smooth vinyl seat, the vibrations from the engine purring into her bottom and the backs of her legs. It was exhilarating riding in the fast moving truck, like flying away in the night with this charming boy who’d come to free her.
The music on the radio changed. The next song was unlike anything she’d ever heard. An echoing male voice wailed the words and each phrase was punctuated by a hard-strummed guitar chord, Since my baby left me. I found a new place to dwell. It’s down on the end of lonely street.
Rachael leaned forward to listen.
“You like Elvis?” Joe turned the music back up. A strong bass and tinkling piano carried the melody along.
“It’s so full of emotion, isn’t it? You can almost hear the heartbreak.”
“Elvis is big. A lot of guys are growing out their crewcuts and slicking back their hair with Vitalis to look like him.”
Rachael had no idea what that meant, but she was glad the English boys were starting to wear their hair longer. It would make the Amish boys stick out less. Although, with the differences in clothing, there would always be a big divide. And that was the point anyway. The Amish purposefully set themselves apart.
As the truck turned a corner with a squeal of tires, she gripped the seat. Joe was showing off with the truck like the boys who raced their buggies on
the back roads.
He smiled at her. “Have you ridden in a truck before?”
“No. It’s very fast.” Her teeth clicked together as they bounced over a rut.
“Sorry. I’ll slow down.”
“That’s okay. I like it.”
He laughed and sped down the straight track of road toward the highway.
*
The movie was so exciting Rachael forgot to eat the popcorn Joe bought for her. The story was about a half-human monster found by some explorers who didn’t have sense enough to leave the creature alone in its natural habitat where it wasn’t harming anyone. She got completely caught up in the creature’s plight and gasped aloud when the gill man killed one of the scientists. Her heart ached for its doomed obsession with the lovely woman.
Suddenly she became aware that Joe’s arm brushed against hers. He’d moved close to her on the front seat. One of his fingers stroked the back of her hand.
“The movie was better with 3-D glasses, but it’s still pretty cool,” he said.
Rachael’s eyes were riveted on his hand, which moved to cover hers. He turned hers over and laced fingers with her. The friction of skin sliding together made her shiver. Gooseflesh rose on her arms despite the heat in the truck’s cab. She pressed her thighs together to try to stop the pulsing sensation between her legs, but she didn’t take her hand away from Joe’s.
“If you could be anything, have any job in the world, what would you like to do?” he asked as his thumb traced circle on her palm.
Rachael pulled her mind away from the hand-holding and tried to focus on his question. “I would like to be like her.” She nodded to the screen where the lady scientist was explaining something to one of the men, who wouldn’t listen. “An explorer. I want to see far away places and know important things.” She glanced at Joe to see if he thought she was foolish.
He nodded. “I know what you mean. I don’t mind farming, but I’d like to at least try something different. And it would be exciting to see new places.” He laughed. “Any new place. I’d even be thrilled to go to Indianapolis. It would be more interesting than here.”
