by Laura Ward
“Hey, Phil. What’s up?” I’d meant it as a greeting, not expecting an answer, but I heard his clothes rustle as he stood and approached me.
“Not much,” he said, his footsteps slow and sure. “You haven’t been around much. Just wanted to see how you were.” He was next to me now, his voice casual, but far from friendly.
What the shit? Dudes never checked on dudes. Unless your arm was broken in three different spots or you’d been mauled by a dog, guys didn’t ask you if you were all right. Besides, Phil and I weren’t exactly friends, and I had someplace to be.
“I’m on my way to lunch. Caz is waiting,” I said, nodding my head in the direction of the porch. Caz wouldn’t step foot in the frat house. He was part of a drug-free gymnastics group and he took his pledge seriously. No drugs, no alcohol, no cigarettes. He wouldn’t even come to the bar to watch me perform. No way would he set foot in this house. “I gotta go.”
“Sure,” Phil said, backing up.
I walked toward the foyer, using my cane to guide me. When it scraped across wood, I reached for the door handle.
“I hope you’re wrapping it up,” Phil called from behind me.
My hand paused mid-air and I tilted my head in confusion, sure I’d heard him wrong. “What?”
“I hope you’re wrapping it up.” I could hear the sound of his footsteps again as he came closer. “Every guy in this house has dipped his wick in Julie Prescott. If I were you, I’d be double wrapping that shit.”
I clenched my jaw, anger flaring in my chest. Maybe he thought that because I couldn’t see, that I couldn’t beat his ass into next Tuesday. If so, he was wrong.
I turned to fully face the direction Phil’s voice had come from, taking a few menacing steps toward him. I reached out and when my hand slammed into his chest, I grabbed his shirt and twisted it until I heard his sharp intake of breath.
Phil always was a coward. The only weapon he had was words.
“If you ever fucking say something like that again, especially to Jules, I might let it slip where you’ve been dipping your wick, asswipe.”
Phil chuckled, but it was shaky and nervous. “What the hell are you talking about Sutherland?”
I yanked on his shirt front and pulled him a bit closer to me. “I don’t think the president of Pi Kappa would be too happy if he knew you’ve been screwing his girlfriend in the afternoon while he’s at class.”
“Wh-What?” he stammered. “No, I—”
“I’m blind, not deaf you jackass. Your room is right next to mine. I can hear everything.” I smirked at him. “And from what I hear, it’s not an impressive performance.”
“Screw you,” Phil spat.
“That’s what Lincoln’s girlfriend is for,” I retorted. “Right?”
“No.” It sounded like a question.
I gave him a humorless laugh. “Are you trying to say that the Tasha in your room isn’t the same one dating Lincoln?”
His silence was confirmation enough.
“Here’s a little advice for you. It’s sex, not an oil change. For her sake, try making it last longer than five minutes next time you’re getting off.” I released his shirt and pushed him away from me. “And stay away from Jules.”
I flicked my cane out, searching for the door. In my anger, I’d gotten a little turned around and had to get my bearings again. No fucking way was I going to ask for Phil’s help though. Once I found the door handle, he spoke again.
“Just trying to save you some pain, man. Jules isn’t a forever kind of girl. Eventually, she’ll self-destruct, and you’ll be left to deal with the fallout.”
***
“I told you before, that dude is the biggest fuckboy I’ve ever met,” Caz said.
I took a bite of my sub, nodding. “It took everything I had not to put my fist through his front teeth. Who says that kind of shit to someone about the girl they’re dating?”
Caz cleared his throat.
“What?” I asked before taking another bite.
Caz didn’t answer right away, but I could hear him drinking his Red Bull. When he set the can down, he cleared his throat again. “That dude is definitely a bag of sweaty dicks, but he’s not exactly wrong either.”
I clenched my fist and Caz was quick to continue.
“Look, I like Jules. She’s one of the few girls that wields sarcasm like it’s an art form. And she’s drop-dead gorgeous. But she also has a reputation. You’re going to have to get used to that if you’re in a relationship with her. There are other guys who know her as intimately as you.”
My inner caveman was raging, but I spoke calmly. “Are you one of those guys?”
“What?” He chuckled. “No, dude. I take my pledge seriously. I don’t go anywhere near those sorority chicks. I don’t care how fuck-me-hot they are. I don’t mix well with girls who drink.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Now that we have that settled, on to your other problem,” Caz said through a mouthful of food.
“Nate?”
“No. The tour.”
‘That’s not a problem yet.” I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest. “We’re one of many bands this agent is looking at. A lot of things have to fall into place for it to ever happen.”
“And what if it does? Say the stars of rock align and you guys get the gig. What then? Have you even mentioned it to Jules yet that you might be going on tour for months? Do you plan on dropping out of school?” Caz was uncharacteristically serious. Ordinarily, that was Nate’s job in our little trio. Caz was the risk-taker, the one who didn’t consider consequences.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. If we get chosen, we’d be stupid not to go. I mean, this is what we’ve been working toward. That’s why we write music, that’s why we practice...to play in front of a crowd.”
“And Jules? How does she fit into all of this?”
For the first time in my life, I felt as if Caz was disappointed in me.
“However she wants to,” I answered. The truth was, I hadn’t given much thought to what would happen if we went on tour. I had every intention of continuing my relationship with Jules, but I didn’t see the point of bringing up the tour until it was an issue we had to address. She was already dealing with something that had her off-kilter...maybe it was her crazy mom, I had no idea. But I didn’t want to put any more stress on her until it was necessary.
“Look, it’s your life. Just...don’t blindside her. She’s not as unbreakable as she’d like everyone to think.”
“I know. Which is why I don’t want to worry her if I don’t have to. And trust me, the last thing I’d ever do is break her.”
***
I sat on the stool in the middle of the stage, the familiar sounds of the bar echoing around me like my own personal symphony. It was too early for patrons, but we were getting ready for our big night—tuning instruments, reviewing the set list, and making any last-minute changes. Leo’s drumsticks worked out a few familiar drumbeats while Marty fiddled with his guitar.
If things went well, we could not only get an offer for representation, but also the chance to change our lives.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about being on tour. I loved music and it was my passion, there was no doubt about that. Playing in the band had been my lifeline for the last four years. But at the same time, I was comfortable with the way things were in my life too. I liked writing music and performing locally. But traveling all over the country? Or even overseas?
That was Nate’s dream, not mine.
I’d always wanted to be a songwriter. He’d always wanted to be the rock star. Nate knew what he wanted, and he was ambitious enough to dream for all of us. And for that reason, I hoped our performance tonight was perfect. Nate had made sure my childhood didn’t tear me apart, and despite the fact that I was pissed about his behavior lately, I wanted to make sure he had the chance to have all the things he wanted out of life. I wanted him to have his dreams.
“We sh
ould do the new song,” Nate said, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Works for me,” Marty said.
My fingers stilled on the strings of my bass. “‘Sound of Your Heart’?” I shook my head. “It’s not ready. We’ll use it on the demo when we record.” That was Julie’s song and I didn’t want to perform it until it was perfect.
“This is our live demo, dude,” Nate said. “That song is amazing. It’s our golden ticket for the tour.”
“No,” I said firmly, my fingers continuing to prep my instrument.
“Give me one good reason.” Nate was agitated.
I didn’t like how things had gotten between us lately. We’d always pretty much agreed on everything, especially when it came to the band. In the past, if I’d said something wasn’t ready, he listened. Writing the songs and picking out the strengths and weaknesses of our sets was my forte. He’d always trusted me.
Until recently.
“I agree with Ben,” Leo said, coming to my rescue. “We don’t want the first performance of the song to be our make or break moment, you know?”
Nate didn’t answer right away, and I knew him well enough to know that he didn’t agree, but he also knew he couldn’t force us to play the song.
“I hope you guys are making the right choice.” I heard the heavy thunk of something that sounded like Nate’s guitar. “I’m going to get a drink.” The stomp of his footsteps faded away as he headed for the bar.
“He’ll come around,” Marty said. “He’s just nervous about the show.”
I nodded. That wasn’t the only problem. There was something else going on with Nate and I was determined to fix whatever it was that was coming between us.
***
The rehearsal went without a hitch and we were discussing where we should get a quick bite to eat before showtime.
“Hey,” Marty said, returning from a call he’d taken outside. “I found something that belongs to you, Ben.”
Beside me, I heard Nate mutter something, but didn’t catch what he’d said. I set my bass on its stand and hooked my thumbs in the pockets of my jeans. “I didn’t know I lost anything.”
Quiet footsteps approached and then the feel of delicate hands roaming up the planes of my chest told me all I needed to know about what Marty had found.
“Hey, Jules. You coming to dinner with us?” I snaked my arms around her, pulling her flush against me.
“I can’t.” I could almost hear the pout in her voice. “I came by to give you a good luck kiss.”
Nate muttered something else and even though it wasn’t clear enough to understand what exactly he was saying, the meaning was obvious. He didn’t want Jules around.
The sudden disappearance of her hands proved she understood as well as I did. I caught her hand in mine and threaded my fingers between hers to keep her from walking away.
“I’ll be right back,” I said to my bandmates. I leaned down to whisper in her ear, “Let’s find some privacy, okay?”
“Sure thing.” Whether or not Nate had rattled her, confident Jules was in control now.
She led me through the bar, careful to guide me around the tables in a way that made me feel as if we were walking together rather than me following helplessly behind her.
“I think there’s an office back here,” she whispered. “This hallway is about as private as it gets.”
She pulled me against her chest as she leaned against the wall. I let my forearms rest on either side of her head, caging her in. Her fingers circled around the back of my neck, pulling me down until our mouths collided in a fierce kiss.
I loved it when Jules kissed me lazily like she had all the time in the world, but even better was when she kissed me greedily, like an addict going through withdrawal.
Her fingernails dug lightly into my skin as she pulled me roughly against her, seeming to melt into me if she could. I dropped an arm to run my hand down her side, cupping her ass before sliding my hand lower and gripping the back of her leg. I lifted it until it curled around my thigh. The position gave me the perfect angle to press my hips against her, small thrusts that mirrored the hungry way I kissed her back.
“Ben!” Nate hollered from somewhere in the bar. “We don’t have much time, let’s go!”
Julie broke away, her body going taut at the sound of my brother’s voice, but I took hold of her jaw, bringing her mouth back to mine for another deep kiss.
“You coming back for the show?” I asked once she was loose and lazy in my arms again. She didn’t answer me straight away and I took the opportunity to leave a trail of kisses along her neck.
“I can’t. I have plans,” she said nervously.
My body went still. “A party?” I knew that Julie had missed a number of Greek events since we started dating and figured some of her sisters had been giving her a hard time about it since she’d always been the cruise ship director when it came to nights out. From what I’d overheard, a party without Jules wasn’t much of a party.
“No.” Her laugh was surprised. “I’m—” She hesitated again. I reached up to run my thumb along her lips to feel the words as she said them. “I’m meeting my bio dad.”
“Your dad?” The coward who left her and her mom when she was a baby? No. Wait. That was the man who’d adopted her. “Your bio dad?” I corrected myself. “How?” I hadn’t even known she was searching for him.
She sighed heavily. “It’s a long story. But...he’s in town and said he could meet me.” Her laugh was the light, shallow one she often used around other people. “If nothing else I can get the family medical history from him, right?”
She ran her hand up and down my arm and I could sense that she was nervous.
“You shouldn’t go alone. I’ll go with you,” I said, decisively.
Her hand fell away. “No, no. That’s not necessary. You have your show—”
“I don’t give a fuck about my show. You shouldn’t be meeting some strange man by yourself.” Worry was a tight band around my chest making it hard for me to find the right words. “How do you even know—”
“I’m meeting him in a very public place. It’ll be fine. He’s well—” She stopped mid-sentence and took a second as if reorganizing her thoughts. “I’ll be very safe. I only came by to tell you why I wouldn’t be here tonight to support you.”
“What about Lex or Taren? They could go with you.”
She gave a soft sigh. “This is something I need to do alone.”
I reached up to grip her shoulders. “Promise me you’ll be safe. And that you’ll call me as soon as it’s over.” I hated the idea that she’d be going alone. And it wasn’t just her safety I was worried about. She’d be confronting the man who had not only abandoned her but ignored her for the last twenty-one years. But I couldn’t force her to let me go with her.
“I’ll be fine.”
Relief washed over me as I finally heard a true smile in her response. When Nate started bellowing my name again, she held onto my shoulders, stood up on her tiptoes, and left a delicate kiss on my cheek.
“Break a leg, bass boy,” she whispered. “Show that agent what you’ve got.”
As she walked away, leaving me alone in the hallway, I was once again struck by the feeling that her kisses were starting to feel a little more final each time she walked away.
It wasn’t until later that I realized she’d known about the agent without me ever telling her.
Chapter Twenty
Julie
Drugs had never been my thing. A joint here or there, sure. But the hard stuff? Not my style. Right about now, I’d snort a line if someone gave it to me. My nerves were shot, and my thumb bled from my incessant picking. I was desperately in need of something to give me a mind-numbing buzz, and all I had was caffeine. I blew on the surface of my cappuccino before taking a sip. It would have to do.
Bells jingled over the door of Java House. Without looking, I sensed his presence.
Would he even recognize me?
&nb
sp; My teeth sank into the corner of my bottom lip and I forced myself to lift my gaze. Jed Jacobs personified every cliché that I thought of when picturing older rock stars. He wore black motorcycle boots with ripped, faded, loose-fitting blue jeans. A vintage rock t-shirt, black, of course, was peeking out from underneath a beat-up black leather jacket. His hair was dark brown like mine, and he kept it long. He wore a black beanie and shades, so while he was hard to miss, it wasn’t immediately apparent that mega-rock star Jed Jacobs was in a college coffee shop.
He scanned the place, looking a bit lost and vulnerable, and strangely enough, tears pricked at the corners of my eyes.
Lifting my hand, I waved, and his lips turned down when he saw me.
My heart sank, and the burn moved from my eyes to the back of my throat. Was he already disappointed?
As he scooted past several chairs, I wiped away the stupid moisture from my eyes.
“Julie?” he asked, once he was standing in front of me. His voice was rough and raw.
I stood up and extended my hand. “Yes. Nice to meet you...” My voice trailed off. Do I call him Jed? Sir? Father? Pops? Dude who abandoned me?
“Jed,” he offered, and shook my hand in return. His hand was huge, calloused and rough on his fingertips like Ben’s. He sat across from me and pulled out a pack of cigarettes.
I shot him a half smile-half grimace. “Sorry. You can’t smoke in here. Laws and such. Total bummer, huh?”
His face relaxed and he grinned. “I know. I’m just really nervous. Sometimes I have to hold something in my hand to calm me down. Usually, it’s my guitar or a microphone.”
He was nervous too? My heart rose off the floor and began the slow climb back to its rightful home in my chest.
“I get that. I babble when I’m nervous. More often than not, I say something rude. When I’m lucky, it stays in my head and doesn’t fly out of my trap.” My hands gestured in front of me as if I was swatting away swarms of bees. “Like when you came in I was all, that dude looks like a rock star. Is that his uniform? Do all rockers dress like that even when they’re not on stage? Do you sleep in your leather jacket? What are the style differences between bikers and rockers? Is it the cut? The beanie! I bet it’s the beanie—” My words were cut off when Jed grabbed my hands with his own, bringing all four to the table.
