I could feel anger rising inside. “It’s not what you think.”
“Whatever you say. Where is lover boy?” She poked her head out the doorway and looked down the hallway. “He wasn’t in the living room when I came in.”
“He must be in the kitchen,” I answered, tightening the belt of the robe around me.
Sonja examined my room with exaggerated curiosity. “Nope, I peeked in on the way back here—the kitchen’s empty.” Then her eyes lit up with amusement. “Maybe he decided it was a good time to run. You took care of the hellhounds. There’s nothing guarding the perimeter at the moment, and I don’t think Gage would care if lover boy took off—I know he’s not overly fond of him.”
I had no idea where Dean was, but I was sure he wouldn’t leave without me. I knew how he felt about me—and I had led him on last night anyway. I felt ashamed. My cheeks were hot again.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded. Last time I’d seen Sonja, she’d told me Gage was thinking of sending her off. I’d assumed Gage had gone through with his threat.
She gave me another Cheshire cat grin. “Gage was annoyed with me, but I eventually got him to change his mind. I haven’t been around him this long without learning a few tricks of my own. I can be quite…persuasive when I need to be.” She wiggled her eyebrows in an exaggerated way, which left me with no doubt of how she’d “persuaded” him.
The thought of Gage and Sonja together in that way made me shudder.
She gave me another wide grin. “If he has escaped, you could run off and follow him.” She leaned against the wall and gave a lazy stretch of her arms. “I won’t pretend that my life wouldn’t be better if you weren’t around. But I guess it’s too much to ask that you hightail it out of here.” She studied her nails, which were covered in bright red polish. “It’s definitely too much to ask that you leave your little friend…especially since she’s not in a good way.”
Wendy. Where was she? I felt guilty that I hadn’t given her disappearance a second thought. I watched Sonja peel herself off the wall and walk over to the tray. She began rearranging strawberries piled high in a bowl.
“No one’s hurt her yet, but that girl just seems to have a problem with captivity in general.” Sonja picked up a strawberry and took a bite of it. “Perfection. Gage insisted we have fresh cream to go with the strawberries. I can’t tell you the hassle that made for the kitchen staff.” Sonja picked up a knife off the tray. “Wendy has a few screws loose for sure. Last time Gage put her in a cell she somehow got ahold of a something sharp. Did you know she was a cutter?”
I studied the edge of the knife. I had seen Wendy’s scars back at the asylum. What inner demons did Wendy have that caused her to hurt herself?
Sonja looked over at me and gave me a wide smile. “Jacob’s keeping an eye on her. That boy is smitten. I don’t think Gage even realizes it yet—he’s too focused on getting everything ready for the big event.”
I opened my mouth to ask exactly what she meant by “the big event,” but was interrupted by Dean walking into the room with a handful of wildflowers.
“Oh, how sweet. Your boyfriend brought you flowers,” Sonja teased.
Dean looked uncomfortable as his eyes met mine.
Before I could speak, Sonja looked pointedly over to the bed and then back at Dean. “I don’t want to interrupt. I just thought I would bring breakfast”—she turned to me—“and make sure you’re all right. The boss worries about you.”
Yeah, I’m sure he does. Wouldn’t want to lose his zombie creator. “I’m fine,” I said through clenched teeth.
“I can see that.” She gave another smile, her eyes shifting back and forth between me and Dean, watching the two of us. “Well…I have to get going,” she said, breaking the awkward silence. “There’s a lot to get done before the big event.”
“What event? What’s going on?” I asked the questions, but I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to hear the answers. I’d had enough of Gage’s field trips, pet projects, and surprises.
Sonja raised her eyebrows at my question. “Didn’t anyone tell you? We’re going to have a visitor. Someone I think you know rather well.”
In a moment of pure shock, I realized she was talking about the demon. It was coming here. Sheer terror raced through me.
“Our guest might be a tad upset that you killed its pets. It had a real fondness for those beasts,” Sonja said. There was a twinkle in her eyes that told me she enjoyed surprising me with the news.
Dean looked at Sonja, confused, until finally understanding came into his eyes. “The demon? The one that death dealer girl raised? It’s coming? Here?”
Sonja’s face blanched. “He doesn’t—” Her eyes swung to me, incredulous and delighted, and my face burned.
Don’t tell him, I prayed silently. Please don’t tell him.
Dean’s eyes bounced between us, understanding that we knew something he didn’t. “What? What’s going on?” he asked, his fist squeezing around the wildflowers.
Sonja looked about ready to burst with the truth, but for some reason decided not to reveal my secret. “Oh, nothing, sweetheart,” she said to Dean. “Yes, the demon’s coming here. I’m surprised you haven’t heard sooner. I guess you guys are out of the loop up here, all alone like you are.” She was back to the Cheshire Cat smile.
“Why is it coming here?” Dean asked, ignoring both Sonja’s words and attitude.
Sonja looked down at her nails again, smirking. “The demon and the boss are tight. They do a lot of business together.” She looked up at me. “But I guess this visit is all about you.”
“Me?” The smooth chill of the wall against my shoulder blades made me realize I’d been slowly taking steps backward, mobilizing my terror at seeing what I’d brought into this world.
“Mmhm,” she hummed. “I guess the demon’s”—she paused, choosing her words carefully with Dean listening so intently—“taken a real shine to you. Gage has his projects, and the demon has…you,” Sonja said.
Dean moved to my side, reaching out to grab my hand. “I won’t let that thing hurt you,” he said in a soft voice. He thinks I’m scared of it, I realized.
“Romantic and brave,” Sonja said with a chuckle. “But seriously, do you really think either of you are a match for a demon?” Her gaze swung back to me. “You killed the hellhounds and—from what everyone’s saying—that’s no small feat, but the demon… The power it possesses is like nothing you’ve ever seen before.” The smile left Sonja’s face, and for a second an expression of fear replaced it.
She seemed to gather herself, obviously not wanting us to see her terror, and her expression went back to one of amusement. But I could still see it—the fear there in her eyes.
She’s as scared of the demon as we are.
“What does it want from Colina?” Dean demanded.
This time Sonja looked away. “I don’t know.”
She’s lying.
“When is it coming?” My voice trembled when I asked the question. I didn’t want to face the demon again. Not without Luke.
“Tomorrow night. Everyone’s in a dither trying to get the place ready. There’ll be a big party. I’ll bring you some suitable clothes to wear tomorrow afternoon. Until then, I’ve been instructed to bring you two whatever you’d like. More cake? Do you want anything specific for lunch or dinner? The kitchen staff can whip up anything you can dream of.”
The absurdity of baking a cake to celebrate a demon’s visit made me nauseous, and I looked away. Dean gave my hand a hard squeeze.
Sonja shrugged. “Ring if you need anything. Tomorrow night should be quite a shindig. I can’t wait!” She gave a mockingly cheerful wave and headed out the door.
The demon is coming. I’ll be facing the hellish creature again. As shock and terror ran through my system, I felt myself focus for the first time since Luke’s death. I pushed back all the crushing grief I felt as I remembered that thing standing before me in the mansion.
; My thoughts became frantic. Dean and Wendy have to get out of here before the demon arrives. Gage will use them as weapons against me. He knew I’d do whatever he wanted as long as he threatened their lives.
But I’m not going anywhere—not anymore. Not if there was a chance Gage could bring back Luke from hell. But how long would that take? I couldn’t risk my friends’ lives, not again. If I could get Gage to bring back Luke, if Dean and Wendy could escape, I would be free to do whatever I needed to. I might have a chance to right one of the great wrongs I had committed—I might be able to banish the demon. The thought made my heart beat furiously in my chest, and a nervous sweat broke over my skin. Could I kill it? I had killed the hellhounds. I knew I had no power over the living, but I seemed to be capable of impacting the mystical.
I created the demon. If I could, I would send it back to hell.
Chapter 12
Now that Dean and I were finally alone, his face turned red and he held out the flowers still clutched tightly in one palm. “I, uh, didn’t want to wake you.”
He looked so sincere. I reached out and took the bouquet. “Thank you.” His eyes never left my face, studying my every expression—the intense scrutiny made me blush.
Dean walked over to the tray Sonja left. “Breakfast looks good. I can make some coffee? We can eat out in the main room if you like.”
When I didn’t say anything, he moved next to me, and I was suddenly very aware of the fact I was only wearing a thin silk robe. I felt self-conscious and couldn’t meet his eyes. “I just…need a second to get dressed.”
He reached out and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Take your time.” He walked to the door but then paused in the doorway as if steeling himself. “Colina?”
He’s giving me that look again. “Yes?” I answered nervously.
“About last night.” He gave me a half smile. “I’m glad I was here for you. I just wanted you to know that I’ll always be here for you. You aren’t alone in this.” Before I could respond, he turned and walked away.
I watched him walk down the hall, then looked down at the haphazard bouquet in my hands and wondered what words I could say that would convince him to escape without me.
He said he loved me. I knew he cared for me—last night showed me how deep his feelings were when he held me in his arms without any pressure to do more. That made my actions seem a hundred times worse—letting the situation escalate the way it had…using him to try and escape my grief…throwing myself at him despite knowing I …I wanted someone else…
I had given him hope that there might one day be an “us.”
He said he loved me and I knew he meant it. But that begged the question: What did I feel for him now? I couldn’t deny that I had feelings for him, even though I’d always tried not to. Despite my dedication to Luke, a part of me did want to be with him last night. I cared for him and wanted his companionship through the obstacles to come.
But my soul cried out for Luke.
I got dressed in my henchmen gear and carried the tray holding our breakfast with me into the living room. Setting the tray down on the piano, I inhaled the wonderful smell of freshly brewed coffee. Just as my brain lit up with pleasure at the smell, I paused. I wish Luke were here to share this with me.
Dean came out of the kitchen with two mugs in hand. With a smile, he handed one over. “There’s no milk or sugar. Hope you like your coffee black.”
“Thanks.” I took a sip, bracing myself at the bitter taste, and watched Dean over the rim of my cup. His hair was growing longer—it was dark and tousled and hung just below his ears. His outfit matched mine, and he looked handsome in black.
Not as handsome as Luke did, I told myself. I quickly looked away.
“Will you tell me about the demon?” he said in a quiet voice.
It was the last thing I wanted to talk about. I was hoping he would have forgotten, but I should have known that was a vain hope. Why did Sonja have to mention it in front of him? “The demon—ow!” A sudden burning on my fingers made me look down to see I’d spilled coffee everywhere.
“Are you okay?” he asked, coming to my side.
I put down the cup, wincing. Well, that’s one way to change the conversation. “I’m fine. I just burned myself.”
“Let me see.”
I reluctantly held out my hand and he took it, his large palm dwarfing mine.
“It doesn’t look too bad.” He stood so close to me our shoulders were touching. I could feel my heart pounding hard in my chest.
“Colina,” he said again as he turned to face me. “Tell me about the demon. What do you know that I don’t? What was Sonja talking about?”
I was holding my breath. If he knew what I did—if he knew what I was capable of—he would no longer look at me the same way.
I’m the reason his people are being hunted. Everything is my fault.
His fingers came up and brushed a strand of hair off my face. “I know this is something you don’t want to talk about. Wendy told me—”
“What? What did she tell you?” I demanded. Panic rose inside me. Did she tell him what I’d done? Did she tell him the horrors I’d created? As convinced as I was that I would never need him like I needed Luke, I didn’t want to see those blue eyes looking at me with hatred. Dean was my only true ally. The only one I could trust now. I didn’t want him to know what I had become—I needed more time. I didn’t want to be alone in this. I tried to keep the panic from my voice as I desperately tried to change the subject. “Wait—Jacob is…keeping guard over Wendy.”
Dean just looked at me.
My words rushed out. “Sonja told me she’s being held prisoner. And from the way Wendy talks about Jacob, I get the impression he would want to leave if given the chance.”
An awkward silence followed. I raced to fill the gap, blurting, “I mean, leave here. With her.”
He put his hand on my arm, his eyes calm. “We can get out tonight before the demon comes.”
“Right. You, Wendy, and Jacob get out while you still can. I’m not coming with you.”
“Colina? I don’t understand.” His eyes were full of confusion.
He was not going to like what I had to say next. I looked him straight in the eye and said, “I can’t go. Not yet. Not without—”
“Because of him?” Dean spat out, connecting the dots. “You still think there’s a way to bring him back?”
“I have to try.” I have to find a way to make him understand. “Dean, Gage says Luke’s soul is in hell.”
“Luke’s dead.” Dean was angry—his face was turning red and he was starting to shout. “He’s been dead. Everyone knows it but you! You’re the only one who can’t seem to accept that Luke is gone.”
“Gage told Mildred he could get her daughter out,” I objected, my voice trembling. “That means there’s a chance.”
“You can’t seriously think Gage will be able to help you? You honestly think he’s going to reach down with a spell and somehow bring Luke’s soul back from hell? If he could do it, he would have by now. Where’s Mildred’s daughter?” he demanded. “Gage is a con man, Colina. He lured Mildred into working with him by making her empty promises.”
It was my turn to get angry. “They aren’t empty promises. Gage has power, he knows old spells—”
“You’re willing to risk your life. Our lives—”
“I’m not risking anyone’s life,” I yelled. “You, Wendy, and Jacob will leave!”
He grasped my arm, his eyes determined. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“You have to. I won’t risk my friends again.”
His anger vanished, and in its place, sadness filled his eyes. “Colina…is that all I am to you? A friend?”
I had feelings for Dean—but I still wasn’t sure what those feelings meant. “I care about you,” I whispered.
“I’m in love with you.” He pronounced each word clearly. There was no hesitation in his voice.
He wanted
me to say the words back. He wanted me to tell him I loved him—I could see it clearly in his eyes—but I couldn’t. I suddenly couldn’t meet his gaze. I couldn’t give him what he wanted most. I felt deeply ashamed at the way I had used him. All I had been thinking about at that moment was being comforted. I didn’t think about the consequences. Dean had taken what had happened as a sign that I loved him. Only telling him flatly that it wasn’t true could hurt him more.
He pulled me toward him. “I know you have feelings for me. You can lie to yourself, but I felt you kiss me back. I felt your body…I felt you under my hands. I know you wanted me. I know you still do.”
Our faces were only inches apart. “I don’t know what I want right now.” Luke was gone and I might never get him back. And if that was true, if my life would be without Luke, did that mean I wanted a life one day with Dean? Could I truly care for him one day the way he wanted me to?
His eyes were full of pain, full of anguish. “Luke is gone. What will it take for you to believe that? If Gage can’t raise him up from hell, then will you believe he’s gone forever?” Dean’s fingers dug into my skin. “You’re going to waste your life looking for a spell to bring Luke back. Don’t you realize how crazy that is? How crazy you’re acting?”
I knew what he said was true, but I didn’t want to hear it. “I won’t lose him!”
“You already have.”
I pulled away from him again. “As soon as we can get Jacob alone, I’m going to tell him to get Wendy out. And tonight you’re all going to escape.”
“I told you, I’m not leaving you.”
“You have to. I won’t risk your life. I can’t lose anyone else.” He can’t stay—I won’t let him. How do I convince him to—
That’s when it all clicked. There was a simple way to make him leave.
I could just…tell him the truth.
“But you’ll sacrifice yourself.” His voice softened, unaware of the critical decision I was making in my head. He gently tugged me back into his arms, and I let him. I lay my head against his chest and wished that things could be different.
Revenant Page 21
