by Thomas Hay
Josh went from town to town, shopping in shops and stores. He was careful not to buy anything that cost more than a nickel, and then he would hand over one of the gold-plated nickels. The clerk, thinking it to be a $5 gold piece, would give him back $4.95 in change. He soon amassed a small fortune. The law eventually caught up with him but ironically he was found not guilty because he had purchased items that cost so little. Hence the saying, “You’re not Joshing me, are you?”
LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG
Meaning: Give away a secret.
Origin: Alludes to the dishonest practice of a merchant substituting a worthless cat for a valuable pig, a fact that was discovered only when the buyer got home and opened the bag.
HOLD YOUR HORSES
Meaning: slow down, be patient.
Origin: This expression alludes to a driver making horses wait by holding the reins tightly, something that's not too common in modern society.
PIPE DOWN:
Meaning: Stop talking, be silent. Hush. Turn the cell phone off.
Origin: The idiom is also used as an imperative. It comes from the navy, where signals for all hands to turn to and turn in were sometimes sounded on a whistle or pipe.
CLEAR AS A BELL
Meaning: To be understood clearly.
Origin: Bells, such as the ones used in churches, have a loud and clear sound, which can be heard for miles.
NUTS
Meaning: Strange, eccentric, crazy, or insane. Used also to express contempt, disappointment, or refusal. Could pertain to all of us old farts.
Origin: The word “nut” was used as a slang term for “head” around 1820. Gradually it acquired the meaning not merely of “head,” but of “something wrong in the head.” This one really got into Monroe's head.
HOLY COW
Meaning: An exclamation of surprise.
Origin: This term comes from the Indian belief that cows are sacred. I don’t know what that has to do with being surprised. Unless it refers to waking up one morning and finding you are on Medicare.
TWO SHEETS TO THE WIND
Meaning: A state of extreme incapacity due to being tipsy, putting it nicely.
Origin: The phase is properly “three sheets to the wind.” Americans always shorten everything. A sheet is the rope on a sailboat that holds the clew of a sail tight and under control. When three come unsecured, the boat becomes unsteady.
SON OF A GUN
Meaning: Used to express annoyance, disappointment, or surprise.
Origin: This one is a dilly. It generally refers to a person who is a rascal or scamp. My brother comes to mind, but then I am probably coming to his mind.
One nautical myth suggests that in order to keep sailors in the British Navy from deserting, they were kept onboard while in port. The captain would allow “wives” to come aboard. Cramped quarters caused the “wives” to sling hammocks between the cannons. The expression actually questions the legitimacy of those who were born after the encounters in these hammocks. Most must have been males, since you don’t hear “daughter of a gun.”
HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER
Meaning: Falling for a prank, or to be complete.
Origin: This idiom refers to a fishing pole. You have to have all three items on a pole to catch a fish. Wait a minute, don't you need bait too?
GOT UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE BED
Meaning: Having a rough or horrible day.
Origin: This alludes to the ancient superstition that it was bad luck to put the left foot on the floor first when getting out of bed. By the 1800’s the expression was associated more with ill humor than misfortune.
UP THE CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE
Meaning: In trouble, in a serious predicament.
Origin: This idiom conjures up the image of a stranded canoeist. President Truman used the phrase in a 1918 letter and it caught on from there.
FIT TO BE TIED
Meaning: To be furious.
Origin: This refers to the practice of binding uncontrollable, dangerous people into straitjackets.
IT’S NOT OVER TILL THE FAT LADY SINGS
Meaning: Don’t assume the outcome of some activity until it has actually finished.
Origin: This term comes from the opera in the eighteenth century, when many of the lead singers were large women and they would sing the finale.
KICK THE BUCKET
Meaning: You die ... plain and simple.
Origin: This phase originates from the French. In slaughterhouses, the rail on which pigs are hung after slaughter to drain off the blood is known as the bucket bar. Muscle spasms after death sometimes lead to the dead pig twitching as if to kick the bucket bar.
BITE THE DUST
Meaning: Suffer defeat or death.
Origin: This term was popularized by American Western films in the 1930s, in which either cowboys or Indians were thrown from their horses to the dusty ground when shot.
YES SIREE BOB
Meaning: Yes, indeed. I will agree or accept.
Origin: This expression is used as a euphemism for God. The “siree” is a modification of “sir.”
GALLIVANTING
Meaning: To roam about in search of pleasure or amusement, to flirt.
Origin: Perhaps an alternation of the word gallant. Sorry, that was all I could find.
FOOTLOOSE AND FANCY FREE
Meaning: Unattached romantically.
Origin: Another case of human conduct likened to the movements of a sail. On most sailing vessels the lower edge of the main sail, known as the foot, is lashed to a boom to keep it stretched and properly shaped, but there are exceptions. Some vessels have no boom and the sail is allowed to hang loose along the foot. Loose-footed sails, as they are called, are said to have a mind of their own and are difficult to control.
NEW YORK MINUTE
Meaning: Faster than normal.
Origin: The theory is that everything happens faster in New York City. We slow-walking, slow-talking country folk have to quicken our pace to keep up.
COCK AND BULL STORY
Meaning: Tall tale, unbelievable.
Origin: This phrase dates back to the eighteenth century, at the height of the great coaching era, when the town of Stony Stratford was an important stopping-off point for mail and passenger coaches travelling between London and the north. Travelers on these coaches were regarded as a great source of current news from remote parts of the country, which would be imparted in the town's two main inns, The Cock and The Bull. The two establishments rapidly developed a rivalry as to which could furnish the most outlandish and scurrilous tales.
TICKLED PINK
Meaning: Delighted
Origin: The tickling here isn’t the light stroking of the skin - it’s the figurative sense of the word that means “to give pleasure or gratify.” The concept is of enjoyment great enough to make the recipient glow with pleasure.
SHIT
Meaning: Something stinks, it’s not quite right.
Origin: The most functional English word of all. I used it more than a few times and you hear and say it every day of your life. To prove that it is the most fundamental English word consider this:
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit. There are lucky shits and dumb shits. There is horse shit and chicken shit
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot shit, step in shit, shit a brick, and better duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or find yourself in deep shit. Things can look like shit and there are times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit, or a lot of weird shit.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall into a bucket of shit. When all is said and done, shit happens. No way to escape shit. I bet by now you are thinking that all this is nothing but a bunch of bullshit.
Last, but not least. Now, as you know I have trave
lled to many places, most often in cahoots. Apparently, that is a place you can’t go alone. You have to be in cahoots with someone.
I have been to incognito also, but I hear no one recognizes you there.
I would like to go to conclusions, but you have to jump to get there.
I have also been in doubt, but it’s a sad place to visit and I don’t like it there.
One of my favorite places to be is in suspense. It can really get the adrenalin flowing.
APPENDIX
Here are the song and event descriptions, listed in the order they appear:
SONG EVENT DISCRIPTION
Welcome to My World......... Introduction
Country Road........................Abduction
New Kid in Town..................Baby chicks
Runaway................................Bad boy
The Way we Were ................Memories
It’s All in the Game...............Holy cow
Bad Moon Rising...................Black sheep
Family Tradition....................Good ole days
Against All Odds................... Stupid is as stupid does
Reunited................................ Wicked witch
The Wayward Wind.............. He ain’t heavy
Puppy Love............................Heart throb
Slow Poke............................. Ugly duckling
Hanky-Panky......................... Little critters
Lipstick on Your Collar......... Wipeout
For the Good Times............... Teen behavior
No Future in the Past.............. Get out of Dodge
In the Navy............................. World traveler
Bend Me, Shape Me.............. Boot camp
I Can See Clearly Now........... Manhood
Western Union........................ Gifted
Beyond the Sea....................... At home
South of the Border ................ On the run
Like a Virgin........................... The birds and bees
SOS......................................... UFO
Why Do Fools Fall in Love…. Gullible
Should I Stay or Should I Go.. Indecisions
Achy Breaky Heart................. Heartaches
Kansas City............................. Lost relatives
Pretty Woman........................ Marriage
Heartbreak Hotel................... Lost dream
The Wanderer....................... Westward ho
Arabian Nights...................... Land of enchantment
Macho Man........................... Back in the saddle
On the Road Again............... Mysteries
Poison Ivy............................. Forbidden fruit
All Night Long..................... Soul mate
Dream Lover....................... Romance
Take it to the Limit............... Playing with fire
Oops, I Did it Again............. Marriage no. 2
It’s Only Make Believe......... False hopes
The End of the World…....... Lost soul mate
Time..................................... Plan implemented
Do You Want to Know a Secret..Plan revealed
Hello.................................... Hallucinations
Back in Time...................... Saddle up
Reality................................. Illusions
What a Wonderful World.... The future
Some Nights......................... Galaxy playboy
I’m Hurtin’............................ Post-traumatic stress
Rocket Man.......................... Identity crises
AUTHOR AUTOBIOGRAPHY
Thomas L. Hay was raised in the Golden Valley of Clinton, Mo. He is a graduate of the 1961 Clinton Senior High Class. He retired after thirty-nine years with TWA/American Airlines. He enjoys fishing, golfing, telling tall tales, and singing Karaoke. He currently resides in Lake Waukomis, Missouri, with his lovely wife Karen, along with some hyperactive squirrels, too many irritating geese, and a few cranky old catfish.
REVIEW
I read Tom’s first book, The Comeback Kid: The Memoirs of Thomas L. Hay. I recommend this book to anyone looking for a well-told tale based on an ordinary mid-west small town guy having an extraordinary life. Chris Walker, Retired airline pilot.
